Advice on Santa

What my parents told me and what we told my stepson, when kids ruined it for him, was that Santa is actually the love that people show. It is more the feeling and thought than the gift and that he lives in the heart. Anyone can be Santa, not just someone in a red suite with a white beard.

I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old. I have no intention of telling them otherwise unless they ask straight out if he is real. We have always told them that Santa only brings things to kids who believe. If money is really tight how about filling their stockings with stuff from the dollar store. I was in there last night and they had some cool stuff. I also bought smaller stockings so I wouldn't have to buy so much.

I'd like to know too. My 11 year old still believes. My 9 year old is questioning. The 3 year old is sold on him. We have an actual Santa come to the house each year and actually give the kids gifts and talk with them and receive their snack for him. That's why the 11 yr old still believes, but I don't want to blow it for the 3 yr old, either!

What has worked well with my husband and me for our five kids is telling them the truth from the start, but still making it fun to pretend about Santa. We have stockings with gifts "from Santa", and maybe a fun family gift "from Santa", but the kids know that it's just for fun and really from Mom & Dad. We have talked a lot and read about how the story of St. Nicholas started and who he really was...a man who loved children and gave to needy children without wanting them to know who it came from. We've also told our kids that some of their friends really believe Santa is real and that they should never hurt their feelings by telling them that he isn't. That's a choice each parent needs to make for their own family. Probably the biggest reason that we handled it the way we did, is that we never wanted our kids to feel hurt that we didn't tell them the truth about Santa, maybe find out the truth in a painful way, and look back and wonder if there might be other things that we told them that weren't true either.

A.,

They already know. Most children realize the fantasy is not a reality by seven-years-old. They actually start questioning it bye five-years-old. I am sure your daughters have taken science in school and know it is impossible for reindeer to fly. They are playing along for your benefit...and theirs, so that you will continue the fun.

In our house, we will hang stockings and play along even when the kids are married with their own kids. My five-year-old is a little animal lover and figured out that Santa was part of imaginative play last year. This year she smiles and winks when I told her I wanted to make reindeer food. ;-) I love this time of year!

Hi A. -- I bet your girls know about Santa but don't want the magic to stop. So don't stop it if you can help it. You can say something like, "Poor Santa. He had to lay off half his elves so he won't be able to give kids as much as usual." Or you could put all your resources into what Santa brings and explain to the kids that you just don't have the money to exchange presents this year.

Good luck and merry Christmas! L.

I have three kids, the oldest two are 17 months apart but the youngest one is 4 years younger then the middle child. I told my older ones when they stopped believing that when no one believes anymore, Santa quits coming. They kept my youngest believing for a long time..lol. If money is tight and you want to explain it to your girls, then you certainly can do so. If you really aren't doing that then maybe when you ask the girls for their list, you mention that with the economy like it is, perhaps they should ask for less expensive things to help santa out... he would certainly be feeling the pinch too. Another thing I did with my kids to keep from having to buy something too expensive is have them make a list but understand that Santa gets to pick what off the list he brings them. I could go by that incase something is popular and can't come up with it or if they all wanted expensive items we couldn't afford. What I never did was put christmas on credit cards. I always gave them three gifts from santa and two or three from us. Usually one big item like the tv or bike they wanted and fill the rest with things like PJ's, books, puzzles, games or something that went with the bigger present like helmets for the bikes. I also wrapped Santa gifts and didn't tag any of the gifts, it added to the fun. One year when my older kids were about the same age as yours, I took three great big boxes and wrapped all their presents then split them up with the tags on them in each of the boxes. Then I wrapped each box and put their names on it. When they opened the box, they had to hand out the other presents to who they belong to. We also had treasure hunts to add to the fun when they were pre teens. Those are the Christmas's they talk about now that they are all in their 20s, and they can't tell you what they got from santa at 11.

A. - childhood is so short today as it is. Santa real or not is one of the most beloved events of childhood. Granted, we have given him too much responsibility for the meaning of Christmas, but I wanted my children to believe for as long as they could. When they asked me about Santa, my response was I believe in Santa. It wasn't a lie, I believe in what Santa stands for and why we would give gifts to help other children less fortunate (toy collections, etc) I never said he's not real. My children are now 19 and 16 and they are still excited to get up on Christmas morning and have gifts under the tree with the tag reading "from Santa." It's still a special time for me too because soon, they will be out of the house and we'll be looking for new traditions.

Personally, I would just cut down on the number of gifts. Many people use the 3 theory, 3 gifts from the 3 wise men. They don't have to be big gifts, remember the story of the little drummer boy, he gave baby Jesus a song that he played, he gave all he had. It's not the number of gifts, it's the excitement and anticipation. Getting one bigger gift that's really wanted and then a few gifts or however you chose.

The true meaning of Christmas is lost in all the commercialization. But creating your own traditions will help keep the spirit of Christmas alive for your family (if you believe in the birth of Christ and the gift God gave us).

All the best

D.

I think around age 5-7 they figure it out but they continue to keep quiet about it for the next few years afraid if they admidt they know you'll stop playing santa.

I would be honest because of their ages.

My daughter is 7 and I won't lie to her but I have been playing dumb lately when she asks me.

If they WANT to believe in Santa, I think you should let them. Even thought I knew the truth in my heart, I didn't want to believe it until I was good and ready, and I definitely didn't want someone else to burst the bubble. If your daughter's friends already know and your girls are questioning, chances are they know, too.
My six-year-old has already started asking if Santa is real. I counter by asking if he WANTS Santa to be real. He usually says yes. I tell him if you want to believe in something good and nice, that's great. There's no harm. He'll tell me when he REALLY wants to know.
I don't like to make a big deal about Santa and we always spend WAY too much on Christmas, even though our boys have plenty already. This year, we bought them a big present that they can both enjoy (a big, fun Hot Wheels track set), and a couple books for each of them. Santa will take care of a few toys (action figures, cars, etc.) in their stocking. Of course, girls will require a different kind of gift, but you can fit lots of jewelry, make-up, accessories, etc. in a stocking. =)
We have found that they enjoy and appreciate their gifts more when there is not an overwhelming amount. Plus, it saves us a ton of money and space. We'll be spending about $100 total on presents for both of our boys.
My mom told us that Santa would stop coming if we stopped believing, so even though my siblings and I are all grown, we still "believe" in Santa so that Mom (who knew full well exactly when each of us realized the truth) can continue to play Santa. It's her way of having a bit more fun at Christmas and giving us that extra gift or two that she knows we will love.

I'd say go ahead and tell them. Chances are your 10 year old already doesn't believe in him anymore and your 9 year old is already questioning it, so I don't see any harm in it.

I would also say, let them believe as long as possible.

As said before childhood is such a short time, and there is so little magic in life ...

We have always said that you cant have everything that you want at any cost ... never really figured out about the money as the elves make things ... but the elves cant make everything now a days etc etc

www.a-little-wish.co.uk

A.
I'd allow their beliefs- it hurts to "find out by the cat escaping" Santa can have a tough economy year and only get a small item.
About me 48yo perfusionist, wellness coach and mom to 7yo twin girls

B. J

my boys are 18 and 20 and still "believe". when they were old enough that i KNEW they knew i flat told them- if you dont believe then he doesnt have to come anymore. they still admit to believing LOL.

hold that thought-- husband just offered me a body rub! ill drop my real advice tomorrow during my day off!

man i have the BEST hubby ever!

:)

so... when my boys would flat out ask me i would tell them- we all know the ones we see in the mall etc are not THE santa but. there really was a man that lived many yrs ago saint nickalous and he did really visit children and bring presents. so now days it is the spirit of giving that he created that is the st nick or as we westeners call him santa still goes on. no one lives forever so we pass down our traditions and so yes there really was a santa. and part of the wonder of life is to not need the answer but to just enjoy some of the "mysteries" of life.

A.; well its always a good thing to tell kids the truth, we decided that we would tell our children the truth about christmas, and that we would not be pressured by the world to tell when to buy gifts for our children, and we buy things for them all year around, and they know these gifts are from love and not from cause the calender says so, . any way your children should know the truth, just simply tell them that as little children we allow you to have great imagination and have told you about santa clause , we can still have fun, but now that you are older and can understand those things, we will tell you this..... this does come with reprocussions though, cause now they get the sense that you have been lying to them, and they tend to not trust you in some things , they will gain their trust back, and lying is never good, just tell them the truth, and they will respect you for the truth always, D. s

Hi A.

I do not know how much you have given your children in the past that it would be that dramatic of a change this year . We have never gone over 5 presents for each of our children at Christmas .
The one thing you could do is not just come out and tell them . Sit down with them and ask them what they think of Santa they may come out and tell you they know he is not real . My daughter is 10 and my son is 8 . I think my daughter has a idea about Santa but my son I was talking with him and he still believes in Santa . I myself would not tell my children but that is up to you if you want to tell them .

My children are 15 and 11 (almost 12). I never told them there was not a Santa - they figured it out on their own. I would encourage you to let them do it in their own time. Your 10 year old may know the truth, but still enjoys the idea and fantasy of it. Why burst the bubble!? They grow up fast enough.

Even now that my children do not believe Santa still visits and it is kind of a family joke now. Even if money is tight, Santa can leave a little something under the tree...or at least fill the stockings!

Santa is a hard subject I dont every want to have to tell my girls cause I feel its when they will lose some of there inacence. This year I did set some santa rules with my 4 year old. She has been wanting a puppy and the other day told me that she was going to ask santa cause he will get her anything that she wants. I told her that santa can not get her anything she wants cause he has to go thorugh mom and dad first. I also told her that this year she is only going to be getting one thing from santa and one thing from mom and dad because there are to many other kids that get nothing if she gets to much. She understood what I was saying and thought that santa had a good idea cause all little girls and boys deserve to have a christmas. Good luck.

This is what we do at our house: We give our child one special gift each year from santa. That year they know most of the gifts are from real people and one special gift from santa. Last year my daughter kept asking if her gift really came from santa or from us. I asked her what do you think? She is trying to figure it out in her mind. I remember really wanting to know when I was in the 2nd grade or so. We asked every parent. One mom said the "spirit of Santa" is real. I didn't get what that meant but it was a good answer because it was abstract. One of my friends finally told me the truth her that mom told her santa does not really come. That was hard news to hear. We eventually figure it out but I don't want to be the mom that spoils with hard cold facts. I want to keep the mystery going as long as possible.

In our house Santa only brings one gift... to remind us of the gifts given to Jesus (Jesus is the one true gift of Christmas). We the parents, only give 3 gifts per child... to symbolize the three wise-men giving gifts (Jesus only got 3 gifts and we shouldn't want more than him). This is how it's explained in our home...

...that's only 4 gifts total per child. This way it keeps it less expensive than what it could be. Last year my son wanted a more expensive gift, so he only got the one from us because it was the cost of the usual 3 we would have got him (this was explained to him, and he was fine with that).

My children are 3 and 8. So far, my 8 yr. old hasn't questioned Santa.

?...Maybe have your kids watch "The Polar Express".

...another idea may be to read the story "Alabaster's Song" by Max Lucado. It isn't a story of Santa, but about a little boy and what he believed (that's all I can say without spoiling the story).

Hope this info helps you out. I personally wouldn't "burst her bubble". I'm sure there are ways for her to still believe, even though money is tight right now.

Good luck in your decision.
~SR

In my house, I have 4 boys ages 14 down to 3 months...in order for the holidays to be fun for EVERYONE...our motto is "if you don't believe you don't receive". Maybe they don't believe but they don't say anything in front of the 4 year old to make him think anything different. When it comes to the presents, we have to shop to tell Santa what they want, we have to give it to Santa, HE decides if they have been good enough or not to actually get it under the tree Christmas Morning....

I have to say that my daughter is 8 and I have a 2 year old and my 8 year old believes Santa is real. Kids say he is not to her and my daughter will tell them that Santa comes to her house amd he is real and leaves it at that. We were just at Linders light up ceremony last night and Santa was there and she totally believed that was him, and that she saw his sleigh.
I think KEEP the Magic of SANTA. Doesn't anyone remember how magical is was for Santa to come and once you found out, it just was not as fun? I think we are all too make our kids grow up too fast. Your not lying to your children, you are making it a fun thing for them. What is wrong with that? Why spoil it?????????
At our house, Santa brings my hubby and I something and our 2 dogs and has special Santa paper and puts little things we like in our stockings. Santa will always be coming to our house abd we will keep the magic!

When we talk about Santa at our house - it isn't about whether he is "real". We say that Santa is in your heart and is about the spirit of giving.

At 4 our daughter questioned how Santa could fly all the way around the world in one night - we didn't lie and say well he is magic and he just can - we talk about the Santa is the spirit of giving and lives in your heart. So while she doesn't beleive in Santa as a person, she does beleive that it matters what kind of person you are throughout the year.

Also - don't get hung up on the dollar value at christmas - I think in this economy kids realize things are tighter and don't won't be disappointed. Plus it is about the thought that counts and not the cost - everyone is in the same boat this year.

Good luck

Looks like you have a lot of great advice. I actually only have advice on the gift giving . . .
Personally, we only have Santa give the kids 2-3 gifts each (usually one expensive and one not spendy) and the rest of the gifts are "needed" items. To keep the spending under control - I always think TIME with family is the true gift. I liked the idea (that I read from someone else) of doing more of a scavenger hunt. When I was younger - we had "family gifts" nearly every Christmas. It was either a board game or a movie and I remember one time it was the way they told us we were going on a family vacation. Since I do a lot of the shopping - I tend to have Daddy/Daughter gifts to surprise both of them. Dollar stores are great . . . but sometimes I've just bought a craft item to do as a family or I've personalized it myself. Right now, Michael's and Archivers (scrapbook store) have a lot of free make and takes or have projects for you to personalize at a reasonable price. I always enjoyed the personalized gifts best b/c it was more from the heart. Stocking stuffers can get out of hand if you're buying a ton just to fill it. How about some snack items or their favorite treats so they have their own stash.

I wouldn't make it a big deal about "spilling the beans". Chances are in their head they know by now that Santa isn't real. But if they want to believe in their heart let it go as long as you can. If they ask you if Santa is real just say "Santa is as real as you want him to be."

Hi A.,

What is there to tell? Santa is as real as magic! So, of course there is a Santa Claus, just as there is always love in the world. the biggest gift you can give your child at any time is the magic of discovery.

Even one gift is 'enough' and maybe even more special than anything else then, since, as you say, money is tight. It isn't about the money, especially with kids. anticipation and discovery and wishing for something just for themselves...not to mention the real meaning of Christmas.

okay, I'm the official run-on sentence queen here. But really. I raised 3 kids on a very limited budget and just recently with the youngest being 14 did I even slightly relent to say I am Santa's helper. what is there to tell? Smile and tell them that you believe in magic. and Santa can do wonderful things.

It can even get kind of cheesy, but aren't kids one of the best reasons to believe in amazing fun?

A favorite memory for me was going bowling on Christmas day with some out of town guests. It's a favorite because it stands out for being unique and not something we ever did before or since. So - keep with a solid tradition or two, and throw in something just for fun that your family will always remember.

best wishes for a wonderful holiday season of gratitude.

K.

A.,

I'm willing to bet that your daughters really don't believe in Santa anymore, and are either playing along because they don't want to hurt your feelings, or they want to keep on getting presents from Santa! I played along for years, for my parents' sake, and my younger brother's sake.

I think that if your 9 year old is questioning you, you need to tell her the truth. I don't have any good advice on that, but your daughter will likely neither be surprised or crushed.

This decision should be your choice. I think children stop beleiving in their own time. There is always something magical in Santa. My advice would be, don't tell them this close to Christmas. Besides Santa is real......he's real through you and your husband. The economy is bad this year but you don't have to buy your children expensive gifts.

Please let the little ones believe until they find out on their own. You don't want to them to remember their dreams being crushed by their parents revealing the truth! If they figure it out for themselves it will be a much more positive revelation than having Mom and Dad say,"We are sorry but you are being duped... there really is no Santa!" Children only have dreams for so long... don't stop them prematurely!

I was 6 years older than my sister and my brother (3 years younger) and I kept right on believing. When i was 16 my youngest brother was born...I was 21 and in college and still 'believing'. I was 23 and married and still 'believing' because he was still young:) It's part of the Christmas season. They most likely don't truely believe that there is a guy in red suit flying around the earth at lightening speed stopping at everyone's house but there isn't a great need for you to come right out and say No it isn't true. I don't remember asking my parents anything specific but husband remembered coming home from school and asking his mom (maybe 2nd grade). She asked him what he thought and he wasn't sure. She told him that the spirit of Santa is in everyone because they want to bring happiness to everyone. I don't plan on spilling the beans with my kids...i'm expecting some questions from my 7 year old. If he asks i'll ask him what he thinks.