Should I Tell My Kid That Santa Claus Is Not Real?

She can believe in him as long as she wants. I still do and I am 34 years old. If others don't believe, that is fine. We all don't have to believe in one thing, or another. Its a choice. If she choses to believe, then let her.

My son has asked both my husband and I. We tell him that , yes, their is a Santa. If you believe. So far he still believes, and I'm happy with that.

i don't like the gloss-over. most people can find some way of conveying that the 'spirit of christmas' is real without fostering the untrue notion that a guy in a red suit creeps down the chimney.
and i really hate that some parents mentally arm-twist their kids into 'believing' by threatening 'no presents unless you believe!'
ask her what she thinks.
find better ways of getting her to behave.
be santa's helper.
christmas will still be fun, but if parents think there's not a sinking moment when kids grasp that santa claus isn't an actual person who provides presents, they're fooling themselves. it should be less about keeping the belief alive, and more about honesty and emphasizing all the things that are awesome about christmas that don't involve the red suit.
khairete
S.

I'll second some of the other posters. "Santa" IS real, just not necessarily the guy in the red suit. Anyone who wants to bring someone a gift can be Santa. Santa represents the spirit of Christmas. So, if I was talking to my kids about Santa coming, I (and eventually, they) knew I was referring to me (or my husband, although I was usually the only one to try to wrap Santa gifts in special Santa paper). I don't recall when they were old enough to realize the whole "flying around the entire world in one night" thing wasn't very realistic, but they could accept my implication that "Santa" was coming - and they'd better get those cookies out there before they went to bed!

I wouldn't tell her. Let her believe. Just tell her that some kids don't believe and since they don't believe they won't receive special presents from Santa. I wouldn't ruin Christmas for her this early.

I had doubts about Santa when I was 8 thanks to a boy in my class. I found out he wasn't real when I was 9 because I caught my parents. They didn't find out until I was 12. I was not devastated when I found out that Santa wasn't real but I am glad I found out the way I did rather than have my parents ruin it for me. Everyone gets over the fact that Santa is not real so it doesn't hurt believing in him.

I think you should let her believe as long as she wants to believe. Just tell her to ignore the other kids. Good luck!!

Don't tell her-the world will shatter her dreams and hopes and aspirations soon enough

Santa IS real. No man comes into our house through our chimney, but he IS real.

My 9 year old has friends who tell her he isn't real, and normally they tell her in my presence. Her response echoes mine, and that its' fine for people to believe in different things, but in our house we do believe. If they want to make fun of her for it, that's a bad decision on their part.

As to the parent that made a big deal about it being a LIE...I'm sure they told their kid Santa was real at one point, they put money under the pillow for the tooth fairy, eggs out for Easter, and just tells them the simple tales that you tell kids to keep their innocence. Please, put the stool away...

Tell her that everyone has different beliefs. Then advise her not to discuss it with the other kids since they have different views. Then enjoy your last Christmas with Santa!

I figured it out when I was 8.

My mom , I felt handled it well. She said as long as you believe, Santa will still come. Then she said, I will need your help being Santa for your sister. Are you willing to help? Of course I was very excited.

She would allow me to shop with her for my sister. Or I would inform my mom of what my sister wanted..my main job was to fill the family stockings. I was given a bit of money and allowed to shop at the 5 and dime, while my mom waited at the front of the store!

She also told me she missed Santa coming with her gifts. Maybe I could be HER Santa.. Of course this was also exciting and fun..

I am still Santa for my mom..

Congratulate her on growing up. Let her know, Santa lives in our hearts, magic is in each of us.. It is fun to make wishes come true.

My parents never told me or my sisters ( We are 25, 29, and 31) that Santa wasn't real. To this day, if we ask, mom simply answers "As long as you believe in Santa you will have gifts under the tree from him." When I would ask about the other kids who didn't believe and that their parents bought gifts for them she would say that if we stopped believing in Santa then our gifts would come from our parents as well. I think this was a good way to not lie to your children but to also not have to come out and say Santa isn't real. Hope this helps :)

I told my older ones before they were ready. I wasn't traumatizing or anything, they just always wished I had let them come to the choice on their own. So now I leave it alone with my younger ones. Only 2 of them are at the age of questioning. The 11 year old... I'm not sure. I think he knows but hasn't said anything, and I don't want to ask, just in case. My 8 year old, I thought suspected also, but yesterday put that thought out of my head. She just knows there is no way her dad and mom can afford all of that stuff.

So let her come to you, if she wants to stand up and say he is real, then let her.

I have NEVER said Santa is not real. I have always said Santa is a spirit that lives in all of us. Santa has helpers that make us seem like he is right here. I told them some do not believe in Santa and thats ok. And its ok to believe that he is real also. I also told them never believe what other kids say, its what in your own heart what to believe. And when they would ask if I believed in Santa, I have alway said yes I do.
My oldest is 25 and not scarred from what I have said. She said that I have always made Christmas special. Gave her a special feeling at Christmas time. I always tell them don't ever stop believing in Santa, he is the one who brings the gifts. I still say that.

Most people would agree that being able to take a leap of faith now and then is a good thing.
Belief can be a powerful thing.
There are intangible concepts that people believe in all the time.
You can't hold them in your hand or measure or weigh a single grain and yet we believe they exist.
Truth
Justice
A higher being (God, Mother Nature, Gaia)
To name a few.
Some might say that believing in small intangible things (Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa, etc) is practice for believing in the big intangible things.
(Please - let's not anyone get their panties in a bunch thinking that believing in one takes away from believing an any other(s).)

I recommend reading "The Hogfather" by Terry Pratchett which explores this line of thought.

As a parent, it's up to you how/when you steer and foster a sense of belief in your child and it will affect how they form their own beliefs when they are adults.

dont tell her. ecspecially now right before christmas. atleast let her have this year!

My daughter is 6 and came home and tol M.
emmy: mom i was talking with some kids on the playground and they said they didnt believe and i told them I DO and they should to. Santa IS REAL! Then they said nope, my mom gets the presents, and I told them yes my parents do too, but santa gets M. presents on his own. Those presents will stop if I dont believe and I know he's real. he came to my house the other night=)
i'd go all out if i was you and make it so she definitely believes this year, because it's probably her last.

I'm so excited that Emmy believes. I stopped believing when i J. turned 5 and christmas although fun was never magical. I am so excited she has this=) I wish i believed. Well i do believe in the spirit of cristmas...but i wish i believed in santa=)

I didn't really care whether they believed in Santa or not. I never came out and told them. If they asked, my response was, "What do you think?" When they got to an age where I felt that they should know, if they didn't already, I stopped using different tags and wrapping and handwriting on the Santa gifts and our gifts. They figured it out. I do think it's rude of other elementary aged kids to tell their friends that Santa isn't real. Do parents nowadays tell their kids not to do that? Or is it that those kids' parents think their kids still believe so they wouldn't have told them not to ruin it for friends? I wonder ...
Anyhow, about your kid, let her know that different people believe different things, and that maybe this is a subject that she should not discuss with friends.
My children were not crushed or devastated or traumatized to discover that Santa was a fictional character. They still got their gifts and didn't really care where they came from. We never did all of the gifts being from Santa anyway, usually just the one big WOW gift

Does she have a smaller sibling? When I felt my daughter was ready (for similar reasons), I told her very solemnly that now that she's old enough, I had a big secret for her, but she had to promise to keep it for me, and not tell the smaller kids. She was wide eyed and anxious to hear.

I said, "You know how the stockings get filled with goodies, and the milk and cookies get eaten?" She nodded. I pointed to myself and whispered, "That was me."

Eyes even wider, she said, "You help Santa Claus because he's so busy?"

I smiled and nodded, "Something like that."

Eventually, she got it, and has held her word to keep the secret. Though I'm sure my younger daughter has figured it out on her own. If you want to tell her, make it a big rite of passage and tell her she's part of the magic now.

Please don't. Let her figure it out on her own... it's kind of a "right of passage". My guess is that this is your last year anyway. Enjoy it.

Someone asked a similar question earlier this week and one of the responders posted a link to aeautiful response. I printed it and tucked it away for the future.

My 9 year old granddaughter came home from school the other day and flat out asked me if Santa was real. I can't lie very well when confronted with a fact...I didn't want her to give him up just yet. It's like a part of their innocence goes away.

She found out through her friends at school.

I told her as long as she believed in Santa he would come visit. She said how does that work if he's not really real, are you Santa? I said yes. Then she thought for a moment and started going through the list....Then the tooth fairy's not real either, or the Easter Bunny. It was so sad seeing those last vestiges of childhood go away.

So in all honest, let the kids figure it out on their own. Don't burst their bubble. If she's being made fun of or getting bullied due to her thoughts then just tell her to say that as long as she believes she gets extra presents. That makes her sound smarter than them.

I had a different experience than most. I still remember in 3rd grade how everyone made fun of the one or two kids who still believed in Santa. I felt so sorry for those kids, whose parents had just wanted to keep them young longer, although at the time I didn't understand the reason the kids still believed. But maybe schools are nicer now, and teasing like that isn't allowed?

I think if you think it would devastate your daughter to learn Santa isn't real, she's going to be in for a rude awakening at some point soon. I agree with some of the other posters that perhaps it's time to start dropping hints, so that it won't come as a total surprise when the truth comes out?

We fill boxes for Operation Christmas Child each year, as well as encouraging our kids to give some of their money/time to other charities over the Christmas season.
When my son was 4 he asked me why there are so many kids around the world who don't get anything for Chirstmas if Santa Claus is real. I wasn't sure how to answer his question, and since then he has chosen not to believe in Santa.
I don't mind if he does or doesn't believe in Santa, so I let him choose, but I was wondering how other moms address the issue of poverty and still maintain a Santa who flies around the world and gives gifts to all of the children?

My son asked the other day and I simply told him as long as HE believes Santa is real he's real. Once you stop believing in him he won't bring you gifts anymore.

Updated

My son asked the other day and I simply told him as long as HE believes Santa is real he's real. Once you stop believing in him he won't bring you gifts anymore.

Can't imagine telling my child there is no Santa. You see atn62 years old I still believe. Read the answer to Virginias question in 1897 Yes, Virginia There Is. Santa Claus."

If you stop believing, remember, you get underwear!

I never told my 29 year old. We always believe and the gifts still show up.

My second grader still fully believes. Growing up my mom had a saying "if you don't believe you don't receive"...

My daughter has only asked once "is Santa real?"...I asked her "do you think he is?"...she said "Yes"...I said "then he's real"...

To me Santa is real...whether it's a donation of items, it's a adopt a family...someone is caring, someone is giving to another...Just because I'm not a guy in a red coat..doesn't mean Santa (the giver) doesn't exist.

But until she (or my four yr old) says "No, I know that you are Santa" ...I will not burst that bubble.

As long as you believe Santa is real, he is real! Don't burst her bubble, if she's not showing any signs of doubt.

I have a friend whose parents worked overseas in non-Christian (or non-predominantly Christian) countries when he was young. So, there wasn't a lot about Santa, etc. However, they would vacation for a bit sometimes at Christmas in the U.S., and he had his picture taken with Santa. His parents' made it into a pin....Santa and him. He wore that pin and firmly believed until he was 12 and would argue the point with other ex-pat kids. He just didn't have enough exposure to other US kids to really get that doubt planted, and he had the pin, after all. I think he still hold out some belief in his 40s, and truthfully, someone who still harbors a bit of belief is probably more fun to hang out with than someone who sees Santa as totally fake. To me, Santa lives in my heart and the hearts of others....it's not that Santa isn't real; it's that he isn't real in the way that we think when we're very young. Perhaps begin helping your daughter evolve her belief a bit....mention that parents help out Santa sometimes, play 'Santa' by buying toys for needy kids or begin developing her inner Santa by leaving some surprise 'Santa' items for a neigbhor or shut-in, etc

My brother told me the summer before kindergarten. I am continually shocked at the ages of kids who believe. Still, I wanted to experience the fun, and visited him at the mall, and in general got excited about the practice.

There have been many previous posts of people talking about the topic. Many have eloquently expressed how Santa IS real; they describe St. Nicholas. Then they then describe that the belief in Santa is the special spirit each one of us holds in our hearts about Christmas and the practice of giving.

My DD is six and a believer. I do not know how I will tell her someday--but not this year. She is gung ho about it all. I think she is going to figure it out on her own and then she is going to look for clues to prove it to herself. The Polar Express movie, on constant replay, brings up the issue that some other people do not believe in Santa. At some point, she will ask why they don't. After all, if something is true, why do people not believe?

If a child asks a question for the truth, I would tell the child.

Or, you could "accidentally" leave out a present for her to find.

Merry Christmas

That's a hard question as I'm kind of going through the same thing with my granddaughter~she will be 7 this month. My son and daughter-in-law would probably have preferred her not to believe in Santa at all....but, we wanted her to have that special part in her early years of believing in the magic that is "Santa"~anyway, she is also at the age where she has had friends tell her that Santa isn't real and she is at the age to question (but at this point she still does believe).
My children are all grown and I honestly don't remember the exact way I talked to them about Santa as they grew older, but I will tell my granddaughter that even though Santa is not 'real' in that he is not a tangible person; he is real in all our hearts and gives us the true spirit of giving to each other....let them believe and be children as long as they can though!

Give her one last Christmas. That is what I am doing with my 8 yo...for him AND for myself. I have loved everything about SC and will be crushed next year when it is over. I do think he suspects it but isn't saying anything.

We have a blended family. Our 6 and 8 year olds "real" mom told them that Santa and the tooth fairy werent real when she didn't come through for them. They will make comments to my 4 and 7 year olds that do still believe. I just tell them all that Santa, the tooth fairy, and Easter bunny are fun. We talk about different religions and different beliefs. The 6 and 8 year olds are now excited for Santa to come and don't try to ruin it for the other two anymore.
When my kids tell their friends our family believes Santa is fun they don't get teased. Maybe you could have her end the conversations with something like that.

I haven't read the other responses yet, but I will.

My 8 yo (third grade) believes 100%, and so do most, maybe all, of his friends. The school he goes to has a culture of Christmas, and Santa. They host a breakfast with Santa every year, and the kids love it. Many of the teachers have writing assignments involving holiday traditions, and Santa is often mentioned.

However, I encourage my son to respect other's beliefs in all things. This has come up many times with religion. We're Catholic, but most of our friends are of other faiths. I encourage both of my sons to learn about other religions, and they enjoy talking about our faith as well, but I don't want them to force our faith on others. I've had the same discussion about Santa. Different people believe different things. Right now my youngest son believes in Santa, but he knows that not everyone believes. He's not going to argue with anyone about it. He's just going to happily believe (for now).

When/if he asks me about Santa, I'll be gently honest. My 15yo figured it out on his own after Christmas in the third grade, but didn't say anything to me until the fourth grade. He took it well, and has enjoyed continuing the tradition with his younger brother.

Good luck with your daughter. :)

i guess i am real lucky in the sense that my kids go to private school (catholic) and there is huge emphasis on the religious part but also of the santa part. the magic just floats around that school and i am sure there are plenty of kids that dont believe but they so far havent said anything. i am pretty sure my kids believe, they haven't mentioned anything (they are 7 and 10)
for us Christmas is so magical, it is about our faith, our traditions, our community involvement. also i am still waiting for my mom to tell me santa isnt real. lol. i hope you get to enjoy this Christmas with all its magic. Blessings to you

This is a beautifully written explanation of Santa:

www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa

I encourage everyone to use this as a way to help raise less self-centered children in a world of people increasingly only interested in themselves.

M.