Advice on How to Help My Kids Deal with Divorce

T.,
This is going to be a very difficult time for you. I went through something similar. Me and my husband went through divorce. My daughter was 7 or 8 at the time. My son was barely 1, so it didn't effect him as much. My daughter rebelled. She faught, argued, tried to run away, was very depressed.
I brought her to a therapist. It took a while to find one that was good, that wanted to work with us. The first 3 said that there was nothing wrong with her. The one we ended up going to did lots of tests, questions, spoke with her and then spoke with me. Spoke to both of us at the same time. She really wanted to get to the bottom of it. Eventually, my daughter was diagnoised with moderate to severe depression, ADD (attention defict disorder) and ODD (oppositional defiance disorder). I spoke to many people about this, put her on medication, after careful review and consideration. We continued the therapy for a few years. She was finally taken off the meds once she was getting better and I learned how to effectivly deal with her behavior. She is no longer on meds and I watch for the signs of depression.
It is extreemly important to catch depression before it gets too bad, especially in children. I would suggest bringing her to a therapist. You will have to be pacient and try many before finding the right one.
The one I went with has a degree or whatever in marriage therapy, children psycology, and family therapy. She is located in Elk River. Let me know if that is convenient for you, and I can give you more information.
If you want to talk, you can email me anytime at ____@____.com
Good luck. -M.

If your insurance offers it seek the advice or counseling of a pediatric psychiatrist(sp). My parents got divorced when I was 13 and I know what an emotional impact it had on me. Your children are so young they can't verbalize their feelings so they act out in other ways. A little extra help could never hurt.

Hi T.,

Very sorry to hear about your situation. I'm 28 and my parents just divorced recently. I think no matter what age you are, divoce is hard. The problem is, your 6 year old is probably too young to understand what is going on--she probably thinks she did something wrong. Have you thought about having her see a child therapist?? It might help to have her talk to someone other than her parents. I don't know, I'm no expert, but it might help. Good luck with everything.

I would say bring her to a counselor right away. I guess really that is all the advice I have.

you need to talk to her. make sure she knows that even though daddy moved, he doesn't love her any less. you could tell her (since a 6 year old will understand) that mommy and daddy just can't live together anymore. also make sure your estranged husband still comes to see her as often as he can! DO NOT under any circumstances fight with him in front of her!!! That will make matters worse. I broke up with my daughters father after a 9 year relationship, and we promised to not fight in front of her since that alone broke her heart.

I encourage you to talk to her about this as much as you can. Sit and let her tell you how she feels about everything, and reassure her as much as you can. Also a routine might give her stability and comfort during this time, as everything seems really unstable to her right now.

Just make sure she feels very supported, loved, and comforted by you and her Dad. Make sure she knows the answers to all her questions. Counseling is always a WONDERFUL choice. Make sure the counselor and your daughter get along, she has to be able to confide in this person to make any progress.

Also cut yourself a break too. This is hard for all of you, you're all greiving the loss of your family. Make sure she knows it's okay to be sad and okay to greive that. You too. :)

Take care!

I would get a counselor's opinion. I am not sure what I would do personally, but it is an event that is going to shape who she is for the rest of her life. So get a counselor's opinion..maybe even take her to one. They usually know what to say.

Just as everyone else has said, take her to a counselor. This is a major change in her life. One in which many adults don't know how to effectively handle. Just remember to be patient with her and try not to discuss your issues with your husband in front of her.
A lot of kids feel (however unjustly) that they are to blame for the break up of their parents. Just be clear with her that the reason you are separating is because "mommy and daddy don't get along any more" and remind her that your (you and your husband) love for her hasn't changed.
I am sure this is an immensely difficult time for you, and this just adds to it. Good luck!