Advice on Get Away with Hubby Only

This isn't a response sorry, I was wondering what you do to work from home? I have a 4 month old and would love to work from home and I see a lot of women on here that do and I can't help but wonder who they work for?
Thanks,
K.

Go and have fun.
You might want to consider having a practice sleep over with grandma before you go so she can get used to it.

On another note, if you have a pool you might want to consider Infant Swim Resource (ISR). It is a program designed to save the lives of children. It teaches children that fall in a pool how to flip to their back and float. How to manuever to the edge of the pool and hang on until helps arrives. The train kids as young as 6 months. Its different from other programs as it is life saving rather than play time. I had my son comlete the program prior to the birth of my daughter because he needed to stay with my mother who has a pool and no gate. I wanted the assurance that my son could save himself if need be. I went to a woman in Brandon, Diane Cutri. She has her business listed with Mamasource. If you are worried, look into it. It was well worth the money. :P

Take the trip and let Mom in law have her. Call and check on her from time to time, but otherwise go and have a good time. You need to allow yourself time away from baby and baby needs time away from you sometimes. It will do you all some good to be apart from each other for a short time and she will not be scared for life if you leave her alone with a loved one for a few days.
I would however address the pool issue, that could be a serious hazard especially since they are not used to having a little one running around.
I wouldn't offer to pay her for doing the services you mentioned but would give her a GC to some where that she likes when you get back. Maybe for a spa day or dinner out.
Hope you have a great time.

Dear M.,

I am a stay-at-home mom of three (ages 12,7, and 5). When my first child was born I always had the same issues. My husband would always dream and say, "okay on our next anniverary lets get away for a few days". However, issues like you have mentioned always prohibited from making that choice. Both sets of our parents our deceased, so we would be relying on friends and extended family. Not many had child-proof homes, pools, large dogs, etc. So we put travel off for awhile. We had a mutual pact that if we for just an instance put our children in jeopardy for our own sake then we will not do it. We love our children so much that our own satisfaction comes second all of the time, always. That was 12 years ago. Since then, we only go away with our children. My husband and I have such a strong bond that nothing else matters than their happiness and comfort. Dropping them off somewhere and having their own routine jumbled was just not what we wanted to see happen. In fact, we went on our first "dinner date" when our first child was 10!! Now, going away without them would seem inferior. In 8 years we will be celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. Guess what, our children, my oldest will be 20, want to plan our whole celebration. From renewing our vows to partying and of course this time we will get away, without them (lol). It takes two very strong and mature people to do this. But, everyday we thank God for our children. Without them life would be boring. There is no substitute for your childrens care, but you. Especially, when you do not know how your children will be taken care of (pools, animals,etc.) You have to ask yourself, "Is it worth it for a dinner and a glass of wine in hotel somewhere?" We didn't think so. So until our 25th, we enjoy our alone time when our children go to sleep.

It's totally okay for you to ask your inlaws to come to your home. Just tell them it would be easier for everyone, including them b/c your daughter is in a familiar surrounding, it's baby-proofed and all her stuff that she may need is right there. I wouldn't worry about paying her, just bring her back a nice thank you gift. The trial sleep-over is another great idea. I will say it is very important for you and your hubby to spend time alone tegether and keep the fire going in your marriage. Count your blessings that you have family around willing to give you that opportunity. Our closest relative is over 1000 miles away;)

The first time away from your baby when your a 1st time mom is hard. No doubt about that! I always have grandma come and stay at our house. It's easier on the kids and her. They are in familiar surroundings. They have their toys, their own beds, blankets, etc. Her house is not kid friendly either. I don't feel bad in asking her to do that. We do pay her for her time, she works full time so she has to take off work, so we pay her what she would normally get paid. Needless to say we only do this every once in a while or during the summer when she is off work then she doesn't worry about weather we pay her or not (we always do, just not as much). I would never leave my toddler to stay with someone who has a pool and no child protection around it. It's your child...I am sure she will understand if that's what you want. Don't wait to go...it never gets easy no matter how old they are. You can make a video of yourself doing the things you usually do through out the day or read a book. The first time I left my son over night, I made a video of me reading his favorite books, blowing bubbles, talking to him, said our nightly prayer and sang our songs. He loved it! If you have a lap top and will have internet access, you could get web cams and talk to her via the computer each night. We usually call them in the morning and at night. We both miss them, but the time together with out them is priceless. It is a necessity in keeping our relationship alive. It reminds you of your relationship before you had a baby. Sometimes we forget what that was like. Good luck on your decision, enjoy the time with your hubby!!

I don't think it's awful to have her stay at your house. IMO, I think it's the hubby responsibility to ask his mom to stay at the house. I think to pay your MIL is NOT a good idea and she might take offense to it. Most grandmas love to watch their grandchildren and would probably feel very awkward to accept money. I think it's great that you are taking a vacation w/ the hubby and make a phone call once - twice while you guys are out is very acceptable. Bring her a gift back... I'm sure she would appreciate that the most.

My husband and I got away for our anniversary when our son was about 15 months. You need it for your relationship and to get some R&R. As for your MIL, it will be easier on her and the baby if she stays in her familiar surroundings and has everything she needs right there. My parents came to our house for four days and they have everything our son needs. I would not offer to pay her but perhaps a gift card to dinner or spa would be a nice way to say thank you and you appreciate her.

You will certainly miss your daughter but your marriage comes first!

By all means, take a short vacation with your hubby..You probably don't even realize how much you need one!! I think a
long weekend away will do you a world of good. You're fortunate to have a mom-in-law nearby to take care of your little one. It might be a good idea to have her come to the house a little more often the next few months so your daughter is used to her being there. While she's there, run an errand or two and return. This will show your daughter that you are always coming back. Go, relax, have fun, sneak in a little romance!! Congrats on your anniversary!!!!

M. it sounds you REALLY need to get away with your husband! Tiffany is right, you need time to yourself and with your husband. A happy, sane mama is always a better mama. Besides your daughter needs to learn a little independence at this point and especially at 16 months. She needs to socialize with people other than mama and daddy. Address the pool issue and any other issue(s) you might have. I have a feeling your MIL knows your anxious about going away. If it makes you feel better have her stay at your place. Don't forget, your MIL had small children of her own at one time. I wouldn't give her money - she might be offended. A nice dinner out, s GC or salon appt. is a great idea. I'm sure she'll be THRILLED to spend alone time with her grandbaby. Remember to have a good and try not to stress to much.

In my experience, if it doesn't just feel right, take some time to review your options and what is making you uneasy.

We vacationed when my daughter was 12 months, but she was VERY close with my parents as we had lived with them for some time. I did feel some seperation anxiety, but she was fine. We went 2.5 hours from home so we could have come back if needed. I felt comfortable leaving her because she was comfortable with who she would be with.

Does your daughter know your mother in law well? Can you leave her with her now? Maybe consider starting to leave her with grandma for date night once a week, and maybe have her do a day time sitting. That way you know how your daughter and her get along, how well grandma will abide by your wishes, etc.

Also, if your child is of the temperament that your house is all that will do, than your MIL should be accepting of that. If not, maybe consider taking MIL along with you!

We have planned further vacations with grandparents, so we could have free time/day out without the children. We don't want to be away from them for that long, and it isn't necessary, just to do those grown-up couple type things. We were fine with the kids being around in the evening and for bed. So , there are options for you for you to consider.

I know how you feel. I'm a mother of three, and even after having three children it's still hard to get away. You get the guilt factor, but you are the only one that is doing it. My youngest is 2, and If my Husband and I want to get away for along weekend I always ask my mother inlaw to come to our house for the same reason you are wanting to have yours come to to your house. Just exlpain to her your fears, and she just might understand. Remember that she was once a parent with a small child too. When it comes to getting away, and feeling bad that you are leaving her....I understand. I still feel that way. You will probably cry when you leave or once you get in the car, and that's ok. You are a mother that loves her daughter, and it's hard to leave sometimes, but once you are gone it will be all worth it. You and your husband will get to enjoy eachother without having to constantly chase your daughter, and you deserve it! It will be all worth it. I promise! Good Luck!

As a first time mom, I know exactly how you feel about leaving your precious little one. HOWEVER, you have to have some time alone or alone with your husband to keep sane! My first weekend away from my son was hard, but wonderful also. He was 8 months old and stayed the weekend with my m-i-l while we had a romantic weekend away. She had babysat him several times before that, but not overnight until he was 8 mos. I did call her several times, which made me feel better just to know how things were going. And he stayed at her house in a pack-n-play, and it all worked out - for EVERYONE. It's not easy to let go, but you have to...

Hi M.,

I'm in a similiar situation - I work from home and, but for a few hours a week, I'm with my little one all the time. I did get away with my husband for a weekend - we had my parents watch her. They stayed at our home, where all her familiar things are, and it was great. I called several times to check in, but she didn't even want to talk to me. Now, when we go visit my parents, she wants to stay there and tells my husband and I bye-bye.

In terms of any payment, I wouldn't offer any money, but definitely leave some as "mad fun money" for them to use. My family are collectors, so we brought them back something from our weekend that would add to their collection.

Hope you enjoy yourself and remember, just do what seems right to you.

It is time to get away and go spend some time with just your hubby. My folks watch my daughter overnight once a month and it is wonderful. It gives my husband and I the one on one time we need to focus on just one another, as well as my daughter the time she needs to build that special bond with her grandparents. Always remember that you are still a wife, as well as a mommy, and you want to be sure to give your personal relationship with your partner the time it needs to remain strong. Both you, your husband and your daughter will benefit in the end! Good Luck!

I am a mother of 3 beautiful children, so please take my advice. You are stressing over this way too much. You daughter will be fine. No one loves her as much as you and your husband than her own grandparents. It's not too much to ask your in-laws to watch her at your house. It will be more comfortable for your daughter and easier for you mother in law. She wants what is best for that baby also, and that means sleeping in her own crib and having her normal surroundings. My in laws have done this for us several times and our kids are just fine. You and your husband will have a great time knowing she is being well taken care of.

I am a mom of 2...and I've only been away from them 2 (maybe 3) times and only for a night or two. The first time was when my youngest (!) was 17 months old. It was 1 night... we left like a normal date night around 6 or 7pm and came home the next morning shortly before lunch. The sitter STAYED AT OUR HOME. I would DEFINITELY have someone stay at your home so a) your child is in THEIR surroundings and b) you are more comfortable knowing your child in in your home. This was a great first night away for me. The time we stayed away 2 nights was too much for me... Now that they are 7 and almost 4, I might consider a weekend away again. Be as paranoid as you want! You are the Mama and she is your Baby! There is no relationship stronger or more dear than that...

Hi M.. My husband and I went away for about 5 days when our first was 8 months old. We had fun but missed him constantly. We since have travelled with all 3 of our kids. We love to go to the Club Med properties, they are all over the world. Over Thanksgiving I alone took my 3, ages 7, 4 and 11 months to the club med in florida. It was close and the care that they provide for your children is phenomenal. My baby had a blast there even and the ladies in the nursery were fantastic. They provide you with high chairs, little bathtubs, cribs and strollers and even have an area for getting baby food, etc. They have wonderful activities for all ages and you can leave them for the day (9-5) or pick them up at anytime. For kids under 2 the properties that have the facilities are Sandpiper (FL), Ixtapa in Mexico and I think Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic. We have always had a blast when we have gone and our kids ask to go back all the time. Hope this helps a little, if you really don't want to go with your child, try a weekend away at a nice hotel and definitely ask her to come and stay at your house, I doubt she would mind, after all it's her grandbaby and they can't wait to have them all to themselves :) S.

My first and only daughter was 7 months when my husband and I took our first long weekend. It was a business/pleasure trip. My parents came to our house (5 hours away from theirs!) and stayed with her and our 3 dogs and 2 cats while we were away. They would have been mortified if we had offered payment. Our trust that they could care for her and the time they spent with her was what they wanted. If you think your daughter should stay in her crib and are more comfortable with the babyproofing at your home, then make it clear that is where they will stay most of the time. Your daughter will be fine! I urge you to take your getaway and make the most of it. Best of luck....A. M.

It is never too soon to leave your baby/toddler with someone for a weekend away. We all need a break and it will rejuvenate you so you can continue on as wife and mommy. This is what I would suggest.

You and your hubby can sit down with your MIL on a Saturday afternoon while your little girl is taking her nap. Let her know what your plans are now. I would suggest letting her help with ideas about where the two of them can stay while you are away. This way, your MIL will feel that her opinion is very important, too. If she wants to take your daughter to her house, let her know your concerns and propose the idea that the two of you go through her home "on all fours" and do a quick baby-proofing. I would suggest, too that maybe on the weekends before you go, take Little Miss over to MIL's home for her naps, good for Sunday afternoon relaxing. This way she would get used to sleeping at Gramma's house and the transition would be less stressful (remember, it is only for a day or two).

As far as paying your MIL, talk to her about it. Let her know you aren't sure what she would prefer. I agree with another statement that she may take offense, but just let her know that you feel that you don't want to take advantage of her willingness to watch you little girl. I am sure she would understand that. If she refuses financial compensation, get her a thoughtful gift. It doesn't have to be anything big, maybe just a $10-$20 spa kit to pamper herself, or a figurine of her favorite animal. Maybe even get her favorite picture of her with her grandbaby and put it in a cute frame.

I hope this is helpful, maybe another idea or two for you to throw around.

Hi, We went on a short cruise that left out of Tampa for our 5th also first time away from our (triplets) kids...My sister watched them but they stayed at my house...As long as she is comfortable with your mother in law there should be no problem...That being said she should stay in her on home(your daughter) were she is comfortable...ask you mother in law if she would mind sitting at your house..Don't use the unbaby proof theory as she will get offended that you don't think she can do a good enough job..Just say that she will be more comfortable in her own crib/house etc...Your leaving will be enough of a change for her...

Hi M.,

My daughter was 12 months old when celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We decided to take her with us, and we celebrated as a family. It was great! But definitely different than couple time.

We found it was much more fulfilling (and less stress on our little one) to have an occasional date night for just my husband & me. We did our first one when our daughter was 16 months old and left her with her one & only babysitter, who she's very comfortable with.

We got about four hours to ourselves, and it was (by far) more refreshing than the trouble of traveling. HTH!