Advice on Co-sleeping; to or Not To?

He started out in his crib. I breastfed so it was easier sometimes just to let him stay in the bed with me. I let my son sleep with me from about 10 mo old until he was almost three. After that I slowly started moving him into his own bedroom. It wasn't too difficult. But I was also a single mom at the time. I have heard of some who let the child stay there forever but I was determined I wasn't going to do that. I don't think anything is wrong to try it for a little while so you can at least get some sleep.

You need to do what works best for your family, don't worry what anybody else says. My mother-in-law is not happy about our sleeping arrangements, but that is her problem.

Having your child cry it out does not necessary mean that he/she will be a better sleeper when he/she gets older. My sister-in-law let her oldest cry it out. He is almost 6, rarely sleeps through the night, and sleeps in his parents bed, displacing my sister-in-law into his bed. With her second she did modifies co-sleeping, just when he woke up at night and he usually sleeps through the night and stays in his own bed.

My son refused to sleep in a bassinett fromt the first night home from the hospital. I needed sleep so I pulled him into bed with us. Until he was six months he would only sleep in his swing or my arms. Then we got to a point where he would let us just put him in our bed. We tried the crib in our room, he would sleep some in the crib and then when he woke we would just bring him into bed with us. Eventually, we moved the crib to his room and we were able to get afternoon naps and the first 2 hours at night in the crib and the rest with us. At 11 months he became to restless in bed for my husband, so we bought a double bed for my son's room. One of us would lay with him until he feel asleep. Now he wakes once or twice a night. If I am still up I try to get him back to sleep and go to bed in my room, eventually he will come get me to sleep with him.

It has worked for us, because all of us are getting enough sleep. It was wonderful when he was younger to cuddle with him. Now that he is almost 2 he does not want to cuddle anymore. When look back, I can see his sleep improving and his need of mommy sleeping with him lessening. When we first started he was not happy unless both of my arms were wrapped around him like hugging a teddy bear, now he wants his own space.

My point is find something that works for your family. It is okay if it changes along the way, adaptation is part of life. My peditrician said she didn't care where my son slept as long as he and I were getting enough sleep.

Good luck! Follow your instincts and your heart.

Since it's not a natural desire to co-sleep on your part, I would recommend she sleep in your room in her own bed. Then she can "cry it out" or, at least you won't have to move far to comfort her.

My children didn't sleep through the night consistently until they were 14-18 mo. old. My first was sooner than my second and the third was sooner than both of them - either way, I let them adjust at their own pace. Consistent routines in life also tend to support early adjustment to schedule needs (like longer sleep at night).

We've co-slept with our children and they moved on to their own bed just like they moved from high chair to regular chair, and crawling to walking, or diaper to toilet. Some needed a little more time with us, others didn't. (The transition wasn't immediate - first they sleep in their bed, then crawl back into yours. I made a rule that they were put back in their bed unless it was after 5am. The transition took place with very little sleep interruption over two weeks.) There were some moments in life where the older one was just feeling left out... we worked with the feelings, not his solution.

Don't co-sleep (as in bring her to your bed). I never did it and from everything I read on this site you're setting yourself up for later difficulties. Some suggestions:

The book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" was my savior. Read it and follow it--it really works.

I understand about "doing what you have to do" to get sleep. Instead of bringing the baby to your room, set up a place where she and you can sleep. How about a pack and play next to the couch in a den or living room? You'd have to sleep on the couch for a few weeks but you could probably sleep anywhere at this point. You can wake up and feed her quickly and put her right back to sleep w/o waking your son.

When my 2nd daughter was born I had a twin bed in her room next to her crib where I slept. I quickly fed her and put her right back to her crib--no sleeping w/me. She got used to falling asleep on her own and didn't have to cry it out b/c I was right there. My husband missed me in our bed but we all got better sleep. After a few mos. I was able to sleep in our room again and she slept better too.

Good luck!

We co-sleep and it works for us. My daughter still nurses and it lets everyone get the most sleep. However, it doesn't work for everyone.

Give it a try. If it works fine. If it doesn't try something else.

Have you considered a middle ground of putting her in a crib in your room?

As for getting your child out of your bed. You are still the parent. When co-sleeping no longer works for your family's need, change the arrangement. If your friend still has her 6 year old sleeping with her, I hope it works for her. It would not be my choice.

Also, my child is not a great sleeper, but her sleep improved greatly around 13 months. She wakes up less and sleeps more soundly.

I have been in the same boat you are in now. I have a now 1 year old son who still does not always sleep through the night. When he was your daughter's age, he would start out in his crib. If/when he woke up and didn't put himself back to sleep quickly, my husband and I would bring him into bed with us. We both work, so this was the best solution for us. I couldn't give up the sleep it would take to get him back to bed in his own crib. This has worked though, because the time that he could sleep in his own bed lengthened a little at a time until he slept all the way through. We just let him play a little bit when he woke up, sometimes he'd go back to sleep, sometimes he'd play a little or sing to himself - but, if he started crying/screaming we'd go get him.

My son has never been a "sleeper". He takes 2-3 30 minute naps a day and sleep (if we're lucky) 7-8 hours at night. Thats just him. Challenging.... yes, but we'd never trade him in!! =)

Good luck,
K.

Hello J.,

First of all, I can only address part of your question. The main thing I want to convey is to NOT LISTEN to what others say about your personal preferences and/or choices. Only you and your husband know what is best for you and your family!

Having said that, I sleep with both my children, one is 2 yrs old and one is 4 yrs old. It is easy for me since their father left us before the youngest was even born. In addition, it works more easily for me since I still breastfeed. Breastfeeding with your baby right next to you makes life for everyone a lot easier.

I know a friend of mine who had the problem you are having, and she has a husband. They just went out and bought a king-sized bed! On a different note, I have heard from others that once you do start allowing the children in the bed, they will not want to give it up!

Have you looked into a "co-sleeper"?? You can find these on the internet, and they had them last I checked at "Babies are Us". They attach to the parents' bed and can be one way to wean her from your bed gradually.

I also read what you wrote about she and her older brother sharing a room. Is it possible to put them in separate rooms? I suggest this for two reasons: one is you could take the "militant" route of letting her cry it out (my hat's off to you if you can do this - I would be too much of a softie!) Secondly, if she had her own room you could let her help you decorate it. She is probably a little young to even care right now about having a pink Cinderella room, or whatever; but I've had some parents tell me that letting their child help decorate the room how they like, with Little Mermaid sheets and a pink decor really got the child more interested in staying in her own room.
I don't know if this has helped at all, I'm just trying to pass along what I've heard from other moms with the same problem!
Good luck to you!
-J. Zimmerman
____@____.com

dont do it.

you will regrett it later.

just a nother chore for you to fix later.

you need a good nite sleep and to be able to have that hubby wife time that you had before.

I'm a single mother of two grown girls. They were both co-sleepers as soon as they learned how to get out of the crib. I had them in bed with me til they were about two. Then they got a big girl bed of their own. It was always a big deal for them to pick out a bed of thier own. I didn't have a problem getting either of them in their own beds. I have heard the same horror stories of kids who don't want to leave the parent bed, but I didn't have that problem. I can't say why. (Maybe i snore!) We talked about getting to pick out a big girl bed when they were ready.
I'm wondering, if you put your baby in bed with you do you think she will sleep all night? Would you be putting her in bed with you so that your son can get a full nights sleep? I agree that he needs his rest. Does he snore? I think it's quite normal for a 7 month old to get up once or twice a night. Just try to fix the problem without creating another one that is worse than the first! Can you and your husband handle having a 7 month old in bed with you? If the answer to that is no, then don't do it. My sister has a baby who wakes up at about 3-4 am every morning. That's when she puts the baby in bed with her. That seems to work for her and her husband. I hope I've been of some help. Best of luck to you and your family.

I do the whole bedtime routine - bath, book, music, and nurse. I put her down. Sometimes she fusses and I have my husband go in during 10 minute intervals if needed. I don't want her to smell my milk! :-)

Usually, she wakes at 12:30 (only slept through to the 2nd feeding) and at 3:30. We get up at 5:00 so I pull her into bed so I can nurse and go back to sleep for a little while. Dad moves all the way over, I pull off all the blankets, and move the pillow.

I'm doing a combo of both and hope to try cuting out the feedings soon. The doc said that she should be able to make it all night...from 7 to 5 AM.

Good luck - I'm still trying to figure it out, too!

Hi J.! I'm glad to see you're considering all the options. :) A few things from my own experience (my daughter was a diva from day 1... i understand demanding really well!!) I struggled for a long time getting her to sleep more than 5 or 6 hours at a time- i think for about 2 months until she was 6 months old. Finally, I just gave up and got dramatic. She was going to sleep around 7:30, and waking up around 12 and 3am to eat. I thought that was just nuts, and got confirmation from her pediatrician that she just does NOT need to eat after bedtime. So i cut out the eating first. Doesn't sound like that's a problem for you, so that's good. DOn't feed her during the night!!
Second, someone gave me the brilliant suggestion to put her to bed EARLIER. it blew me away, sounded insane but it WORKED. I started putting her to bed at 5:30/6pm after a 5:00 dinner and subsequent bath and suddenly she slept 12 hours straight, until 6am. (kids tend to wake up early, there's not a lot you can do about that. putting them to bed later does NOT work).
The problem was tho- to get her to go to bed and STAY in bed by herself. It took about two weeks. I put her to bed with her doggie when she was sleepy but awake, and kissed her, sang a song, and left the room. Every time she woke up, I'd let her cry for 10 min, I'd go in, kiss her, lay her back down, and leave. She'd scream, i'd go in after 10 min, repeat. It was a horrible two weeks, i'm not going to lie, but it WORKED. i hated letting her cry, but she learned really fast that all mom was going to do was come in and make sure she was okay, and very soon she would wake up, roll around, wine a bit, but put herself back to sleep. it's been 7 months now, and she sleeps 12 hours a night, 6 out of 7 nights a week (teething is hurting her).
The only thing that sucks is she DOES wake up at 6am. no matter what. I can't change that, so i go to bed earlier than i normally would.
She still gets 2 naps a day, (naps are ESSENTIAL) and has gotten to the point where she'll go up to sleep on her own. It was a long time to get to this point, and it took a lot of hard work on my part, but it's been worth it.
Someone told me that the more sleep kids get, the better and more they sleep. I've never heard truer words! MORE SLEEP = MORE SLEEP. little kids don't understand that when they're tired they need to sleep. They have to be taught that.

Finally- co-sleeping. My own personal opinion: not worth starting it at her age. she's old enough to sleep on her own. I'm not saying it's wrong, just probably unnecessary. You won't get better sleep with her in the bed, and since she really is old enough to handle sleeping on her own, i wouldn't worry so much about co-sleeping. we co-slept while I was nursing, and i got horrible sleep, although my daughter did sleep more. Once she stopped nursing, it really didn't make sense to keep doing it, esp since she rolls around like crazy all night long. I know lots of people swear by it, and i'm certainly not going to downplay the benefits (bonding, etc) but since your problem is not enough sleep- i'd work on getting everyone to sleep all night long in the place that is best for them, which is usually their own bed.

I had both of my girls sleep with me for a long time. You just have to be aware of the dangers, and evaluate you and hubby's sleeping patterns to decide if you think it would be safe or not. I am a very light sleeper, and find myself extremely aware of what is going on around me when I sleep...so I felt comfortable sleeping with my little ones. However, my husband is opposite, and I would never put one of our kids in bed with him in it. If you want to co-sleep, I would invest in something to keep the baby from falling out of the bed...such as pushing the bed against the wall (my hubby was/is graveshift, so I could pretty much do as I wanted with our bed!), or get one of thoe safety railings thingies. As for your friends 6 year old sleeping with her, that is her choice. As a mother, you can tell when your child is ready to make the change and start sleeping alone. My youngest is 3 1/2, and we worked on her sleeping without mommy for 1 week, with a bit of incentive, and she is sleeping wonderfully! One transition I did, after the infant stage, is I would move them to their own bed, and lay down with them in their bed until they fell asleep...then remove myself. Good luck!
K.

Hi J.,
When my son was very small he was not sleeping well either. We tried everything, nothing was working which left Mom, Dad and baby exhausted, we were all a wreck. We tried Co-sleeping and it worked for us. My son began around 1 month and the first night we tried it he slept for 8 hours, up until that point he hadn't slept more than 3 hours at a time. When he was 8 months we moved him into his crib and he transitioned very well. At 15 months we moved him to a toddler bed due to the arrival of his little sister, and again no problems. He is 20 months now, sleeps in his own room, and sleeps through the night. I really believe that the co-sleeping gave him the comfort and security he needed to make bed time not such a scary thing. One myth I heard about co-sleeping was that you would never get the kid into their own bed, and it makes them clingy and dependent on you to fall asleep, but I say FALSE FALSE FALSE!! It was our last hope, but I wish we would of tried it first!!

Hello,
I have some tips. First, do not start co-sleeping now.. It is great while they are newborns and are used to it, yet now is not the time to start. Sharing a room with her brother maybe what is keeping her up. She wakes up and see's fun, and hasn't learned to put herself back to sleep because you know she'll cry and wake him up. If there is absolutely no way to move her into another bedroom of her own , then move him into your room for awhile where he'll be undisturbed, and you need to prepare yourself to camp out. Put a raft on the floor and make it up as a bed for yourself and when she wakes in the night, get in there and tell her it is time for bed and mom/dad is sleeping too. Then lie down in your new bed until she settles down or you fall asleep. That will hapen too! this may take a few nights or weeks, but as soon as it seems like it will never work, it then will. she will continue to know that you are there when she wakes but you teaching her how to fall back to sleep on her own in her bed. Talk gently but only with reassurance that she is safe in her bed and that it is still bedtime. She may cry but she'll understand. Trust me, and if she gets too upset in the beginning pick her up for a quick cuddleIN THE CRIB but donot leave the room. She will get it and by God you will all sleep again, and Brother can get back to his room too! Good Luck, be patient and let me know how things go! K. L.

As another co-sleeping mom, I'm finding that I don't have a lot to add to the already great advice that you've gotten - we have one sleeping room for the five of us, and the other room is getting set up with beds for our kids all to transition into in the next year.

That being said, I'd urge you to look up the Attachment Parenting International site for safe co-sleeping practices and see if those rules would work for you. (www.attachmentparenting.org/) is the main site and (http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/safes...) talks about the safety guidelines. Someone in the previous posts said they spent all night worrying that they were going to roll over on their baby. My nephew asked us that same thing last year, and I asked him if his mom and dad ever found themselves squished under the other one in the middle of the night. He laughed at me (I missed the little innuendo that he picked up on), but said no. Moms seem to be better wired to be aware of their babies' space in sleep, unless we are under the influence of something - alcohol, prescriptions and other drugs, sleep apnea - and so it might be better to put the baby between yourself and a mesh bed rail, or next to you in a co-sleeper, than between you and your husband. I also have friends who have had good luck with a mattress on the floor next to the bed, so you can move down when she is waking and back up when she is asleep.

You also will probably have a relatively easy time getting her out of your room as she will be seeing that her older brother is in his own room, and we all know that the little ones want to follow the big ones everywhere and do whatever they do all the time. :)

All that being said, we have greatly enjoyed our "puppy pile", and I have enjoyed much better sleep that I did with my first, who we did a certain amount of cry it out and sleep in your own room with. Those wake-ups would take 45 minutes of nursing and walking and rocking and trying to put him down and picking him up and starting all over because he woke up, which wasn't working for us at all! I'm looking forward to having them move into their own room to spend time with my hubby, but I will miss those early morning snuggles and "Wuv yous" that are such a part of our life right now.

I found cosleeping to be a great way to get more sleep. My kids were late to develop the "sack of potatoes" kind of sleep that makes it easier to put a child down in a crib. They were very attached as babies and toddlers but incredibly independent as preschoolers and now older kids. It was nice to cuddle with them. Those memories make it easier to get through the teen years!

Good luck. Every child and parent combination is different. You'll figure out what works for you.

K.

NO WAY on the co-sleeping.

I had a similar experience with my first daughter, who didn't sleep through the night until she was 22 MONTHS old. I too experienced weight gain, memory loss, hallucinations from lack of sleep, so believe me, I know.

What I learned is that I myself was an accomplice to the crime. While my husband would go check on her in the middle of the night, he wouldn't pick her up or feed her. He'd check her, lay her down, cover her up, and leave. She would cry until I would finally get up, hold her, talk to her, and put her back down, then she finally would go back to sleep. This would happen 2 to 3 times a night. Every night.

I did this because in the middle of exhaustion I would do anything to QUIET that child DOWN so I could get some sleep. It was a very short term solution that didn't pay off in the long run.

Finally, one day, she cried and I went in and told her, "I am not doing this anymore. I love you. You need to sleep. You're fine. I'm leaving and not coming back. You go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning." I prevented my husband from even going to check on her. That was the first night she slept through the night.

If your daughter doesn't get what she wants, i.e., your attention, she'll at first get mad, then she'll adjust. Given that she's sharing a room with her brother, I would put him someplace else for a couple of days so she can acclimate to sleeping through the night in what will be her normal surroundings. Maybe have a little indoor camping game with your son and put him to bed in a sleeping bag on a couch or on the floor, preferably not in your room.

"Co-sleeping" (where do they come up with these terms?) would be a disaster for your situation. Your daughter is 7 months, she knows what's going on, she knows how to manipulate you, and, with your help, it's working. Please know, you are NOT to blame for the situation! It is what it is and you're trying to cope.

Almost 10 years later, I can say from a better-rested distance, that, yes, I was an accomplice, for sure!!

Good luck!!

H.

My oldest daughter is almost 5. We co-slept with her. It worked for us because she wanted to nurse constantly and this was the way I was able to get the most sleep! By age two she went to a toddler bed in her own room with no problem. She sleeps through the night even now. Good luck!

Hi J.,

We're on the same boat. My dd is 10 months on monday and she has NEVER been a good sleeper. I've also done everything to make her more tired and to sleep longer, later meals, fewer naps, CIO, etc., and she still manages to wake up about 2-4 times a night. I've actually just started co-sleeping with her, but I could never get a good sleep. I always worry about her falling off the bed. It does seem that dd sleeps a lot better though, I just nurse her twice and she goes back to sleep. I'll try it for a week and then try to return her back to her crib. I honestly think she doesn't like her crib. I think she doesn't have enough space to roll around and get into a comfortable sleeping position. It's gotten a little worse since we lowered her mattress down to the lowest level. I can't wait to put her in a big girl bed, but I have another 14 months before I can do that. I'm also afraid that I won't be able to get her out of our bed, my nephew will be 4 in November and he still sleeps with mom and dad. Sorry I'm of no help, but I completely understand what you are going through. Hang in there.

All 3 of our boys have slept with us when they were little and didn't sleep through the night. Why punish yourself?! I really don't understand why some Moms and Dads want to make this so hard on themselves and their little ones. It's simple, BE HAPPY! Sounds too simple, I know. But it really isn't. What are you worried about?

Things for me changed over Labor Day. We visited friends who were once homeless, living out of their 1979 van in a campground. They had a 2yr old son and the mom was 9mths pregnant at the time. All we saw was pure and simple happiness on their faces. They didn't worry about whether or not to co-sleep or not. They just did what they had to do and enjoyed every day. After watching their home videos during that time in their lives, I really understood what it means to 'enjoy the journey.' You see, life is not about rushing to get to the end. It's about enjoying the journey along the way.

So my question is this, are you happy with your sleep deprevation? Why battle this whole thing now with a 7mth old? Why not just let her sleep with you two and all of you be happy? And once you have some really good sleep-filled nights, you can re-think it all and make a plan.

Your babies will be grown before you know it so be sure to enjoy them every step of the way.

Take Care,
N. ;) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 7 & 2 yrs old and married to Mr. Wonderful for almost 15yrs. Helping moms who want to be SAHMs reach their goals.

Hi J.,

We have co-slept with both our little ones, now age 2 and 7 and it has worked GREAT!! The older one transitioned to his own room with no problems, the younder one is still with us but we are all happy. Another thing to consider is a possible food intolerance. I belong to an email list where they have been discussing that very thing. I will paste a part of the discussion below.
Good luck, S.

My older son has dairy, wheat, sugar, and yeast issues ­ and blood tests
never picked them up. They might for you, since she has hives as a
reaction. His are behavioral/sleep things. I learned about a saliva test
that can test for intolerances AND allergies, and I was blown away. It was
the answers we¹d been looking for. The naturopath who does them is out of
GA, and a number of moms on our list have used her. You wet Qtips with
saliva and send them back to her and she¹s able to analyze it that way. Same
science of blood in many ways, but even more expansive ­ because it can pick
up intolerances and not just ³true² allergies.

Here¹s her contact info and I¹m sure she¹d welcome any questions. If you
have any for me, just let me know!

Darlene Betsill
###-###-####
Natural Health Research and Consulting
167 Wentworth Way
Griffin, GA 30224

And here¹s a writeup that discusses the science behind saliva:

Why is saliva used in our testing? While mostly water, saliva contains
electrolytes, buffers, antibodies, hormones, enzymes, sugar-coated molecules
known as mucin, proteins, and a host of minerals. The elements found in
blood that can be tested can also be tested on saliva. It, too, is like a
blue-print of the body on a cellular level. These facts were referred to in
an article that appeared in the Health/Science section of the Boston Globe
on March 04, 2003. Stated in part in her article: ³Saliva Offers a Mouthful
of Promising Science², Vivien Marx notes:

...biomedical researchers are finding that this bodily secretion offers a
mouthful of promising science. Last month, some of these scientists
presented their newest work at the Gordon Research Conference and Symposium
on Salivary Glands and Saliva in Ventura, Calif.

Lawrence Tabak is the director of the National Institute of Dental and
Craniofacial Research, part of the National Institute of Health. He is also
a diabetic and has pricked his finger more often than he would like to
count. He envisions a device so small that it could be integrated into a
tooth and would use saliva to monitor his blood sugar level. What sounds
perhaps like science fiction is actually a research program involving
several universities around the country to develop lab-on-a-chip technology
for salival diagnostic tests.

³Anything you can measure in blood² Tabak explained, ³you can figure out how
to measure in saliva.² Collecting saliva samples is much less invasive and
it might lower people¹s fears about going to the doctor, he said ²These
methods hold tremendous promise.²

For example, at the University of Mississippi Medical Center in Jackson,
Charles F. Streckfus and his colleagues are working on various ways to
compare saliva in healthy and cancer patients. One saliva test he is working
on measures levels of HER2/neu protein, which is important in normal cell
growth, but is overproduced in aggressive breast cancer cells. These
elevated HER2/neu levels can be detected in saliva, and research shows this
test can potentially reduce the number of false positives and negatives in
breast cancer detection. The test also offers a noninvasive way to see how a
treatment regiment is working.

Saliva can deliver insights into the body¹s immune response, Joe A. Bosch of
Ohio state University stated in the International Review of Neurology.
Intrigued by the connection between stress, periodontal diseases, and
impaired wound healing, he looked at variations in the level of an antibody
called Immunoglobin A, or IgA in saliva.

With all it has to offer biomedical research, saliva is currently garnering
more respect than ridicule.

Hi there - I was a lot like you in that I hearda llo the horrible tales about co-sleeping and how your baby would never sleep in their own crib. Well...I then talked to someone who quite simply stated- all kids are different. So- from the very start, I slept with my daughter b/c she wanted nothing to do with her crib or the bassinet. I gave everything a fair shake. I found that we both slept like babies (ha!) all night long. I was nursing at the time (still am, actually) and she would wake up 2x a night to nurse. At about 4 months- she started sleeping in her swing- all the time. This was on top of wrapping her in a miracle blanket which truly do seem to work. At any rate- at about 7 months- I just put her in her crib one night b/c the swing ran out of batteries- and wouldn't you know it? Out like a light. This also brings me to another point- my sister-in-law gave me a great book that outlined my life- almost as if I had written it myself. It said that if you have a child who waked up every night about 1-3am- DO NOT go to her/him. Let them cry for a bit and they will fall back to sleep. They are waking up strickly from habit and they are not hungry. The first night she cried for 4 minutes which seems an eternity. The 2nd night for about 2 minutes. She literally sleeps from 7:30pm to 7am every night since she was about 7 months old. The book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. It's kind of a painful, dull read but great advice. Go to whatever chapter you need- they are outlined very well. Best of luck- and remember- EVERY child is different.

we co sleep and all the stuff that you hear are myths. once your child is older just change her to her bed. but for now sleep is what matters. if she feels comfy enough to lay with you and gets a better night sleep that way, then you will too. at her age now im sure she would let you know that you were rolling onto her. i've never rolled onto mine and this is our 8th year of having a child in our bed. in other countries all kids sleep with their parents and they live and grow to be independant social beings too. dont knock it til you try it. sleep is great!

I don't recommend co-sleeping. My son is 4 months old and has slept in his bassinet since day 1. However, there have been times when he's had a rough night or we've just been exhausted (and admitidly lazy) and rather than soothing him back to sleep in his bed, we have brought him into ours. We find this actually makes things worse. Cody sleeps wonderfully snuggled between my hubby and I; however, neither of us sleeps because we are worried about forgetting he's there and rolling over, or pulling the blanket up or a pillow going over his head. So we would have a well rested baby and a tired mommy and daddy.

I think it is completely normal and o.k. for your girl to be waking up. Mine is 12 months and still wakes 3-4 times a night. We co-sleep with her and have since she was born. It is so much easier for me to nurse her in bed. I am a comfort to her and this time is so short and precious to be able to do that for her. I have wondered how co-sleeping will transition into her bed, but I know it will happen. Recently, I have thought of co-sleeping in these terms... We don't expect children to feed themselves alone, or go to the bathroom alone, or really do anything alone until 2 or 3. Why is sleeping different? "They" say children need to learn how to sleep by themselves so they don't get too attached, but personally, I think we need to teach our children how to sleep too... No one is bothered by a child who sucks on a pacifier night and day, but as soon as someone mentions a baby nursing at night after six monthes of age, it's like you have broken some horrendous rule!! Cherish this time-- now that I work full time again, I really need the extra time with my daughter. I can't guarentee that yours will sleep through the night next to you, but maybe!! and to me it beats getting up and down. DON'T feel bad or wrong for doing it. It is completely natural and healthy. Read Dr. Sears. He really puts it in great terms.... GOOD LUCK!!

J.,
I encourage you to do what works for your own family.
Co-sleeping has been going on all around the world including many families in this country for years. Listen to your child and your intuition. We did co sleep and found it easy to transition my son to his own bed and room. It helped me to get as much sleep as possible while I was still nursing. It was also very easy on my husband; as he didn't have much work to do.
Child rearing is definitely shades of gray. Keep making adjustments.
Good luck,
L.

Dear J.-

I have been reading with interest all of the responses to the 'co sleeping' question, and would like to wade in with some comments of my own!

I am a mom of 7 children...birth years 1989 thru the twins in 1996. Needless to say, they are all just over a year apart in age. I waited until I was 27 to get married...and was 29 when my first child was born. Prior to my first child being born, I had read every book on child birth and rearing known to humankind! I had researched this, much as I had done for my masters degree in marriage and family counseling...(and as I am divorced now...well...lol)

Then 'life' began to happen! My eldest was an emergency c section, so out the window went my hopes of a wonderful vaginal birth in a tub of warm water in our local german hospital!

Then my ex got orders, and we were due to PCS back to the states when our then only child was only 12 weeks old. When we got stateside, we were living with his parents for several months as we were looking to find a home here in northern VA. Co sleeping became a necessity in many ways so that the whole house was not awakened when our eldest needed his next feed. (ex's parents were older, not keen on kids, and not feeling wonderful about becoming 'grands'). I have to admit, I LOVED the closeness, and the extra sleep I was able to get from the experience.

We finally bought a home. We continued to 'co sleep', and in short order, found we were expecting our second child. I think I was stressed for a few minutes, but by the time the next child was born, we had already moved a bassinet bedside for the new baby...WE even got a doll and practiced how things would be with eldest. A few months after the birth , we bought a bunk bed. On the bottom bunk we put a 'bunkie' board, and made the transition of eldest to 'big boy bed', and really made that room a dream room for any little kid! Real kites hung from ceiling, an aquarium that was 'lit' as a nite lite (the hum of the filter and bubbles a soothing sleep inducer...)

In any event...the transition was made to the 'big boy bed'. The bunkie board made it low enough to the ground that falling out was a 'non' issue. When next child was born, we did much the same, but did get a toddler bed as oldest son was not old enough for top bunk...He moved out of our bed as his sister took that spot...and on down the line. It was a matter of necessity at first...then something I came to both cherish and enjoy...and then a 'rite of passage' to transition out to a bed with each ensuing child.

We still have bunk beds...two boys each in two sets...and the girls have one with single on the top, and a double for the twins on the bottom. They are used now as a floor space saver, and each has an area of their respective rooms that is 'theirs'.

All of the kids were, and remain, good sleepers. They are all reasonably well adjusted. They are all 'good' kind, caring young people.

I guess MY message would be, decide what is a priority for YOU. For me, it started as the necessity for quiet in my in laws house...and 'morphed' into something that worked for everyone. I have found, in most aspects of my parenting, is that I have to draw the lines. I try to draw them carefully. But the kids (no matter what the age) can tell pretty quickly what situations are 'negotiable' and which are not. They are masters of manipulation at a very early age. You as the parent must decide which issues (for whatever reason) you MUST stand firm on. And on which issues there is some 'wiggle room'.

Books on parenting can be somewhat rigid and very black and white. I have found that real life rarely is.

I have 'rambled' enough. But I will say that eldest is in second year at college (pre law). Next is commuting as a freshman (pre med) as he has a GF in area still in HS (*heavy sigh* lol). The next is an honor roll senior who plays volleyball, first chair flute and is looking into vet school...and so on down the line. I feel like either I did a few things right...or at a minimum...I did not scar them for life in the attempt!

Draw your lines...negotiate the issues you can...hang on tight...watch out for the curve balls...and enjoy the hell out of the ride!

Best of luck!

Michele/catwalk

It is hard to get a child out of the co sleeping mode but sometimes it's worth it. My son sleeps all night in his bed now but when he was little if he would wake up at night or even just too early in the morning I would take him to bed with us...he usually would fall right back to sleep and everyone got a full nights sleep. To get him out of him going to our bed when he was one we got him a big boy bed with sides and when he would yell for me or dad we would just lay in his bed with him. Now he is used to sleeping in his own bed and has only once come out of his bed to come sleep with us and he is 4 now.

I was in the same situation my son was up most of the night and I spent most of the night trying to get him to go back to sleep in his bed like I was supposed to but he is just a little cuddle bug. I think that he needed to be with us sometimes to make him feel safe.

You don't have to co-sleep which is literally ahving the baby at your side, but if you did decide to do this, you can wean the baby from your bed at a later time. Truth is, the baby isn't ready to sleep thru the night and may feel she's too far away from you. Try putting her in your room in a crib. That way you can attend to her when she awakens, feed/change, whatever and put her back in bed. Try to keep the lights dim or off completely so she gets the message that its time for bed and not to be active and awake. Resist the urge to do anything you would do in the daytime (watch TV, chores, play w/her) if she does not fall asleep. And you can let her cry a little in her crib after you've attended to whatever need she has. She'll get the message and at the least begin to self-soothe during the night and eventually go to sleep on her own.....

We use co-sleeping and love it. We have found we get a lot more sleep. Dr. Sears says everyone should sleep where everyone gets the most sleep. I would not worry about how your friends and family sleep I would just figure out where everyone gets the mst sleep in your house and that will probably change and different times.

co-sleeping is wonderful IF that's what you and your family love. you already have negative feelings towards it, and are considering it only as a fix, not because you long to do it.
so don't.
i know it seems endless right now, but her sleep habits WILL change as she gets older. for now, if it sounds as if you have no options but to get up with her, so keeping the 'up' periods brief and quiet, and alternating with your dh to the degree that he's able to help are what will get you through it.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Best book for sleeping issues.... Healthy sleep habits, happy child by Dr. Weissbluth. My little one had so many issues with napping it was insane...after following his guidelines in the book I now have a child who sleeps 12 hours straight through the night, and he naps on average 2.5-3 hours during the day, and is now a very very happy child. Happy reading, and happy sleeping!!

What is the big deal about cosleeping. In the country where I grew up we coslept well into our teen years due to lack of space. I am not "messed up" and neither are millions of others. Do what works for you.Just know that cosleeping might not make your baby sleep more. Both of our boys coslept with us till they were 6 months old and they woke up every 2 hours, when we put them in the cribs they woke up only 2 times a night till they were 1 . Now at 20 months and 3 1/2 years they still wake up at night, but put themselves to sleep right away.Night awakenings are normal, your daughter just can't put herself back to sleep. Try putting a crib in your room, see if that helps.
Different babies have different sleep patterns. But there is also teething, milestones ....so much going on in the first year , just hang in there.If your are desparate for sleep ask a grandparent/good friend to sleep over and get up with the baby( i had some friends who did it , worked great.......i never had anyone to ask so we never tried:(..)It will get better............easy to say for me...I know