Advice for Balancing Home and Work... Don't Know How to Handle It Anymore!

T.,(just a suggestion,) why dont you try alternating days,
(as somedays just special time with kids.) there only young for so long. i personally wouldnt worry about the house work so much. somethings can be "let go."

T., mom of toddler son.

Here's something that came up on a Moms night out. You could always get a housekeeper to come do the basics for you. I'm a SAHM/artist and I just worked a deal with a busy full time working mom to do her "basics" for her. (Bathrooms, kitchen, dusting, and floors) Since I work at home when I am doing my artist thing, I have a flexible schedule while my son is at school. It's an arrangement that will suit us both for awhile. It gives me extra cash, and her extra time on weekends. Since we already know each other- it's not like she's letting a stranger into her space. Cleaning is not one of my favorite things, but like I said it's mutually beneficial. I can do it, so why not. She was going to pay someone anyway so she might as well pay me. We start this Friday so check back w/ me in a couple weeks I'll let ya know how it's working!
Otherwise, I would say do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Kids aren't little for too long. Some things,like housework, can wait. Best of luck!

Yep, it is insane how little time there is in a day! I too work full time with two kids, ages 3.5 and 5 months. My house is a mess and I just accept it. I get the bare necessities done and no more! The dishes are done and laudry folded AFTER the kids go to bed. Sometimes laudry sits for a day or two before getting folded and I buy clothes that don't wrinkle easily! Sometimes I get to vacuum (I also have two dogs by the way), but that is about it. Even on weekends, not much gets done because we are working on reducing the amount of TV my son watches and therefore, he needs our attention for playing, going on bike rides etc... Here is one thing we JUST figured out. The only time our place would get beautiful was when we had people coming over and we both really went at the place. So our new plan that is working great so far, is every other weekend (or third weekend), we wake up one weekend morning and we both go nuts. We hammer the place out in about two hours. I prefer this method to constantly trying to keep everything done. In between these times, yep, the house is cluttered like heck. You just have to lower your expectations. I cannot take on another monthly payment, so hiring someone is not an option no matter how good a deal it is. The summer time is much harder because then my husband has to take time every weekend for the outside of the house since the grass grows like crazy.
I also just started making two crockpot meals on the weekends that are for Monday and Tuesday night while I actually cook (and I use that term loosely) something for our dinner Sat and Sun night. This is really helping me out for the weekday meals and of course, I make enough for leftovers. Any given time just look around your house and know that mine is most likely much worse! Giving attention to your kids is much more important and so is sleep!

Family time is the most important time in a day. The kids aren't going to remember how clean or dirty their house was...they are going to remember the fun times shared as a family. So don't sweat the small stuff. Go around your house and figure out what you can live with letting go for awhile. Talk to your kids let them know that you are going to set a family day today but that another day will be be cleaning day. Working hard is a wonderful thing but if you don't have the chance to enjoy your family then all the hard work is for nothing. So get out taking them camping, to the park, don't let yourself think about anythign else except the silly things your kids are doing. FYI kids who feel fullfilled at home are less likely to go looking for it elsewhere (where trouble begins). Good luck.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have 2 children ages 8 and 16. A few years back I worked as a supervisor for a very fast paced office. I worked 60-80 hours per week. So time at home was very pressured for me at least because I was getting the same responses. I did change it up a little and was able to bring my kids to work with me so they could catch the bus, but still the time was not what we would call quality time. Well last year they closed their doors due to the economy... figure! Anyways we are a very spiritual family and embrassed our misfortune. My husband was able to find work and I started home schooling my kids and looking to work at home. To shorten up the story I feel very blessed. I am now home with my kids, working from home and trying to reach the new goals of replacing my husbands income so that he can be home with us. As far as organizing to not go insane it sounds like you are taking some of the right steps, just don't sweat the small stuff. House work will always need to be done, but your children are only small once. Pick your order of importance and the rest will fall into place. God Bless!

I have made the transition more than once. I learned that you have to prioritize. Do not be affraid to use paper plates. Fold laundry while you talk to your husband about the day. Don't worry if the tile does not get mopped this week. Make sure you give your kids the time they need. They are only young once, but the tile will still get dirty and need mopped when they move out. If you can afford it spend the money to get someone to come in for an hour or two once a week or every other week to do the things that are really bothering you. Good Luck!

Just a little side note I once read on a plaque, " Clening the house while the kids are still growing.... Is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing. "

Make time for the kids they need it.

I so know what you are talking about. My house has been a mess since my 2nd kid was born and when you start cleaning you realize how much more you need to do. It's overwhelming and stressful. For my New years resolution I joined the flylady yahoo group. It's a cleaning group that shows you how to organize and clean your house in 15 min/day. My house has never looked better and it's not only organized but clean. Having a messy house is mentally destructive, even if you try to rationalize that it isn't important because it really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. Anyhow, when I finish my small chores every day I feel really happy and glad I did it. I can also relax more on the weekends knowing my house is cleaner than it's been in a long time and I have to plan to keep it that way. Good luck.

DH and I both work fulltime and have long commutes and not a lot of time to get things done.

try www.flylady.com It was a lifesaver with helping me to get organized and create sensible routines. Also I use a Montessori approach with housework, so my children have always helped with housework at their level. They fold and put away laundry, help with cooking, set and clear the table, scrape their dishes, take care of pets, sweep the porch, sometimes vacuum under the table, etc.

I have 2 girls, 6.5 and almost 4. My husband works out of town a lot. We move a lot. I homeschool,work part time at a church nursery, have started a business and this is the only way I have found to keep me on track with housework, etc.

Best wishes, Victoria

Dear T.,

I have the exact same problem. At times, I let things go in exchange for family time but then it tends to pile up.
When we lived in SC, I had somebody come in and do the floors and fold the laundry once a week and that was awesome. We found somebody through a friend so the price was a lot less than going through a larger cleaning company. For example, they would clean the entire house, do the laundry, and pick up and put things away for $60.00 a week or they would do the laundry and floors for $40.00. You may be able to find somebody using mama source. I like the idea of a trade as another member mentioned but I am so private and am not sure who I would feel comfortable doing that with. You may feel differently.
Last, I got the book titled "Don't sweat the small stuff for families" and it has really made me stop and think.
Good Luck to you.
k.

I do it just a little at a time and it works for me. For example, I Swiffer every morning. Then I throw a load of laundry in the washer. When I come home, I throw it in the dryer. I cook in batches and eat leftovers. Do the dishes at the end of the night. He'll fold the laundry while he watches TV. I just try not to have any lull time. Like if I'm waiting for something, I will try to do something while I'm waiting. I also like to have my daughter watch while I clean because then she mimics me and helps. Maybe your family would like to help watch the kids.

Let the housework go. Just keep it clean enough to be healthy and don't worry about the rest. Your kids and husband are more important than a clean house. This is coming from someone that wishes they could go back and let the house go and spend more time with her girls. Before you know it they will be grown and gone. Thats when you really realize what is most important. If nothing else hire someone to come in once a week and do some of the major cleaning for you....I was a single Mom so had no choice but work. Take my advice, a clean house isn't worth giving up time with your children. Wish I had realized it years ago.....

Okay. Where is your husband in this? You are not the only one responsible for keeping the house clean. I am someone who can let the house go a little, but I need to have it cleaned regularly to stay sane. What I did with my situation is told my husband you either help me clean or we figure out how to pay someone to do it for us...my husband hates cleaning, so all of a sudden we could afford someone to come in every other week to clean. The stress level in our house has diminished greatly and we have our weekends free to play with the kids.

How did we find the money to pay someone? I got three estimates, found someone to clean the house every other week for $60.00 and then we looked at our budget and cut back on eating out and some of the "fancier" groceries we got. No more t-bone steaks. We get London Broil now. No more full-priced seafood. I buy whatever is on sale. No more Greenwise chicken. I buy the regular publix brand now. No more calling out for pizza. We make our own. It is amazing how quickly one can find that extra $60.00 every other week when necessity demands it!

Stay sane and good luck!

It is hard to balance and keep all the boats floating ...Here is how I did it until last year, when I quit working ..(my hubby did not help at all at home, I hope yours is better than mine). The necessary thing ..food on the table and clean clothes to wear. I made most of the food in bulk and freezed two portions in seperate containers to take out two different times in the following weeks (so triple the amount of cooking twice a week). I made one frozen store-bought dinner (Pizza, Ravioli .. whatever ..) -- no real time in cooking one day. SO somehow I did make two nights that I did not cook at all, those were my laundry nights. I also used twice a week throw away dishes .. so not really kitchen work at all for dinner, other than packing lunches. I made and packed lunches after kids were in bed. I made sure the two nights that I did less kitchen work, I spent time with my three boys -- helping with homework or whatever they needed for 45 minutes to an hour ..
If your hubby is willing to help, he can help with bathing the kids and cleaning up kitchen or packing lunches ...(and may be play with the kids twice a week). I loved to take kids out to different places -- park, museums, fair ..so I did not save any much pending work for the weekend, other than house cleaning. I made sure I spent one whole day doing things that kids and I enjoyed, and did whatever I could the second day. The house did not look as great as I wanted, and I got once a month cleaning help -- but something got to give when you have limited time and resource. Think about your priorities -- write it down and see if few things you can give up or take outside help. If you go and see your family, may be you can cook there with the family and bring some food home .. for the dinner. When I visited my friends, not very often though, we did cook couple meals while talking, so we had some food packed with us when we left.
It is hard..
Take Care

Hi T.,
I hate to cheer at your frustration but it makes me feel like I'm not alone. My mom tells me that my "house is at my service, not the other way around." All I know is that I've come to terms with 3 facts: 1. my house will not be perfect, and that's o.k. 2. my kids and hubby enjoy me more when I'm not freaked out about the housework and 3. I need to say no when I need a break or I've taken on too much.
As far as advice... Well...
Laugh more, plan for tomorrow but live for today, and don't feel guilty if you enjoy spending time with your family more than doing housework. Who doesn't? I finally figured out that the one room that freaks me out more than any other is the kitchen, so I've decided that as long as my kitchen is clean and tidy, I can live at peace. The rest can be taken care of as needed/possible. No one is guaranteed tomorrow and I'd hate to think that I missed one last joke with my kids just because I needed to vacuum.
Finally, check out the flylady.com website for other ideas.
Take care,
C.

I have four kids, two grown ones, ages 21 and 22 and a 6 year old in Kindergarten and an 11 month old and I own my own restaurant and work till 6:30 every day and weekends. I was a stay at home mom with my two older ones and it doesn't matter if you're home or if you work all the time, a mom always feels like they don't do enough. We juggle so much and it's frustrating trying to keep everything balanced. It's normal for little kids to want their parent(s) to do more with them especially when they work. With my oldest son, now 22, I gave him all the attention in the world and it still wasn't enough for him. He is now an adult that expects that same attention from everyone around him. In the real grown-up world, that isn't very likely. I spend time with my six year old when I can, sometimes borrowing time from somewhere else to make sure to give him some one on one but I explain to him that as an adult life has alot of stress, that I have a lot to do in the home as well as out of the home so I can't always do everything with him. I also tried to get him to realize that if I didn't pick up around the house or do laundry than we would live in a pigsty or we wouldn't have clean clothes to wear. Same with work. He knows that it is the means for what we have; the house, food, clothes, the cars, etc. Besides just simple communication with him so he knows that I love him even though I'm so busy, I try to make the most of our mornings by waking him up to tickling, sometimes running one of his toy cars across his body while he lays in bed like he is a bridge, sound effects and all, and he loves it. I try to sit down and watch Drake and Josh for the hundreth time with him in the evening, even if it is just for some of it. We share desserts together, little things like that. Hopefully, it will all be a good balance. I don't think we as parents can ever give enough time or do enough (in our eyes) for our kids.

Hi there,

I'm a SAHM who has always been amazed at how f/t working moms do it. Unless they get support (i.e. husband helps with cleaning, hire a maid, etc.) I think a lot of them get burned out and just don't enjoy life, plus the kids aren't happy, either. It's a shame that it's so hard to live on one income and moms feel they have to go to work when they'd rather stay home. Just as bed, for those who want to work, companies don't do much to support family life (i.e. job sharing, home office options, flex hours).

You may want to consider simplifying life a bit, if your budget can handle it. With the economy the way it is, it's a scary prospect, but when things settle down or if your husband's job is secure, you guys might be able to juggle finances so that you can stay home again.

I'm not saying that you should, or anyone should, just suggesting it as another life option for you.

I am actually bringing in a little income doing writing jobs from Craig's List and other web-based job boards. If you have a lot of stuff to sell, you could get rid of it on e-bay, craig's list or kijiji to bring in a little extra. Maybe switch to a p/t job, partially work-from-home job or job sharing if your company allows it.

Sometimes if only one parent is working you can get away with one vehicle-- that cuts out a lot of costs. Replace your landline phone with Vonage voice over IP ($15 a month for phone and all your long distance). You'll save money on clothes, gas, lunches out, etc.

Anyway, I sincerely wish you well and hope you get the balance you seek.