Adding a Baby to a Family with an Aspie Child

Don't really have any advice for you but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in struggling with this. I have three year old twin boys on the spectrum and I wonder about whether or not we should have another one. I am concerned about another on the spectrum. I am concerned about having twins again. I am concerned that it will be hard to handle a baby along with the aggressive therapy schedule, nutritional intervention etc. If you do decide to have another make sure you get your vitamin D levels checked ahead of time and during your pregnancy, avoid anything with mercury (fish/flu shot) and watch your EMF (computer and cell phone) exposure to minimize the chances of another on the spectrum. That advice came from my boys pediatrician when I told him I was considering having another. Good luck to you.

Hi S.,

I too have a son (almost 5) on the autism spectrum. I understand completely your sentiments about having to deal with everyday situations differently and how any minor thing can turn major in the blink of an eye. It certainly keeps me on my toes and , as I call it... builds my patience! We decided to add to our family and were blessed with a daughter. She is now two and has no signs of Autism. I can tell you that having her in our family has enriched us all. I will not say that it makes it easier, however, it technically was never "easy" anyway when we just had one. Kids have a great sense about them. She seems to understand him and that he requires different things. And he seems to understand and accept her as part of the family. He has never given us trouble regarding sharing attention. I believe she has been a good example for him by providing him social cues that he does not seem to recognize on his own. It warms my heart to see them together. He teaches her things like letters, colors, shapes etc... and she teaches him the more abstract common sense type of stuff. They do this for each other without even knowing it! I am not saying that it is always rosy at our house, but i will say adding to our family has been positive in every way and in the long run I truly believe she is helping my son.

I hope this can help you in some way.

R.

A very good friend of mine has a son with Asperge'rs. He is now 21 years old and attending Georgia Tech. He has a younger brother who is not in the autism spectrum. He is attending UW Carthage, he is 19.

Look, if you want another child you can have one. Yes your son may have attention taken from him however, that isn't the reason you say no. You say no to another child for reasons of being unable to take care of them etc. For the rest of his life he will have to adjust (in his own way) to sharing people. I don't know the intimate challenges of raising a child with Asperger's but I do know the challenge of having one son who I adore and deciding to have another child and we ended up with triplet girls. He was 3 when they were born and he adjusted. Now they are very cute together.

Please think about this as it relates to you, and your family. Don't make one member the reason you put on the brakes. It could help your son to adjust more easily in social situations if he had a sibling! Having family when you and your husband will help him when you are long gone!!! Don't let anyone tell you any differently.

D., Mom to 4 under 4 (from a sibling group of 4, not to mention I have 36 first cousins on my fathers side...family is GREAT!!!)

Let God bless you with another child and depend on Him for care and love for an addition. My cousin has 2 with Asbergers and they are developmentally way ahead of the chart, speak well and smart. No stress, just lots of patience and love. Blessings on you and your family.

You may already know about this, but there is a great online community for families with someone on the autism spectrum: www.autismspot.com. You may be able to chat with or connect with others who have been through this.

Best of luck.

Oh definitely put together some social stories about new babies and what to expect. I'd be sure and do stories about what to do when the new baby cries, what to do when mommy is busy with the baby, and the like.Carol Gray is the best( http://www.thegraycenter.org/) Have a picture schedule posted so he'll know when it's " his time" with mommy. Have him do some practice holding baby and other activities with him so he knows what it will look like.

Hey -
Read "House Rules" by Jodi Picoult. Great book about an older child with Asperger's and a younger sibling.

My son had sensory integration disorder (not on the autism spectrum), but he took a TON of time with therapy and all of that. When he was going through all of that, I honestly don't think I could have dealt with a 2nd child. But, I now have a daughter and she is amazing. Your mind will be blown with the things your 2nd child can do that the first one never did (lots of autistic children have sensory integration disorder, so the behavior things are the same).

You will absolutely love a 2nd child!

Good luck,
L.