A Different Life

I understand how difficult it is to manage a FT job + a family. Instead of thinking about how much you miss the kids think about how many great things you will be able to do with them and for them now that you have the extra money coming in.

I find it takes me about 3 months to really adjust fully to a new routine.
When I started working from home instead of going to an office building I was an absolute BASKET case and having panic attacks because although I was working and my boss was very pleased with my work I missed the interaction with people and co-workers and it didn't FEEL like I was doing everything I should be doing.
After that 3 months I had settled right in and now it would be a horrible transition to go back to commuting to an office.

Eventually the dust bunnies at your house become family and you learn to love them. :)

Just like a new child, you have to get your groove.

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See, look what happened to Kellhy, she eats her coffee! :)

Hearing you loud and clear sister.

A little different for me - but I can relate. Three weeks ago I started full time school. I've gone from spending MOST of my time with the kids, to seeing them on the weekends and for a few hours before bed.

It's a tough transition and I suspect I'm taking it the hardest. My little one is in campus childcare, and she says/acts/seems to like it. My eldest is in part time kindergarten and her childcare is with one of my oldest and dearest friends. The truth of the matter, is both of them are doing really fun things. I wish I had more June Cleaver in me, and I've tried pretty darned hard to cultivate that quality, but alas, I am not a domestic princess.

My friend who hangs out with my eldest, as it turns out, is punk-rock-Martha-Stewart. Every day my eldest does something neat. Today they researched cheetahs and worked on a cheetah costume. Two days ago they had two playdates and went to the punkin patch.

My youngest paints, plays, and playdohs all the day long. She's making friends, taking numbers, and kicking butt. On my short days I pick her up and we go swimming at the college class.

I feel out of my comfort zone at school and it's strange to be in a new environment (I'm a highschool drop out). I'm also in bliss. I have hours, every day, dedicated to studying medical ethics, body systems, and statistics. Crazy, no? I mean, it's so much fun to learn.

So all of this, and yet I'm on the verge of tears. I feel like Alice falling down a hole. I miss my kids, probably more than they miss me. I miss slow mornings, silly trips to the beach, tears and fights, making a culinary mishap for lunch. I miss knowing my children's every movement and tracking their moods, able to bounce in and out as they need. I miss feeling comfortable, and knowing what I'm doing. I understood how to be a mom. I don't yet understand how to be a student-mom.

But here's a confession. I think I am not meant for stay at homing it. I mean, I am very, very grateful to have gotten to spend time focused on my children, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Also, it's really stimulating to get my brain out and work it in a completely different way. I feel a lot of guilt about this right now. A lot. I'm not sure if it's possible to be a good mom and a professional (not there yet, but that's the goal). I mean, I know it's possible for OTHER people, I don't know if it's possible for me. (Self esteem on aisle nine?)

On the other hand, I want my little girl's mom, to model a work in process woman. I want their mom to be present, loving, engaged, and deep in a community. I want them to see their mom working towards her (exhilarating and terrifying dreams). So, that's the mom I've got to be. One who doesn't let her fear run the show. I've got to trust that we'll work this out, just like we've worked out the other transitions we've gone through as a family.

We'll see. Right now I feel pretty raw. And excited. And terrified.

Best of luck to both of us. Be kind to yourself, if you can.

Oh, sweetie, hang in there! You can do this! You've only been at it for a month. As you get more familiar with your job and your new routine, things will become easier and develop a new rhythm. Remember when your kids were brand new? Those first couple of months are horrible as you try and figure out how to make things work. But you did, right? This will be a lot like that. Give your self some time to get this going smoothly. Really. It will be OK.

Right now, you're still adjusting to your new job. Soon, it won't be so hard and you'll be able to accomplish more in less time at the office. Soon, you and your family will find a new way that works at home.

I married a man with 2 kids (& sole custody) & then had 2 more. In the space of 3 years I went from a single woman to a married mom of 4 with the youngest two children only 13 months apart in age. And I worked full time as a department manager in a high pressure, fast paced, male-dominated company. On top of that, I'm so not one of those cool, organized moms (but I really want to be just like that when I grow up!). I tell you this so you know you can believe what I say: You CAN do this!!!!!! Yes, things will be different than they were before, but you and your family can and will adapt and you WILL all be better for it.

Hang in. Count to ten (OK, so some days it's a larger number!). Give your self some slack. Take a deep breath and give yourself a chance.

Hug --

Its hard working full and be a full time mom as well. It will benefit your family and yourself if you take a half hour out of your day to unwind and relax. Yes we are definitely here for you to vent and be your friend so to speak. Tips that work for me was making myself eat more than a cup of coffee for breakfast. I stayed fuller longer and more energy through the day. Get out of the office for lunch. If you can take a walk and stretch yoru legs. Bring a bag of fruit for mid day snack.

I can't help myself - i alway hear it's easier to work out of the home than be a SAHM! Sorry but being a working mom can be harder bc as you're seeing, you have a full time professional job plus your job as a mother, some of which no one else can really do. I've worked since my kids were born but we've had a full time nanny and I don't think I've even worked 10 hr days. Think you can cut back? 10-12 hrs is a lot.

Eta: I should qualify that SAHM with babies and toddlers is different than when the kids are older. I think it's harder when they're older to work in the sense they want you at school events and need help with homework etc. even with a 5 min commute, that's a lot of hours unless they will let you run out sometimes to school for events and things like that.

Give it time. If you still feel this way after 3 months at your new job, then think about making some changes. You have every right to feel overwhelmed by this change - it's a big one! Get through the adjustment period, THEN ask yourself whether it is the right fit. At this stage, I really think you just need to give it a little time (and yourself some TLC...good book, hot bath, glass of wine...). Hang in there.

It's ok and it's gonna be ok. PMS is what is making your adjustment period so overwhelming right now. And that is all that this is.....an adjustment period. You've been a SAHM for a while and now you are back to work. It freaks all of us out in the beginning, but you will find your rhythm. Give it time. Good luck.

Find that balance.

I work and homeschool my kids. Can you decrease your hours or if that is only 4 days each week, then they have you 3 full days and make sure you give them your time and attention - AND make private time for your husband.

All transitions are hard, and you are making yours at a time when the days are getting shorter and people have less energy to begin with.
It was a big change for me to go back to school for my Master, full-time, at an awesome conservatory, in a foreign country, when my baby was 10 months old. I was sad, depressed, stressed...
But: once you get used to things you will be so proud of yourself. You will love the independence you have, you will feel more balanced than before, stronger, and more complete. You will be less scared of challenges and make more things happen.
It may be hard now, but as long as your job is alright and you like going there, your whole family will benefit in the end. They'll be so glad to have a strong, modern mama and wife!
Good Luck!

Keep your head up sister!!! it will get better after a period of adjusting. Make your life easier...do take out, pizza, McD a few days a week (if you can afford it) so you have more time with the family. Dont' worry about the house or laundry until the weekend so you can spend time with the family. I am PMsing too and didn't sleep more than 2 hours last night so I'm running on...well I don't even know what at this point...caffeine maybe? LOL And remember - it's almost FRIDAY!

Going from SAH to 12 hours a day is a tough adjustment. One of the things I'd suggest is try to find the right work-life balance. If there is opportunity for a slightly different schedule so you see your kids more on one end of the day or can telework occasionally, ask for it. Or try to make the most of the time you are home and they're awake and leave all the chores til later. Compartmentalize so you are focused on home at home and not worried about work.

Ah I remember when I first started working .. I had been home for a while and it was a 9 - 5 job and gosh, I was so tired. I would sleep at 7 PM even though my normal sleep time is 11 PM. The work was not very hectic but the 30 min drive each way in traffic and the new routine was a lot and took M. couple weeks to a month to get to normal. And no, I wasn't even a mom back then :)

It's called adjustment. Remember you went from no children to children and you had to adjust? It's the same thing but now you have to create a routine to get everything done. I know easier said than done. It is manageable.

When you see something that has to be done in the bathroom or bedroom do it then don't wait and then move on to the next thing. Throw in a load of laundry when you get home while you do dinner. Load up the dishwasher and run it at night when you go to bed. If the kids are old enough have them unload and put the dishes away. Plan crockpot meals or do marathon cooking once a month and divide into easy meals for a week or so.

Know that you are doing the right thing. It just doesn't feel like it right now but it is. You are showing your children that there are more sides to mom than just mom and that it a good thing. We were women with dreams and desires before we became moms and that we shouldn't forget that part of ourselves. This also prepares you for the empty nest when children leave and you have something going for yourself.

I have been the working woman, stay at home mom, working mom, sports mom, scout mom, chaperone mom (class trips), and now grandmom. Yes I missed my kids but I also knew that time away from me was important to them to know that mom would return and all would be fine.

You will be okay.

The other S.

PS My children are my life but my life is not my children. They are a part of who I am but not my whole.

I just went part time because of stress overload. I completely understand! Here's a cyber hug :) all you can do at this point is take one day at a time. There will probably be a 3-6 month period before you adjust and fall into the routine. Make sure you are working on being organized. Make your to do lists and remember "Rome wasnt' built in a day" There will simply be things that can't be accomplished when you want them and they'll be on the back burner for a bit.

All of us mom's have been there, will be there or are right there right now. Hang in there it does and can get much better.

Today for part of your lunch break, go for a vigorous walk. Exerciser really does help release the PMS tension. Really great sex also helps to release that PMS tension but you may not be able to accomodate that on your lunch break LOL.

You can do this. As others have said balance is key but finding your personal balance can be difficult but it is worth not giving up on. Additionally count your blessings. I'm rooting for you and all the other mom's walking this part of motherhood.

10-12 hours a day? Ouch...I hope it's a short work week, with just 4 days given that many hours. Or you will miss out on way too much.

I know that's now supportive for your PMS mood and missing your kids. But who is raising them?

Do you get a lot of vacation for breaks and summer? I personally could not put in such long hours. It would go against every mothering grain in my body to be away from my kids that much.

Is there anything else you can do part time?