Left Career of 18+ to Be a Stay at Home Mom

Absolutely, huge changes in life are very stressful, even if they are positive changes.

You will adjust; I'm glad you're seeing a counselor.

Congratulations!

E., there is always a transition period to taking on a new role, even one that you really want to do. Give yourself some time to adjust . You may be second guessing your decision to stay home or expecting too much from your stay at home encounters with your child. I am glad you are seeing a counselor to help with your anxiety. Find some joy in every day and be thankful for small blessings.

Go ahead and keep talking to your counselor. You're doing a major job shift! Planning ahead (which was wise) is not the same as actually doing a thing - just as knowing how to swim isn't the same thing as actually being in the water and trying to get somewhere.

You will adapt, and you will feel more confident. You may find focusing on your home and family another high-pressure job - but you have experience with that. Your new job is very important and very purposeful. You can bank on that.

I had a lot of anxiety over becoming a stay at home mom, and sometimes it still creeps in even after a decade at home with my kids. Each time I just remind myself that on my death bed I will look back over all this time I had with them and be so grateful. No one ever dies saying "if only i had spent more time at work and less time with my family".

Hi E.,

I left a 15 year career in a high stress corporate position to become a SAHM. It was definitely "wobbly" at first, to say the least. My oldest is 22" married with her first child. My youngest is 18 and truly finding the adult she is to become. Through all the awkward times I had (even homeschooling), I wouldn't do anything differently. It will become less bumpy and you'll get your rhythm. One day at a time...the mantra of a parent!

Regards,
M.

Being a SAHM was a HUGE change for me. I really had a hard time. I made this change when my oldest was born, so I guess I was adjusting to being a mom as well as being a SAHM. I often describe that time in my life as the single, most difficult thing I have ever done.

I did not like being a SAHM. I missed being around adults. The first 18 months were very, very difficult for me, as I didn't know anyone. It was hard to meet other moms because my son was too young to do anything. When he was about 18 months we were able to sign up for classes at the YMCA and through the park district. That's when I began to meet other moms, join a playgroup, etc. For me, that was a turning point.

I went back to work full-time when my oldest started going to school all day and my youngest was 2 1/2. I have never been happier as a mom. Now I have my job, which I love, my kids are both very happy where they are and when I am with them, I am there 100% (ok, maybe not 100% all the time, but definitely more present than I was when I was with them 24/7). When I am with my kids, I am refreshed and able to really enjoy them.

I think you really need to talk to your doctor about your panic attacks. I realize being a SAHM is a huge change for you (it certainly was for me), but I don't think it's common to have panic attacks.

It is going to take time for you to adjust and come up with a routine that works for you and your family. Try some things, see how they go, make adjustments, etc. If I knew then what I knew now, there are so many things I would do differently. Most of all, I would know that I really could take a baby shopping or to a movie or something just because I wanted to. I would be so much less afraid to leave my house.

You will find a routine that works for you. But do talk to your doctor about panic attacks.

Oh, and if you have trouble finding a routine that is working for you and/or you start to wonder if you are really cut out to be a SAHM, just remember, not everyone is and it's ok to decide to go back to work full-time or even part-time. There are many ways to be a good mom, so think about what works for you and what makes YOU a good mom.

Research some ways to deal with your panic attacks regarding this huge change in your life. It is an adjustment... a big one. You have got to do some planning of your day..but do not over schedule. Do not make your home run like your corporate job. Life with little ones is constantly uncertain..you have to be flexible to constant hiccups in your scheduled day.

I was a teacher before we had kids...that was 15 years ago. I love the flexibility of my life now that I am a SAHM. All three of our kids are in full day school now and there is no plan for me to go back to work. I am still so busy keeping our home organized, our after school life organized and have quite abit of my own time to do whatever I feel like doing. I am also more available to volunteer in the community now that the kids are in school.

Today I went for a walk with a girlfriend who has been having some struggles. Then we stopped by during our walk to see a girlfriend who is going through chemo/cancer. I came home then watered our veggie garden and fed the chickens. Now I am planning 2 school events on the computer and then will quickly take a shower before "Homework Club" begins. Thursdays ,after school ,we open our home to ALL our kids' friends who would like a safe and friendly place to do homework and hang out with nice kids. Plus I provide a snack :)

Soooo, being home full time with kids is as busy or as chill as you make it. I love that flexibility. Some days I even read a book and take a nap :)

Find some friends that have kids and go do stuff all together...library days, museum days, park days etc. Get a support network so you don't feel alone and isolated.

It is a big adventure you are embarking on. It is one that will pay off in the lives of your kids and the atmosphere of your home. Take a deep breath, lower your expectations and make this SAHM experience what YOU want it to be. Don't compare yourself with others...be the mom your kids need!

Good luck and best wishes!

I became a SAHM in 2012. It was a very tough transition. But I see the benefits in my kids (when theyre not calling me at the gym to ask me to bring them something they don't need).
I have also seen how much I'm needed to volunteer. For two seasons now I've coached 10 kids who wouldn't be able to play soccer otherwise. I know many of the kids at parents at the school and know exactly who's house my kids won't be going to for play dates. I can now say there are far more positives about staying at home than negatives.

I am eager to read through the answers. I am glad you are seeing a counselor and I would imagine it will take some time to learn how to manage the panic attacks.

I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager; luckily my anxiety about life has lessened over time and I have found that for me, confronting issues head-on helped a lot (most of my attacks centered around driving a car, and practice and planning my routes helped tremendously, although I still get anxious about some situations).

I have to say, being a SAHM is such a big change and is difficult in its own way. The adjustment, mostly. I lost my job of 12 years this February and while I have been searching for a new job, nothing has panned out yet and I am a SAHM in the interim. My kids are old enough that in some ways it is very easy- I have no babies or toddlers; my youngest is 6 and is in school 3 hours a day. So while I am not in the same boat as many mothers I know- who are simply exhausted with trying to keep up with their kids and the house- I am still having a very difficult time adjusting. I can totally understand having panic attacks about it because I have been really conflicted, aimless, and anxious....it's almost like, where do I pour all this energy that I was giving to my career? My kids are pretty self-sufficient, the house is clean, dinner is made but I feel no sense of accomplishment, if that makes sense. I need more, but I am not sure what that "more" is...and most of the jobs I am qualified for pay way less than I was making before, so with daycare factored in, I would only come out barely ahead, after working full time. Is that worth it?

So, I guess, just know that others are struggling with the same thing. My only suggestions would be to continue counseling, and try to find something you can throw yourself into, something that brings a bit of joy or sense of accomplishment. If you are able to volunteer, for instance, or take some classes here and there. April was a good month for me because I was super busy with a volunteer position with the PTA; now I feel like all I have ahead of me is a list of cleaning projects, ugh, no wonder I am depressed!

Sending you a virtual hug. The worst part is I feel like I can't complain, ya know? It is a hard adjustment though!!

Nearly twelve years ago I left my job of 17 years to be a SAHM. Best thing I ever did. I stayed at home (and worked part time) for eleven years, and have only gone back to work full time this year. For me the most important things as a SAHM were to learn to be very good at saving money and to have a plan for every day.

Have you had a complete physcial exam lately? I'm not talking about an internal with a OB/GYN - but with an internist? Make sure your bloodwork is good, your hormone levels (thyroid for example) are normal, etc.

Stress causes all kinds of physical issues. I know so many people who end up getting tested for all kinds of physical problems while they're dealing with the serious illness of a loved one, or a bad job situation - the doctors find nothing and when the stressfull situation ends their phsycial problem miraculously heals itself. Even though you've left the stressful job you're wondering now who you are without that job.

Being at home with you child(ren) at this age is a wonderful privilege. Kids need their parents when they're school age. (that's when I began working part-time)

Rather than worry about your well-being launch into things that need to be done. Get stuff done around the house that you've put off (clean out closets, etc.) by the time you're done with that it will be school vacation and you and your daughter can explore volunteer options for you for the Fall. There are so many organization that need people like you - people who've worked and problem solved, who know how to get things done. Check out food pantries, shelters (for women, for veterans, for animals), check out some local churches for programs that might interest you, hospitals always have volunteer opportunities, missions that have tutoring and mentoring programs, etc.

It's well documented that when you give of yourself to others your own sense of well-being improves dramatically. It could be that immigrants, or women in recovery can really benefits from your business acumen and expertise. How wonderful that you could help people get ahead in life and find success for their families by heloping them prepare for business life.

Give yourself time to acclimate - you're going through a really significant life change), enjoy your daughter becuase before you know it she'll be heading off to college (mine goes this year - I already miss her!). And hey - maybe you can cook some healthy gourmet meals and really enjoy time with your husband as well!

...and a thing I often say - pray. God cares about the details of your life.

I am glad that you are seeking help for your anxiety.

Take a few moment for yourself like a mini-vacation thought. Take time to decompress from the corporate world. You are in transition from the high paced/stressed life you led. Now you are home and you do need to find something to do that you like. If need be, make up a schedule of things to do daily and follow through with that as your structure point. I had to learn how to be a SAHM when we moved and I was pregnant with my second and would not be working out of the country. It took a while but it worked so allow yourself to be "lost" for a bit.

Take a few classes at the local college and find new friends. How about Yoga a book club or volunteer at an organization of your choice?

Change takes time.

You will do fine.

the other S.

PS Repeat after me, "I can do this, I can stay home and enjoy my life."

Anxiety is caused by many things. Like you said you are just beginning on your journey to be a SAHM. You are starting your dream, but your body and mind has to get used to this change as well. I am glad to hear you have found someone for help such as a counselor. You can also think of ways to keep yourself busy. I found a business of my own that does not cut into being a Wife and Mom working when it works for me. Also doing crafting and just little things that are important to me. You do not have to have high stress anymore :) Now you can do you and be the Best Wife and Mom I am sure you will be. Many prayers are headed your way for a quick adjustment :)

Even though I wanted and became a SAHM it is still a huge transition. The best advice my husband gave me was to find a hobby. It took a while, but I found something to do that I love. This has enriched my life immeasurably and out of this hobby, I have made many friends and I actually make some money doing it...(mosaic glass artist) FYI... I am self taught and have no formal background or training in anything art related. I actually have my masters degree in business administration.