A Child Who Likes to Hit

My daughter does this now. Especially when she is tired. As other moms have suggested, I hold her hands firmly BUT I like the possitive spin "Be Gentle" And then I pat or rub my face with her hand to show gentle. If she does it again I say be gentle and put her away from me. It usually really upsets her that I will put her down and not pick her back up for a bit. I think its partially an attention getter and I dont let her have attention for hitting. So far this has worked very well so that she only trys it occationally when she is over tired or over stimulated. Good Luck, It will pass. Jen

When my 3 year old was that age, we had the same problem. It was always me, too. I think it is because they are most comfortable with us, so they feel secure enough to do it. I let quite a few months go by and after getting slapped in the face HARD 3 times in a row, I have to admit I did it back. And it stopped. Then right before he turned 3, it started again, I let it go for quite a while and then had to do it again. Not hard, but enough to get his attention and for him to relize it doesn't feel nice and he doesn't like it. It has been peaceful ever since. This may sound harsh to some, but when you get punched and slapped long enough, and the child doesn't realize what it is like, to do it back alot softer than they are doing it brings things into prespective.

Your not doing anything wrong. A childs main caregiver (usually mom) is ALWAYS the target for aggression. Its natural. Both of my kids went through it. The main thing I did, when they would try to hit or pinch me,.. is I would grab both of their hands, hold them away from me, look them straight in the eye, firmly say NO, and tell them it hurts me and I don't like it. Then I would physically show them how to touch nicely with there own hands. I would rub their hand on my arm or face, or whatever part of my body they tried to hurt. It could take a few weeks, but I've proven it to work with two kids. Just be consistant. At this age, they just don't know how to handle their emotions too well, so they hit, bite, pinch, throw fits, etc. Its normal, just be patient.

Bless your heart! You are the one being hit because he knows you love him unconditionally. (The same reason we would say snotty things to our dear husbands in a bad moment that we would not ever dream of saying to an acquaintance.) :\ Of course, this does not mean that you are required to allow it to continue. Remember, as precious as your dear boy is, no one else is going to see him through the same rose-colored glasses that his Mama does. Therefore, you would be setting him up for social failures if you did not let him know that you do not like to be hit and don't want him to be next to you while he is hitting you. I am sure you have most likely let him know that you dissapprove of this behavior, I just want you to know that you are doing the right thing, Mom. Children almost always save their worst behavior for Mom and Dad. As his language and attention span increase, the hitting will no longer be the most affective means of getting his point across. It's okay to stand your ground in the meantime. He obviously knows that you love him, and you would not have come to us with your concern if you didn't care so deeply. Keep up the good work, M.! I will be praying for patience for you and Matt and that Carter will quickly move through this difficult stage. God bless!

My daughter went through this for a couple months, so much that I was scared to bring her around other children out of fear that she might hit them, and as it came over night, it left over night, one day I woke up and realized that she doesn't hit anymore. So I am thinking it's a phase that will pass. When my daughter use to hit I held her hands firmly together for a minute and tell her'no no, hands are not for hitting'. maybe that might work, but bare with him for a while, it's just frustration of not able to tell you what he wants or what is upsetting him that he needs to release..
Cadesha

Its natural for a almost 2 year old to hit. And totally normal that he is only hitting you - he is the closest to you and feels the safest - he knows he can take frustration out on Mommy and she will still love and care for him. Try to take it as a compliment. ;)

Its what you do when he hits you thats important. When my daughter did this to me or kick me or bite me I would:

1 - Hold the hand/foot that she hit/kicked me with and look her in the eye with 'the look', change my tone of voice and say 'no hitting/kicking' - next time its a time out (or whatever you use).

This really worked - as she got older and knew what she was doing was truly wrong - she wouldnt get a waring - we had the zero tollerance for that behavior and it was an instant time out. Explaining - you know the rules - no biting, hiting or kicking allowed - and after the time out - she had to apologize for her behavior.

Good Luck!
L.

Hi M.,

I like what people have said so far, with the exception of trying to hit back. No parent should ever wittingly hit their kid, period.

Now, here's another tidbit I have seen. If he wants to hit, he can hit his pillow (soft and squishy), or even the floor (trust me, if he hits the floor and hits it hard, he probably won't want to hit again. Either way, there's an avenue for his energy.

Also, if he hasn't been out today to exercise, he's probably just blowing off steam that can be released through physical activity.

Good luck
A.

My oldes son, who is 15 now and a good kid, had this problem as a toddler for a while, he outgrew it, he would hit me often, but sometimes others. We would firmly grab his hand before he had a chance to make impact and firmly say "No hitting, give hugs instead." He eventually caught on.

Oh yes, the hitting stage. I remember it well. I have two boys 16 months apart. When they weren't hitting me, they were hitting each other!!! I used a couple of approaches. I also tapped their hands softly and said no, sir! Then would march them to the corner to stand. That worked for one, not the other. Time out worked well with both. All three of my kids stand with the nose on a wall or corner for a set amoutn of time. Usually one minute per year. I do this rather we are at home or out. Yes I have found a wall at walmart and made the stand there. This works well. But the main thing is to be firm and consistent. Let him know everytime, that it is wrong. No matter how soft or hard he does it. Everytime is hits, he goes straight to the corner or whatever time out you use. The key there is to have as limited contact as you can with him. Put him in the corner and walk away. If he gets out put him back and walk away. It may take a while to get him to understand that he has to stay, but eventually he will understand that you are in charge and what you say goes. Tell him good job if he stands in the corner and takes his time out well. I always talk to the kids after and tell them how when they hit me it hurts me and my feelings. I ask them to apologize, but I feel apologies are better when they are meant. My oldest boy usually will not say sorry right away, because he is still mad so I let him have some time and usually about thirty minutes later he will come to me and really apologize and mean it. I tell him that his apology makes me feel much better and that I still love him no matter what.
You aren't doing anything wrong! We moms can only do our best and rely on each other to help us along the way. You son seems like he is a normal toddler who is just doesn't know how to express himself. Once he learns what is proper and what isn't you'll be fine. Good luck

Be dramatic and let him see how much it hurts you and cry. Then ask him to use his words. He may not have words right now but this is the perfect time to start working on giving him a vocabulary to work with.

I would invest in a play pen/port a crib thing. When he acts like that put him in it, with toys and tell him that if he is going to act that way then he will play by himself in there. He will probably say 'i'll stop' but i would leave him in there a while and talk again when you take him out. It worked with one of my day care kids that was into biting.