Hi C. -
Kudo's to you for being so caring and loving to your son - helping him so much with his sleep.
Remember that from ages 8-9+ kids are leaving their magical thinking and starting to see the real world. This often causes anxiety and fear in kids as everything seems quite intense in the way of the "real world". Maybe this is happening.
You may have a sensitive son, and it sounds like he had some issues early on and was lucky enough to have such a committed mother caring for him. Some kids just get lonely.
These are possibilities as to why your son needs you more than usual. So, given whatever fits his personality, it is important for you to then work within that arena with him.
Ask him questions about why he thinks he needs to share bedtime, night-time, etc.. Ask him how he feels about it; when he wakes, how does he feel? Then collect all info you can from him. Ask him if he can think of anything that might make him feel better about this, other than getting into your bed - tell him to get creative and funny and silly - a lot can come out of this kind of talk, you would be surprised - it will also lighten it up for everyone.
You can brainstorm then and try and work with him on solutions. A comfortable bed is good - what about a special quilt/blanket, even an animal, stuffed or real to sleep with, calming music that he can play. Our son used to get up every morning at 4am - we solved him waking us by placing a very small TV with VCR and put a movie in it for him all ready and then in the mornings he could just turn it on and watch a movie.
You must teach him to self soothe - what can he do when he feels a certain way? Talk with him and give him the tools to help himself over time.
Alli
Do not cut him off from your bed immed but gradually work with him as he is ready. Make workable boundaries concerning this - each with steps for him to feel good about and respect.
There are many things you can do to help him if you just get creative with him - let him initiate as much as possible.