Ok, I feel kind of bad for even writing this, but I need some other thoughts, considerations, and perspectives. My 8 year old son is "all boy" as they say. We didn't purposely raise him that way but he just is. He is very athletic and coordinated, great at all sports and physical activities, always chosen for sports teams, respected by his peers for his athletic abilities and for being very artistic and smart. My husband is very athletic and luckily both my son and daughter inherited their coordination and love of sports from him!
So my concern is that my son has one feminine quality (or what society generally considers a feminine quality) that I have noticed over the last year or so--he usually sits with his legs crossed, like many women do. I have noticed it, but never addressed it because I didn't want to make him self-conscious. I am not sure why he sits like this because no males that we know do this. I assume it is just comfortable for him. The ONLY problem I have with it is I don't want him to get teased or, as bullying seems to be on the rise or brought to our attention more, I don't want him getting bullied or tormented as he and his classmates get older.
Whether or not he is gay is not my concern. It is that if peers perceive him as gay or feminine or "girly", he will probably be teased and feel bad about himself. So should I say something to him like " Usually girls sit with their legs that way." I am sure this would be all it would take as he hates the color pink and any popular songs sung by girls (that his sister listens to). But then I am concerned that he may think I am judging him or feel extra self-conscious. I could be reading too much into it. I don't know. I just know kids can be mean and I don't want him getting teased if I could have helped the situation. I know there is a whole societal aspect to this, but honestly I am not willing to jeopardize my son's mental well-being at this age to change society. Thoughts?
I would just let it go. If he does get teased, he will either sit differently or decide to sit that same and just shrug off the teasing. Given all his other "boy-characteristics" I doubt this one thing will be what causes the whole school to gang up on him.
I see MANY grown men that sit that way - it is not only for girls to sit that way. He's only 8. I think you are blowing this out of proportion. Other 8 year olds wouldn't even have a clue that girls 'typically' sit like that. I am a sub, I have seen many boys sit like that, it didn't even cross my mind that only girls do this. He's fine momma, just drop it and move on, this isn't battle to to even bring up :)
My husband sits like that and I've never even thought anything about it! I've seen lots of guys sit like that. I wouldn't say anything to him. It's really not a big deal.
I think you are totally over thinking this. My husband sometimes sits like this, as do other men I know. It is just what is comfortable as his legs are so long. I wouldn't mention it at all. If he gets teased once, I'm sure he would stop, but better that coming from a peer than his mom telling him he is girly.
My Dad is Czech and has always sat with his legs crossed (especially if he's drinking wine and listening to others talk) and I thought it was a European thing!
When I see a man with his legs crossed I don't think anything of it but then again iot doesn't stand out to me. Now come to think of it, my (male) therapist crosses his legs.
Like the others have said, I wouldn't worry.
IMO it's not a feminine quality either.
Chances are, as he 'grows', he will not be able to cross his legs comfortably anymore. I'm not sure I would say anything.
My Mom said it was alright for me toanswer this question. I am a boy with a learning disability and I have several brothers and even I see that you are over working this and being over "Political Correct". He is just a kid and boys do this all the time its not just your son. I have to becasue of the way I have to sit. My Dad was an Amputee so he sat like alot of women do to be comfortable. This is all about you I guess cuz it's a odd parent thing. I am glad that you love him enought to be worried so your there when he needs you for a bigger problem. This world is so over working this boy-girl thing. Sometimes it is just as you see it and nothing more. You are the one that is going to make him mental becasue the way you are acting and talking. If he didn't have a problem before bet he does now. I doubt the other kids tought a thing about it and that it's only in your eyes. Respectfully, J.
OK...my son is 7 and also occasionally sits this way.
I notice it. And have wondered the same thing as you. Will he be teased?
My hubby does not sit this way...however I have known many men who have, including: my own Father, hubby's brother, my Uncle Bubba, my BIL (and he is big dude, tattoos, plays in a band, bald head) I admit, sometimes it makes me giggle to catch my BIL sitting like this. I guess I am guilty of thinking it's funny!
Lots of men in my family sit this way. Usually they are all just relaxing and enjoying some conversation...that's usually what all of these men are doing while sitting this way, even my 7 yr. old.....
I think it's just comfortable for some of them.
It is what it is.
I have yet to point it out to my son...probably never will.
FYI: All these men in my family have a similar "vibe" to them...they are mellow, intellectual and naturally inquisitive, funny and all around cool!
comfortable for them.
I'd let it go....let the chips fall where they may. My son is going to be 8 in a few months and if O. of his friends aid something he would probably change it up right away! LOL
I'll bet in 10 years you will remember that and laugh!
You're reading way too much into it . . . JMO.
If it were me I wouldn't say a word about it.
I am raising three boys and two of them are "all boy" but they still do things that might be considered girly. They stand exactly like me. I don't think you need to say anything at all to him. He will change and that will probably be one of the things that changes. You say he is well liked at school so why would you think people would bully him? At school he sits in a desk so there is no way he can sit that way there. I really think you're over thinking this. Unless he complains that kids are teasing him for it I you should just leave it alone because there is nothing wrong with what he is doing.
If this is your biggest concern in life, you are blessed. Let it go. If nobody else has "teased" him, he may feel that way if it comes from you first. If a someone does mention it, it seems he may have the confidence to continue being himself, not what others think he should be/do.
It sounds like you have received a lot of thoughtful answers and you have put this issue to rest but I just wanted to add that I was raised hearing, "a lady only crosses her legs at the ankles"! Men are supposed to sit that way and a real lady never would. especially if the knees aren't completely hugging each other. I have seen many men sit this way and never thought of it as feminine. I agree it is quite a European cultural norm for men and perhaps less so here but still acceptable. Good luck with whatever happens. :)
I think he's fine :o) Your thinking is right on......by bringing it up it could do more harm than good.
I'd leave it alone.alot of men sit with their legs crossed :o)
I haven't read all the other responses, but if I were you I'd just say it. Better to hear it from you right? I also felt the way you do, until my sister one day said to her boy (who has 7 older sisters) "make-up is for girls." He was only 2 and the girls had put it on him. He was upset, but better to learn now right??
Today, I don't feel bad telling my 2 year old the same thing when he wants to get into my make-up. If I had a girl, I'd be telling her make-up is for ladies. I have occasionally pretended to put some on him to pacify him.
I know boys and girls are socialized into there roles and it can be damaging. I don't go out and actively shop for girl toys to break the cycle. I will however be fine with my son getting pink stuff etc. (Although, his stocking from great grandma was pink and I exchanged it for green. I just thought other people would think I bought it and think I was weird. haha)
Realistically, I want my son to be sensitive to other people and I think it's all about the parenting. I don't tell him "toughen up", "be a man" etc. But kids really don't know what society accepts and I don't think it's harmful to just tell them straight up "that's usually for boy/ girls." IT'S TRUE!
Charlie Sheen sits like that too, and I'm pretty certain he isn't gay. I believe that whole leg crossing thing has sort of gone out the window these days.... If you ever stay up and watch any of the late night talk shows, lots of the male guests cross their legs at the knee..... I am pretty sure its commmonplace now and not considered afeminant any longer. So, yup, don't say a thing about it.
Since your son is in many sports and seems very popular don't you think at one time or another that he has sat this way in front of friends? Sounds like if anyone did say anything he could handle it. Let it go, you are putting the cart before the horse nothing has happened for you to be upset about future bullying. Sounds like he's comfortable in his own skin to me. IMHO
I know a lot of men who sit with their legs crossed, so I don't understand your thinking that it is a feminine thing.
Personally, I think you're creating a problem where there is none. If your son is so well-known for his athleticism, then I doubt his peers are going to look at him funny for crossing his legs. In fact, they might see it and think, hey, he's a "real guy" and he sits like that, so it must be okay for a guy to sit like that.
I think your concerns are the result of our society becoming very sensitive about people being gay; either to support them and encourage individuality or to chastise them. I have often looked at my daughter and thought, "Oh that short hair might look a little non-feminine." or something similar.I feel as if it's gotten to the point where if anyone deviates from a narrow "straight" lifestyle look we identify it as gay and rush to support their "gayness". I think it's ironic that in a rush to "accept" our children we are failing to let them be themselves without labeling them as part of a group - as if the gay/straight line has become unusually rigid. I don't like it but I think it's really entrenched in our society right now.
I find this question very odd as my husband (6'5" and athletically built) and my father and brother all sit with their legs crossed. I think you are making much ado about nothing. If he were a nose picker as my kids are I'd be more worried about teasing!
My 9 year old does that too - I am not worried about it - my husband and I just kind of look at each other and laugh when he does it! He has no idea what we are laughing at, he is oblivious. None the less, I think it will fix itself when it starts getting uncomfortable to sit that way.....if you know what I mean....LOL I am sure that he is too busy running around at school and playing and that it won't present itself where he is getting teased or bullied for it.
Hi!
I've read your update, and I'm in total agreement with the responses that tell you that this shouldn't be an issues on many levels. But I just want to add that we cannot protect our children from the "outside" world....the only thing we can do is empower them. So if he does get bullied, he's not afraid to speak up on his behalf, or anyone's elses behalf. I promise you, there will be many more concerns with peers that challenge our children's self-image. Only through pratice will they/we overcome that self defeating talk we experience throughout life.
S.
It is actually very bad ergonomics to sit with your legs crossed at the knee. You may not want him sitting that way because it is not good for his little body anyway.
Hi,
I know a lot of straight men who cross their legs. All are very smart, I don't know it that has anything to do with it. My dr. crosses his legs. I work with several successful attorneys who cross their legs. I would be inclined not to worry about it. If he gets teased he can just uncross his legs or he can stand up to the kids and tell them to bug off.
Jen
