6 Yr Old Says She's Gay

I know it's firing a lot of people up, but I mostly agree with Jessica H. too, I just don't think that's 'cute' in any way, she is too young to know what that is. Yes it's eveywhere but still too young to know the term.

My concern isn't so much about being teased as it is about how a six year old knows what gay is. Sexual orientation doesn't seem like something that should ever cross the mind of a six year old.

I would just tell her that she's too young to get married, so she should cool it with the marriage talk. :-)

im not worried about her behavor. i knew at a young age like that that i had a huge infatuation with women. i wouldnt make her feel bad about it nor punish her. i would simply ask her why she feels that way and also maybe how the other childs parent feels about it. has she seen gay people interacting in an intamate way (kissing/hugging?). i love the bible and my faith but if my child says mom i like girls not boys then i will welcome it with open arms. i dont force it on anyone and i being a christain am for gay marriage and rights. because who are we as a religion to tell someone else how to live. i think your little one will be just fine its probably just a phase and something they talk about in school. i wouldnt worry.

I would tell her that it is great she loves her friend so much, but that she may want to wait until she is a little older to choose who she marries :)

This is so normal, and it is a great chance for you to teach her about love, friendship, tolerance, and that some people do hold hate in their hearts. I worry everyday about how my children will handle the bigotry and hate in this nation, and I just pray things will change for the better, but I fear with people like Jessica H and Emily C. raising children in the same age range, that bigotry will still be alive and well when my boys are adults. Children are not born knowing how to hate, it is taught, and unfortunately it is a lesson many still teach today.

Blessed Be you and yours

Hard to believe there are still people in the world who so freely throw around bigoted statements like Jessica's. I mean, everyone is entitled to an opinion, but Wow.

Regarding your daughter, I would wait it out for a little while...hopefully she'll tire of talking about marrying her friend if it doesn't generate too much attention. I would just talk to her about how she's a kid and kids don't marry anyone until they become adults. And that she can have a best friend without having to worry about marrying them.

I think regardless of your position on gay marriage - everyone on mamapedia believes that you should support your daughter, which is your actual question if I'm not mistaken.

I would tell her the same thing I would tell her if she wanted to marry:
A) her best guy friend
B) her cousin
C) her dad
D) you
E) Big Bird

That 6 is far too young to be talking about marriage and that she needs to go to college first!!!!!! lol (really, brainwashing does work!!!!).

I would also tell her that marriage is for adults to talk about and decide TOGETHER and that she should continue to be friends with her friend, but shoudn't announce marriage plans - just yet! I would also tell her that the things she likes about her friend are definitely QUALITIES she should look for in her future spouse when she decides to get married (after college!!!! lol).

I don't know that at 6 she is really cognizant of her sexuality. She probably just adores her friend and sees that you and her dad are married (????) and wants to be closer to her friend.
But maybe - who knows? There are reports of kids 'knowing' at an early age.

I would not tell my daughter to keep quiet about something out of fear of being teased, but if she really keeps saying she is gay and wants to marry her girlfriend you may want to tell her that (like religion and politics and money) people believe all sorts of different things and they don't always agree with each other. And that there are people who will tell her she shouldn't marry her friend and who believe that girls shouldn't marry other girls.
Then you tell her that you and daddy love her no matter who she does or doesn't marry - but now you would like to play ...xyz123 cuz that what you do when you're 6!!!!!!

My 6 year old ALSO says he is going to marry his best friend. He has NO idea what marriage really is, but we do know familes with "2 daddies", so it's normal to him. His best friend comes from a conservative Catholic family, however. The Mom thinks it's harmless and cute, but the Dad would not be pleased. I just tell him he should wait until he's grown to decide who he wants to marry.

We don't use words like "gay" or "straight" when we talk about friends or the parents of schoolmates, so he may not even know that word. (We say things like, "Well, Bobby has 2 Daddies. All familes are different.")

You might try telling your daughter "Well, you might be gay - you might not. I will love you not matter what! BUT let's wait until you're a BIT older to decide who to marry!" (Yes, YOU won't really have any part in that decision but at 6, she'll be cool with the idea you might:)

And by the way, I am almost 100% sure that my 6 year old is NOT gay - though it doesn't really matter to me. Oddly, I have a feeling that one of his younger brother's IS, but it's just a feeling and they are all really to young to know.

One of my sons wanted to be a girl, and told me so, when he was 3. I let him dress like a girl, play girly games and talk about it. After about 6 months he told me he changed his mind and liked being a boy. My husband and I notice behavior, that is typical for boys who grow up to realize they are gay, in him. We've never said a word about it, only talked about how others might view certain behaviors, so that he can be more aware of why people might react the way they do to him. Who he loves and marries when he grows up does not matter to us, as long as he is treated well and treats others well. He may very well turn out to be hetero. Either way, it doesn't make a bit of difference to us. We love him for who he is.

Kids try on different personalities and "clothes" throughout their childhoods. It's normal. You might want to warn her that there are some people (like some people here) who have skewed views about who someone else should love, so it might not be a good idea to talk about it so openly at school, but when she is at home, she can be whoever she is, and you will always love her no matter what. Use this as an opportunity not to lecture her, but to let her talk about what she is feeling and why "this story" is important to her. Like another poster said, some kids know this young what their preferences are, and some don't. It's not unusual for children to misunderstand different kinds of love, she isn't really talking about romantic love, she probably just wants to never be separated from her best friend because she feels a connection with her. That's really sweet. Unless you are seeing red flags as far as inappropriate touching, try to take it in stride and simply warn her about ignorant people (in a nice way) to protect her.

My 3y has announced to all that will listen that she is going to marry the 11y boy down the street. I told her that she had to wait 15y to get married to anyone. The boy, who thinks my daughter is funny was very happy with this.

Edited: For those who think Jessica is wrong (above) and want scripture...
Genesis 2:22:Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
2:23: The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man"
2:24: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

That is really sweet and very open of you. (Jessica's close-mindedness scares me.) I think all little friends want to "marry" each other at some point, and it sounds like she learned what it means to be gay, and that seems to apply to her, so she is trying to use the right word. I would let her know that you are open to her loving whoever she likes, but that she can't marry *anyone* until she is older. You may also want to let her know that while you have no problem with it, that others may tease her because of it, or even that using the term like that can be offensive to others. I would encourage her loving and caring nature, and if she is okay with being teased, then at least she has been warned.

I have to agree with Jessica H.

I think your honest answer to your daughter is wonderful. My best friend, who was like a second mom to my first born child, died when he was only three. She was gay. My children have known what the word gay means from an early age because of how the word is used offensively by other children. I taught them what it meant and that our dear friend was gay and that using that word to tease is wrong and hurtful. I honestly believe there is a way to answer questions like "What does gay mean?" in an age appropriate way.

I am not sure about what advice to give about the teasing. If she does end up being gay, she will have to decide for herself how to handle the prejudice she will encounter. As for right now, I would check in with her frequently and ask the teacher how things are going for her. She may not have any problem with being teased. It sounds like she is very confident and comfortable with who she is.

By the way, we are a Catholic family. I know that might seem strange to some, but my faith teaches me to love all people and to condemn none. I truly believe God brought my wonderful friend into my life to teach me the importance of working to protect those whom society tries to condemn for absolutely no reason. If we can end the bigotry then parents would not need to be fearful about how society will treat their gay children.

I wouldn't worry about it at all and I would be proud of the fact that you have such an enlightened and accepting daughter. You've done a great job teaching her that people are free to love and marry whoever they want. Her friends might tease her, but not because she wants to marry a girl. They'd probably tease her if she said she wanted to marry a boy in her class too. It's just what 6 year olds do because love is "gross" at that age. You wouldn't have a talk with her about it in that situation, so I don't think you need to make a big deal out of it now. The only people who would tease her or would even recognize the difference between her wanting to marry a girl friend as opposed to a boy friend are small minded, discriminating adults who refuse to accept a person's right to love and marry whoever they please. If an adult says something to her about it "not being right" for her to love her best friend, I would raise holy hell with that adult for pushing their slanted beliefs onto your child.

I have explained to my 6 yo daughter that boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls. I do not want her growing up thinking anything else. I think some children do know at an early age if they are gay, but then again many do not. I think wanting to marry her best friend may be like kids wanting to marry a parent. I don't think you should worry about her getting teased at such a young age but maybe you could just tell her that it is inappropriate to really be talking about relationships of any kind in school. I also believe that it is not inappropriate if you simply tell her a version of the truth: some people are very backwards and do not believe that boys should marry boys or girls marry girls, and that some people may get uncomfortable with the subject so it's best for her to not talk about it at school. However, I would also stress that if she ends up marrying a girl that's fine and you love her no matter what. Your saying this is not going to turn the tide and make her gay. I think it instills in her that no matter what she ends up being or doing, you will love her and stand by her. That's an important message. Good luck. Our jobs just get tougher and tougher.

It sounds like you are thinking this through logically and certainly not going off the deep end, like some. I'd hate to be Jessica's kid and I truly feel for her children. WOW, what a closed mind.

Communcation is certainly key here.

If my daughter were to say she is gay I would love her no less and not judge her.

My concern would be the same as yours.......kids at school can be cruel and I would be concerned about the teasing. I would not be concerned with telling her how wrong it is ( I don't feel it is wrong).... I would be there to have her back at all times because plenty of people will judge her. She needs mom to have her back no matter if she is gay, straight, purple, or whatever.

Other than that, I would love her for communicating and expressing herself with me and encourage the continued communication. It is very sad that some kids can't communicate with their parents for fear of being judged or being told how adamantly wrong they are about an opinion or feeling they may have.

Good luck!! They grow up FAST!

WOW i think Jessica H. was pretty harsh - and that was not really not called for. I dont think that was the advice (if you could call it that) she was searching for !
I think kids are just being kids and she Loves her friend :-) Does her friend say this back to her? Do they together go around school saying this?
I used to want to marry my father (when i was 5)...... All kids (mostly girls) go through this sort of "crazy" thing, at least in my opinion, or in my experience w/ children. I say explain to her that she's too young to get married or even be thinking about it!!! and that she and her friends can be friends for ever, but that doesnt have to include being married to each other. This is a tricky one, but harmless, I'm sorry you had to receive such an ignorant Rant! Good Luck to you, sounds like you have a little spit fire on your hands. Be glad she has such a close friend !

She doesn't fully understand what homosexuality or what sexuality is, and what marriage means exactly. Just because she is saying that doesn't mean she is or isn't actually gay, so don't encourage that behavior in any way. Not just as from a homophobic standpoint, but if she were to announce that she wanted to have Brad Pitt's baby, I wouldn't encourage that either. By telling her you wouldn't love her any less is only encouraging that behavior and making her think something is wrong and it will take a more serious turn and be more confusing, because to her, they are just playing words.

I wanted to marry my dad when I was a little girl, but that didn't mean I understood what incest was and wished to do it.

I think if it were my daughter, I would simply tell her that you can still be best friends and love your friend to pieces without getting married, and she has plenty of time when she's older to figure all of that out, but lets not talk about getting married, or having babies or being gay or anything right now.

I think you have every right to be concered because kids can be mean and it has the potential to lead to long time bullying thru-out highschool. When kids see someone as "different" they will call them out for it. For your situation, I would remind her that she is much too young to even think about marriage and that she may meet someone else she loves even more one day. Try and teach your kids it's OK to be "differnt" and it's ok to accept other people who don't like the same things as you do...but at the same time, teach them to stand up for themselves and if someone is teasing, then put on your game face and tell them you don't care what they think. Becuase you can't avoid those bullys so I always say don't start a fight, but don't ever let anyone try and make you feel less than you are.
*I have to respond to Jessica-
1st-Not everyone believes what is written in the bible and
2nd-I have a lot of friends who are gay and they knew when they were children that they were attracted to the same sex and all of them struggled with it until adulthood. This isnt a liffestyle people usually choose for themselves, most people want to have a "normal" marrigae and not be ridiculed by people like you and your closed-minded way of thinking. I just think its a sad shame you will be teaching your children how to be mean and closed minded as you...

I think she's likely too young to really understand what gay means. She has a great deal of affection for her best friend. She may have a peripheral sense that gay means women liking women or men liking men and therefore she thinks her love for her friend is what that means.
Explain to her that being gay is one of those things it's not exactly appropriate to go around announcing or saying about other people.
It's not appropriate for kids to cuss, it's not appropriate to announce bodily functions to everyone, it's not appropriate to interrupt others when they're having a conversation or talk with your mouth full of food....some things aren't appropriate. She's old enough to understand that.

Listen, when I was little, I wanted to marry my dad. I didn't understand my love for him was a completely different kind of love. I don't think your daughter understands anything but her affection either.

I would be concerned only because there are people in this world who are harmed for being gay. It's bad enough for kids who get called that when they aren't let alone go around announcing it.
I would let her know that it's okay to love people so much. But, there are different kinds of love and she's not going to be old enough to marry anyone for a very long time anyway. She's not even old enough to cook dinner all by herself so no point in announcing her wedding plans just yet.
That's what I told my daughter when she was certain she was going to marry a boy in her her class when she was 5.

I hope you get some great responses.

Best wishes.

Tough question. She obviously has heard the word "gay" before and in what context it is used, and what it means. On one hand it is "serious" on the other, not so much. Maybe explain that mostly boys marry girls and vice versa. It is normal for them to express their LOVE for their friends at this age and that they want to marry them! They haven't fully grasped the concept of marriage either. Around this age, the kids are talking about loving each other and who they are going to marry - it's normal. Talk to some friends - you'll see, they've probably heard their kids say the same thing - bar the "gay" part. My son at 5 wants to marry his best friend, because he "thinks" this is the way you show how much you love/like them and want to be with them/play with them. At first I was a little alarmed and then it dawned on me that this is how he is thinking. The next day he came back he said he was going to marry two girls at the same time!!! Try explaining that one to them too!! Have a little chat to her, but nothing too deep - more than likely it is just her showing her love and friendship for her friend and nothing more. Maybe talk a little more about when you use the word gay, not what gay means. Tell her it's great to love her friends so much. Best of luck.

My 6 year old is convinced that she is going to marry her Dad and my toddler will still be a toddler and be her son. I think your daughter is rather young to be taken seriously. I'm pretty sure I said I was gay a time or two when I first heard the word. Well, I'm not, and never have been once I knew what those feelings meant. I would just explain to her that she is too young to love anyone in the way that married people love each other, but, it is ok to love her friends. I would also teach her not to say that word anymore until she really understands the way married people love. Only God can really judge someone who is, but, I would hate for her friends' parents to start distancing themselves from her for using the word. She may just understand that some girls love other girls, and be understanding it wrong since she does adore her friend so much.

That's a tough one! My 4 y/o used to ask me all the time if he could marry our next door neighbor's daughter who is 2. Sure it's cute but whether he told me he wanted to marry a girl, a boy or our dog I would simply tell him "Marriage is for adults, big ppl like Mommy & Daddy, not for kids you silly boy." That's the answer I give him all the time and his "desire" to marry this little girl has lessened a lot in the past few months =-) Now thinking about it, I can't remember the last time he said that!

I'm consistent with my answer so I think that helps.

A couple of months ago, my daughter, who was 3 at the time, said that she wanted to marry her daddy when she grows up. It's clear that kids want to marry all kinds of people when they're little & at that age, there's probably no real cause for concern.
If your daughter gets teased at all, it will probably be by the kids whos parents (like Jessica H) will force thier beliefs on them, rather than letting them make up thier own minds.
I would just let her know that some people may not like the idea of her marrying her best friend because they believe that only boys & girls should get married, but that doesn't mean that they are right & that it doesn't make her wrong either, because different people believe different things.
The most important thing is that your daughter knows that YOU love her no matter what.

I think at 6 she's too young to truly understand what that means. I think you did the right thing by explaining what gay means in age-appropriate terms. I really feel like if she is expressing early signs of homosexuality, she would do it in a different manner than saying she's gay. I think she would be wishing to be a boy at this age.
You might also want to explain to her the different kinds of love. She loves her best friend, she loves you as mommy, and one day she will love her spouse/partner. All three are love, but they are different "kinds" of love.
I think as far as the teasing is concerned, I would tell her that talking about being gay is not a topic for conversation at school. She can talk about it at home or other "safe" places, just not at school. I'm sure there are other topics that you've explained to her that are not appropriate to talk about in polite conversation, like her bathroom habits and such.

I wouldn't worry about her being teased. She's probably not the only one saying something like that, and there's NOTHING wrong with it, people. My niece said the same thing when she was 5 1/2, and now, she's telling everyone that she's married to Santa...
Just tell her that she does need to wait till after college and have a good job to marry anyone and if she still wants to marry her then, then go for it, you know?
PS what if those who's children say that DON'T believe in the bible or god or anything like that? i don't...and so if my son were 6 and said that, wouldn't bother me and i'd tell people who quote those scriptures to me to stuff it. lol.

My daughter is 5 and has claimed she will never marry anyone. (She's also stated she will never have children because she thinks shirts will no longer fit her)

I would tell your daughter she is too young to think about marriage. Instead how about she shares with everyone how she has a great "BFF".

I would just explain to her that boys don't marry boys, and girls don't marry girls. Let her know that it's awesome that she loves and treasures her best friend so, but she doesn't have to marry her. One day she'll find a wonderful man to marry and her best friend can be her maid of honor!! =) I'm sure she'll be happy with that. =) Good luck!!

I have a feeling any six year old who can say that out loud can take whatever is dished out to her at school. It's pretty funny, actually.

On one hand I think it is great that you explained the appropriate context of gay, I dislike when kids or even ignorant adults refer to something as "being gay" on the other hand, she is just 6...I think I would sit down and have a talk about expressing ourselves being fine, no big deal to "love" her friend...but that it is not appropriate to talk about marrying someone at age 6. I would talk about being best friends forever, or point out that Mommy loves you and that doesn't make you gay, and Grandma loves you, Auntie...and so on...I would be concerned about the teasing, I think kids can just be so hurtful...that is my main concern, whether or not she does know what her sexual orientation is yet, no one can say, and of course it would not make you love her any less! I am sure this will pass, most things at this age do.

I wouldn't be too concerned about it--lots of kids want to marry people they really love--I was going to marry my brother for years! I would ask her what her friends think about her marrying her friends--Unfortunately children are quite good at using social controls (just like adults) to keep people in line, so if her classmates don't like it I'm sure she'll know--so keep the lines of communication open about the subject, but don't dwell on it. I teach at a university in courses where many students talk about the difficult process of coming out--and many of them knew they gay/lesbian in a rudimentary way from a very young age (one of my favorite students said she knew her attraction to wonder woman went well beyond her costume!). So, it's probably impossible to know about her sexual orientation/sexual identity at this age because it is still forming and she is still putting it all together (as we all do for our entire lives). But, I will say you sound like a great mom and she's lucky to have you!

Does she know what "being gay" means? Wow...that's young.

I would tell her that although she may love her best friend she is too young to decide who she will marry. Right now, she should refrain from making such decisions and wait until she grows up.

Well I wouldn't actually put a lot of stock in it at this tender age. I mean my three year old tells me he wants to marry me, my girlfriend's daughter used to tell her she was going to marry her when she grew up, I loved all my teachers so much as a kid and missed them so much all summer long I would even cry about missing them!!! I also used to tell my mom that I was going to be an angle when I died etc. I would probably tell her "Sweetie you are my perfect little (insert name)" Gay is a concept she just can't really get at this age because honestly she hasn't gotten anywhere near sexual maturity so whatever concept of it she has is just innocent just as her concept of having a mommy and daddy is innocent, she doesn't associate these things to sex at this time. You can tell a kid the mechanics of sex etc...but they are still not sexually awakened themselves unless something very unfortunate has happened to them. A lot of times I will tell my son "You are so cute!" and he will go "I am not so cute, I am just Joshua!" Her saying she is "gay" is something that sounds like childishness. Also, gay does technically mean happy, so you could tell her that and say "that's right you have always been a happy, gay person" I don't think this will have any bearing on her sexuality either way and I wouldn't worry about talking about it much, if it were me. Good luck!!

1) No. Children get teased all the time, and you can't prevent it. If it bothers her after the fact, you can talk with her about how to deal with it. But if you trying to act pre-emptively, it will only confuse her on two levels: why would anyway tease her about how she feels about her friend, and why you would be so concerned about her getting teased how she feels about her friend.

2) Don't. Let it play out. Six year olds change their minds all the time. She'll probably hate this girl in six months. Just go with the flow.

dont worry about her being teased at school, people are more accepting these days. Let her go with it. It could just be a phase or she might really be gay either way shes her and at least shes proud of who she is and doesnt feel the need to hide who she is.

kids are maturing quickly these days and they come up with some off the wall stuff but thats okay because theyre kids.

Tell her to stop saying the word "gay" and say like or love.

Simple thought from me.

Wishing you the best.
A.