G.T.
We teach people how to treat us. If you act professional she will have no other choice but to act professional back. It sounds to me like you dropped the ball somewhere along the line and have given her a reason to disrespect you.
so i have this deal with my work, i enjoy my job like no other. i work at a credit union full time as a night closer. i have always been a talkative person. i try as hard as i can to be proffesional. i am twenty years olld and a mother. i feel quite experienced for my age. well a month after i was hired they hired a 18 year old to close with me, fresh out of high school. and man i cannot stnad her immaturity she is always very rude to me, even if i am just speaking with her. ALSO if i speak about my personal issues with my vice president she seems to overhear and tell me what i should do about my life, calls me a bad mother. ALSO tells me what to do around work, she is only part time and here half the day. the other employees seem to enjoy her and enjoy making me feel minimized when she is doing so. I AM GOING CRAZY, she's younger. I dont want us to have a bad relationship, but i also want her to know she cannot treat me this way! WHAT DO I DO?!!
We teach people how to treat us. If you act professional she will have no other choice but to act professional back. It sounds to me like you dropped the ball somewhere along the line and have given her a reason to disrespect you.
there is always someone very annoying at work. If she leaves there will be someone else. You dont have to have any relationship with her.
.
One of the things we learn as we get older is that work is work and life is not work. Please think about not sharing personal information about your home life.
If someone asks about your child you are welcome to glow and smile and tell them every wonderful thing they have done in the last few days. They are perfect children, never have diaper rash, never cry, never act tired, just are the most wonderful happy children in the world.
If someone asks about your dating life or married life then you always do the same thing...life is wonderful, never better, very in love, happy ever after.
If they never have anything to judge you on except happiness they can't really say anything bad or negative and try to give you advice.
This advice will turn the tide towards you being just another employee instead of "D. that has a child and a relationship and has this or that and needs to stop doing this or that and do this instead".
The people you work with might become lifelong friends but they also can be your worst enemy. That's the thing with friends, they know all your deep dark secrets and if they turn on you they have all the ammo they need to destroy you. You really don't need that at work.
You say you are a talkative person. You arent at work to make friends, you are at work to do a job. Be careful being talkative as you will open yourself up for judgement. Keep to yourself, do you job to the best of your ability, clock out and go home. Don't get involved in office gossip and find yourself in the HR office all the time, the company will decide they dont need you there anymore. Always remain low profile and make people wonder about you, dont open your mouth and relieve all doubt. That is my advice. You are very young and dont sound any more mature than the 18 year counterpart you are complaining about. Just my advice and my opinion from your post.
But why on earth would you be talking about your 'personal issues' with your vice president? Sounds to me like YOU made your private life public and open for judgement, not HER.
:)
There is an unwritten rule with 2nd Lieutenant's who come into the Marine's, that is Listen to the Staff Sergeant and Gunny!!
2nd Lts' come in out of college and know nothing. SSgt's and Gunny's have been in for at least 10-12 years. THey know how the Marine Corps runs. If you want to get ahead and want your people to work for you, then you heed the warnings and advice of those who have been there longer.
And according to those who have been there forever you too are just as young as she is. There is no difference. Shut your mouth and start doing your work to the best of your ability.
The relationship between the both of you is already bad, so don't worry too much about that. You can't control what is going on with this kid, only the way you respond to her comments. I would ignore her, make a point to keep your personal conversations private, and I would not take any lip from her. If she starts up about your life, it is perfectly acceptable for you to say something along the lines of, "You are entitled to your opinions, but I am not looking for advice from you. Is there something I can help you with that is work related?" and then move on. Turn your back, walk out of the room or otherwise don't respond to her. She will get the idea eventually. If the situation doesn't calm down then talk to your boss (in a private room) about your concerns by just stating them matter-of-factly and without speculation. Good luck!
Well, I have a few things to add.
1. I'd bet she's intimated by you and you probably actually have a lot in common. Or perhaps, you are intimated by her. Take a good look at that. I found this to be the case with most people that I originally had friction with in my life. Not always, but quite often.
2. I'm surprised by some of the responses to say thanks but not thanks for the advise. It's really just fueling the fire to say something like that and will cause her to further dislike you and you to further dislike her. If I were you, I'd stick with "thanks for your opinion" followed by the all mighty silence.
3. Personal lives always end up in the work place. They just do. We spend 8 hours a day with these people and they become our second family. However, you can filter what you share. Share what you feel is appropriate and don't be upset if what you've shared is judged. You chose to share it. It sounds harsh to say that but it's really just the way life is. If you don't want people to judge you for, say, smoking, don't share it.
4. If she tells you how to do your job you can say that you appreciate her input but the method you've adopted is working for you and you are glad she has a method that works for her.
5. From this point forward in your life you are going to be working with people who are older and younger than you. You wouldn't want your opinion or ideas to be discredited because you are younger and so I'd advise you don't do it to her. Her being younger than you should have zero relevance.
Good luck!
T.
Well you should stop speaking about your personal life at work (to anyone) that might help, so this girl cannot put in her two cents. Next time she opens her mouth to 'reprimand' you or give unsolicited advice, tell her 'If I wanted your advice I would have asked for it, but since I did not, I would like you to mind your own business !' If she persists see your boss about it - maybe a talking to by them will keep her mouth shut. Let her know that as some 'little mouthy immature 18 year old, she knows nothing and her commentary is irrelevant and meaningless.'
You need to rise above it and ignore, ignore, ignore!
However, if she continues to call you a bad mother, I would report her to your supervisor and let them know she is creating an uncomfortable work environment, and insulting you.
Sorry to say but I would start looking for another job. It sounds like it is a toxic environment there.
When you do get a new job
*Don't talk about your life at work
*Don't confuse your co-workers with your friends
*Don't talk about other people at work.
Get a girlfriend who LOVES to listen/chat and talk to her LOTS outside of work. So you won't need to get your emotional/social needs met at work.
Work is for working, the people you work with are not your friends and not your therapists.
Join a Mom's club so you have other mom's to talk to. (MOM's club international) will show a place near you.
Good luck in your job search.
It is work it is not personal, don't talk to her, when she does talk to you instruct her that you are both here to do your job not socialize. There is always going to be someone in an office situation that you just cant get along with.
When she offers you her "opinion" just nicely tell her that you didn't ask for advice and it really isn't needed, Thanks. If you have seniority over her and she is part time you might want to speak to the VP about changing her hours.
Go to the library and check out an audio book called "Non Violent Communication" by Marshall Rosenberg. It's long, but it's interesting. He has some really creative views about arguments and what to do about them.
It's free. Listen to them on your way to and from work. I bet they will help you.
p.s. your email sounds like you're mature. Eventually you will continue to rise and "Miss 18" will be left far behind.
For as mature as you feel, you are still very young. Act as though you do not hear her unless it is work related, if it's not imperative that you reply to her, don't. Be curt if you must speak to her. In other words be professional. Do not do as she says, she is not you boss, go out of you way if you can to fluster her. This is where knowing how to play the game of Chess helps always be a few plays ahead of her. Politely with love tell her you do not appreciate her eavesdropping of your conversations with others & to mind her own business your personal life is none of her concern and she does not have your permission to speak to you or anyone else about it. When she is at work she needs to work she can gossip on her own time away from the work place. I would bring Valentines for every one you like at work, which means not her. Put names on all of them. If she asks where her's is say "Oh, I must have forgot." & do NOT apologize. Play the game & do it better.
Make sure you are a professional in all your co-workers eyes. I second what Margie M. has to say.
Be the mature one. Don't let her little words and rudeness take over your professionalism. If given the opportunity (during a break or lunch or even after you close) ask her if you can speak with her in private Let her know how you are feeling and try to get it out in the open. Maybe, just maybe, she has a mature side to her too and by you showing your mature side she will learn from you. Make sense? Hope this helps!