6 Year Old's Behavior...Separation Anxiety or More Serious?????

well the next field trip she should NOT chaperone.... the next play date he will not go on...he does not get to go to.

YES I have one child who use to litterally crawl into my clothes in public if anyone spoke to her.... it took some serious time wiht mom alone special and I really had to put my foot down about expectations..... litterally i still do not chaperone tis girls parties, field trips etc. because she has to learn to be independent and I kept telling her hte omportance of being independent and I really had to put my foot down.... if she were to pull the no bus thing... she would be walking to school while I drove behind her it takes a firm loving hand to break a child of htis... also.... send him to the guidance counselor at school BY HIMSELF to see what is really going on or a physch but NO mom can NOT go in with him.....he will get the drift that the behavior is actually not getting him what he wants.

Something is definately going on at school. I could be that he is being bullied by another child or teacher and is deathly afraid to tell. If he made it through kindergarten and the first few months ok, something is going on. Please seek help immediately. This is not seperation anxiety if it just starting now.

He's a little old to be having separation anxiety, especially after not having it from the start. This definetly suggests something changed in his life. I would suggest having mom and dad sit down with the boy. Asking him what's wrong, listening to him and trying to get to the root of this sudden behavior change themselves. After that they may have a better idea of how to handle things.

Good luck to your friend.

How is he doing in school? If school is getting tough for him, he may not be handling this well. First grade is different than KDG. A lot of times learning issues can materialize at any age in elementary school . Also social issues can also begin too. SO someone needs to be looking at his social interactions at school and if he is struggling at all. There is a great book written by Leonard Sax called Boys Adrift. I highly recommend it if you have boys.

I am reading The Five Love Languages for Children. This may be a good idea for your friend to read. There may not have been a dramatic change but maybe a small change that affected how the parents showed their love to him. It's a good read. It may help.

Would LOVE to see other responses. I keep a boy 6 who is doing the same thing again! This will be my 3rd go around with this. My sister a counselor said sounds as if he is pushing the envelope to see how far people will go for him, boundaries rules seem to not be working for him and remember he has learned this behavior or seen that this behavior gets him what he wants.....I have kept him for nearly 2 years now....and NOTHING has changed here. My daughter does go to Kindergarten everyday and he only goes two or three days a week....GOOD luck to your friend. Pediatrician said to keep telling him that mom or whoever will be wherever to get him, he will never be left and so on.School counselor gave him a ball to squeeze when he has anxiety but it does not do the trick when he is here. I AM at my wits end and sadly do not have the patience for the situation anymore. Next week I will only have him for 1 day, that will be my test, if does not go well I am tempted to say NO more.....

My now 6 year daughter did exactly the same thing last school year. After 2 years of preschool with no separation problems in the middle of January last year she suddenly had trouble getting on the school bus. She dug her feet into the street and broke down crying. I had to take her to school for 2 months or longer even though her 2 sisters were on the bus with her.

She cried when I dropped her off at school. Sometimes she would let me walk her in, sometimes she would let her oldest (7th grade) sister take her in. Always crying. On bad days she wouldn't separate at the front door and I took her into the morning assembly and would sometimes sit by her until the classes went to their homerooms. Often the teacher would have to take her hand and she cried.

I thought that maybe something had happened on the school bus or that an older child or teacher had said something to her that had hurt her feelings- she's super sensitive to criticism. But nothing ever was confirmed or discovered.

She started crying in her classroom too and sometimes in some of her special/extra classes. I talked to her teacher and finally talked to her principal. The principal talked to her too but no discovered any more than we did.

I took her to the peditrician's office because when she was nervous and didn't want to go to school she said that her stomach hurt. A physical problem was ruled out.

Her principal suggested that maybe she just couldn't express what was wrong and she thought that if the problem was serious enough that my daughter would confide in someone, probably one of her sisters. We told her that it is okay to cry and that she could carry extra tissues around if she needed them. Her homeroom teacher told the other kids that it is okay to cry and basically not to make a big deal of it. The kids would just go on with their work.

She did carry extra tissues and eventually after 2 1/2 mos or so she got back on the school bus and has never looked back. No problems this year. I really think that it was a maturity issue and I did notice at the beginning of this year that she asks if I am off of work that day. One day when I was off she started to say that she didn't feel well but I told her that it is her job to go to school, just like it's my job to go to work usually. If she's really sick at school, I told her to go to the school office/nurse. Pretty smart.

Good luck- tell your friend to be patient b/c it might just be a stage/maturity issue. I never went through that with either of her 2 sisters though.

My friend went through the same thing when her son was 6. Long story short, a few things happened: He was being bullied at school by another kid (in his class). His teacher just thought that he and the other kid had issues and forced my friend's son to sit next to the bully!!!!!! Which made things worse... My friend took her son to counseling and he was diagnosed with a disorder. She ended up pulling him out of school and is now homeschooling him. It has been the best thing for him! He is still in counseling and is slowly learning to live with his disorder. And he is also learning not to be so attached to mom. Anyway, my friend thinks that probably by 4th or 5th grade, he'll be ready to go back to regular school. I would recommend your friend take her son to a counselor and get to the bottom of the anxiety issues.

Could it be a dependency issue? He may be having a hard time adjusting to the independency of being in first grade. There are so many "big boy" tasks they have to deal with all day. Maybe he's having trouble not having mom around to help.

my daughter is 6 and we r going through the same thing, in the morning she would cry when she got on the bus.The thing i found helpful is that when i got her up in the mornings i would kinda joke with her. Aiso with her there was a boy on the bus that would pick on her ,i found a older kid that rode her bus that sat with her on the bus. good luck my situation is getting better

Haven't read any other responses so I'm not sure what has been said so far so.......this could very easily be seperation anxiety. I just read something about this not to long ago. It's very common for kids to go through this around 1st grade because of being away from the parents all day. Especially ones who have never had to do so before. I would definitely talk to the teachers about keeping an eye out to see if there is any kids picking at him at school or anything going on like that. How are the grades at school? Does he seem to be struggling or having trouble seeing? Kids who find that are having a hard time or can't see very well could be doing this as well. I would start with some of these things, rule them out, and then my guess if it's not anything like that, it's seperation anxiety and it's perfectly normal at this time.

I agree with Dana, this sounds like more than separation anxiety. I almost think that something is happening to the child but he is not comfortable telling his mom or dad. From time to time I always tell my son that he can tell me anything. In fact, if somebody tells him not to tell his parents, that is a red flag that something is bad about that person.

Good luck

I have the exact same problem that started a month ago and has been getting worse. I can't even leave the room now. It is very upsetting. Did you get any good information? How is your 6 year old?
Thanks S.

I would be concerned as well. She might try having the school counselor work with him a few times a week to see if there is more going on, a bully, a mean teacher, feeling stress about work in class, etc. Sometimes kids open up more when it's not mom and dad. If not,
Mom and dad should try and have a talk with him, very casual and laid back, during a good time, like playing a board game, etc. Sometimes kids will open up more when it's not so stressful.

It definitely could be separation anxiety or he could be dealing with just general anxiety as well. I have an almost 3 year old daughter who was diagnosed with anxiety. Sure, almost all kids that age will protest when their mother leaves or when they have to go to bed. My daughters was on a whole different level. She has a panic attack if I leave her. She even has meltdowns with simple transitions during the day. For example, we will be playing, but then it is time to stop and go pick her sister up from school. She will freak out. You almost have to see it to understand, but I just wanted to give an example just so you know anxiety in children is a real thing. Hope you guys can find a way to help this little boy deal with his anxiety. Good luck.

If she is a SAHM, and his kindergarten was only 1/2 day last year, I can possibly see the separation anxiety. It concerns me a little, because I don't understand the the reason for it becoming more severe. My youngest is quite attached to me, but nothing to that extent. He started pre-K this year, and seems to be doing fine. School field trips are usually the fun thing for kids to do. I am not a big advocate of counseling for kids. I think it is something that us as parents need to handle. I think she should try to keep him home during the next "meltdown" and see if she can get him to open up about what the problem might be. Maybe he is being bullied or something of the sort, that he is afraid to talk about. I don't think she would be "caving in" to his temper tantrum, but it may gain his trust for the moment to get him to open up.

L.,

Wow has your friend got her hands full. My daughter and I both have separation anxiety from each other and it is tough. I have tried to suppress my feelings so they are not felt by her, although apparently, 10 years later it didn't work. The horrible thing is, the more your friend "worries" about it, the more her son feels that and it actually makes it worse on him. It's like being bitten by a dog, the dog feels your scared, therefore it gets scared and scares you even more!! It is a big vicious circle. His separation anxiety sounds a bit worse than what I had to go through. Could it be he has realized he is away from his mom all day now being in 1st grade? Was he in kindergarten all day last year? This will subside, if this is the case, but your friend has to stay calm and not inwardly or outwardly feel so bad about him being so upset. Not just easy for me to say, I lived through it. I didn't even realize I was part of the problem until I found myself crying because my daughter wasn't with me on a certain day. That is when I put myself in check and "counseled" myself by saying "I have a life I need to live, sometimes my daughter is here and sometimes she is not. Whether she is here or not, I promise myself to live my life. It is not better when she is here because it is not bad when she is gone." I know that sounds harsh but she started in with the anxiety again going into 5th grade and I had to tell myself that so she would not get back into the "habit." Does your friends son's school offer counseling? That is an option and it could not hurt. Is she certain no one has done anything to him that would make him so "afraid" of being without someone who protects him? Does he act this way with his father? Has she taken him to the doctor to examine him? It's not a bad idea, I did with my daughter just to make sure, not that I suspected anyone, just piece of mind. My ex mother-in-law had the same anxiety problem with her daughter (hereditary maybe?) but I think she handled it all wrong. She actually held her daughter back from starting kindergarten to keep her home with her! The daughter grew up to never have or go to sleep overs and also would not go anywhere unless her mother went. No one did anything to her but my ex mother-in-law enabled her to feel this way and played into it. The daughter never even dated until she was in college!! Maybe that is not a bad thing but she was very suppressed. She seems fine now, graduated from college and is now a counselor!! But she lived 23 years completely afraid to do anything without her family! That's not healthy!! Well, good luck to your friend, I truly hope it will work out. -H.-

I would sit down with him when he's in a good mood and ask him questions. I would be concerned that there's someone at his school that's picking on him.

If you can't get much out of him I would observe him at school. Try to be as discreet as possible so he or other kids won't see you. Or you can ask the principal or a teacher, even another parent, to keep an eye on him every single minute to see if they see anything concerning.

Otherwise, a child psychologist would be helpful. If there's a counselor at the school I would start there. They can do play therapy to figure out what's bothering them. GL!

L.,

The question is: is the anxiety causing a problem that is truly interfering with his life? If so, then treatment is needed. Your friend should seek out a board certified child psychiatrist.
One of our children had this problem, and when she could not go to school we decided it was time to act. She was put on medication at age 6 and it worked wonders. She could go to school and participate in everything that other children did, without melting down and being miserable. It was the best thing we ever did for her.

So I guess that answer to your question is, separation anxiety can be serious, it makes little difference what you call it, if he cannot function, it needs the attention of a professional who can help.

M.