My 5 year old daughter, was in 2 1/2 years of preschool full time 8-5 M-F now she is in Kindergarten. She goes to the before school care at 7:30 and gets picked up at 5:00 PM. During preschool she was on and off on crying during drop off, but was not as bad as now.
Now after 7 months since school started sometimes when we pull into school she will jump around the car making it hard to get a hold of her, she then needs to be dragged or carried into the school, either way she is forced to go. Sometimes she will walk into the school excited and sometimes will be reserved walking into the school, but it usually ends with the good bye and her running after me or my wife. The teachers then need to hold her there. About 5-6 times now she has started hitting and kicking to get away from the teachers. At the end of the day she is taken to say sorry to the teachers for her actions. They have made a safe room for her that she needs to stay in till she calms down when this happens. Most the time her cry's sound fake and like she is playing a game. ( does not sound serious) We usually have one good day a week the rest of the days are a wreck with fits. She is a very shy child, we have tried soccer, ice skating, gymnastics, dance and girl scouts she has not participated in anything. She will also not answer anyone unless she knows them well not even how old she is or name. When she graduated preschool she would not walk out to get her diploma or picture taken, she just cried in my lap.
We are at our wits end and this is taken a major toll on our relationship. We have tried getting her to school first so it reduces her fear of others. We have taken her right when its class time to miss the before school care (last time she ran out the doors and across traffic to get away. We have done sticker charts, discipline (taking things away and time outs), picture of her pets and us with her at school, notes she can read, taking favorite toy to school, picking her up early and going to have fun if she had a good day, going to school during the day if she had no fit, talked with the counselor at school ,teachers, secretary and the principle. They are very helpful and offer my girl to sit with them or help them in the mornings till school starts. We have done quick drop offs and long ones. The principle gave me her cell number and has me call her before we get there and she meets us at the car. Next we are going to try and find someone else to take her to school, maybe another kids parent.
My daughter says she doesn't know why she does this, she likes everyone in school and has lots of friends but just can't help it. The teacher says she is great all day and is way ahead in academics, also interacts well in class with everyone and acts like a class mom to the kids. She does say sometimes that she does not like anyone at school, but I think this is just her trying to be mean.
She is an only child but has always been exposed to several families and friends and other kids. She plays really well with kids and adults once she is comfortable with them. Babysitters are another chore, she throws a fit at. It just seems like anytime she separates from us, its also about equal on fits with mom and dad drop offs.
I have read on this website about drop off issues and that it will go away in weeks or months, but I'm at more then a year and it has not shown signs of improvement. I'm lost!!!
Sounds like she just could be very tired. That is a LONG day for a five year old. Try earlier bedtime.
I agree with the suggestion of an earlier bedtime. It does sound to me like she's in the habit of getting upset during this time. Honestly, if it were my kid having such a hard time, I would be talking to the pediatrician for an evaluation with a behavior specialist. There may need to be a very concrete routine in place for her to feel good about the morning transition.
One thing I am wondering is how much time she gets to spend with yourself and her other parent. The reason I ask is because I wonder if this is attention-seeking behavior, that she wants more time with you and so this is how she goes about it. My son gets very clingy at drop-off on some days; I find it helps when I spend a little extra time with him in the evenings, maybe after story time I'll sit up an extra half hour with him an work on a puzzle or something pretty quiet but engaging; we'll listen to music and chat. (He is in first grade, btw). On the mornings after having a little 'extra' time, he usually does better.
I'd also incorporate a lot of positive and gentle 'acknowledgement' touch during times when she is engaged in what is termed 'neutral' behavior, which is to say, engaged in activities for her own joy or pleasure in it. (Good behavior being when the child does something which is pleasing to us and Poor behavior being when what the child is doing is a problem for us-- neutral behavior neither is 'for' us, nor is it a problem, if that makes sense.) When I see my son sitting and working on his Legos or drawing, I'll tousle his hair, give him a kiss on the head, give his shoulder a friendly squeeze, wink at him from across the room or smile at him. I don't talk, don't give any verbal approval of what he's doing, I am just acknowledging his 'being' and reinforcing what is referred to as 'being-love', in which a person feels loved just for being who they are.
I have used this tool of positive attention during neutral behavior times a lot with both my son and the kids I have worked with. This has been one of the best ways to 'fill their buckets', as it were. Kids need a lot from us, and most certainly want a lot of our attention; this is one very effective way to bolster that connection and sense of attachment.
Hope things work out for you. Don't be afraid to get a little more help if things continue to be a challenge. She may need a different way to think of those transitions and separations than what she currently has. Good luck.
What time is bedtime the night prior?
Sounds like she's turned it into a game. Stop playing. Since she goes to before school care, I'm guessing that it's not possible for her to take the bus, which I think would have been a good solution for you. I would suggest a talk with the school counselor or a private counselor to come up with a good plan to deal with this discipline problem, since you yourself have said that you think that she's faking, but you don't know how to stop playing her fun attention-getting game.
Good luck
This will probably get some people in a tiff but is it possible she feels like she doesn't get enough time/attention with/from you, her parents? Being away from 7:30 to 5:00 is hard on some kids. It is a long day and then it is probably bedtime before she knows it. If your work allows, pick her up earlier. She also might be more comfortable in an at home after school care situation. Does she flip out for all sitters? Is she more at ease if the sitter stays in your home? Good luck!
I think she's exhausted and doesn't handle transitions well. I also bet she is nutritionally deprived of what she needs to regulate her brain chemicals, her sugar levels (from natural or artificial sugars), and something to sustain her properly. She may be overreactive to stimuli including sounds, crowds, personalities and other aspects of transitioning from home to early day care to school to after school care and babysitters. I work a lot with families in this area, and I've seen dramatic turnarounds within weeks - rages and tantrums gone, focus improved, sensory problems reduced.
This has nothing to do with her being a single child. Don't blame it on that, and don't let anyone guilt-trip you about it! I also am not surprised that she doesn't know why she does it, and I don't think she's "just being mean" when she says she doesn't like the kids. She's young, she can't express feelings at this level, and she's definitely unhappy. It also has nothing to do with her academic level, unless she's insufficiently engaged during the day (or worse, if she's been told she's very smart! That's never a good thing!).
I don't know why she's bouncing around the car. The car should get pulled over immediately and sit there until she sits down and puts her seatbelt back on. Driver should be calm. Believe me, she will get bored quickly. A certain amount of her behavior is because she gets a reaction.
I don't think making a kid say "sorry" is all that productive if the kid isn't sorry! I think a child this age isn't sorry - they lack empathy. So she knows she can just be a bear, say sorry, and go back to her regular behavior. I also know that delayed consequences don't work for this age - so telling her to behave or she will lose TV later on or some privilege on the weekend never works.
So what you are doing is not working, and you must find something better you can stick with. But it may be a multi-faceted approach with behavior and natural brain chemicals. That's a much easier place to start than a pediatrician with a detailed work-up.
You need to stay in the car and let someone take her completely in. She's getting a LOT of attention for this behavior. Seriously, a LOT of attention.
SO you and wife need to stay out of it as much as possible. Don't turn around and look at her, don't look back, ignore the heck out of her and let the principle or teacher completely deal with this.
It's the sad look, the backwards glance, the talking about being a big girl and going into class, all that is giving her attention for doing this. So she continues.
So stop, I think having someone else take her would be an ideal thing to do. Have them come get her and take her out without you or wife doing anything. Just let her go. Then see if she repeats the action at drop off. I bet in about 2 weeks of mom and dad not being there she'll stop for the rest of the year as long as you or mom don't take her to school.
Sounds like an attention getter to me! My son is 3.5. I went him up to pick him up from school one day (he goes 2 days a week for 5 hours a piece) and he threw a nasty fit while I was talking to his teacher about something. She was shocked because he is the most behaved child in the whole class! They save it all for you!
Oddly enough in a strange twist of events, I am teaching this class now only a month later...my son does fine most of the time as he always did, but once in a while, if I tell the class something he *may* decide to throw a mini fit, and the other teachers laugh it off a bit because they know its because Mom is there! So, with that said, I think you have a good idea about having a trusted friend or family member take her to school. Anyone but Mom or Dad...and she will forget all about this stuff in due time.
