My 3 year old started going to preschool the first week in July. the first 3 days were great, then she cried one time, and has cried 2 times right before I pick her up. The teacher says she does great in the class and she starts crying like 2 mins before picking her up. They say is cause they already know after lunch, their parents are coming to pick them up. Today I left her screaming for like 2 mins then I looked in the room and she was fine. Sitting by the window and reading a book, yesterday I punished her casue she acted out in the store and started screaming. I want to know if I should mention something about her crying today or if they tell me she did good just to say "good job". They tell me in the school that is so normal, and that some cry months after being there, some cry every day. I just don't know what to do, I even thought about pulling her from school but then that means whenever she cries mommy is going to rescue her and that is not what I want to teach her. I don't know what to do
Tonya C I understand that kids need thieir mothers but because I leave my daughter for 3 hours in a preschool does not mean I don't take care of her. I am not teaching my child that mommy is going to leave u alone, I am teaching her that not all the time mommy is going to be there with you, or am I going to be with her in school until she is 20? no she needs to learn and understand that mommy left but she is coming back. I went to pick her up and she was fine, the teacher said she did great and she stopped crying 2 mins after I left. Maybe is easy for a parent to stay home, homeschool and stay with their kids until 20. unfortunately some of us don't make that much money to stay at home and we have to work. Not just that some of us want to teach out kids what the real world looks like
Normal. Leave her be. My daughter was the same way for awhile. She was fine quite quickly. Her 1st grade teacher, on her first couple days, let her sit in the quiet chair petting the class bunny rabbit to help calm her. Then, she couldn't wait to go to her class.
She'll be fine. Lots of kids go through this. Mine did.
Make sure you're dropping her off "with confidence"...don't hesitate or make a big deal out of it. Be matter of fact and tell her you'll see her after lunch at pick up. Also tell her "Have fun!" If she sees you are upset, she will be upset.
Totally normal . Don't even address the tears and just ask her what she did today.
I read somewhere that crying/fussiness at pick up is because the child feels a different level of safe with you to melt. That recognition of unconditional love they feel from you. I remember thinking "GRrat! they get the happy angel and i get the melt down" but the routine for after school was a lifesaver for us. I would get my son and he'd be fussy, upset and I would not hurry him and then when we got home as frustrating as it wasy not to launch into all the things waiting for me - we'd just sit, sing, read a book - whatever - he wanted some one-on-one time. Eventually because he knew that was waiting for him at home the crying at pick up subsided and he was much more secure in knowing he didn't have to melt to get my attention.
Hang in there.
what she is doing it totally normal. even when kids like where they are going, they like to put on a "show" for their parents and make it seem like its horrible so that we grab them and cuddle them and snuggle them. I worked at a learning center for years and i can tell you that i saw it allllllll the time. its totally normal, and she is just fine! she will get over it eventually!
the hardest part of being a parent is teaching our kids to be independent. She's 3, and it sounds like she's always been with you. If so, this sudden change is going to be a struggle for her, but the fact that she's only crying for a few minutes is encouraging.
We moved our son to full-time day care (he'd previously had a babysitter) when he was 2. He did the same thing as your daughter and was fine by the time I pulled out of the parking lot. You just have to walk out and not make a big deal about it.
Our son is now 4, and he had a horrible time transitioning into a new class a few months ago. He got very comfortable in the class where he was with his teachers. Even though he knew most of the kids, it took weeks for him to like going to the new class. Some kids just don't adjust to change well.
As you said, what are you teaching her if you take her out? She gets her way and doesn't have to learn to adjust to new environments. it's much harder to learn that as an adult than as a child.
Good luck - I think it's just a transitional period, and she'll be fine if you give it more time.
I'm really against pre-school at that age and believe many children are not developmentally ready for that structured of an environment. I know mine weren't, and with one of my children I can see the effects to this day (and he is 16 - totally normal, great kid).
If you have to work - it is what it is. In this economy it is very tough.
I just wish I'd done it differently when mine were that age.
If it were me I would keep an eye on her overall behavior. If she consistently seems to act out she is probably stressed from that environment. Just my humble opinion . . . good luck to you.
Do not pull her from school unless you think they are treating her badly. She is acting like a totally normal 3 year old and she will stop eventually. The most important thing you need to remember is that she can tell you are upset that she is upset. Don't let her see that! Drop her off, don't make it a big production, tell her with a smile to have a great day and you cannot wait to hear how it was after school. Believe me she will get over it.
Good luck!
Hi Penny,
I taught preschool for years and I can honestly say that it is normal for a lot of children. What the teacher said is true. Some cry more or longer than others and some cry every day, but it's pretty consistently gone within a couple minutes of the initial separation from the parent. The teacher is also right about them having a little internal clock that tells them it is almost time for mom or dad to be there and sometimes they get anxious anticipating mom or dad. I have even seen babies with no concept of time, really, hovering around the door at about the time their parents would show up.
There are a couple of things you can do that will help you and her with the transition. First set up a routine for drop offs and pick ups. Do the same thing every time. For instance, when you drop her off put her things in her cubby walk her to her teacher or a center give her a kiss and a hug and tell her you love her and will be back and then leave. Be positive, upbeat, smile and do the same thing in the same order every day. Same thing for pick up. Make a routine for it and do it the same way every time no matter her mood when you get her. Also initiate a "pass book" that you leave in her cubby every morning and take home every evening. It's a little notebook that you write info in for the teacher like whether she ate breakfast, if she slept well, had a good morning, bad morning. It gives the teacher an idea of what she's dealing with. Then she does the same for you. She writes in it what kind of day your daughter had, what she is excelling in, what she struggled with, what things she did during the day that she really enjoyed so that you have things to talk to your daughter about and can prompt her if she doesn't remember. It's very helpful and very reassuring for moms and dads.
It sounds like a normal part of adjusting to preschool and will right itself in time.
Hope this helps,
L.
Hi J.,
Your 3 year old needs you. She doesn't need preschool. She is crying because it is the natural reaction for a young child being left by her mother in the care of strangers. If you have the option to pull her out, do so. Why torture the sweet thing? What *are* you trying to teach her? Do you want her to know that you are dependable and that she can trust you? Or, do you want her to learn to live without you and that you aren't available to her? I know that I am probably treading on toes, and I'm sorry for hurting anyone's feelings. Some people truly do not have a choice (many do), but if you have any choice in the matter, choose your daughter. She truly needs to be with her mommy. Our generation is destroying our children. This is just one of the ways.
Normal, don't pull her out of school. Our daughter entered preschool as a "young" 3-year-old and had some crying/clinging bouts when dropped off. As soon as my husband would leave, her teacher said she was totally fine. Oh -- and this lasted for probably a couple of months (she went twice a week).
My little girl is almost three and has been at the same church since she was born, and she knows all the people in the nursery. She has recently started throwing crying fits when I drop her off. I know she is safe and I do not react to her crying. I know she is perfectly fine after about 2 minutes or so. My other little girl did the same thing when they moved her to the preschool class at church when she turned three. I think it is just their age, and they will get over it. I would not pull your daughter out of the school because it sounds like there's great teachers there. Kids love to make us feel guilty for "leaving" them, but once we are gone all is fine. This is a phase and it will pass, but it may take a while. Patience is the key mama.
Best of luck to you!
There are children that do this because transitions can be hard for them.
Even children that stay with grandparents everyday, will cry when parents come to pick them up.. It is not the day care, it is the child needing a moment to change from one environment to your environment.
We always tried to have a small snack and something to drink for our daughter when we picked her up from daycare..
Also I learned not to ask her a bunch of questions the moment I saw her or when first putting her in the car.. Instead we would talk about what we did.. I would play some music.. She just needed to decompress.. Then once she initiated a conversation, or started pointing to things outside of the car, I would begin to ask about the things she had brought up.. And then ask her pointed questions.. What story did Ms. Becky read today? . What did you play on the playground? What was your favorite lunch food today?
