4 Yr Old Still Wearing Pull-ups!

Are you getting any help at the daycare?

To potty train my son, we went straight to underwear. He only wore a diaper at night until he could make it through the night.

Give him his own pull up and show him how to change himself. Let the day car know what's up. Once he sees the hassle of having to change his own stuff he will learn quickly to go to the bathroom. I would let him be in charge of his own undies. Even is he doesn't do it right away. Let him suffer a little in his own stinky and get made fun of a little.

First, he NEEDS to be changed right away!!! The more used to being dirty he is...the more normal it will seem to him and he won't think it is important to stop...

Second, find a really great treat for him and reward him when he makes it a whole day clean and dry! Don't budge on it...a fabvorite bedtime cartoon, a special toy he only gets to play with if he's done well, a candy, something...PRAISE him for doing good every day. He will make it, he's just lazy and used to the feeling of dirt in his pants. YOu might want to make a big fuss about how yucky the poopy feels and how stinky it is...it sounds like he really THINKS it is NORMAL to feel that, but since he's coming to you and telling you...you are almost there!!! KEEP it up, he'll be just fine.

I think that pull ups serve their purpose. We used them when DD was about 18mo because my dd was impossible to lay her down to change a wet diaper. She just didn't care. She would lay down for a dirty diaper, but wets were impossible! She would cooperate with the pull ups and even got to where she would change them herself without us knowing! We figured when she could do this, she was more then ready to potty train. We throw out all diapers and put her in "big girl panies". She wet maybe 2X and that was it. I think that she probebly would have potty trained a lot earlier if we had not used them. (Not much, she was hardly 2years old/she's a real self-starter.LOL.)
I'd toss the diapers and let him make his mess. He is also old enough to help in the clean up. After a couple times of this, I bet he will figure it out. Good luck.

It would be best to let him wear underwear instead of pull ups, so he can "feel" it more and be more uncomfortable w/ his accidents. You may even want to let him go w/o anything (naked) as I have read that is the quickest way (while maybe messy) to train a child to use the potty - it is worth a try, maybe on the weekend? Just stay home all day and see how it goes? If you can get him to use the potty at least most of the time during the day and naptime, he should be OK to at least start school since kids seem to do MUCH better at using the potty at school, as they all go on such a regular schedule there. I would also ask the daycare to work on getting him to go potty there as well, I would think they would be doing this already, and see if his teacher there has any advice for you - if possible have him wear underwear there as well, just send plenty of spare clothes and underwear to change him. Don't expect perfection, accidents are to be expected and kids his are are NOT always ready to be fully potty trained, especially boys who take longer. Also, don't punish or criticize, but reward him when he goes potty - have you tried giving him a m & m or a jelly bean each time he goes?

Good luck, and I admire and praise you for taking on the responsibility for you boyfriend's sons as if they are your own. It is a huge job but worth it!

At the child care center where I work the kids that are that big have to clean themselves up. Of course we have to give them step by step instructions, but they think it is nasty and after a few times they will start to use the potty. We do this with like the 2s going on 3. And we say things like 'I know it is nasty thats why poo belongs in the potty' or 'see how long this takes away from your play time, using the potty takes less time.' And of course we practically throw a parade when they do use the potty.

I am the mom of 5 kids, and 4 are boys. My oldest was 3 1/2 and still in pull ups and he wasn't allowed to go to the older class either b/c he would do his biz on himself. At church, they would get upset b/c he refused to go on the toilet if they tried to put him on it. He is an extremely strong-willed child. I received some advice from a lady who had 9 kids and she told me to do something similar to the lady who bribed her dd. Get a toy that he liked, put it on a shelf and when he asked about it, tell him it was for big boys and he couldn't have it until he used the toilet.

Also, pull-ups are no friend!! They are basically diapers that can go up and down! They are designed to keep you spending more money!! When I put my ds in undies all the time, he would pee rt thru them. I ran out of them quickly and while I was washing them, I remember he went again and he had no more to wear so he was naked. That's when he went in the potty regularly! I couldn't believe it! Even at 6 yrs old, he pooed on himself sometimes (not regularly)! He still wets the bed from time to time.

Lanette obviously has never had a child like this. It is not being lazy that causes a child to be like this!

On the opposite end, I have a 1 1/2 yr old who is already potty training! In fact, I can find no undies in the store small enough to fit him! He needs 18 mos size and I haven't found any yet! He even sleeps thru w/o any accidents! He's doing better than his older brother who is nearly 8!!!!

Every child is different! When my son was moved into the bigger class, I was worried b/c I felt he wasn't trained yet, but he did amazingly well. He rarely had accidents. He may do better than you think. Seeing all the other kids his age may help too.

Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

I agree that leaving them dirty is just disgusting and it can irritate the skin and cause them unneccesary pain. First - get rid of the pull ups! Newsflash... Boys can sometimes be lazy and the pull up is enabling them to procrastinate the whole potty training thing, but it also is easier for you too!

This is what I did with daughter and plan to use the same method with son. Once I knew she was physically able to do it, then I implemented this strategy, both your boys should be ready, but the younger may not because each kid is different. Older boy shouldn't have a problem with this plan.

Sit them down and ask them if they know what today is? When they say they don't know, tell them that it is the day that they say goodbye to diapers and pull ups because they are big enough to use the potty like everybody else. They have two feet to get them there and they can talk to ask for help and that you are tired of cleaning up their nasties and if and when they have an accidents that they will be expected to help clean up the mess. Let them know that it is their choice to use the potty or not, but it is your choice to let them have _______________(fill in with their most prized toy or treat. (For my daughter it was chocolate milk. As long as she used the potty, then the choco milk flowed (I did limit her to 2 small glasses a day, but if she had an accident, then no more milk till next time. She pee pee'd ok in potty just not poo poo.) But you have to find the currency that works for your kids and don't give in. When he asks for _____________, then ask did you poo poo or pee pee in the potty today? and he will have his answer. In this way he is choosing to use the potty and he is earning a payoff for doing so. That is real life. You choose to go to work everyday and your payoff is all the stuff you choose to buy. Some people say reward with extra special things, but kids know they can already live without the extra special stuff. I say to eliminate that which they use everyday and will miss. (not their nightime cuddly thing though) be it an outside play toy, swimming, juice drink, favorite car etc... This costs you no extra money and getting rid of pull ups -- your man can't ignore the wet spot and poo everywhere.

Secondly, when they do have an accident, have them go into the bath tub and strip. Try and get them to help clean the clothes and then wash them off as well. Trick here is to make it uncomfortable and icky. Don't use any hot water, only cold. This is not harmful to your child. Hot water is a luxury we have in this country, it is not a necessity to life. You know your almost 4 year old will notice and ask, Hey why no hot water? and just answer, we need to save our hot water for our night time baths or something to that effect. My daughter went 4 days before she chose to use the potty like everybody else and we have been almost accident free since. She now has accidents every now and again when she is sleeping, but not when she is awake. I do not count the sleeping accidents against her, but they started to get frequent one week and I mentioned casually that it may be time to stop drinking chocolate milk and they stopped, so know they have a choice and it has to be his choice. Just make sure he wants it as bad as you do and you'll win, but he will feel like he chose it and not that you made him do it. My daughter was 4 months shy of her 3rd birthday when I did this. Had my daughter chose to go longer than a week, then I would have chosen to take away her t.v. and chocolate milk until she chose to use the potty. I had planned to "up the ante" each week, but I never had to. Just be strong and consistent. NEVER yell or get angry or punish them for accidents or for them choosing to go in thier pants. You want them to feel absolutely no pressure and that they are in control and can choose whenever they are ready. You are just using your choices as well and trust me. It will work. I'm sure your son is bright and will figure out that choosing to use the potty is the better choice eventually. Have faith in him and Good luck.

P.S. Ouch! Lanette -- Kinda Harsh! There is no shame in someone trying to do better and asking for advise. She realizes she is in a pickle and is looking for help -- not judgement. She hasn't damaged them for life or anything and not eveyone is great at all levels of parenting. We are all a little behind in some areas of our lives. My goodness.

You mentioned that the boys are in daycare. I am really surprised that the daycare has not potty trained him. My daughter was ready to be potty trained before she was two. However, the daycare kept changing her pull-ups as though she were in diapers. I eventually moved her to a better location. Once I moved her, the new daycare had her completely potty trained in a week. They took her to the potty every hour. They did not ask her if she had to go potty, they just took her. You may want to talk to the teacher at the daycare or the director and let them know you have concerns. On the weekend try the every hour method. Try a star chart. When he collects so many stars get him a small gift. Hope this helps.

our 3 yr old boy (just turned 3 in april) is fully potty trained now. Brace yourself and just quit cold turkey. Don't use pull ups at all - not even bedtime. sounds like your boy is ready because he comes to you when he has dirty pants. It will take 1-2 wks. You will have to wash a lot of sheets but it will work. Just limit fluids before bed and the rest will follow.

Well I'm no expert on the subject but it's my opinon that pull ups don't really help to potty train because they're much like diapars. The child knows that he'll stay clean if he pees or poops in a pullup.

It's NOT easy and it's VERY messy but I promise you, if you put the child in underwear all the time except bedtime he'll pick up the jist quicker. That way whenever he wets himself or poops himself there will be an interuption in play EVERYTIME HE DOES IT. He'll get tired of it quick because like any boy, he wants to play and play!!

I have a three year old who's potty trained. It took me a long six months but like I said pull ups are only good for a certain amount of time. From the very beginning I only used underwear during the day and pull ups at night (or on a long car trip). I hope my experience may help you!!

shame on you and the day care !!!! laziness is what got you here get off of it and ask the boy ever 45 minutes to 1 hour ask him or make him ,,no no make him go potty SHAME ON YA"LL

L.

I am a mother of 8 kids. Potty training is not a easy thing and there are differant ways of going about it.My 3 girls were easy.They liked there big girl pants.My boys were a bit harder. One of my boys couldn't stand wet or dirty pants/diapers.My youngest ended up going to school because he is autistic and we were not getting any place with him. We even thought if his twin sister did it it would incourage him but there was no way. My boy that is 21 now we lived in Calif at the time and we took him to Knotts Berry Farm when he was two. He liked it so well and wanted to go back. So we told him if he wanted to go back then he had to get potty trained. He did it in two week.Wasn't expecting that that soon.You might try takeing him to some place he likes and then do what we did. Don't put a diaper on him. Big boy pants/pull ups when been time. When he gets up in the morning take him in to the bath room to go when he first getsup. after brackfast. several times before lunch. before and after. the same before didnner and between the time he gets done with dinner and bath time and after bath time and then befor bed.Don't ask him if he has to go just take him.We also had to limit the amount of what they drank after dinner. If he still has a bottle or sippy cup can't take it to bed with him. These are the things we did.God luck and hope he makes it into school.

Put him in underwear...There are the extra thick kind or regular kids underwear...buy the plastic coverups to hel when he goes from it becomng too much of a disaster...After a coupleof accidents he should be more careful...It's different when you have an accident in a pullup (even the ones that make it so kids feel the wetness) there is all that absorbancy so the kids do not know what having an accident really means...and it's just like having their diaper changed...give him a couple of real accidents and he should be ready and willing to go when needed without waiting...keep in mind there will still be accidents at school the first year as sometimes kids are too embarassed to tell the teacher they have to go...

Good Luck... ;-)

HA HA, i feel your pain, my daughter was 3 1/2 changing her own diaper, she'd have to go, then stand in the corner and do her business, if it was poop, she shook it into the toilet, then wiped properly, folded up the diaper and put it in the trash , it was infuriating. None of the advice worked that i got from other moms (all kids are different), eventually i got fed up and pulled a big no no. I bribed her. I walked her through toysRus and let her get her heart set on a big ticket item, then i said "well that is for big girls", i explained to her that if she started using the potty, and wearing panties that it was the next step in being a big girl, and that i would buy her that if she started doing it. sure enough, that day, my diaper wearing overgrown toddler turned into a proud pantie wearing big girl, with a new barbie castle! I'm not to proud of having attached such importance on a material posession, but when pushed against a wall......

First thing: As you're home during the day, go to the daycare and speak with the Director, and possibly his teacher, for their assistance in having him be fully potty trained by August 31. And ask the Director of his new preschool for some advice as well. Second: Several years ago Dr. Phil, the TV psychologist, published an article for 24hr potty training for 3 & 4yr old children. Parents have said it was an effective, respectful, and age-appropriate method. I no longer have the article, and you could Google for it, I bet. Main thing: have you two adults at home agree to use one method, and not one that creates shame or discomfort, like walking around in soiled underwear in the summer.

The first thing I would do is get rid of the pull-ups. They are just another version of a diaper. He knows he can pee and poo in them just fine. Put him in big boy underwear. I know it is a pain for when he does have accidents but it should help him remember when he needs to go. I bought my son a pack of white underwear and a pack of the Diego (he's a huge fan) and as long as he stayed dry he could wear the Diego ones but once he had an accident we would swich to the white ones which he wasn't as fond of. Once I got him dressed in the morning I would remind him to not pee on Diego. As far as the poo issue, I don't know how to do that one, my son was a miracle and actually potty trained for poo before the pee. All I can say is maybe watch for the times that he usually goes poo and have him try on the toilet then or look for the signs that he is starting to have a BM and have him run to the toilet then. High praise for a job well done works too.

At this point I am not sure you can spend enough time with him to make a difference in the training habits. Since he spends most of his day at daycare, they are really the ones who would make a difference. If they keep reminding him throughout the day and really try to help him, that can make a big difference.

What you can do is act as a motivator. Talk to him about "big boy school" (don't threaten him) but tell him that they don't let kids in who wear diapers. You can start letting him wear underwear after daycare and on weekends...my oldest daughter hated getting them wet and potty trained right away (while my other daughter would play in wet pants/underwear and not care). Ultimately potty training is up to the child...you just have to find his motivation...whether it is candy for every time he goes, or stickers for staying dry that lead to a dollar store prize. Good Luck to you both!

taake away the pull ups. Let him know they are for babys and that he is a big boy. Have him checked by a doctor to make sure he is able to peform on the pot. (I've seen lots of parents that try and force the potty issue but the kids have a problem or two because of medical issues.) If all checks out good then start asking him if he needs to go to the bathroom every 10-20 min.'s. Once you know the times he usually goes to the bathroom you can time it then. Dont rely on your son to say he has to go to the bathroom because as you see he gets to involved with his toys or playing out side. If you want to get him trained you have to stay on top of this. You can even set a timer for your husband so he knows that its time to ask your son if he needs to go potty.

I hope this helps. good luck, theres not every many school that will take a child that isnt trained to go potty. If you have to resort to Mc donalds as a reward for a week or almost a week of no accidents, or stamps, or stickers, just dont do the candy thing.

also I tained my son out side. My son had troubles with useing the restroom thanks to my daughter telling him scary stories of the potty man that pulls you in the potty. well anyways I had him go on a tree, he loved it:)

Not sure if it would help or not, but for my daughter I had her sit on the potty every hour on the hour and if I was going too. Odds normally were that we would get lucky and catch it. (since he is in daycare, they might help in this also) :o)

Good luck!

K. I feel your pain. I have a 4 year old in the same boat so I am looking forward to your responses. Nothing has helped my son!

When we were potty training my son, he had to be put in either training underwear (the cotton ones) or big boy underwear. If he wet himself I would make him "clean up" the mess and get himself changed. It was a little harder if he pooped his pants, but I made him go and get the new underwear and put them on himself. That did not take too long to get him trained. It sounds like you are well on your way however since he will go in the big potty some. My little one was not going at all. HTH.

Potty training is the worst part of parenting! I have gotten 3 of my 4 boys through it so far although, the 5 year old still has accidents at night occasionally. What worked for most of our kids is rewards. I got things that they loved (be it cars, trains, candy whatever works for them) and wrapped them up and put them in a box int he bathroom. Then everytime they would go pee, they could pick a piece of candy and for the poop they could get a wrapped toy. Bribary is a great thing. You can also try a chart where you track their successful bathroom trips with a check, sticker or star and when they hit a preapproved goal (say a week) they get to pick out a toy or go to the store and get it with you. Our 2nd son liked to use targets in the toilet so we didnt use treats at all with him we just drew out dinosaurs on paper made a million copies and floated the picture int he toilet when he had to go, he just aimed and sunk it! He loved that, Im using that method with my 2 year old right now and its much cheeper than the toy route!
You just have to figure out which method works for him. BTW, once he gets to school no matter if you have been successful or not, he will immediatly addapt since all the other kids are doing it, so dont worry so much, it will be fine!
Have a great summer

I have a gf who had the same situation with her son. He (4) came to hang out with me one day and when he had the runs in his pull-up I was totally grossed out and refused to put him back in them and instead put him in big boy pants (underwear) like my son (2). He's been in regular underwear since.

Have you considered just making the switch? Make a big deal out of it, take him to buy the ones he wants (spidey, jack sparrow, transformers) and just do it. Since you are home an accident in underwear won't be much different than one in pull-ups.

Good luck!

My son was three, nearly four and still wearing pull ups in preschool. I had a real issue with this, so I talked with the director about it and she suggested pulling him from his three year old class and putting him into the two year old class where they focus on potty training. This did the trick. Within one week, he stopped wetting his pants!

The best advice anyone ever gave me was to put the child in "big boy pants." Though you may have to clean up a few messes, it is ALOT more uncomfortable and visually a learning experience for them when they have an entire wet outfit! Hope this works! Good luck!

Have you and your boyfriend spoken to his teachers at the day care center? i would first find out if this issue is also occurring there. Once you establish that then all of you can come up with a way to encourage him to use the toilet all the time. As a daycare provider I know that not all children are potty trained by a certain age; but it definitely makes it easier if the parents are working with the daycare provider so the child has consistancy. Also, have you tried a reward system? I'm not sure how often he's using the toilet; but maybe something like picking out a movie for every 3 days you don't have an accident. Just try to keep the reward something that you and your boyfriend can do (i.e. family movie night, playing the Wii, playing a game together, stamps, stickers, an extended bedtime). Remember, the more he's "in trouble" for potty accidents, the more likely he is to keep having them. Just keep up the encouragement. He'll get it.

Good Luck!

Skip the pull-ups during the day. Be prepared for accidents, they're inevitable, at first. Don't slack off, do it all the time or it will take longer. Pull-ups are OK for naptime, just remember to change back to underwear once he's awake.

This worked for my 3 year old. His teacher also put a sticker on a chart each time he went to the potty. After 5 stickers she would give him a small plastic animal.

Remember be consistent & don't do like we did. During the weekends, we would keep his pull-up on him, either because we forgot or because it was convenient (we didn't want him to pee on himself at HEB, etc.). Yes, we slacked off & it showed. He would have accidents on Mondays & sometimes Tuesdays when he returned to daycare.

My 4 year old wouldn't use the potty at all until we got him the Potty Power DVD and also the Peter Potty portable flushing urinal. He liked using the urinal and eventually decided on his own (probably because of the dvd) that he was a big boy and wanted to use the potty. Whew! Thank goodness! :-)

Get to the underwear at least during the day. My son did the ignore it while playing thing too. Just be nice and take him to the potty in the middle of playing and then praise him. Letting him stay in a dirty diaper can cause bad skin irritations to happen. Keep working with him. :)

You are a very responsible parent that in your love and care are concerned about the happiness and welfare of these little ones. You are right in that leaving a child in a dirty diaper just makes them have even a lower priority to make the potty effort. And it can cause diaper rash. It is an unhealthy thing to do. Your boyfriend wouldn't want to wear urine soaked clothes so he needs to get off his duff and get his child changed.
You are right in that regular training in a scheduled environment is key. Until everyone is on the same page this training will get drug out for a while. Children need parents and caregivers to guide them into what they need. Without a guide they like us just do whatever. You will need to get the daycare to put them on a potty schedule. They will go every two hours whether they need to or not. You can put them on the even hours or odd hours of the day. They will need this to be a happy time so they see the potty as their friend, ( and yours, LOL ) You can sing the pee pee in the potty song all the way to the potty. Do know that at age 4 they have gotten comfortable with their pull ups. So taking them out of their comfort zone is a good thing. They will get tired of going every two hours, this is out of their comfort zone, and they will retrain their thinking that big boy undies are best. So getting them to do the thinking is key. Oh and as soon as possible quit using the pullups. Although you might still use them at night initially.

Well good luck! You will have to get day care and daddy to help you. If not then when he does go to school they sometimes have a scheduled and unscheduled potty breaks. But you will have to take the lead and insist for the little guy's sake everyone has to pitch in.

Hi K. my name is Darlene,I have 2 grandsons 4 and 15 months and my first 1 was like that,So I went and bought a singing potty chair and a singing potty book at Tatget,That seemed to help alot,Also tell him that he is going to be going to a big boy school and the other kids want have a pull ups on,,,,,
I do know it takes longer for boys,My son is now 21 and it took me forever to train him,,
Good luck hope I could help
Hang in there It will when you least expect it
Darlen Humble Tx

My first child wasn't potty trained until one month before her fourth birthday and still had accidents fairly regularly. My second child was fully potty trained by the time she was three but my third is four years and three months and still in diapers.

Some children have sensory problems. I can actually start peeing before I realize I needed to go to the bathroom, and I've been potty trained since I was two! Your son might have problems too. My sister was six and still peeing when she got caught up in play. The best thing to do is to have a potty schedule that he needs to follow and tell him at school he has to go potty every time they have a potty break, even if he feels like he can't do anything he at least needs to try.

Cheer up- he's much farther along in potty training then my 4 1/4 year old daughter who will poop in her diaper and tell us she isn't poopy and prefer to stay that way ALL DAY LONG. I've tried panties but was tired of cleaning up the pee and poop ever so many hours every day for two weeks. She's not even close to potty trained.

S., mom to four girls ages 5,4,3,1

Put him in big boy underwear. Let him pick them out to involve him in the process. I had this issue with my daughter. She did not mind being wet or dirty in pull ups and wouldn't tell me when she had to go. We went and got her some big girl panties and it took a couple of weeks but she finally started to get the idea. I used a sticker reward chart as well because she loves stickers. I talked to the school about what needed to be done to her her registered in school this fall and being fully potty trained was not a requirement. They would like for the kids to be fully trained but they can still attend if they are not. Just pack a couple of extra outfits in case he is still having accidents. He should still be able to go to school though. I hope this helps.

ok I know this sucks but get rid of the pull ups and keep a change of clothes (or two) with you at all times. With the savings on the pull ups, go to onestepahead.com and buy the potty watch. You can set it for 15m 30m 45m or 60m to remind him to go potty and use it when he is engrossed in his play so he doesn't forget. It is easier to forget when you have something to catch it, when he learns it will run down his leg and be truly uncomfortable you might see the "lazies" magically disappear. Good luck.

My son just turned 4 in May and just now qualifies as potty trained. I can tell you my son is really obsessed with having change in his pocket, or just saving money. I used that to finally get him to train. I bought a jar at walmart that counts how much money you have. I would give him a quarter, or something everytime he went. My husband did it and my mother in law did it. It was a big deal when he went potty because he got to go to all of us tell us and get paid. I hear you are suppose to celebrate it. He got to wear he goes and he forgot about the quarter he was getting everytime. So if you can find a way that everyone gets involved then that is what I would do. Your boyfriends idea of letting him keep a dirty diaper on is not only unsanitary( my husband did the same exact thing) but my son got used to it and it wasn't a big deal anymore and he would get a rash etc. Not something you want to deal with. It doesn't teach them to tell, seriously. They begin to think it is something to be ashamed. That don't help at all. I hope something helps and works soon.

Dear K.
Toss the pull-ups for a while and use ordinary pants so that he can get be more aware when he has made a pooh(not nice for you but it will be temporary).
When he has made a pooh, take him to his potty and empty the pooh into it and then say "Clever Boy!" as if he did it in the potty. Tell him that's where pooh and wee belong.
He may balk at first, but carry on doing it. Don't let him walk around with pooh in his pull-ups because he will think it belongs there.

First of all,you as a parent have to put him on a potty schedule. Children will not remember to go to the potty right off the bat. You have to make them go and have him sit on the big potty until he goes. Let's face it,kids can't train themselves. Boys sometimes are harder than girls. When my daughter was a baby, I had her potty trained before she was 2yrs. old. It's something that you have to stick with,every few hours have him sit on the potty until he goes and trust me,he will go. And take those pull ups off if he is at home,put him big boy underwear on. So start now and he should be going by the time school starts. Good luck.