4 Month Old Screams When Mommy or Daddy Not Holding Her

I have a daughter like that. She is 4yr. now. I carried her in a sling a lot at home and then the one sitter she liked also carried her in the sling and she was happy. Some kids are just high need. It is worth giving them the extra attention and holding they require. My 4yr. is a happy charming girl and no longer needs to be held all the time.

Babies do have separation anxiety around this age. I had a similar situation when my daughter was a baby she only wanted me and I was breastfeeding. Fortunately, I was stay at home mom at the time. When i did use a babysitter she cried all the time I was gone until she feel asleep. It got better and time is what it takes. Do not stop your routines of going out. If you have seen to the babies needs, and give her that cuddle, caress, and kissing, then let them cry talk to them stay near by but don't give in it will get better, and babies learn from us, and it doesn't take long to learn what works, and how to get us as parents to conform to them

C.,

I also have a three-year-old and a four-month-old. I also have a business that I run out of my home. In addition, I teach a few classes at a local college. My four-month-old is similar. Without knowing your child or you and your husband, I am not comfortable making an assumption on why she has this behavior, but I can give you an educated guess.

If your daughter is with you or your husband most of the time then she has become accustomed to the way you and your husband talk to her, hold her, comfort her, etc. If she is not with other people, like a babysitter or grandparent, on a routine basis, then other people's touch feels foreign to her. Also, I don't know how you and your husband parent her, but if she is held often and walked around then she would not be content to be held by someone who sits down or holds her in a position that she does not like.

Socializing a baby is like socializing an animal; however, it is not healthy or safe for babies to feel comfortable with strangers. We don't want them to hold out their arms to everyone when they are able to say who they want to go to. Wanting you for safety and security is a good thing (to a point)I would allow more trusted people to hold her when you are not in the room or if you must leave her in their care. I would not, however, let her cry while she is in someone else's arms and she knows you are there. I think that is cruel. You are her parent and the only way for her to communicate to you and your husband that she needs you or feels vulnerable is to cry.

If you are breastfeeding that may play a role also. I do breastfeed and my four-month-old will be content in someone's arms until I walk in the room and she smells me.

Good luck.

A lot of people don't realize how sensitive some babies are to smells. My daughter screamed her head of at anyone wearing perfume or cologne. Visits to friends were short because of roomsprays and burning incents. She grew out of it thank God. Just pay attention and see if the person holding her is perfumed lol.

A.

Don't sweat it too much. At my 2 month appointment, the ped said sorrowfully, "She won't like me as much next time. At around 4 months they start getting wary of strangers."

Boy was he right. Just before her 4 month birthday she started screaming at the people in the grocery store she had previously smiled at. And she really hurt some grandparent feelings - just like you say - screaming and crying unless held by mom or dad. I found that she could deal a lot better in the mornings, and that evenings were impossible.

Now she's 5.5 months and she's all better. Grandparents are happy again. So don't worry. It will probably pass quickly.

I would work hard to make sure you have people around more often so she's more used to others. Not necessarily holding her but there for her to be used to others. I would also make sure you aren't holding her all the time. Does she get good belly time? Floor time with toys? She'll have to get used to others so I'm wondering if taking her back when she cries just reinforces her comfort with you and her dad?

Sounds like a hard place to be but I think it's normal and something you'll have to work hard at breaking her of.

Hi C.,

This behavior does happen with younger babies now. When it happens and you are around, take the baby back and soothe her. If you are working, and the baby is left with the sitter, tell the sitter to play with the baby to distract her. As long as the baby is not harmed, it is okay for the baby to cry, when you are not around.

Eventually the baby will grow out of this phase. I know it feels terrible to the babysitter when she has a crying baby that can cry for hours. Work with the baby, and in time she will grow out of it.

Good luck. D.

Make sure it's not something else like a tummy ache or other discomforts in her body. I noticed that in my now toddler. She was clinglier when she just wasn't feeling well. Even extra gas would make her feel uncomfortable and only I could soothe her.

You are at least lucky that daddy can comfort her! My first daughter was the same way, only she would be upset if dad even held her. It does wear you out, I know. I never really left her with a babysitter either, for those reason. As she got older... she would hysterically cry and begin vomitting if I was trying to leave her with someone. I personally, think that my daughter went through some type of panicking or something, and was truly upset. She is 5 now, and has grown out of that. I think children are just different, and that mine (maybe yours) needs a bit more comfort that others, and she feels comfort when with you or dad. I am guessing that she will get use to it if you continue your routine, but just try to be as understanding as possible. Good luck!
K.

My oldest child did that when she was exactly four months old. My husband and I went out for dinner for the first time since she was born, leaving her with Grandpa; we were gone for four hours and she screamed the entire time. The instant my father-in-law put her back in my arms she pasted her face against my face and stopped screaming. It was dramatic.

I was a new mom and all my books said kids didn't get separation anxiety until at least nine months, more like a year. Well, the books were wrong.

One thing that helped us was that I would wear a t-shirt for a while, so that it had my scent on it, and then I would leave her swaddled in that. The smell of me seemed to soothe her. That was the only way we got her to sleep in her own crib. I'd walk or rock or pat her to sleep and then just "skin out" of my shirt when I put her down. You might try that. And yes, let her experience being held by other people from time to time, and yes, she will get through this phase. Hang in there.

I do think it's a phase but sadly it may take a while to get through. My girlfriend's daughter went through that at a young age and it took a few months for her to get over it. My oldest did when he was closer to about 10 or 11 months but it was more stranger anxiety rather than seperation anxiety.