Need Help Weaning a 16 Mo Old and Poor Sleeper! Cold Turkey???

In the sleep book by dr. sears (you can also read about this on www.askdrsears.com) one thing he suggests is having you sleep in the other room for a while, while dad takes care of baby at night. He said pick a long weekend (MLK day is coming up), then devote like 3 nights to it. Dad can wake up with him and comfort him back to sleep. This way he is not just crying and miserable and only falling asleep because he is passing out from exhaustion, but is learning to sleep without his boob ;). I think it is good that you "spoiled" him by rocking him and nursing him. That's how he bonds to you and creates a secure attachment to you, in my opinion. You can't spoil a baby by rocking them!
And I should add that even babies who "sleep through the night" don't! They wake up the exact same number of times! They just don't request parental assistance, which is the only difference. When you let a baby CIO, the reason they don't cry, is because they think no one will respond to them, and no one is there for them. They really don't "learn" anything. This isn't a good thing when they are learning that the world is a trusting place.

Good resources on sleep:
www.askdrsears.com'/
The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly
Sweet Dreams: A Pediarican's Secrets for Your Child's Good NIght Sleep by Paul Fleiss
Christian Parenting By Dr. Sears

K.,
I feel for you! I personally have not had this issue, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Maybe you and your husband can consider bringing your son into your bed, this might be the answer to everyone getting sleep. As far as weaning, I am strong advocate for child-led weaning. He obviously is just not ready yet. Maybe he is screaming because he wants your milk, in that case, there are some simple things you can do to encourage your milk supply to increase. Your little guy just needs his mama, and as you may be ready to be done, if he is not, then I believe that you should try and meet his needs. Nurturing him will only help him (not to say that you aren't nurturing already...) Anyways, if he is really wanting closeness with you, than separating yourself might be really deterimental to him-which might create more issues harder to deal with later on.
Hope you find a solution that works for everyone.
H.

Hi K.--

A few thoughts. First let me tell you that my little one didn't sleep through the night until he was three (he was a pretty sick baby)--I can understand your pain.

That said, my advice. First of all, while melatonin works it is not safe for children under two. You can burn out their little pituitary gland and actually make things worse. You can try homeopathic sleep aids like calms forte or rescue remedy--you can find these at health food stores.

Second--Everybody, including adults, wakes up at night. Children like to fall back asleep the way they fell asleep in the first place. If you can get him to sleep at night without the breast then he is likely to fall back asleep at night without it.

Third--Cold turkey, especially with you leaving, WILL BE damaging to his psyche (my degree is in development--I'm not just making this up). While he may start sleeping you will probably find insecurities pop up in other ways. He screams for you because he needs you. Some people will tell you he's just being willful. Children at his age do not have the brain capacity to be "willfull" on purpose. They simply are trying to get their needs met in any way they know how. Screaming will cause his adrenaline to rush and keep him up longer. And think about it--do you like crying yourself to sleep?

Fourth--my son had severe food allergies that really messed up his system. It was why he was miserable as a baby and a terrible sleeper. I rocked and nursed him to sleep because it was the only thing that worked to calm him. While it was hard on me I wouldn't change a second of it. He is incredibly secure and much healthier because of it. You may consider getting him tested for food allergies based on the fact of how "colicky" he was--I have a great doctor with a non-invasive method of allergy testing that I believed saved my son's life (that's how sick he was as a baby). Let me know if you'd like his name. Also, if he has rashes, eczema, or spitting up problems or what seem like huge emotional swings that could also be a sign of food allergies.

Fifth, you know your child better than anyone. You know yourself better than anyone. You have to do what feels most appropriate for you. Some will say let him cry--Some will say deal with it. Some will say find a sleep book (Tracy Hogg--The Baby Whisperer series has a good no cry it out plan in it). If it feels wrong to you then it is. Although it is tough your best bet is to follow your gut--that way you will have no regrets.

Hope something someone said here will help you--I understand the sleepless fog!!
J.

Rocking your baby to sleep or nursing isn't spoiling them...you are meeting his needs. The leaving idea isn't a good idea...and there is no guarantee that this risky practice will result in weaning. This is desertion to the child. Nursing is still healthy for your 16 month old, the world health organization recommends at LEAST 2 years. Read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" or "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" and attend a La Leche meeting for support. When he is crying isn't because he is strong willed, it is because he is trying to communicate his needs to you, and it is your job to listen. Remember also that this is a very short time in their life, and college students don't need to nurse or be rocked to sleep. Still nursing my 2 1/2 year old and pergo!
C.

Wow, do I ever feel your pain. My son who is also 16 months old would wake every few hours and want to nurse. Here is what worked for us. When he was 14 1/2 months I started taking one feeding away every other day or so. Until we were down to just one feeding which was the bedtime feeding. Then at 15 1/2 months I took away the last one. And at 8:30 I gave him a cup of milk and sat with him in the rocker and held him close but not in the position that he would nurse in. It was a fight for about 3 days. He would scream and cry but I just held him in my arms. I think that the longest he cried was 15 minutes. Now every night after our routine I tell him that it is time to go to sleep and he gets his cup, we head for the kitchen and we get some milk. He then will carry the cup to the rocker and we sit down together and he is out in like 10 minutes. Then his up the next morning at 7:30.

I personally don't care for the cry it out method. I didn't use it with either one of my children. My daughter is now 6 and goes to bed on her own just fine and has been since she was 2. I rocked her to sleep every night.

All families and babies are different in what will work for them. This is what worked for us. I wish you the best of luck and hang in there you will make it.

my daughter who is my second was weaned late and slept with us till like 14mos. I did not mind breast feeding her at this age but the problem was she woke every few hours like a newborn! So we tired a few methods before going to the cry it out method but nothing else seemed to work. What we did was I would breast feed her the first time she woke up for 15 min for comfort and that was it. My BF her daddy is the one who checked on her since she was more attached to me. After a week she was fine. She is also a screamer so I was very surprised it worked out so easily and I know every kid is different. I think you actually leaving is a excellant option. My daughter was also colicky as a baby jeez they sound kind of alike! LOL Although my daughter is now 3! I am not really into cold turkey but if you think thats what it will take its up to you and your hubby.

IT took about 16 months for me to demand a little sleep, too. Now, after 2 months of sleeping at night (mostly!) I can say that I will never wait this long again. I am a better mother, wife, person. Whatever you do, do it soon so you can come out of the sleepless fog and really enjoy your family.
I would recommend cutting one nursing out every few days. If he wakes at regular times, pick one to skip every time. Be consistant!! It worked best for us to have my husband soothe him rather than me; it was too difficult for me to soothe him without nursing! But be sure that you and your husband agree to what that soothing looks like beforehand because you DO NOT want to have any disagreement or misunderstanding between you during a stressful time like this.
Definitely expect daytime nursing to increase! good luck; you and your sleep are worth it!
if you do decide to go cold turkey then stick with it when you get home. do what you need to do, what works best for you, but don't waffle or it is confusing for baby.

I had to quit cold turkey with my daughter...(primarily because I was pregnant with our son and just TIRED!). what I did was just held like I was going to nurse and let her cry it out while we rocked. My OB said it would only take a few days...for her, it was more like 3 weeks (LOL) but it worked. also, you can always try warm milk and ovaltine. worked for me as a kid and works for her on some nights!

K.,
try the book by Dr. Ferber, solving your childs sleep problems. May help...good luck, I know the sleepless ness phase is a mess!
L.

Hi I am in the same boat although my little guy is just 1 year old, but still nurses throughout the night, will only sleep if held or in our bed. YES like you I am exhausted!!!! He also has a willful personality and can cry for hours when he is mad. SO I don't know an easy answer other choose your method, either cut out one feeding a night replace it with Dad taking him to another part of the house if possible adn gettting him to go back to sleep, or go cold turkey and let him cry it out, it would be probably 3-4 nights then he should stop....... but I know it is hard cause I have not been able to committ to a method yet, mostly because I work all day and am away from him so feel I should be with him at night, however it is putting a strain on my sleep and relationship with my hubbie.

Good luck, I am eager to read the other suggestions.

D.

K., Cold turkey. When my son was a baby I had the same problem. I was living overseas and the Dr. there said to give him a drink of water from a sippy cup at bedtime and naps, kiss them, and walk away leaving them to scream. It's just temper. It took 3 days and then it was just over. He slept through the night from then on. Going away sounds good too. Get a really tolerant and patient baby-sitter. Good Luck!

Barb

Try putting something on your nipples that he does not like the taste of (like mustard, but not spicy it may give him heart burn). When he tastes the bad taste offer him milk (if your Dr. has given the okay for him to be on cows milk) or formula in a cup. I suggest the cup being that he is 16 months old and you will be trying to wean him from the bottle soon too. My husband and I gave my daughter a bottle of luke warm water in her crib to get her to sleep. She was only offered water in the middle of the night as well. She suffered from acid reflux and was very hard to get to sleep through the night. My Dr. suggested water at night not only because it helps to prevent rotting her teeth, but it won't aggravate her reflux. This is what worked for us. If the suggestions people give you don't work, try asking his Dr. at your next check up. Good luck!

Hi, not sure if this will help you out any but my daughter had the same problem with my grandson, she had him sleeping with them and breastfeeding every night until he was almst two years old, she was so embarrassed to let anybody know but it was the only way they got any sleep. we started telling him he was a big boy now and only babys do that, It WORKED!!!! he wanted to be a big boy like his cousins, you have an older son maybe he will want to be like big brother. wish you the best!

Formula takes longer to digest than mother's milk. I have four I've weaned. What I did was start out with formula at night before bed. I also hold, snuggle and cuddle my babies to sleep. They go through a lot of separation anxiety and panic at different stages. Americans have lost the nuturing concept. Please be patient, and take a deep breath, your baby is only this age once.

Hi K. -
I used about 1/2 mg of Melatonin in my son's bottle to help him go to sleep. This is over the counter and the tablets can be crushed. Melatonin occurs naturally in the body and is why children sleep more than adults...they have more of it. It worked well for us.

Good luck, L.

I feel for you, and was in a similar situation a few months ago. I would really advise against cold turkey, though, as I think that the dramatic stopping of breastfeeding could do a number on your hormones, and might end up being more stress than it's worth.

For us, here is what we did, over the course of a few weeks, with our son who sounds a lot like your little guy: nurse all he wanted during the day, including once before his bath at night. Then I would just rock him to sleep, instead of nursing him. He protested mightily the first few nights, but I held strong, and after a few nights, it was fine. Then once we'd gotten that down, I told him that he couldn't nurse anymore at night, and either my husband or I would go in to him when he woke and we would rock & soothe him, but not nurse him. We'd offer him water or milk, in case he was truly thirsty--usually he wouldn't want it. Again, the first few nights were rough, but after a week, it was fine, and his sleep improved tremendously. Once I had him night-weaned, we cut out a daily nursing session each week, and by the time he was fully weaned, it was just a very easy transition for both of us.

I wish you the best of luck and better sleep!

I have a friend that the cold turkey thing worked very well for. I think she was gone for 3-4 days. It did also help the sleeping at night thing, too. GL

I suggest letting him cry for about 20-30 minutes. If he still is crying, I would go into his room, give him a hug without picking him up, tell him it is time for bed and then leave the room. It is very important that you do not pick him up and that you leave the room very quickly. You should only be in there for about 15 seconds or less. I would expect that he will cry when you leave the first few times. Give him another 20 minutes and do the same thing again. This worked very well for my son that was similar. It took a few nights (maybe a week), but he learned that he was not going to get me to pick him up or give him attention and he learned that it was better to go to sleep. Good luck!

A little about me:
Survivor of 3 yr old boy/girl twins.

Hi K.,
Our son was exactly the same way....very strong willed....screamed for hours if we let him, but just never had the heart to let him go on and on...in the beginning. But then after 14+ months we had enough. We knew in our hearts he was ok at night so we decided to turn the monitor off, and because we have a lot of tile in our house his screams would carry. Then we tried taking Tylenol PM and we slept through his crying......seriously I know this sounds cruel and unusual but it worked!! After a few nights he started sleeping through as well and to this day (he's now almost 2&1/2) he is a VERY good sleeper. My situation may be a bit different because he was weaned a few months prior.
Just remember this to shall pass.
Good luck!

I had a similar experience. My son was 15 months old and would'nt take naps unless I held him. I nursed him most of the night in our bed. Thinking I would get more sleep that way. Big mistake. It go to the point where neither one of us were getting any sleep. My husband and I decided to do it cold turkey. We slept on an air mattress down stairs for a week. We kept him in our room. I would read him a book, sing to him, then put him in bed. Maybe rub his back a little. It was hard for me to sleep the first couple of nights. Even though I had a monitor, I felt like I was mean for doing it. But, the first night he cried, but he learned to put himself back to sleep. By the end of the week, he was sleeping through the night, and I only nursed him once in the morning. Now he even will let me lay him down for his naps. And that never happened before. So glad I did it.