4-Yr Old Scared to Poop in Potty

L. - I know exactly how you feel - my daughter was potty trained - but would NOT poop in the potty - she would to to the closet - put on a pullup - go to the bathroom - poop in the pullup and then come and tell me she was done and needed to be cleaned up - I'm laughing about it now but at the time it was SO frustrating -

I spoke to the pediatrician about it and he said 90% of the questions that come into him have something to do with pooping in the potty:) - he went through it with his own son -

what he said was just let it go for now. The more you focus on it and bring attention to it - the harder and longer it will take - Something will click with your son - and he will go!

The doctor told me he offered to give his son a prize that he really wanted if and when he pooped in the potty - yes it's kind of like bribery but it worked for him!! I tried to do that with my daughter and it did not work - so I just let it go and a month or so later she just went on her own and the rest is history!!

Hope that helps.
A.

I've been through the exact same thing at the same age and am so thankful it is now in the past. It is very difficult to understand why when they can't explain it to you. I feel your frustration. On the advice of our pedi, I began giving my son Miralax to soften the stool and make it hard not to go. I certainly don't recommend this unless your doctor has ok'd it. Also, we used a smaller than recommended dose for my son. He was so stubborn that he went in his pants a couple of times and had to help me clean it up. I didn't get angry, just was matter-of-fact about it. After he successfully went once without it hurting him and nothing terrible happened, he went more willingly from then on. If I had to do it again, I would communicate with him more about his fears and validate those feelings. Good luck!

You didn't say what happens when he needs to poop? Do you put a pull up on him?

In my experience, it's a control thing, and then it turns into the cycle of they hold it, it hurts to come out, they are scared to let it come out so they hold it, then it hurts, and on and on. You might talk to the peditrician to see if you can give him something like mineral oil that will make it slide so easily he won't be able to hold it in, but certainly don't put a pull up on him! If he needs to go, he can go in the potty. If he doesn't want to go in the potty, his other choice is to go in his pants. I would think that a few times in the pants and he would at least try the potty. Try NOT to make it a struggle. If he says he needs to go, tell him to go on the potty or in his pants, but if he goes in his pants, he needs to then take off the undies, dump the poop in the potty and "clean" the undies. This is his body and he can decide, but don't make it a struggle...If he chooses to go in his pants, do everything in a matter of fact way, no yelling, no screaming. Just "oh, you chose to go in your pants...That wouldn't work for me, I think it's gross...well, let me show you how to take care of this...let's take off your pants and dump the poop in the potty and flush it. Now you need to rinse the pants in the sink. Now you have to clean the sink (let him use a clorox wipe or something), now you have to wash your hands, and now you have to put the pants in the laundry. Ok, that's all done, go get clean pants on." You can also have him loose a priviledge. "you'll also tv priviliges for the day." That's it, the end. Hopefully after a few of those he'll choose to go on the potty.

L.......
too much attention on this poop. This has become a control issue. And he does have control. Imagine if you were told to poop on command. Let him regress without saying anything. Stick to positive reinforcement and avoid punishment at all costs. Don't minimize him or call him a baby. But anything that resembles a success......be pleased. Be pleased, but don't go overboard. Just be happy. No jumping up and down.

Have you taken him in the bathroom with you and your husband to see how it is done??? If he has a friend.....let him see that his friend uses the potty.

Are you working with a toilet or a potty chair? Switch to whatever you are not using, and be nice about it. You can't force someone to poop the way you want. As good as your intentions are.....saying you have to poop because you are four......unlikely to work.

Your son is teaching you that you don't really have control. It's a life lesson.
Good Luck
P.

My son pooped in a pull up until he was well over four. I'm not sure why (or why we let him!). He was potty trained, but when he had to poop he would go to the drawer in his room and put a pull up on and poop. I was told that some kids have a hard time seeing something come out of their bodies? Not sure why you would want it in a pull up though! Good luck!

I would back off a bit and see what happens. It sounds like there is a lot of pressure on him. I bet you might be surprised. He still is a little boy which is very easy to forget sometimes. I know, I have a three year old. Good luck!

Potty training both of my kids took forever (both were over the age of four) and was a nightmare. I do "feel your pain." What finally worked for my daughter was to feed her lots of fiber (fruit she enjoyed) in the morning (a morning we were staying at home). Then I had her remove her panties or pull-up and told her to stay in the bathroom to read and do her poop. I knew it was about time for it. I took the panties or pull-up with me, and made sure she didn't have access to more panties or pull-ups. I just walked away to do my chores and left her naked from the waist down in the bathroom with a lot of books. Next thing I knew she was sitting on the potty reading, and in a little while she pooped in the potty!

That one success seemed to pave the way for more successes. I got this high fiber, naked from the waist down idea from an article by John Rosemond. He has a book called PARENTING BY THE BOOK. Just google his name and you should find more info. He says that this method is good with older kids who have really fought the potty training. He calls it his "naked and $75" approach. He says some kids have to feel it run down their leg and make a mess (which they have to help clean up) in order to be motivated to be potty trained. When the potty training is finally done you pay $75 or so to get the carpets cleaned. (That part really grossed my out. I hate the thought of that stuff in my carpets!) I know this sounds extreme, but when my kids were over the age of four and not fully potty trained I was ready for extreme measures. It worked for us, and we didn't have to do the $75 carpet cleaning. I didn't lock her in the bathroom or anything. I think having the kids naked from the waist down helps remind them that they have nothing on to catch the pee or poop, so they might as well use the potty. His article, book, or website will explain it better. Hang in there! It will happen one of these days!

H.. M.

Your son sounds EXACTLY like my son. He was completely potty-trained, he just would not poop in the potty. We had to put a pull-up on him just for that, and then we had to clean him up afterward. He knew when he needed to go and had complete control, so that was not the problem. He kept saying he would do it when he was 2, when he was 3, when he was 4, but it would never happen. We were so desperate that we offered to take him to Disneyworld if he would just do it. Nothing we said or offered made a difference. I studied child development in college, and I remember the professor saying that there are two things that you cannot control where a child is concerned. Those two things are: what goes in and what comes out. It was a long, hard road, but he finally decided to do it when he was 5 years old. He was getting very close to being 6. We were so happy that we actually had a party with cake and everything. His grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins, and brother all sang "Happy Pooping to You" instead of "Happy Birthday to You." He's a normal 11 year old now. I have asked him if he can remember what it was that made him not want to poop in the potty, but he says he doesn't know. We always took the approach of encouraging him, but we didn't punish him. We didn't want to make the problem worse. Remember, you can't control what goes in or what comes out. Also, severe medical problems can result from holding it in, and you definitely don't want that. It just isn't worth it. Just know that, although it may take a little while, this problem will eventually pass. By then, you'll probably have something else to worry about. Good luck!