3 Year Old Wants NOTHING to Do with Other 3 Year Olds!

Hi! I think you answered your own question well -- "let him be himself and go with it." Eventually he will find other kids his own age whose style of play meshes with his. He may always be more interested in older kids and adults and that may just be his thing.

You're smart to have him in preschool; those years of socialization and learning to follow class rules, move from activity to activity, etc. are so helpful. Have you talked with his teacher there, and is she the one who says he doesn't play with other kids? I find it hard to believe he would have zero interaction; it may be that he isn't doing his "free play" times with other kids much, but he does have to interact with them at times; ask the teacher about that.

Also, he may still be in that stage where kids tend to do more "parallel play" with other children than true interactive play; in other words, they play beside each other but not truly with each other. That's a very normal thing to do and may just last longer for some kids than others.

Do you have one-on-one play dates for him with peers? Try some of that but don't push the idea of playing together too hard. He may be the kind of kid who reacts well to doing a specific activity with another child, rather than being thrown together and told "play with each other," see if he and a friend want to go to puppet shows, children's plays, events at museums, etc. Of course those thiings are all great even if there's not another kid along! Those kinds of activities also may help him open up a bit imaginatively and not want to follow the script of his favorite movies, or life, quite so rigidly, since he can't see or do those things repeatedly and to the same script like he can when he sees the same video over and over.

Be glad you have a mature and probably very smart young guy who is good at interacting with adults; he'll do well as he progresses.

For your own peace of mind, I would talk to your pediatrician and see if they can give you a referral to a specialist that is qualified to evaluate your son and see if there is anything going on. I am not saying that to scare you, but it's possible your son could be gifted, or have a form of autism, or something else entirely. I will admit, I don't have any experience in this, but I would think it would be worthwhile to have your son evaluated and then if it's nothing, it's nothing - but it is something, than you can get your son whatever help he may need. Good luck to you...

SY,

I am not trying to scare you, but this is a pattern of behavior that I recognize, and I would suggest that you call your nearest children's hospital and ask to be connected to the Developmental Clinic, and speak to an intake nurse for a Developmental Pediatrician. I had such a child, and I know many others who are exactly like this. Early intervention is very helpful, but many times, we do not see this presentation as any kind of problem, mostly becuase they are so well behavied and easy and smart. Please check into it, I hate suggesting diagnoisis so I will refrain, but speak to an expert and have them tell you if my hunch is right or not, and if they suggest it, please make the appointment.

M.

I know people who totally reject the idea of an evaluation, lable or dissorder mean well, but I have a child who is just like this. Using a "script" to play as is very, very, very frequent for some kids with certain issues, is a problem in and of itself, and at the very least, what you have is a behaviorally problematic usage of speech, and if I am right, and it is echolalic, then you need to get him help, and the earlier you do this, the better the out come for your son, afterall, how many Bill Gates' do you think there really are? I can tell you, there are far more like my kid...and we are still not sure if she will discover the cure for cancer or live out the rest of her life in our basement watching her favorite TV programs over and over again. You can only know if I am right by letting someone who can ask you the right questions help you, and evaluation is a win-win, a lable, properly placed is helpful, not hurtful, we all lable things...the mail never gets where it needs to go without a lable...Call the Developmental pediatrics office in your Children's hopspital. MR

He sounds pretty normal to me! Kind of sounds like our son. He has never been interested in kids his own age because he has always been more advanced than them and probably finds them to be boring.

It is baffling to see people automaticly wanting you to take your kid to get him evaluated. Aren't we all different? Why do so many kids have to have a label slapped on them because they don't act exactly like every other kid their age?

Perhaps he just might grow up to be the next Bill Gates! Did you know that when Warren Buffet (multi billionare for those of you who don't know who he is) was 2, his mom would get her toothbrush out of her purse during church and give it to him to keep him quiet? He would hold it and just stare at it for about two hours. Nowdays, parents would be freaking out if there kid did that and would probably think he was autistic!

Don't stress. I think it's perfectly normal. All of us have different personalities and develop differently. He's still young. You could mention it to your ped next time you see them, but I think he's just fine. My neice is almost 5 and prefers to play by herself - just her personality....

My son is just like this. They informed me that he has Sensory Integration Disorder which causes the behavior because they want to be able to control how their system is processing the outside stimuli. As for an Eval..that is up to you, but it may give you insight of how to communicate and play with your son. I know once I was explained why he behaved a certain way, I could do the research (internet is a wonderful thing) and figured out ways to communicate and play with my son that made everything enjoyable! :) An eval with Early Intervention will not tell you everything you want to know--they are connected to the school system, and will only go as far as what they deem educationally necessary. If you want a full Eval to be done, find an outside agency to do this. You may want to include a Developmental ped, and Occupational Therapist and a behaviorist.

Some kids are also prone to not having any desire to be with other kids their age. It is actually not normal for humans to be around JUST people their own age. Remember the school system is still a new concept that was introduced in the 19th century....and we have seen how it is failing fast.

By doing the evals and getting outside help, I was able to teach my child how to interact better with other kids, how to approach things in many different ways, but most important--it taught me how to interact with him in the way he sees the world.

And we did start at age 3...he turns 7 years old next month, and a few months ago he started creative and imaginative play! He still prefers the company of older kids, and is homeschooled to fully develop himself to be who HE is. His age puts him at 1st grade, but he completed that a while ago...:)

Let him be who he is! Do not push "social norms" on him, because he is likely to just push back. Keep him in social circles like playgroups, and find things to pursue that interest him and you will have a terrific child who knows himself and loves who he is...:)

You're only giving us a small glimpse of your son, which is why you're getting conflicting responses. When he talks to the teacher will he talk about anything they want? or just stick to the few subjects that interest him and refuse to talk about anything else? Many 40 yr olds prefer to be alone but will be polite when around other people, even if its not their favorite thing. Do you have to push him to make eye contact and say hello to people or does this come naturally? Many three year olds don't really play WITH other kids but really like to play NEXT to other kids(parallel play), does he want to be physically separate from the kids at school?
I would describe ALL little children as quirky (mine wore ten shirts the other day) does he get More upset than others over small things, change in routine, itchy tag, loud noises? Your first step should be to talk to the teachers, they have spent LOTs of time with three year olds, IF they feel you should have him evaluated, do it! early intervention would be great at this age!