3 Year Old Tantrums in the Morning...

I know you've tried the water flickering thing, but he is old enough to get a little swat on his butt now.

Tis' the age of tantrums AND mood-swings.....
3 is a very hard age. Not two years old...it is 3 when the storms erupt. Truly.

Kids this age are in so much flux, and emotions and developmental changes. PLEASE do read up on this age... just for the sake of knowing your boy. A great book is "Your 3 Year Old"- you can get it on amazon.com

Anyway, no, it's not fun, nor a really sunny age phase...but try what you will, for "teaching" him about things....versus punitive punishment.

Know that you are not the only one, your boy IS normal, and this happens at this age. Actually, "tantrums" and mood swings and hardship like this will only start to simmer down and normalize until when a child is about 5 years old.

For me, I know that like clockwork...whenever my children's Birthdays are approaching....that they will always "change" overnight. Yes, overnight. It ALWAYS happens. No fail. They hit milestones, and other developmental changes, AND whether good or not, they will change. Keep in mind that the changes are NOT easy for the child...THUS, they get moody. They don't do it on purpose....they just do NOT understand all of what they are feeling or why.

In any event... it will pass. Its a phase. Just do not be punitive about it. Kids this age are a dichotomy.... they love you and don't ALL at the same time.... their Mom is their WORLD...but they still have separation anxiety as well, BUT they are getting independent too. ALL AT THE SAME TIME. It's a real tug and pull for them.

I really suggest, reading up on each age...it's so helpful. That book, is a series for each age. It's pretty neat and fast read.

Remember, at this age, they are growing up....they are "big boys" but are still "baby" as well. It's that in-between age. They just don't know what to do with themselves sometimes.

As a side note: I always encourage self expression in my kids...anyway, my girl is real articulate, I would just ASK her "WHY" does she do this? Or whenever she is cantankerous, I ask her... and sometimes she just says "I don't know... I just feel so UGH!" But she'll add "sorry Mommy, do you forgive me?" She KNOWS she's not being "easy"...but yet, she can't grasp all the emotions every time and sometimes there is just no reason. But, so we let her vent and yell it out...in her room. Then, when she feels better, she can come out. We taught her that even adults feel "UGH" sometimes...but we must try our best not to take it out on others. This works for us. And anyway, she was NEVER a good "waker-upper" anyway... and she is just NOT a 'morning person." She is a growler when she wakes up. But yet, she'll want the hugs and cuddles ALL at the same time. Kids. They are an example of constant dichotomy. LOL

All the best,
Susan

Children go through phases. Tell him that if he hits you you will separate from him until he is ready to stop. I allow my kids to hit a pillow when they have frustration and feel like hitting somthing. It works well. Just be consistant & do your best not to express too much anger when he is having a tantrum! He will pass through this phase and enter another before you know it! Also, it's better not to flick water or anything like that. Simply leave the room when he is acting out physically. when he is calm you can have a conversation about the consequences of poor behavior with him.

Good luck & remember your boy is doing what most kids do! How we handle these situations is important.

There are some great tips in the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" on how to communicate when they are in that state and how to keep yourself from joining them in the yelling match. For example, in this situation the book might suggest you pretend cry too and say something like, "______ [name of child] wants the chair!" "______" [name of child] is angry/mad/etc." They will usually stop and listen because you acknowledged how they are feeling and they know you understand them. It's sort of amazing, but it really works most of the time. It's better to get the book and read through the chapters that apply at the time. It's geared toward kids 1 to 5 years old.

Just a word of encouragement. My very sweet three year old (now 3 yrs 3 months) was having difficult mornings around the time of his birthday and a little after. It really upset me, partially, because like you, I wasn't used to this temperment. I was taking a parenting class that helped me deal with this for the short time that he had this temper tantrum spell. It did get worse when I walked away, but I tried to hold the thought that he had a right to his emotions and venting them, but I didn't have to be a part of the venting. I would walk away and tell him when he was done I would talk to him. I tried (emphasis on TRY, because I am human and it did upset me) to not judge his emotions and not get involved. He would eventually come cry on my shoulder and then we could try again.

Now when he has temper tantrums, they are one sentence long. I just tell him, "Okay, we can't do this today" or "you can't have this today because you threw a tantrum. WHy don't you try tomorrow without one?"

I think its just dealing with a new stage in their development of being independent but still wanting you. One more thing, there were mornings were I would lose it and yell back, or throw my own temper tantrum, so I was no saint!

Hi K.,my first question would be is he getting enough sleep in the night? At his age he should be getting 11-12 hours a night and at least a one hour nap in the day. Being over tired can definitely cause morning grumpiness and melt downs. I also agree that a quick snack or glass of milk can help because some kids are VERY hungry in the morning and can't wait until breakfast is made. When he is having a tantrum don't walk away, stay in the room but make yourself busy with something,ie folding laundry, tidying toys etc..so that your attention isn't directly on him and you are not feeding the tantrum by asking him questions or trying to offer him things. Children are not reasonable during a true tantrum, the more you try and "fix" it the worse it will get. It has to run it's course but you can do things to speed that up. If he tries to hit you during the tantrum protect yourself and say "I am not going to let you hit me" and that's it. Other than that don't engage in conversation. After a while you can start to do something that you know he would like to do(start playing with his toys by yourself, blowing bubbles, coloring)but don't talk to him or ask him to join, just do it by yourself and he will naturally be interested in what you are doing and want to join you. This way he can stop his tantrum with dignity. Children should not be punished for throwing tantrums, or hitting during a tantrum. They can't help it. Only talk to him about the tantrum after he has calmed down. encourage him to tell you what was bothering him, but don't expect him to really know why, it's normal! To sum up, make sure he is getting enough sleep, give him some thing to eat or drink right away, don't try and raeson with him or engage him during a tantrum and don't leave him. Good luck, I hope this helps.
K.(sleep consultant and parenting coach)
www.theindependentchild.com

Hi K.,

I read a couple great books that helped me with my daughter's tantrums. "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp, and "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child," (I forget the author's name). Both were great in helping me relate to my kiddo who was seemingly losing her mind!

The first book teaches you how to talk to your child when they're having a tantrum, by getting down on their level and empathizing with them, helping your toddler who may not be able to express his feelings, by giving him the words to express, like, "you're really angry, something is making you upset, etc," and you take on your child's emotion, and get upset with them. It sounds far fetched, but I swear it worked. Harvey Karp is much better at explaining why this method works.

The next book was great at explaining how kids think, and how those emotions are so important in early development.

Good luck. It isn't easy, and we still have tantrums, so no method is perfect. But I felt more equipped to deal with those "out of control" moments after having read both books. Take care. E. Free

My daughter went through the same thing and I realized I had to have something for her to eat right away in the morning with protein. It was like a Hypoglycemia type of issue and she just did not know how to express what her body was feeling. I made a big bowl of hard boiled eggs and peeled one each night before bed and kept it in a ziploc in the frig. Right in the morning when she would wake up, we would go get the egg, she would eat it, grab her cup and then we would go cuddle with her cup in bed! It worked very nicely!! I know it is frustrating, but hang in there and try to ge something in him right when he wakes up, even if you keep a banana by your bed, that would help his blood sugar out if that is what is happening to him!
Good luck!
W.

Hi K., It's only ben a couple mornings, give it another day or two and see what happens, I have a couple of suggestions, first of all don't let him come in your bed in the morning, also you are putting night diapers on him, and underwear in the moning, I think that can be confusing for a child, part of potty traing a child is teaching themj to get up to go tothe bathroom at night, he may feel I'm a big boy during the day but at night I'm a baby. The only other thing I see here there was no discipline for his bad behavior, I never will understand parents letting their hit them, that is something sweetie thatyou don't want to progress. You didn't mention a daddy in the picture. Choose a discipline for your son be firm but loving and be consistant. Never for any reason allow your child to hit you. J. L.

Welcome to 3! Whoever coined "terrible twos" forgot how bad threes are. My three-year-olds did this too. THe only thing that you can do is ignore it. If it seems to get worse try a consequences. In my house, we call it a "Stinky attitude." I tell my daughter when she says "no" to me or starts to throw a fit like that, that I don't appreciate the stinking attitude, it is unacceptable and there is a consequence. I take away her favorite toys. It is the only thing that works with her. Your child my be a little easier. He aaprently is wanting your attention when he does this, so take away your sttention by putting him in time out or something.

Hi K.. When my 4 1/2 year old gets cranky in the morning, I bring her a piece of cheese or something to eat. Once she eats, her temperament changes. Good luck!

My son is similar. Try giving him some milk, a smoothie, or some other simple food right when he wakes up. He may just be more hungry all of a sudden and need a snack before his real breakfast.

Both of my kids, 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 have gon through stages like this. The 2 1/2 year old is in it now. He throws a fit every morning when I put my bathrobe on. It can be any random little thing that sets him off. I think it has to do with frustration over not being in control. Anyway, it is really really irritating and changles my nerves, but I try to just totally ignore it, or say something like, "when you feel better let me know" and walk away. And I try to give him control where I can.