3 Month Old Won't Sleep in Crib

K.,

If you could e-mail me.
I'd like to talk to you about the children's books.

Thanks!

M.

Hi K.,
My son slept in a slightly inclined bouncy chair, swaddled and on his side until he was 5 mos old. When he began to roll, that is when we moved him to the crib. Sleeping on his side (and belted in and supported with blankets so he didn't roll to his tummy) helped ease his colic and also gave him a sense of being snuggled.

This helped both him and I get the rest we needed! -A.

hm.

i guess im going to respond to your question by telling you about my experience. first of all www.askdrsears.com has lots of information, and if you can get ahold of one of dr sears's books, that will help you understand better what baby wants and needs... and that will probably also help you not feel like you are "spoiling" or letting baby "manipulate" you into cosleeping.

my son slept pretty good for the first 3 months in his bassinett. he woke a LOT to eat, and after the first 2 months, i couldnt take it anymore, and i just kept him in bed with me. that way i could turn over, nurse, and go right back to sleep. theres actually a lot of research (and dr sears talks about it) that says that babies wake up so often on purpose, its a safety thing, and actually you need to worry more if baby doesnt wake up! SIDS is actually REDUCED if you co-sleep and when baby wakes up often because it keeps them from falling so deep asleep that if something is bothering their breathing, or something is going wrong, they wake up instead of being so deep asleep that they cant.

so. my son coslept with us until probably 15 months old. it was the only way we could get any sleep. there was NO WAY we were going to let him "cry it out" as we feel that is an insensitive way to let your baby think that crying (baby's only form of communication) isnt going to get him anything so why bother crying... then they stop crying and the attachment that is so desperatly needed between parent and child is broken... you get the point i think

i will tell you that some nights and the day after i had wished he would just sleep in his own bed and leave me alone. but i have to tell you what he is like now.

about 2-3 months ago, we started putting him in his own bed at night... he would wake up between 2 and 5 am and want to be with us again, and so we would bring him into bed with us (his crib is still right in our room) and he would nurse and sleep fine until morning - 7 or 8.

about a month or 2 ago, he actually started going to bed without a fuss. again, he NEVER cried it out at all, so bed was never a place he was left alone, (which in my opinion gives baby the idea that the crib is a lonely, scary place where he is left to cry)... so he actually likes being there... anyway, for about a month, he will actually run down the hall with sucker and snuggle wanting to go to bed, whether its nap time or night time, and he will get up in bed, get snuggled in and he will just lay there and fall asleep. he never fusses, he never cries, he never throws a tantrum over bedtime, he never fights it. sometimes he has actually just laid there and been quiet (on days where he seems to want to go unusually early) until he has just 'rested' a bit - then he calls for us to come get him.

i have NEVER in my life seen a baby have sleep habits like this, but i have also never been around other mothers who did NOT cry it out with their kids, or put them there as some sort of punishment.

your son is 3 months old. have you heard of the 4th trimester? its this idea that babies are born so immature, that they dont understand this whole birth thing. they dont know that they are a separate being from mom, so they are naturally fearful when mom isnt right there. depending on the child, this usually sort of lessens when they are around 3 months, but like i said, my son would accept no other options.

you dont have to feel any pressure not to co sleep. its healthy, makes baby happy, and will probably get you more sleep in the end. however, its not for everyone, but do check out your options.

dr sears has a baby sleep book that you might find helpful. he supports co sleeping but also has other suggestions that might actually be the culprit. check it out at his website (although you can get them used online somewhere else - i got 2 copies of the sleep book for less than 2 $ each)

trust me, cosleeping is not permenant, although it may take some time before he will sleep in his own bed, i really dont think anyone who cosleeps until baby can sleep on his own ever regrets it. i dont. my son is such a great sleeper, a good bedtime kid... that i wish EVERYONE could just take the time and have the patience to cosleep with their kids. again, i know its not for everyone (i have a habit of almost pressuring with this kind of information) but i do believe that it really forms the best kind of sleep habit - one that promotes a loving, happy, safe nights sleep.

you can send me a message anytime if you want to ask me any questions. im really hoping you will just have patience and follow baby's lead, but you have to do what works best for your family.

Of course he would love to sleep with you K. - because you are the person he has been sleeping with since his inception. So it really makes sense. Still, if you want to try to make that 3 hours/night grow, swaddle him or put him in a heavy cotton sleeper, put a soft cotton hat on him and load pillows around him so that he is snuggled into a warm, cozy environment.

Also, allow him to lie on his stomach. Nursing babies love to 'root' (which is why he will apparently want to nurse every hour). When lying face down they can do this into the bed.

You can also put on some very light and quiet music on 'repeat' in his room to keep his brain activity more even.

What ever you do, DON'T take the advice to stop nursing! This is a mother's biggest mistake. At about the age of 6 months all babies start to teeth in earnest. Once teething starts, there may be days on end when the only nutrition and comfort they get is nursing as the live through fevers and pain.

Nursing is God's/mother's gift to babies. You are a hero in our "easiest-way-out" culture K.. Keep up the good work!

My daughter refused to sleep in a crib at all till 5 months old. What I found that worked was a bassinet next to the bed, so we are close but not in the same bed. She actaully started sleeping through the night then. I think part of it was she liked the feeling of being snug and in a crib it is so big (to a baby) and she did not like that feeling. At 2 years old now she still likes the bumpers on the crib because it is not so open then... not sure how she will do when we trasnition to a bed, maybe lots of blankets to make a nest.

So try having him in a bassinet or moses basket... maybe he just wants to feel snug and safe in a smaller sleeping space. Wish you the best of luck!

We have a Homedics SS-3000 Soundspa Lullaby. You can project pictures on the ceiling. Basically it's a mobil that they can see in the dark. This entertains our daughter when she is sleepy but wants to be held.

Hi K., if your son is not comfortable on his back , then let him sleep on his tummy. I know we are supposed to put our kids "back to sleep", but there actually is no direct causal evidence that it decreases SIDS - we all slept on our tummies and survived :) My daughter became a thrasher after 2 months and would try to roll to the side. She was constantly waking herself up. As soon as I tried putting her down on her tummy she slept much more soundly and for many more hours at a time. Do not try it in your bed, though. the mattress should be firm for tummy sleeping.

My daughter did the same thing. I believe that she liked the being cuddled feeling when they are flat on their backs they don't have that. My daughter also spit up a lot, so we started letting her sleep in her car seat and we would put the car seat in her crib hoping she would at least get used to the space. Once she got a little older she didn't have the need to be cuddled she slept fine in the crib. Not sure if it is the greatest idea, but it worked for us.

I found that the crib was too big for them at that age. I used a bassinet in our room until they were 6 months old and too big for it. This way they are near you for feedings, in a smaller more comfy smaller space, and you can hear them easier. I would just lift them into bed to feed them and then put the right back next to us in the bassinet. You can find nice ones at once upon a child for less or craigs list instead of buying an expensive one you will probably not get enough use out of to be worth it at this point. Hope you get your rest soon.

Just read Erica I's response and we have almost the same situation. My almost 2 year old slept with us because she woke up to nurse so often. We ended up getting one of those Snuggle Nest co-sleepers (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BM8FXG) that fits right on the bed with you - so she could sleep between my husband and me, but in a safe little "container" so we couldn't roll onto her or smother her. She was nice & handy for breastfeeding and she could feel and smell that we were near. That lasted until she grew out of it and then she moved on to the cradle and then to her own bedroom. Ever since she was about 14 months old, she loves going to bed in her crib. She has a special blanket she cuddles up with and a lot of times will just ask to go to bed or point to her bed when we are going to read stories to her. We never let her cry it out either.

Here is a quick read on the many wonderful benefits of co-sleeping that answers many questions for concerned parents called "Good Nights" by Dr Jay Gordon and Maria Goodavage. I was amazed at all the emotional and physical health benefits I've read about co-sleeping. You hardly have to wake-up to breastfeed your baby, and can fall right back to sleep as a family. Many co-sleepers actually become more independent in life due to their extra strong trust and connection with their mother. Good luck deciding what works for you,
J.

You just have a really smart, healthy baby on your hands. If you let him sleep with you, you will both sleep better in the near and distant future. He will transition from the family bed to a "big boy" bed MUCH easier than trying to transition him in 18 months out of the crib into a "big boy" bed. The choice is yours, but I would guess you are afraid of cosleeping because you think it will last forever and he will always insist on it. It actually ends quite sooner than you'd guess, because cosleeping fosters an enormous amount of security for the baby which makes him become a more secure toddler who is capable of doing more things for himself sooner (like sleeping on his own and potty-training). I say enjoy the closeness while you can! They just grow up so fast! Someday you will find yourself having problems like me...by the end of the Kindergarten year, my 6 year-old wouldn't kiss me bye outside of school in the morning when I drop her off!!! Here I thought that was supposed to start in Middle School! She says stuff to me like, "Mommy, I don't really need you for anything because I can do it all by myself." Wah! :(

A crib is mighty large for some babies, and the sheer space around them in unsettling. Try a portacrib in your room, where you can easily transfer him from your bed to his. We have done this with most of our children and the transition is easy. Our littlest still sleeps best in our bed, but can sleep elsewhere, to. Mostly he just wants company and to know we are near.

SAHM of seven, 23 yrs - 21 mos.

K., yah this is a tiring postion to be in, but when we as adults are comfortable , and sleeping we dont want to be disburbed, while your child is asleep after breast feeding is has found comfort, and when you lay him down, he is not happy of course this is human nature, its ok to let them sleep where they are comfortable, if he is not comfortable in any position let him be in the position he is in , when my kids would fall asleep on me i loved it, of course but that wears out for the whole duration they are sleeping, i tried my hardest to lay them down in the same position they were on me, if i were the bed so to speak, then that is how i would lay him in his crib in the same position, even if it meant he was on his stomach, over the years drs have changed their position on wether to lay on side, stomach or back it changes as much as margarine verses butter, hahahaha any way , do what is best for your child, each child will have their own sleeping habits, as do we all, hang in there and cherish the times you do get to hold them, they will not be thi small forever, and you said it in your first four words of your statement, my 3 month old, he is still very little , and still loves the comfort of mommy and whom ever he sleeps on, hang in there, and enjoy the little guy , D. s

My son did the same thing at 6 months. I had to make sure that I tried to move him to his crib as soon as I knew he was asleep. If he woke up before when his next feeding should have been, I cuddled him and did what I could to get him back to sleep without feeding him. I tried to stretch him out as much as possible until the next feeding. We made use of his pacifier quite a bit. The other thing you may need to do is to move feedings from laying in bed to sitting up at least or maybe to a chair. My son did well when we nursed that way. Our pattern actually started when I discovered that the laying down position worked so well! But we also supplemented with bottle feedings and so we just did those for the sake of my sleep and did less bottle feeding during the day. Now at 11 months, he sleeps most of the night in his crib and comes to bed at 5 or 6 for cuddling and we sleep until 7 or 8 (though he is sometimes up for the day at 6). As he gets older, this time will be less and less. I really am pretty lucky, I think. He has turned out to be a good sleeper and we did quite a bit of co-sleeping. Just be patient and make your changes gradually. I don't beleive in crying it out and this was not what I did, I just didn't automatically feed him. He really didn't need to eat that often as he showed because he only nursed for a little bit before falling asleep, then would only drink an ounce or two from the bottle. We also made sure he was getting enough during the day to assure that he wasn't doing it because he was truly hungry.

Hi K.,

Three month old babies don't understand a couple of hours a night, so if you don't want to do it all the time then put him in his crib to sleep all the time. You will have to get back into this routine...it will not be enjoyable for you or him because more than likely you are going to have to listen to him cry. That is why it is important not to do things with your children that you don't want to do all the time because they are so smart that they figure out very fast what they like. Of course, they would much rather sleep with Mom than be in a crib by themselves, but what is better for everyone? Everyone sleeps better in their own bed, and one of these days you are not going to be living by a 1 or 2 year olds schedule. They should go to bed at least 2 hours before you will want to, but if they sleep with you guess where you're going to be at 8 pm every night. Life is much nicer when your children can go to sleep in their own beds by themselves. You will find as your child gets older and you have more children that you need that couple of hours just for you. Your time becomes special, it also makes you a better parent by keeping you from becoming too tired and impatient with them.

Good Luck!

C.

I'm probably the worst person in the world to be giving sleep advice, since my kids both sleep so poorly, but can you/are you ready to/ is it ok w/ your doctor to wean your baby at night? A lot of kids, by 3 months, are ready to be done nursing at night, and I've heard from more than a few people that not associating food with sleep is a good thing. Easier said than done: my son is 9 months and we just had an awful night for the same reason; I swear I nursed almost every hour. Baby's dad can be a big help here--it's a million times easier for him to get baby back to bed than it will be for you. One last thing--if you don't want baby in your bed on a regular basis, do it now! I did exactly what you did--I was so tired and feeding constantly--and my "baby" was three and a half with a new baby brother before we got him out of our bed! :) Now our rule is that we snuggle in our bed in the morning--after the sun comes up (around 4:30-5am!). Good luck; sleep is a very tricky issue.

My son was in a bassinet the first 5-6 weeks in our bedroom. Then I took the top off of the bassinet and put it in the crib. So he slept in the top of the bassinet in his crib... gosh I can't remember how long we did that, but that really worked for us. He started sleeping through the night at 7 1/2 weeks.

Have you tried having him sleep in his car seat? My 6 month old daughter slept in her carseat for the first two or three months. I would put it in her crib so she got used to being in her bedroom. I think she liked the coziness of the seat around her. I also have a good friend whose daughter slept in her carseat for the first 8 months or so. I am not a huge fan of having a baby in bed with me. I don't sleep well because I worry about rolling over on them. The other thing that has worked for me (I have three kids all of whom slept through the night VERY early) was sleeping with them on my chest in our extremely comfortable recliner. I would prop a pillow under my left arm and shoulder so that I could hold the baby without the worry of her slipping off as we slept. Good luck!

Babies love sleeping close to their moms-but what a habit that starts! It is also a very hard habit to break, and not safe if you are that exhausted as you could accidently roll over on him. Have you tried a pacifier? If he is eating just a little, he just wants to suck which is a very strong urge in babies. Nursing babies are up frequently at night because the breast milk doesn't last as long in their tummies. He also should sleep on his back as opposed to his stomach. If he is fed, warm and dry you may need to let him cry a little until he can get back to sleep. A pacifier might be the ticket as well. Try different ones until you find one that works. Again, the longer you co-sleep, the harder the habit will be to break. I hope some of this helps. My youngest son was a co-sleeper-he was still bringing his blanket and pillow downstairs when he was 5!!!!

I know it's not a popular belief, and you need your sleep, but if your baby wants to sleep with you, then let him. I actually found that I got more sleep when I didn't have to keep getting out of bed. Here are a couple of co-sleepers that fit right in the bed:

Co-Zee Family Bed Co-Sleeper by Hisense

http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...

Check out The Baby Book by Dr. Sears.

If it's during the day, try wearing him with a sling or Baby Bjorn so that you can get your work done.

Try a basinet next to your bed, speaking from experiance do NOT let him sleep in your bed, even for a little bit or it will become a habit, my son still wants to sleep with me and he is 6. good luck