To Share a Bed, or Not

I wanted to cosleep, but couldn't do it. I had nightmares and woke up cradling my pillow, terrified I was lying on the baby.
We ended up using an Arm's Reach Mini Cosleeper until Noah was 5 months old. He's a long baby, so my guess is that you could use it for longer (it's officially safe until they can crawl out). We now have the IKEA Gulliver crib with one side removed, jammed between the wall and my side of the bed. So far, so good.

If you're concerned about safety (and a memory foam mattress WOULD be a big risk), you could try putting a bassinet in bed with you. (Obviously, the portable kind.)I've had several friends who have used this with GREAT success. It has ease of access, snuggability, & safety.

Most of the world has coslept. They also haven't had our huge plushy mattresses, pillows, & blankets. A bassinet in bed is a great midline. You're right there and inch away or touching; but no one will roll over on her/him, and he/she will have the firm blanket free space they need.

Have to warn you though:

We wanted to cosleep, had intended on cosleeping, and our son would have nothing of it. He wouldn't even sleep in a bassinet beside our bed, much less IN our bed.

Little Mr. Independent wanted space. (He didn't swaddle, either, HATED it...he wanted to be able to move his arms and legs.) I didn't find this out, of course, until I laid him in his crib on day 4, when I set him in his crib to do something in "his" room....and he stretched out full length, put his hands behind his head (he still sleeps like that, btw), and fell asleep for 5 hours.

Huh. When he hadn't slept longer the 45 minutes prior to that.

Brought him in bed with us that night...
45 min later, awake.
Nurse.
45 min later, awake.
Nurse.
Took him into "his" room with the crib...and he slept for hours.

We tried moving the crib into our room.
No dice. Every 45 min.
Move the crib back in the nursery.
Out like a light, and in 4-5 hour stretches from week one.
Switched to 10 hour stretches @ two months.
Bumped to 12 hours @ 6 months. And two naps.

So...while I didn't have the nighttime snuggling I'd planned on...at least I got to sleep. And I got to snuggle when awake.

We permanently moved a big rocker into his nursery to aid in nursing, and that was all there was to that.

My point in this slightly long tale is this: All kids really are different. You will become an expert in yours very quickly. Survival.

I do not co-sleep with my kids, but I have heard of many moms who do and you can do it safely. I believe I have heard of doctors who have websites with recommendations on how to co-sleep safely. Hopefully they also have advice about the memory foam mattress and cats. They both would make me a little nervous, but I never checked in to those things because it didn't apply.

I also just want to say one thing about your plan to sleep with your baby. I had every intention of having our first baby in bed with us when he was born, and that was right where he went the night he was born (born at home at 9:00 pm and we were all settled in for the night around midnight, it was amazing). But after 3 nights in our bed, I could not sleep with him right there next to me (I never really figured it out until I had kids, but I need my own space to sleep, now I just need a king size bed so hubby doesn't get too close!:). I am not saying this to discourage you, but I wanted to give you a little encouragement that we make so many plans and have so many ideas about how things are going to be when baby is born. But if things don't work out just exactly as you imagined, don't be discouraged. You can re-think your plans later if necessary, and that is OK. And this is not to discourage you from planning, either. Planning is half the fun of expecting! But just prepare yourself for some surprises. They are bound to happen.

Congratulations on your first baby! I hope you get the answers you are looking for and have a great experience co-sleeping!

Hi H....CONGRATS!

We co-sleep with our son who is almost 3 and have since birth. We never used a co-sleeper and I slept alone with him for the first 3-4 weeks. It was very convenient for breast feeding and it gave me and the baby a chance to really get into a routine before returning to bed with my husband.

We dressed him in a onesie and a sleeping gown for the night and I slept with my robe on to stay warm so we didn't use blankets around him for the first few weeks.

After that, I was very careful to keep the blankets away from him so he could not get caught up in them. It is amazing how your awareness changes to accomodate the baby.

As far as hazards, I have read in several sources that accidents involving co-sleeping families where the baby was harmed have occured when drugs or alcohol have been used. And, remember that many more cultures in the world co-sleep than not.

At this point, we have a happy, well-adjusted child who recently asked to sleep in his own bed. He still wants me to sleep with him, but I'm certain he will let us know when he is ready to be on his own. (In many other cultures children cosleep until they are at least 6-8 years old. I don't think our son is going to wait that long...lol)!

In the meantime, there has never been a problem with him sleeping through the night.

By the way, we also have a cat. We brought items with our son's smell home from the hospital before we brought him home so she could get used to his scent. When we brought him home, she was very cautious and smelled him a few times but kept her distance.

When he was about 6 months old, she finally started being around him more and then she ran for cover when he started crawling and walking. Now they actually play together (follow the leader) and it is a real treat to watch.

I wish you the best and I hope this helps. If I can be of more help, please let me know.

All the best and Happy New Year!

Blessings,
R.

I second checking out Dr. Sears. Probably not what you're going to want to hear, but you won't know what will work for you until baby is here. I was all set w/ the crib, co-sleeper, and found them both a waste because she just turned two and we still co-sleep. So hard to know what is going to be right for you, and what is right in the first couple months may not be a good fit in the months following. I'm for whatever works (okay, I'm also a research fanatic, and practice(d) attachment parenting). I'm a little concerned about your cat, but our bed (I feel like a bad mom admitting this here) has a down comforter but we made space for her at the top of the bed, down pillows (never in her face), very cozy bed. I breast fed for 18 months and found the ease and bonding wonderful. Still do! Caveat: she did not sleep through the night until I stopped breast feeding, but I don't want to overwhelm you w/ too much info. I felt well rested, w/ the help of my husband getting up a bit earlier w/ her, I found it just worked for us. I hope you get the information you need and my advice to you is to do what works well for your family. Only you will know. You may get many comments from others no matter what you do so go w/ what you know to work well for your situation!

Best to you and your coming little one!

Jen

H.,

Congrats on your impending bundle of love.

My son and I have co-slept since he came home from the NICU at 2 months old. That was NOT the plan. I had gotten one of those sleepers for the bed, and was going to return it until my son came home from the hospital. I had decided before I brought him home that he was going to sleep in his bassinet, and then his crib and it ALL changed when he came home.

The Sleeper I used:
http://www.learningcurve.com/product/detail/Y3171A2?local...

My son used the sleeper until about eight months old, and then I got a sleep positioner for him and that kept him in one spot for the most part. But, once he started moving around he was ALL over the place!

Blankets are tough, but I had to downsize to just a couple of small blankets for myslef and then just a small blanket for my son. I too, love my comforter and cuddly blankets...but, it was worth it for me. I had a foam topper on my bed that didn't cause problems when my son was in the sleeper, but I had to get rid of it once he was out of it. There was too much give and it just wasn't safe.

I have a friend who co-sleeps and they do something similar to what Susan mentioned...they have a futon on the floor in their room. And, plan to transition their son to his own bed at five months. The initial bonding time with Mommy is very important to them, and I think that's awesome because it's there choice.

Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding SUPER easy, and very rewarding. But, don't think of it as a shortcut...it's a HUGE life choice that you and your hubby have to be on board for.

A book I read, was the Family Bed...it's our of print, but you can order it at most bookstores. It really opened my eyes to what it REALLY meant to co-sleep and helped me approach the situation. I wish I had read it before my son was born.

Dr. Sears has great insight into it:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

SO many people have different opinions about WHAT co-sleeping really is, and it actually takes SO many different forms. It can be for a few months, or as long as you are comfortable.

Make this YOUR choice with YOUR family in mind, and not what others think about your choice. I've gotten so much slack for it, but really it's what worked for us. And, I love the bond we have today.

Another friend of mine took a parenting class, and they got babies to bring home. They actually used their test baby to see if co-sleeping would work for them, and their test run proved hilarious. But, they ended up buying one of those big side sleepers because her husband kept falling off the bed in an effort not to squish the 'baby'.

Safety should ALWAYS come first...never comprimise on the safey issues. You have time to make the choice, and I would use this time to weigh your options and make an informed choice.

Good Luck!

Deanna

I co-slept and breastfed both my kids. So as not to wake hubby, we have a futon mattress on the floor of our room... and that is where I co-slept with my kids and nursed them during the night-time wakings. It worked for us. When my kids were babies... I co-slept WITHOUT blankets. I just kept a bathrobe on me to keep warm. And our baby was always dressed per the weather. Once my kids got older, and even now, well we "can" have blankets & co-sleep...but I am still careful & wake during the night to check my 2 year old, just in case. My son now naps in his crib in our room, and at night on the floor futon with me. It is a flexible "habit" we have and it works for all of us.

I would say, that a memory foam bed is "not" safe for a newborn... these mattresses form a 'mold' around a person's body. It could easily form around her body/head and not allow breathing.

As for your cats, this is also a POTENTIAL hazard. I have heard of pets sleeping right on top of a baby... unbeknownst to the sleeping Parents.

Yes, co-sleeping is partly a convenience and a choice of raising our babies, which many cultures do, in light of "attachment parenting." BUT, still, I think you have to keep in mind the "potential" hazards to a newborn... THIS should be the foremost priority. Not the convenience of others.

For us, we used a "Moses Basket" for our son... he fit it until about 3-4 months old. It was great and I could put it wherever I was sleeping. NO matter what... with breastfeeding, you will still need to (1) wake (2) get baby no matter where they are sleeping (3) nurse him/her (4) put them back to sleep. So no matter what or where you nurse... it is STILL a "waking" for you.

Also, there were times when I would be nursing my kids during the daytime while sitting in a comfy chair with a boppy pillow... and I would inadvertently fall asleep WITHOUT knowing... right there! And it scared me, because the baby could have easily fallen off the Boppy Pillow, as I slept. Remember, a Mom often has lack of sleep, and you could potentially fall asleep AS you are nursing and NOT know it... so you'll have to MAKE SURE baby is in a "safe" position, not under covers/blankets, back in the bed-sleeper-cradle thing, and then make sure Hubby is not in the way etc.

Another thing is, your Hubby is a sound sleeper as you say, and moves around a lot... so I would make sure that you have a BIG enough bed for all 3 of you to sleep in. Otherwise, Hubby could easily bump into the bed-sleeper-cradle thing IN the bed or jostle it off balance tipping baby over or waking him/her.

To keep the cats out of your room while you and baby/Hubby sleep... perhaps just keep them out by closing the bedroom door. Also, you don't want cat "germs" getting on a newborn... cats have kitty-litter on their paws etc., and their dander can perhaps irritate a young newborn.

REALLY think about this per YOUR situation... co-sleeping is great... but no matter what, the safety of the newborn/baby has to come first. And yes, there have been infant deaths due to suffocation or pets sleeping on them, and in my state there have been incidences of a baby dying because a Parent rolled onto them and didn't even know it. *Suffocation is a "silent" death.... you can't 'hear' someone suffocating, much less in their sleep. So if you have baby in bed with you...you will also perhaps need to forgo having bedding/covers/blankets on you, and/or even a pillow. SIDS is an issue until about 6 months old... some say more.

All the best, just some thoughts to keep in mind,
Susan

My son sleeps with us from birth to now, 9 months. I was going to give you a different perspective than the other mom's to help with your decision. I was insecure that I was doing something wrong because my son was waking every 30 minutes. He would nurse on each breast for at least 30 minutes. You can do the math if babies nurse every 2-3 hours! That's what babies do! I gave in and had him sleep with us. I had the same safety concerns, so when I slept with my baby I didn't go into a deep sleep. My sleep was very light, waking up like the house was on fire-I was very jumpy! He was fine : ) We also had a Yorkie dog (9 pounds)in the bed with us,she was fine....I felt cramped : ) Baby was rotated to cycle each breast, so you still wake up. Intimacy with your hubby is compromised. You can't have intercourse right away and not many women want too, but simple cuddling is compromised too. My son wanted to stay in my bed,so nine months later intimacy is still compromised-not good. He also takes naps in our bed, his crib is NOT HAPPENING any time soon. So I watch the monitor like a crazy woman, so he doesn't fall off. Did I picture all this to be like this, no. I thought I could put him in his crib...after a while....no luck. I would do things different with the next baby. Having him has it's positives, but I would put him in his own room, in his own crib after the first 3 days.

I must be a really bad mom, but I co-sleep with my baby in a memory foam matress with a down comforter and both cats and dogs sleep in the bed too!!! I never planned on doing things this way. When my first was born, I had a nursery done up with her crib. We also had a cradle set up next to our bed. Well, turned out everyone slept better with her in our bed. She didn't fuss like she did in her cradle or crib and it made nursing much easier. At first I was paranoid about her sleeping in our bed, but our pediatrician assured us that it was ok. There are risks where ever you put them. New matresses release gases that could possibly cause SIDS. Old matresses might have higher mold factors, which could cause SIDS. There is info everywhere on all sides of the fence that could freak you out. When my son was born, I tried to put him in the cradle/crib too, but he is just like my daughter and he has been in our bed for the past 10 months. (Also not as paranoid as he is baby #2) I can't give you advice because where your children sleep is very personal and you need to do what you feel most comfortable with. I just wanted to tell you that I do everything wrong according to the books, but it's right for my family. If you are concerned about your husband rolling over the baby, you might want to invest in a co-sleeper or bassinette. Just remember that what you plan now, might not be your reality when the baby arrives. Nothing goes as planned when you have kids - and that's ok. You'll learn to adapt very quickly.

We co-slept with both from birth - 2+ years. For us, we wouldn't have had it any other way. We all slept so great, I never could understand it when people said having a baby causes sleep deprivation. LOL! It just worked for us, I understand it isn't for everyone. Also, your fears are valid. We never planned to co-sleep. We didn't even know what it was. We had a crib and nursery all set up. Needless to say, we sold it eventually. I would say to ease some of your concerns, you could get that thing that goes in between you guys - I forget the name of it, we had one but only used it for a very short time with our first. With our second, he was nuzzled up to my chest always. Something happens when you co-sleep, especially if you breastfeed - I don't know if this happens for everyone one, but for me - the baby and I get on the same sleep cycle, right down to me waking seconds before my baby. It was just perfect. We used our blankets, we just didn't put them over their heads. Maybe we got lucky? I don't know. I feel my baby is safer right next to me then in another room. Maybe you could get one of those Arms Reach co sleepers and just bring baby right next to you when nursing? I had a rail on my side of the bed so sometimes baby was between the rail and me and sometimes between hubby and me. There are risks, but there are also risks with baby alone in a crib. There are precautions to take while co sleeping, follow them and things should be fine. As for your cats - keep an eye on them. Mine didn't sleep on our bed anymore until years later (their choice). When they did come back to the bed, they stayed at the foot.

Check out The Baby Book by Dr. Sears or go to www.askdrsears.com They offer great info in regards to the benefits of co-sleeping, which sounds like you already know (-:

Best wishes to you!!
M.

Hello, O.K. I know you said you don't want to get one of these, but I had to tell you...one of the BEST hand-me-downs I got from a friend was the CO-SLEEPER bed!! IT is wonderful! I hadn't even considered whether I would Co-sleep, crib, whatever when my friend brought this thing over and raved about it I tried it and it turned out to be the perfect fit for us! Night time feedings are so easy, baby is right next to you to check on him/her but you don't have to worry about smothering him/her. (Although I will say that many times I would fall asleep with baby nursing and he would sleep with me in my regular bed with no issues for half the night) Anyway, this is a link to a picture of it just so you can see it (this is at Target but search around to get the best price.) http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/179-###-###-####-###... I highly recommend it! We used ours up until baby was about 8mos old (which seemed like the perfect time to transition to crib anyway) and it can be used for a playpen type thing later when you need to just have time for a shower or whatever! Just in case the link doesn't work search for : "Arm's Reach Co-sleeper" Maybe you can even find one on craig's list or ebay? Good luck! (Side note...since you said you are expecting your first and have questions... I loved having baby sleep in a "sleep sack" it keeps them nice and warm without blankets and their arms stick out of the arm holes so they can wear their regular pajamas underneath. Unzips from bottom for diaper changes. LOVE this item!! http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId... Again search around for best price "Halo Sleep Sack" Best wishes to you! :-)

I was also concerned with all the same issues. so for the first 6 weeks we used a co-sleeper, we placed it next to our bed. At 6 weeks we placed the baby in her crib in her own room. To this day our 4 year old has great sleeping habits and our 6 month old sleeps without waking all night long. You will thank yourself later on if you introduce their own space now.

Hi H.,
I did lots of research into this and my husband knew a guy he grew up with who rolled over and suffocated his baby. The original co-sleepers work as a pack and play too and you can use them for ages and they are easy to move around. Check out www.guardiansleeper.com for lots of info on safe sleep.
I hope this helps.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
C. :-)

My husband also moves around a lot in his sleep and that was our main concern about having our daughter sleep with us. When I was about 8 months pregnant, my husband kind of "jumped" on me in his sleep (because he was dreaming he was chasing down a bad guy)... It freaked us both out so much that we decided then and there - our daughter would NOT sleep in a bed with us - ever. So instead we bought her a nice big crib and put it right up against our bed (on the side I sleep on). She was just inches away from me, and safe. I could easily see/touch her. Also, I was breastfeeding so when she woke in the middle of the night all I had to do was sit up in my bed to get to her. It worked really well for us! Good luck!! :)

i had one of those things for my son to sleep in..i also did this thing where i would prop myself up by putting pillows and comforters behind me..then i would lay my son across my body so he could nurse while i slept! he was big though...he was 10.2 lbs when he was born. we did use a side co sleeper a lot..i wished i had bought a bassinet that has the set up where it can sway back and forth w/ electricity.
the bassinet is a must have..life was so much easier w/ one!
we had to get rid of all feather stuff...and get synthetic b/c the feather comforters had an affect on my son but not now.
Your cats might be afraid of the baby..i have 3 and they all stayed away from him..only one now will let him play with it.
i had my son March 7th..3 years ago..i slept a lot w/ him tucked under my arm..but i'm a light sleeper and was very conscious of him all the time....good luck...get a lot of sleep..also get a bjorn ..or some sort of carrier for baby to nap in on you..you'll get way more done that way.

We also have 2 cats who sleep with us and loved to sleep on alllll the baby stuff pre-baby. We baught a bassinet(on wheels very important) and had it at the end of our bed. It only took once for a cat to get need the bassinet to know it was off limits once the baby was born then he kinda watched over it at night it was cool. The only reason I don't reccomend all the time co-sleeping is you have to look at the future - when do you stop sharing your bed? 1 year 2 year 3 years? The sooner they get into routine the better! And trust me at some point you are going to want mommy time in your own bed by your self.

Good Luck with whatever decision you make

I know you have received a lot of responses from many people...a good as well as bad thing about this site. I have our 7 1/2 month old sleep with us. When she was born she was in her bassinet for 2 months and then moved into bed later with us. You will not roll over on her or smash her! Some people that are over weight (severely) or have been drinking should maybe not sleep with a baby. Its really fine and works well for night feedings. There is nothing like snuggling with your child or waking up to her next to you. When she was younger I was so crazy about SIDS but in the end you will feel what is right. She sleeps on the fitted sheet by our heads and we sleep further down so we can use our covers. It works for our family....screw all those other people that tell you not to do it! Its great...

I sleep with my baby and our two cats. My husband sleeps next to us on a futon bed. This works for us. I love lots of pillows and blankets. This also works for us. People love to share scary stories. It's way less scary to rear a child than people lead you to believe. Snuggling with your infant in your bed is going to be one of your favorite things. Congratulations on becoming a mother!

I don't recomend having your baby in bed with you. I know of a family where the Father overlayed the baby and smothered the baby to death. He has since had serious problems because of it. I don't mean to be so blunt, but this is one reality of letting your baby in your bed. Another is can start a habit that will be hard to stop later. Your baby will not be able to sleep without in bed with him/her.

I recommend getting a basinet and situate it close to your bed so that you can hear you baby when he/she awakes.

Both of my boys slept with us when they were infants. I breastfed them both for the first 2 years and it was just better on all of us to sleep together. I got more sleep that way. I worried some about the risks but I needed that sleep. My boys woke every 2 hours to nurse when they were less than a year old. They woke less as they got older but still woke sometimes so they stayed in our bed til about 2 or 3 years old. I tried it in the basinet and the crib but found myself getting up way too often.
I am not sure what the thing is you are talking about in between you that the baby could sleep in. That sounds like a good idea though especially if your hubby is a sound sleeper. Also with the memory foam if the thing in between has a bottom on it that might make you feel safer than putting her on the memory foam.
Good luck with your decision. Co-sleeping worked really well for us.

To start, we didn't really think about it, and assumed that we wouldn't co-sleep, but weren't diehard against it... We tried putting my daughter in the top area of the pack and play, for get it. she was having none of that... She ended up sleeping on my chest for the first month. scared me half to death, cause I kept thinking I had dropped her... We finally found a little co-sleeper at target that went on the bed. we put that between us, and my husband wouldn't roll over on her, as it was hard around her head. It had a nice firm bottom, and was very nice for the about 6 months we used it. then we got rails for the side of the bed, just put them up at the head where the baby sleeps, or they still get out and fall out of bed...
About 19 months we were done with her being in the bed with us all night, cause she turns cross ways and kicks my husband, so we moved her bed in the room with us, and put her in there. she was fussy about it for a night or two, but that was it. She still comes to bed with us about 5am, sometimes earlier, sometimes later, but mostly about 5 to nurse.
The other thing is, for the first month or two I woke up with every nursing. I would change her diaper, burp her, then nurse her, Note the change up there... I tried to burp her after nursing her, which would wake her up, not good for me. I was told to burp her before nursing, and that worked well for us. at least at night.
Each baby is different. yours will let you know. all you can do is be prepared to be flexible.
Good luck, and Happy New Year.
Enjoy your birthing experiance... It is the only time in your life you will feel like that... Don't fight it, just relax... Take some nice music that relaxes you...
R.

Hi H.-
I'm a 1st time mommy of a 5 mo-old baby boy. I am a self-proclaimed "research-a-holic" and I would say, with all the factors you listed, that you should greatly consider the co-cleeper. It is a small price to pay for the peace of mind you'll have. Our little guy sleeps with us inside of the Incline to Sleep sleep positioner. Because he's inside the sleep positioner and does not roll over in his sleep, he is on my right side (my hubby on my left, so me in the middle). We have this arrangement bc my hubby is a fireman and sleeps VERY heavily.
One note of caution though: decide how long you want your baby to sleep with you. If you will want him/her out of your bed after the first 3-6 months, at least let the baby nap in the crib during the day- it will ease the transition. I didn't do that and my sweetie wants no part of his crib! My mommy-in-law gets here from Sweden in 1 month and I'm hoping she can help with this! Good-luck! -N.

Co-sleeping is great when the baby is young and needs frequent feedings, but if you want to avoid a baby nursing/snacking all night long/ whenever they want way past the age they actually need night feedings, I would suggest trying to get the baby sleeping in his/her own sleeping quarters. We used our co-sleeper til our baby was 6 mos (she is tiny tho). It was by my bed and then around 5 mos we put her in her own room in it til we got the crib set up. I co-slept with my first and got SOOO sleep deprived from the all night feedings for 18 mos. which led to a lot of depression. So I did it different with my second and she's a way better sleeper and so are we. Maybe try to find a co-sleeper 2nd hand? Also my friend just got an Amby baby hammock and is so impressed with how great her baby has been sleeping her first 3 mos. They are more expensive but a very innovative approach. good luck and try to find what feels best to you and your partner, in the moment you're in....it always shifts!

We used a pack-n-play with the bassinet option and just put it right next to our bed. It was like he was in bed with us, but he had his own space. So when he fed at night, he was right there and I could just reach my hand over to sooth him if he cried. My husband is just like yours, and we bought the same sleepers you put in your bed and they take up a lot of room. The pack-n-play is great because you will use it to travel for a few years.
Good luck.

Hi, Congratulations for your baby! In regard to share the bed, My opinion is that the baby sleeps in their own crib close to your bed, so you can hear everything from her in case she cries or need something you can be there in the moment. I think everybody need their own space since we had born to develope ourselves in the way we are growing.

good luck and thank you for share your concerns.

The best advice I can give you is to "start as you mean to go on." This is from The Baby Whisperer (Tracy Hogg) and she is so right. Don't start any bad habits that you will just have to break later on. My niece is 12 and still sleeping in her parents' room because she was never taught that she is capable of sleeping alone. Granted, she is an extreme case, but do you even want a 2, 3 or 4 year old still in your bed? Do you want to deal with the drama, tears and heartbreak of teaching your child to sleep alone when they're older? Babies only know what we teach them. If we start off teaching them they are capable and safe, then that's what they will believe.

Besides all of this, your bed sounds like a death trap for an infant - between the husband, the cat, the blankets and the foam mattress - yikes!

Best of luck to you for a quick and painless delivery!!

Hi,

I have co-slept with both my kids (3 & 1). I still have my baby on my bed. It has been a wonderful experience and convinience (brestfed both in bed). The transition out of my bed with my daughter (3 yrs) was easy. At 2, I told her she was a big girl now and it was time for her to sleep in her own bed, she accepted it quite well. I laid down next to her bed a couple of times for comfort and that was that. As far as the blanquets, I bought a light blacket with a bunch of big holes. I had my daughter in winter, so I used warm clothes myself and that did the trick. - No pillows.
As they grew and started moving aound, I placed the bed frame in the garage and left only the mattress. I just make sure every night there is no space in between the mattress and the wall.
As far as learning to fall asleep without you and your breast, don't worry, they do. When they get bigger start by lying down next to them, take longer to give them the breast and shorten the breastfeeding time. Some days especially when I knew they were tired, I would let them fall asleep on their own. If they couldn't I help them out (I also rocked them both to sleep sometimes). Now, my daughter does not need any help, I turn off the lights, tuck her in, and she falls asleep.

Good Luck!

Please Please Please do not share your bed with your baby It is an unsafe enviroment for her. She needs to be in her own crib or bassinet, positioned on her back with no loose covers in the crib for optimum saftey. There is a lot of evidence out there to support this. please read the research on this for your baby's saftey. One great site to visit is www.guardiansleeper.com The product is amazing and the site has a lot of great information and links to other medical sites.
Good luck
Austin's Mom

To be on the safe side, if I were you, I would get a co-sleeper that you can roll over to the side of your bed. That's what my husband and I plan to do with our baby girl due in late January. My sister used her co-sleeper (which she gave to us) until her daughter was able to stand up in it - around 7-8 months so you will definitely get a lot of use out of it.

Hi H.,

Good for you to do so much research. A great resource for your question and lots of others I would visit www.askdrsears.com. I LOVE this website and they support sleeping in the bed. I had all three of my boys in a small cradle next to my bed, so I personally cannot offer any tips for having the baby in bed with you. Wish you well on your decision, whatever it may be. Don't let anyone push or bully you about whatever decision you choose. Trust your motherly instincts with every decision you make. :)

I would suggest that you DO NOT share a bed! First are the risks (even with the sleep postitioner between you and your hubby) it is still a scary thought that your baby could accidentally be rolled onto or an arm thrown on her/him. Second is breaking the habit. Although it is easier to have them right there and understandably no wanting to spend the extra $ for a co-sleeper, I would like to suggest you go the route we did (and suggested to all of our friends who had babies after us), which is to purchase a pack and play that has the bassinett feature. I had our daughter right there at the side of our bed and pulled her in when my "feeding alarm" went off and put her right back. We used that with her until she was three months old and then transfered her to a crib. We still use it today (she is 21 months now) to take to friends houses when we know we will be there late so she has a place to sleep and we also have friends who use it when they come to our house with thier kids. For $80-$100, it is WELL worth it :) HOpe that helps :)

I know - it's so confusing because everyone has a different feeling about these things. One of my children slept with us for the first couple months, because she was such a bad sleeper, and it seemed to work very well, but I remember being constantly worried about her, the blankets, etc. etc. Personally, I would worry a lot less if I knew the baby had it's own little bassinett, right next to my bed, that I could put him/her down in, that's got a safe mattress, blanket, etc. there is some risk, they say, of mattresses that are too soft (don't know about memory foam) being somewhat of a risk. I would just feel better, if it were me, to put the baby someplace definitely safe. maybe you could feed the baby in your bed, but put him/her in a bassinette/then crib right in your room.
I hope that helps a little. I do feel that moms know best and hopefully, once you begin to do what you want, you'll just know what is best for you and your baby.
M.

I bought one of those sleep between both parents things and never used it because I ended up with an emergency c-section and could not handle the baby from a lying position. Others I know rolled towels and make a make shift version of that same contraption for the first few days of bringing baby home. Of course you know the official word out there is its not safe to sleep in bed with your baby. I personaly know two different people who's babies rolled between the bed and the wall and died, so putting baby in anything but a bassinet or crib is unthinkable for me. However, newborns can't role, so you can get away with it for a short time. I found that the baby made noises that made it impossible for me to sleep while she was in the room with us, I cannot image the sleep I'd lose if I was on pins and needles about rolling over on my baby. I recommend a bassinet to be close to your baby so you can get some sleep. Well rested mommies make for better mommies.

Howdy! I am the mom of 3 boys who are now 14, 11 and 8. I co slept with all of them. You are right, nursing and co sleeping are very convenient. There are, however, risks as you pointed out. I do not have specific info on the type of mattress you have, but there are some things you can do to reduce the liklihood of injury to your baby. First, getting a co sleeper to that connects to your side of the bed for when the baby is very small would be a good idea. Once the baby is a bit older and has outgrown the co sleeper, you might opt to move him/her into your bed or move the crib into your room, or whatever works best for your family. Either way, keeping pillows and blankets away from the baby when they are very small and cannot move their heads/bodies at will is very important. Also, some of the deaths that occur happen due to the parent(s) being extremely obese, using drugs and/or alcohol and the baby being wedged in between a wall and the mattress. If your husband is a sound sleeper, you will need to assess that into the mix when/if you do decide to move your baby into your bed. Good luck and enjoy this wonderful time!

Hi H.,

I strongly recommend against it. All of the people I know who have let their babies sleep in their bed have a lot of trouble getting then kids into their own bed when they get older even after age 3 or 4... the kids cry and keep wanting to sleep in the parents bed. We used a basinet in our room the first 6 weeks and then started using the crib with the monitor in our room after that. Our son has always been a great sleeper as a result and never complains about going to bed in his own bed. He is now 5 years old but has been a great sleeper since 3 months old sleeping all night from 8pm until 6 or 7 am.

L.

The current (Jan-Feb2009) MOTHERING magazine has some articles about co-sleeping and bed-sharing. You can find the magazine at most health stores.
Their website has some interesting reading regarding this topic and others too:
http://www.mothering.com/

You will have to feel it out when the baby comes. For me, I found that I COULD NOT SLEEP with the baby in the bed. I was just too freaked out and worried. She slept in a bassinet (my second slept in a pack n play) in our room and she even made lots of noises that kept me awake until we moved her into her own room at 2 months. Then I was finally able to sleep. You have listed many factors that will worry you like crazy and you will probably be so tense that you will actually be more comfortable with the baby elsewhere. Remember, you can't care for your baby if you are not rested (well, as much as possible with a newborn!) so YOUR sleep is even more important than the babies. Congratulations on your family, and good luck!

Hi H.,

From reading the previous posts, I can see that co-sleeping seems to be the norm. I went the other way and had my baby crib-sleeping from day one. It worked great for me, for two babies.

One thing I would encourage you to do is read this site about how to break the co-sleep habit. The question comes up with amazing frequency. It may be instructive.

I second the opinion that says you'll be an expert on your baby very quickly. Just remember to begin with the end in mind. What you do early on will come back to bless or haunt you later on. Choose accordingly.

For example, my husband and I were very committed to our sons being excellent sleepers. We asked around and settled on our pediatrician's advice: nurse every 2-3 hours during the day and on demand at night. She said this worked well because the two main reasons babies woke up at night were 1) they were hungry and 2) they weren't tired. If you wake baby up during the day to nurse/eat, baby will get the necessary calories and will be tired because he/she will never drop into a deep sleep. Not knowing any better, we followed her advice to the letter and both our sons were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, to the day. They are still excellent sleepers.

I would also recommend finding a real down-to-earth, common-sense pediatrician.

Good luck!

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/
Dr. James K. McKenna is an anthropologist and researcher who runs the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory at a university.

He has great information on his site for safe co-sleeping.

I co-slept with both my babies. I moved my son to his own twin bed when he was 2 (you can do it earlier) and continued to sleep with him until he outgrew it. I moved my daughter to a twin on the floor of her brothers room when she was 1 and went to her when she needed me (around 5am) and stayed there till morning.

1. Your husband - may or may not be a problem. What the research found is that the mother and child get into a real rhythm and start sharing sleep cycles. I was worried about me "rolling over" on him but I discovered that it was nearly impossible because I was both relaxed yet aware of where he was. Don't know if that is the case for husbands. Has your husband ever rolled over on your cats? Have you? There may lie your answer. (My husband slept like a pencil so I wasn't worried about him.)

2. You can use blankets, but you can't use BIG ones for the baby. I had my comforter but kept it low and had something light for the both of us on top.

3. Memory foam mattress may definitely pose a problem. The sleep surface is supposed to be a FIRM mattress. I had a crib-side-car set up where I just had the crib up against our bed (one side open) so I could put them there if they got too squirmy (when they got older.) You can try that. If you really want to co-sleep, get a firm mattress. Look for a mattress WITHOUT FLAME RETARDANTS. Look for mattresses without chemicals in them. Shop around. You'll pay more, but that's what I wish I did. At least air out the room if you get a new one. That goes for crib mattresses also.

http://www.greenforbaby.com/indexorganiccribandadultmattr...

http://www.organicsleepshop.com/

Mothering.com has a great discussion board - look on their Family Bed board and see what they say about memory foam beds.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/

Congratulations to you for the pending new arrival. My husband and I thought we knew what love was, but found it took on a whole new meaning when our son was born. Some people think having the baby in bed is great, but I definately would not, especially with your situation. (Sound sleeper, cats, foam, etc.) There is too much risk of the baby suffocating. My son is now 12, but I still remember the day before he was born when my Dad, who is a retired surgeon, warned me never to sleep with my baby. As an M.D., he had seen the tragic results in the past. (I'm sorry I don't know what you're talking about with the thing to purchase to put between you and your husband.)
What we did was have the baby in a bassinet right beside the bed, where we could hear him. When he was about 3 months old, we moved him to his crib in the next room, and used a baby moniter. When I nursed him, I sat on the couch or in a rocking chair. He went back to sleep quite easily, sometimes I had to rock him or pat his back for a few minutes. I hope this helps. Treasure the times...it goes by so quickly.

Pick up the January issue of Mothering magazine for lots of great info on co-sleeping and bed-sharing.
We were anti-bed-sharing before our baby arrived, but once she did, she flat out refused to sleep apart from me, so things changed.
We feel we made the right decision for our child and you'll have to do the same when yours arrives - but do pick up the magazine (I've seen it at Borders and Whole Foods) and read the articles for some really enlightening information.
Our culture puts far too much emphasis on "independence" (which I've found is not so much independence, but in reality is just conformity and parental convenience) and not enough on nurturing.

Hi- Between the cats, your husband and the blankets it might not be the best idea to have your little one share the bed BUT...check out babyhammock.com. I purchased one for my daughter after a friend showed me her daughters hammock. They look a little strange but are very soothing for young infants. My daughter slept in hers right next to our bed for her first 6 months! The best part of a hammock is that when your baby stirs but is not all the way awake you can just gentle rock it (it has a spring) and the motion continues so you can get more sleep : )

Hi H., Purchase one of those co-sleepers that fit right next to your side of the bed. That way baby has her own space and you won't fear rolling over on her. Very easy access for nursing, also. And here's a tip: you can find them practically new on Craigslist in your area for less than half the price(I live in OC and they always come up for sale). I nursed for 21 months, with a night-time power nurser, and if baby is close (instead of in a crib in another room) you are that much more likely to keep it going because it is easier on mom. Best of luck!!

I'd probably be considered a "bad parent school dropout" for this...We had our son in a crib in his own room from Day One. Our apartment was small, so it was easy to hear him when he cried. It also worked out better for my husband and myself because we like to sleep in a cold room but wanted our son in a warm room.

We had many friends who said that their babies slept in the same room with them. They'd wake up every time the baby made any sound. Babies make lots of little noises when they sleep and wake up. By having our son in his own room, he was able to self-soothe himself back to sleep. He started sleeping through the night at 2 months even though he was breast fed. He knew that we'd come when he cried. Also, since I can't sleep during the day, I wanted to get as much sleep as I could at night. I knew that if I woke up with every little peep my son made, I'd never get any sleep. My husband also has problems sleeping and knew that he would never be able to sleep through all the baby noises.

Now my son is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted 9-year-old. He has been doing sleepovers at friends' and relatives' houses since he was about 4 or 5 with no problems. He has always been a good sleeper and very adaptable to sleeping in different environments. I believe that this came from having his own space but knowing that his mom (or dad) would be there if he needed us.

we just used a pack n play with the bassinet feature (i think they all have this now) and everyone needs a pack n play so it isn't like buying an extra bassinet that won't be used long. We got a nice neutral colored Pack n Play and used that, travelled with it for almost three years then just sold in on Craigslist. No loss at all!

Hi H.,

I'm not sure about the memory foam mattress but we've worked through the other issues ourselves. My little one has never been a good sleeper, waking 3-4 times a night. While we were on vacation we took her to bed with us in desperation (she spent a night crying and only slept if I held her in my arms in a rocking chair) and were given a shock. She slept the night through! My husband is an active sleeper and has been known to push me off the bed in his sleep. Once she was with us he became very aware of where she was and loves that she cuddles up against his side in the night. We use throw blankets and keep the thermostat at 70 degrees so it is comfortable to sleep. We also have 2 cats that have slept with us since the day we brought them home over 6 years ago. The cats sniffed at the baby and then found new spots to sleep on the bed. Every once in a while my smaller cat will curl up at the baby's feet but that's the closet they will get to her. Cats have a very good sense about babies pulling on them and tend to stay out of harm's way. LOL We've heard all the risks about co-sleeping but wish now that we never listened and had taken her to bed from day one.

I had many of your concerns, too. I ended up getting the co-sleeper for my second (we used a small basinette for my daughter but they get outgrown a lot more quickly). I was too concerned about blankets and pillows and possibly rolling onto the baby to be comfortable with the baby in the bed as a newborn or small infant. But I wanted the baby close by, so the co-sleeper was a good solution for me. The co-sleeper can be used as a porta-crib when you aren't using it attached to the bed anymore. My son was in it for well over six months. Maybe you can get a used one on craig's list or something. We tried the middle of the bed thing with our first, and it was pretty useless I thought.

H.!
You have to trust that when the baby comes you will figure it all out,it's a process! Believe in yourself! and listen to your baby.
My story is this- I came from a non-cosleeping background with a belief that it is dangerous an dnot healthy for baby.Therefore we were not planning to cosleep and i also did not feel comfortable about it because I am very heavy sleeper and like to have a lot of space in my bed.So even we had no money we bought a$400 crib and put it in our bedroom.Well....,5 years later the crib is still there while neither one of my two babies slept once in it.After I gave birth to my first one I quickly realized that my first priority was to survive.Cosleeping seemed to be the best solution to all my challenges so I went with it.We do have a king size firm matress,we put the baby in the middle and he slept all night curled up to me.We also have two cats who always slept on our bed and one liked to lay on my dh's chest every night.we worried about the cats doing smth to the baby,but they never did,they stayed away with understanding and slept somewhere else at first and then sometimes slept on the bottom of the bed.We have comforter and use a blanket on top of it in the winter.Good luck!
M..

Anytime annyone asks about co-sleeping I have to respond. DON'T DO IT! My grandfather killed his 2 week old baby by rolling over on the baby smothering it to death.
Just a little bit of info.

We bought a pack and play (with bassinet), and have a crib in our almost 4 month old son's room, and I was sure we would use both. We did use the pack and play for a while, but it is so much easier to nurse lying down when the baby is first born. They do need to eat a lot, and sometimes they just wake up a lot, and it is wonderful to not have to get up when you are sleep deprived. My husband and I are both very aware of where the baby is at all times (although I've heard sometimes the father is not as aware as the mother, you just never know), and we actually do sleep with a blanket, not thick or anything, but breathable cotton. He almost always has the blanket over his head, he actually likes sleeping that way, and I am not worried about it. The only issue we have is that I have to nurse him to sleep, which I dislike. He used to go to sleep in his pack and play by himself for naps, and then we got to the point where he just wouldn't, so I ALWAYS have to put him to sleep that way. I know some people cosleep and their babies wake up constantly, mine wakes up around 4:30, and then at 7:30 or so, we all sleep better with him in the bed. Once you have the baby, some of your ideas of things may change, so just be loose with your ideas, and do what is most comfortable for all of you.

H.,
I have a 3 year old and a 2 month old. I really wanted my oldest in the bed with us and my husband didn't. So if you both want to, and you're ok with your baby being there until he's 5 years old maybe, then cool. Go for it. My son still sleeps in the room with us, in a toddler bed next to ours. I don't want my youngest in the bed with us, and he's in his bassinet and is going to his crib in his room soon. And hopefully we will be able to convince our oldest to go with him. Think about the reasons you want your baby with you in the bed. Will you be able to tolerate it for years to come?
We have a regular mattress and it's been perfectly safe.
Good luck!

I tried with both my kids to sleep with them, but I'm a really light sleeper so it didn't work out. I think it's risky because one time I slept on the couch with my newborn because she would only sleep next to me the first week of life, and when my husband checked on us my hand had fallen on her face. It was scary. I'm also afraid an elbow would hit them, so when they were newborns, they slept in a bassinet next to us, then when a few months old, in their own room. I'm really glad now I never slept with them because so many people I know have problems getting the kids out of their bed. I was actually sad when my kids gave up waking up in the middle of the night because I became fond of some of the shows I watched at 3 a.m. in the living room while feeding them! I really think if you have concerns, don't have the baby in your bed because it is totally fine NOT to, and you will probably be glad later on.

You'll figure it out at the time! We borrowed a bassinet that attached to the bed as a cosleeper (which has now been recalled), but our daughter HATED it (the mattress was super thin and felt like you are sleeping on a hard board). The second night home form the hospital, she slept on my chest all night. She continued that (or sleeping on Daddy's chest) for a couple of months, only waking once at night to be nursed. The doctor was quite happy with this and was not worried at all. She then started wanting to sleep between us and not on us. Then, she seemed to sleep better in her crib in the next room with a monitor on. So, she transitioned herself to the nursery by herself in just a couple months. We treasure those nights that she slept on us and will for the rest of our lives. As for cats, we have one. The veterinarian and the baby care class teacher recommended getting a CD of babies crying and play it for the cat for just like a minute and give the cat lots of attention and treats during the CD and gradually play it more, always giving her treats and attention/petting while it was playing. The Pump Station in Santa Monica carries it. We did this before I had the baby and now the cat and baby LOVE each other. The cat will go in and check on her while the baby is napping and will come and get us when she is crying. Our cat has always been very gentle, but it is amazing how sweet she is with the baby. Even when our 7 month old pulls the cat's hair, she will not scratch or nip at her at all, she just meows loudly and waits for us to release the baby's hand. As for cats smothering babies, it is an old wives tale that doesn't happen. You can read up on it at www.snopes.com. Our cat slept on our bed even when our daughter was too.
You might want a Pack n play or cosleeper (try Craigslist or see if a friend can lend you one) like others have said if you are worried about your husband and baby in the same bed and I'm not sure about the memory foam, that may be dangerous. I slept in a robe and kept the blankets away from our baby.
Good luck and don't worry, you and your baby will figure it out as you go.

Check out this month's issue of Mothering Magazine. It has the latest research-based answers on co-sleeping and bed-sharing.

I think the factors you just listed would lead me to say no.
Memory foam, blankets, cats, sound sleeper don't sound good. Consider the co-sleeper. They can stay in it till they can sit up. How about a cradle. You can find both on craigslist or ebay. If you are concerned about your husband being a sound sleeper go with your instinct.
My friend went to a baby's funeral, the father had rolled over the baby. It was truly tragic. That said I am a strong supporter of co-sleeping in general, only you know what you are comfortable with/capable of.

S.