3-Year-old Daughter Cries Every Time I Tell Her "No"

I read a book once that said to never say no. You are, however allowed to say yes, with a time qualifier.

"Can I have a cookie?" "Yes, after dinner"
"Can I watch a movie?" "Yes, tomorrow."

I've never remembered to try it on a consistent basis, but it sounds like it might work better than a flat out "no".

That said, when the dreaded word "no" does make an appearance, followed by the predictable meltdown, I try to talk to my daughter(s) about how I know she's disappointed or sad and it's okay to feel that way, but that she's not behaving in an appropriate way and try to help her find a way to deal with her emotions. I'm big on trying to teach my girls how to properly handle their emotions in a healthy way, mainly cause I struggle with dealing with my own. Good luck with it! :)

I think it's a 3 year old thing.. mine does the same thing! I think your doing the right things and tammie had great advice, but keep it up. One thing I have started to so, which seems to be working is... about the time she starts to cry, throw a fit, I just look at her camly and ask "Does crying get you what you want?" She usually looks at me & say's NO... with a sad face & gives up!

Sounds like you need support more than advice. I would try asking her 'why are you choosing to be so sad? If you want to cry you can do it in your room but I think it would be nicer if you choose to be happy" Because as humans we could gaige our happiness on exterior things and be misserable all the time right? It really is a choice. It is a focus. You sound like a GREAT MOM! You are doing all the right things! three doesnt last forever nor will her flair for the tramatic.

I don't have any advice. It sounds like you're doing the right thing. My son is 3 1/2 and we go through the same thing. We just ignore it as well, don't give in etc. Eventually they'll get it...I hope 8-)
Good luck!

I know it's frustrating and wish I had advice (I have a 4yr old boy who does the same thing). Every kid hates to hear no and so do adults! We just have learned how to hide our feelings or deal in a different way. I think it just takes time and growing up. I have to say, I've sooo wanted to throw myself on the floor a few times...and if no one was watching, I probably would occasionally! :) Good luck. 3 is the most fun age and the toughest! Enjoy your girlie...and imagine she'll just be a very good communicator later in life.

I have a 4 year old that has been like this for a bit over a year. After many different attempts at correcting it I finally found one thing that works. Every time he starts to carry on, cry or even scream, I pick him up without a word and put him on our front couch and flat ignore him until he stops and calls for me. Even then he must apologize for his behavior before I let him get off the couch.

He is is doing great now!

Good luck.

Hi A.! If this keeps up for both of us, our daughters will be competing for the Oscar for the best actress in a lead drama role! hahahahaha. I feel your pain. My 3 yo does the same thing. I have begun to tell her to stop the minute the tears start. I get her to look in my eye, then explain to her that it isn't acceptable for her to cry just becuase I say NO - and further explain whey I have said NO. I let her explain to me why she is crying, and if she begins crying again...I tell her to stop, I cannot understand her. Usually, this difusses the situation. I also have started explaining to her "important" tears and what they are (she has hurt herself, frustrated with trying to do something, etc.) I will usually ask her after telling her NO if these are important tears, and she will usually tell me NO. So she does understand. Then I also explain to her that if she decides she is going to continue crying, she needs to go into her room where I cannot hear her. It takes patience, and repetiviness, but it seems to be working some. And of course, some days are better than others. Another thing I do is that when she gets upset like that, I remind her that I am the Mommie, which means I am the boss, which means we follow MY rules....she knows and understands, just needs reminding. Good for you for not giving in (that is the hardest part!), just be consistant with whatever you do, hang in there and no that you are not alone!

As far as I know it's normal. Mine (3.7 yr) cries at the drop of a hat some days. I am constantly reminding her; she doesn't have to cry, she has lots of words she can use to talk about what's going on and how she feels. Takes time and repetition and patience.

So what are you saying no to and why? You did not say so I will share with you some typical questions that come up that parents will respond with no and how not to say no:

Q - "can I have a cookie"
A - "dinner is in 30 mins, you may have an apple"

Q - "mommy I want (fill in want here)
A - "today we are shopping for (insert list here)"

Q - "I want to run outside and play with no coat on"
A - "it's cold outside and when it's cold we wear a coat"

Q - "but mommy he likes it when I pull his hair"
A - "we don't pull hair in this family"

If it about going to bed, heading out for school, shopping etc, then you need to establish a routine AND STICK TO IT. Set the guidelines and stick with it. 3 years old is old enough to understand. When my kids were younger we did the "we are leaving in 10 mins" - then "we are leaving in 5 mins" then "we are leaving in 2 mins" - then "okay get your coat on" but it was RARELY just verbal. We had purchased a very large clock at the store and had a sticky arrow on it (you know the ones you can get at any office supply store) we put it on the minute hand of when we were leaving, having dinner, going to bed, time for bath EVERYTHING. Our children got not only used to doing stuff on time, they really got a sense for time. (I had to create this because often I forgot and 10 mins often turned into 20 because I got busy and they kids got confused!)

A., routine is crucial. Set it up and you will not struggle. Guaranteed.

B.
Family Success Coach

Don't let anyone tell you the Terrible Two's are the worst phase! LOL Three is MUCH worse than 2. I would advise you to stick to your rules and the discipline system you have in place. I believe three is where the testing REALLY gets hard! Good luck!