23 Month Old Not Sleeping Through the Night...

D.,
I have a 23 month old daughter. She has slept through the night maybe a total of a month out of that 23 months. She started sleeping through the night this time around after I was putting her in footie pj's.She falls asleep in my arms for about 20 min. then I can move her into the crib. We have not let her cry it out if she wakes up as she shares a room with her older sister who is in Middle School.
I feel for you!!S.

I have 3 kiddos. Our first started sleeping through the night (6.5-8 hours) at 2 mos and still, at age 9, sleeps like a log. When our twin daughters came along we entered a whole new world. One started sleeping the longer stretches that we called "through the night" around 4.5 mos. Her sister slept through the night for the first time the week before their second birthday. After that it was hit or miss but mostly miss. I finally started averaging it out and she would sleep through about 3 out of every 14 nights. She was always small but at age 4 she started dropping on the growth charts. I found some research that suggested a link between disruptive sleep patterns and growth hormones. In other words she might not be getting to the level of deep sleep that would allow the release of the hormones. When I spoke to the pediatrician about it, he agreed and recommended that since we knew her tonsils and adnoids were enlarged that we remove them prior to putting her through a sleep study. She would most likely require the surgery eventually anyway. It ended up solving our problem. Within four months following her surgery we saw an improvement in her sleep patterns. It was gradual but our doc had said it might be due to the sleep patterning she had developed. Probably by a year after surgery, she settled into what we see today at age 7. She tends to wake from something, usually a bad dream, about once every couple of weeks. That, I can live with.

I am not suggesting that you run out for medical intervention just that you are not alone. I have always found it helpful to know what others have experienced if only to make me more aware of things that I can watch for in my own situation. I wish for you many peaceful nights. I just wish I could also tell you how to get them. :)

My daughter is almost 5 years old and there has hardly been a night that she has slept the whole way through. I think it started because we let her sleep with us until she was 18 months old--big mistake! My younger son slept in his crib from day one and slept through the night really early--not that he doesn't ever wake up, but it is very few and far between. Some things that helped her sleep longer...have her go to the bathroom before bed, cutting down on liquids before bed, and not letting her watch tv 2-3 hours before bedtime. Those really helped out a ton!

My 2 year old has slept with us since he was born. He has been sleeping in his own bed since he was 18 months, and he still doesn’t sleep through the night. I have long hair and he likes to hold my hair to go to sleep, so when he wakes up I either have to go in his room and sit by the bed until he goes to sleep or he comes and sleeps with us. I know that when he sleeps with us we don’t sleep well. On the nights that he sleeps in his own bed I am so happy, but that is not vary consistent. He and his brother share a bunk bed and when his brother comes down from the top to get ready for school it wakes up my 2 year old. I didn’t have this trouble with my older 2.

Hello I have an 18 month old, who at 11mths was sleeping through the night by my standards. Which is only gets up once instead of three or four times :). He goes through spurts were he will sleep all the way through without getting up at all, and then times when he does get up at least once to have milk and get his diaper changed. He will usually go right back to sleep after recieving both of these things, but sometimes he just hangs out for an hour always an hour then goes to sleep. He never cries, even when he wakes up, he just will sit and play in his crib and talk to himself. This is that I get to wake up to Hi Momma in the middle of the night instead of a screeching cry :) You are not alone!

D.,

Despite the hype, you are NOT alone. I know a lot of moms whose toddlers aren't sleeping through the night. They just don't talk about it unless they are asked, because there is such a judgement placed on parents about whether or not their kids sleep well - essentially, if you kid doesn't sleep through the night, then it's your fault. This is ridiculous. If you are looking for some tips, you might find "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" to be helpful. I used Elizabeth Pantley's infant version with both of my girls when they were about a year old, and it helped immensely. My personal opinion - first of all, if it's not a problem for you and your son, then it's not a problem. As long as he is getting the rest he needs and you are getting the rest you need, then who cares what anyone else thinks? Secondly, if having him in your bed gives the most people the most sleep and it isn't a problem for you, then it's a great idea. Kids love the security of being with their mom and dad, and that includes nighttime. Our family didn't cosleep for long periods of time, because I couldn't sleep with the kids in my bed. However, I now lots of families that do share a family bed, and it works for them and they are happy. If it works for you, then go for it! You might find some like-minded parents at a local Attachment Parenting meeting. You can learn more about the principles of AP at www.attachmentparenting.org/

I don't know where you live. We have a great group here in Fort Collins called Mother's Circle. Feel free to email me privately if you would like more information. Otherwise, maybe you can find a group in your local area that will offer you support in your parenting.

Best of luck,
S.

Sleeping through the night is a five to a six hour stretch, so if he has done at least that, that is pretty much considered sleeping through the night, or so I read once.

Is he going to sleep well by himself? Does he depend on you to fall asleep? That can be the biggest problem there as if he wakes back up, he needs you to sleep then he cannot fall asleep himself. Try white noise or a music box that is voice activated.
My kids didn't sleep past a six hour stretch until they were 10-12 mos, even then my son would wake up at 4am and I would have to coax him into going back to sleep for a good 8 mos after that.

At almost two your son should be sleeping a good 10 t 12 hours straight at night but so many things can disrupt sleep and they change sleep patterns a lot. Not all kids do sleep through the night I am sure.

If he is cutting teeth, growth spurts, any of that can disrupt sleep and yes, crying it out is basically the best solution, at almost two he is okay to cry it out and will not hurt himself doing so. I would try tylenol if it is possible on teething.

I know you aren't looking for advice but since you are having another baby soon I really recommend you really stand firm, be tough and let him cry it out and change up what your doing so he is sleeping through the night before you start the process up being up every two or three hours with a newborn! If you are worried about him hurting himself on the crib, put him in a big boy bed now. Both of mine transitioned by 25 mos and he is old enough to do just that. It will be easier now then closer to the baby coming!!!!
Just my two cents!

D.,

Babies usually don't sleep through the night on their own until they about 2.5 years old to 3 years old. My first didn't sleep through the night until 4 years of age. It's just normal.
That said, we can help them to learn not wake up.

I'm in the process of night weaning my 21 month old. Here's how I did it. She does sleep with us so this may not work for you, but you can modify it. Also, in sharing hte story, I want you to understand that a baby's behavior around night stuff is normal. Night time can be scary for little ones.

So my husband has been sleeping with our dd instead of me sleeping with her. I nurse her before she goes to sleep but I no longer let her fall asleep while nursing. She did get mad the first few times but I just stayed calm and stayed with her. When she woke up in the middle of the night the first night, my husband stayed close to her but let her rage. And boy did she rage. I'm not a proponent of cry it out so it was hard to hear but I knew that daddy was close and that dd needed to process her feelings around weaning and being without mommy.

She cried for 2.5 hours the first night. Then the next night she cried for a few minutes. The third night hardly at all. she gets it now. I nurse her in the morning after 6am.

She also hits things and screams in anger. It's not nice to hear or watch. But your sleep is so important.

So perhaps there is a way to move your child's crib into your room, just to let him know that you are there. Could you have daddy do that...sleep near him for a while. Explain to him what is happening and be so, so happy to see him in the morning so that he'll know that it is okay. When he is raging, breathe, meditate, or pray, whatever feels right to you. If you start to lose it, get your husband...or better yet, let him do it. But do explain to him what is happening: Night time is for sleeping, daytime is for playing, nursing, being with mommy and daddy, etc. Tell him that he can do it. This is a phrase I repeat over and over to myself and to my daughter.

Hope this helps. i feel for you. Know that there is no such thing as sleeping through the night. If he is waking once or twice, you might just try to live with it until he finishes teething (2.5years) and then see what happens. Make sure he gets enough to eat during the day. Give him some camomile tea. And lastly, go to bed when he does. This will pass, I promise you. Babies just need us when they are little but you can try to help him.

Sound Sleep is a good book to look at. It's not from the States, and offers good advice on nighttime stuff.

gwen

my oldest son didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 1/2. a friend of mine told me she and one of her children have started taking a digestive ensyme (i probably spelled that wrong). she has noticed that she is sleeping deeper and feeling more rested since taking this. so i'm wondering if digestion was a big part of the problem with my son. he's 5 now and sleeps through the night, except for the occasional bad dream or needing to use the bathroom, but during the day he tells me he doesn't sleep well at night. i'll see if i can find out the name of the stuff my friend is taking and let you know. good luck with your pregnancy! i just had my 3rd a couple weeks ago.

My daughter, now 2 1/2 slept through the night the first time at 26 months. Until that time, however, when she woke up, she would be up for HOURS. She now sleeps through the night about 75% of the time, and is only up for more than a few minutes when she is ill. My hubby was the same - didn't sleep through until almost three.

My son, 10 months, has slept through the night twice, and I'm waiting for more!!

We need a club for non-sleepers. My mom used to ask people if my child was normal for not sleeping. Felt good for a first time mom!

you're not the only one!!!!! giving kids a good attitude about sleep is most important, more important than just getting them to sleep. my 28 month old wakes a few times/night. i have a friend who's 12 year old just recently started sleeping through the night. . . i'm sure that sounds very unhelpful, but it's just the reality. two things people have so many issues with. . sleep and food, so giving a child a good attitude about these things instead of giving a child issues that may carry on for life, is what I've found to be the best approach. . .. good luck!!!

I was totally spoiled with my first child--she slept through the night at about 6 months and has slept great ever since (she's 4 now). Then my son was born. WOW. I had NO IDEA what sleep deprivation was until he came along! He's 2 now, and he finally started sleeping through the night at about 20 months, but he still wakes between 5:30 am and 6:30 am on most days (way too early for me!). And he takes forever to fall asleep at night. And occasionally, he has night terrors--once, a few months ago, he awoke at midnight, screaming, and could not be calmed down for 5 HOURS. I am not kidding. It was the worst night I think I have ever had! My husband and I were both at our wits end, took turns sitting up with him, doing everything to soothe him, and my husband even tried driving him around at 3 am, which didn't work. He finally crashed out at 5 am. It was awful. But guess what? My daughter slept right through the whole thing. Unbelievable.

You're not the only one. Most people have the misconception that kids sleep through the night at a year. The truth is most kids don't sleep through the night until sometime between 2 and 3 years of age. We are now started to get more sleep throughs than non-sleep throughs but we still get about 3 a week where she doesn't. I have also noticed if she doesn't get a good nap during the day she has a more wake-ups at night. Good luck.

Most people actually DON'T sleep through the night. We wake up, at least a little bit, several times a night (that's why we can remember dreams). We generally soothe ourselves and get back to sleep without becoming conscious of the wakening. So its really that he hasn't learned to do that yet.

First of all, let me say, I feel for you. Being pregnant and not getting sleep is no fun. My oldest son didn't sleep well until he was about 4. I know you're not looking for advice, so I won't give you any, but I will say I hope you have a better outcome then just waiting another 2 years. I will say though, that not getting enough sleep when you're pregnant can be the cause for alot of different discomforts. If you need some help or advice about pregnancy and/or labor, I am a birth doula in Denver and would be happy to help, let me know and good luck!

Your question compelled me to answer, "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" My son just recently, in the last 2 weeks, began to "sleep through the night", but for him, that constitutes one 6-8 hour stretch. He will be 2 in 2 weeks. Before that, he was up every hour, which stretched to every 2 hours, which gradually shifted to a 3-4 hour stretch and then every 2 after the first stretch, to 2 3-4 hours stretches back to back, and then, finally, it started to happen. I have two friends whose kids sleep 12 hours, and have been doing that since 6 months - I don't talk about sleep with them. Popular culture says that our kids should be sleeping, I've decided that popular culture, just like No Child Left Behind, does not allow for the individual differences there are between individuals. We're called individuals because we are exactly that: no two the same.

My son is a higher need kid. He needed that help to get back to sleep, and I gave it, and he eventually, of his own accord and will, began sleeping better when his body was capable of it. I set up a twin bed, and he eventually chose to sleep on that - the better sleep came after that transition.

There are still sleepless, restless nights. Some nights he moves and tosses and turns constantly, some nights he is in the same position for the entire 6-8 hours, some nights, when teething or sick, like the past two nights, he'll be up nursing frequently again. I've also taken a "one step forward, two steps back" attitude with sleep. That way I don't have an expectation that sleep will stay great once it seems to begin being better, but I know that it will get there.

I myself get up once to go the bathroom each night around 3. I expect that once my son is potty trained, I'm going to be a little more sleep deprived as he figures out how to get out of bed himself for the bathroom adn then put himself back to sleep.

I highly recommend No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley and The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. They provide insight into sleep and helpful, baby stepped instructions on things you can gently do to ease your kiddo into sleeping better. I don't know that it actually worked before my son was ready, but I felt reassured that there would be progress eventually. In short, you are not alone. Good luck!

H.

You are so not alone. I have had five with varying degrees of sleeping habits. In fact there are still nights when my seven year old will get up at night and wake me up. I would have to disagree with the post that says to let him cry it out, I know that some parents will say that it works for their children but at what cost to them down the road? I would maybe try making him a little bed beside your bed, maybe get one of those blowup sleeping bags they have out now we got one for our seven year old, he slept with us until he was five. Now he does just fine in his own bed. Good luck

I always thought that the question about "When did your baby start sleeping through the night?" was for people who never had kids. Some of mine did great, others, not so much.

I would let him scream it out, if you can stand it. He probably won't hurt himself that badly, and may learn from it if he does. My first used to cry 45 min for every nap and bedtime. Eventually, he got through it. If I went in to calm him, it took 45 min from the last time I was in his room for him to sleep.

Good luck, you are not alone.

PS-- that sleeping with you thing only gets worse if you let it start.