21 Month Old Has Started Biting and Slapping

My daughter is 20 months old and recently went through a stage where she would hit me if she didn't get her way. I tried slapping her hand only once and stopped when it only made her get more aggressive. I found for her that the most effective punishment is to put her in the corner. I stand right behind her so that she can't get out and I count out loud. I start at 15 seconds and for every repeat offense I add five seconds. She sits there like she doesn't care that I'm doing it, but usually after the first time in the corner she stops. I've only ever had to count up to 25 for her. I've heard of the rule of thumb of a minute for every year of age, but deemed one minute too long for my toddler. 15 seconds seems to do the trick. The bonus is the counting out loud gives me a chance to cool down if she's managed to rile me up over whatever she is done.

it might seem a bit "harsh" but I worked in a child care center and if we had a child who would bite we started off saying no and putting them down but at year and a half if you put a chair aside as a alone time or time out chair you tell them please no slapping or please no biting then sit them there for 1 to 1.5 minutes then come back and repeat please no slapping/ biting it helps them know what they are doing wrong and shows them its not ok to do and makes things easier to deal with as time goes on. but if you just put them down or in their room with their toys and activities right there they aren't going to get that they are in trouble for hurting someone else and when they are around other kids , in school, or new adults they will (hopefully) know better then to try those no things on them.

I have gone through this with my kids, and its not easy. I had several other moms tell me to hit or bite them back but I am of the mind that how can I tell them not to do it, and then turn around and do it to them.... anyhow, what seemed to work for my kids was the immediate removal of myself or them from the situation. Since my daughter (who was the most aggressive of the bunch) did not want to have to stop play time or mommmy time, she quickly caught on to biting or slapping meant no fun.

Good luck!

My daughter went through a hitting phase and my niece a biting phase. It is not fun, but normal. Don't be too sad, it will end. All of the research that I found states that it is best to continue to reinforce calmly that we don't bite or hit. You will say this countless times, but eventually it will sink in. Don't let non biting kid's mommies make you feel bad, it is not your fault. You may have to be extra vigilant at play dates because it is likely that play mate biting and hitting is coming your way. It was always better for me to prevent the situation. Good luck.

oh boy! This sounded just like what I have been dealing with off and on for a couple of months! It is usually only directed at me! I usually handle it the similar way that you do....the main difference for me is that my daughter is 3! and we talk more about it and I show her what her biting has done. I usually remove myself when I can and tell her that she may not hurt my body. usually me choosing to walk away is not the response she was looking for and she almost always shows signs of remorse right away and then I come back and say "biting hurts, hitting hurts you are not welcome to be with me if you can't treat my body safely." Then I usually go back to normal. It has gotten less and less.....I don't think there is anything that I would do differently as I don't want to shame her and my intention is to create empathy and understanding and respect for other's bodies at the same time. Luckily she has only tried it once with her cousin! and she was immediately removed from the situation and told the same things and she hasn't tried it again with any other children! Good Luck and get through day by day! I just don't think biting them back teaches them anything other than hurt! I wouldn't do it!

your daughter is old enough to start time out. i started my son around the same age if not younger. put her in the corner, hold her there and count to 15. now i just tell my son he needs to go to time out and he goes to the corner.
good luck!

We have a 22 month old boy. He used to have a biting problem, at first we set up his playpen in the living room. When he would bite I would put him in it and ignore him for 3 minutes (my pedi recommended this). It seemed to work for awhile after about a week he quit biting. Then about 2 months ago we were playing and snuggling and he bit me really hard on the neck. My knee jerk reaction was to slap him. I did right on the back. I felt horrible because he started bawling and saying mama hit. He hasn't bit me since. We don't like to hit, but it seemed to work. I had a bruise for a couple of days and when he would see it he felt bad. I think it was because he remembered the slap. We haven't dealt with the hitting yet but I hear that comes with the age so wish me luck. Good luck to you and hope everything works out.

I'm with the mom who bit back. Like you said, your daughter is "experimenting" with biting and slapping. If she has never been bit or slapped, she won't understand that those things cause pain. I have chosen to go the "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth" route with my kids in this area. My daughter bit me HARD while breast feeding when she was just 6 months old, and I didn't even think before smacking her to get her to let go. I felt bad at first, until a couple months later I realized she hadn't bitten me since! She's now over 2, and recently bit me on the leg while playing. Again, my instincts kicked in and I batted her away. She was bewildered and then I showed her the bite mark on my leg. When she slaps me, I slap her back, and she looks shocked until I tell her if she hits, she needs to be prepared to be hit back. That is a life lesson. Don't start fights you can't finish. No kid is ever too young to learn the consequences of physical aggression. As parents we have the maturity to get up and walk away or hold their hands and say no, but in the real world, if they hit another kid (or later in life, throw a punch in the lockerroom), those kids aren't going to hold their hands and say "I can't let you hurt my body." More likely than not, they'll return the favor. We need to teach our kids how to not start fights, but also how to finish a fight if they need to.

Hi There,
To start out with, could your daughter be teething? If not, or even still. I think you are on the right path. To stop her, hold her and say what you've said. I would add, "We don't bite or hit to solve problems, we use words." At her age, she may not have all the words, so what I do is I take some guesses, given the situation and then I say, is that right? Then I would say what the words would be instead of biting or hitting and ask her to try. If she refuses to try, I would continue with what you are doing, removing her and letting her try again in a little bit. If she does try, that's when you say, "Great! You are learning, you are almost two and you are growing and changing and I'm so proud of you."

A little about me. I'm the moter of soon to be 5 year old fraternal twins. I've worked with children for over 25 years, as a preschool teacher, Waldorf teacher, mental health therapist and presently I am a counselor in an elementary school.
Good Luck!

My son bit me twice. First time was in a public and I was stunned and didn't know quite what to do. So, I diciplined him what I thought was appropiate. I was having lunch with a friend of mine and she said when her kids bit her she bit them back. They didn't bit again. So, the next time my son bit me was at home......so, I bit him back. Hard enough that he got the message. He said owe....I said it's hurts doesn't it. That's a no no. This was a month ago. Anyway, good luck.

This is right up my alley. I am a 31 yr'old mom with 3. My second daughter did that. I could not take her anywhere. Everywhere I went, it was either biting or pushing to the point of getting other parents angry. It hurt and I was embarrassed, to say the least. Unfortunatly, the bitting didn't subside until she was 4 (she is now 8). My daughter is tall for her age. She is in the top 100%. After having my 3rd child, a boy, he too is facing issues, not as bad though. But he is also the tallest, in the top 100%. I have gathered from my experiences, that this may be factor in the physical sence and can only be delt with by strict instructions and strict conciquences. I Do Not want you to physicaly punish nor to verbally attact; but as with anything it will take time and practice. You will feel like a broken record, as soon as you get really tired of saying and doing it over and over, she will soon get the hint and when she keeps on doing it you will have to keep on giving the strict instructions and strict conciquenes. Make sure that she understands that it is very unaceptable and mommy does not like it one bit. It could be as simple as a question. I have found out that with my boy, all I had to do was ask him what he wanted. With my daughter unfortunatly I didn't "get it" until later. That is why I am so hip today on communication and your daughter may not know how to tell you how she is feeling, you could be dealing with an emotion. Even so, consistence is the key. I hope this has been helpful, my heart goes out to you. Best of luck. -Washington

C.,

It sounds like you're doing everything right so far. She's testing her boundaries. Just be consistent, compassionate, and loving. One thing you might want to try, if you so choose, is lightly flick her cheek and tell her no bite firmly. I did that when my kids were nursing and would bite me. They only did it a few times then got the message.

Hope this helps,
Melissa