20 Month Hitter, Biter & Pincher

I used the "I don't talk to naughty girls" thing with my daughter. I would only show attention to the one she hurt, basically ignoring her. Take away things she likes. If she's naughty don't let her still go fun places or have treats. Those things are meant for "nice" children. They all sound harsh, but once she notices it is going to get her absolutely NO attention, it will stop...

Another thing you could do to reinforce this is to remove her from the situation, physically pick her up or lead her to her room or a time out chair. Make sure you explain why she is going on a "time out" to think about what she did.

Over the years that I did daycare I learned that young children who bully are screaming for attention. Try to make time it the day that is just for you 21 month old. When you are busy try to set up an activity that really holds her attention (Water and a tea set on the kitchen floor while you are cooking). I wouldn't give her negative attention, if she is hitting ect pick her up and place her in a child safe room for 20 seconds if that does not work try longer amounts of time(5min). It will take about three weeks and you should see a change in her behavior as long as you are consistently giving her positive attention and calm time outs. Having your older child hit her back will only add to the problem and teach them both that violence is a good way to solve problems.
Also your child is having "naughty" behaviors, she is not a naughty person, she is just using the communication skill that she has developed to get her needs met. I really hope that you find a way that works best for you and both your girls!
A.

K.,

We had similar issues with our older daughter hitting her baby sister. At the suggestion of our doctor, I moved time outs to her room to totally isolate her from the social goings on of the house. We kept the time to 1 minute per year of age. However, if she wasn't ready to behave nicely and apologize to both me and her sister she was kept in her room for another time span. I made super sure her room was totally toddler safe like installing anti-tip brackes on all her furniture, etc. It worked for us but our daughter was quite a bit older. Not sure if it's appropriate for a 20 month old but something to think about. The social isolation (even for 2 or 3 minutes) was the trick. Good luck. This is a tough one.

If you have tried all the nice approaches maybe it is time for big sister to bite/hit back. I struggle with this one myself because we don't want to teach our children to bite/hit but truly it might be the only way to get the point across to her. The rule I have with my kids is don't hit first but always defend yourself against someone who hurts you.

I know it sounds ugly...

I have a 2 year old who is doing the some of the same things to her younger sister. She will hit, throw toys and take things away from her. I have tried everything, too. I do notice she is better when she gets some individual attention. She really acts up when she is being ignored for too long. I would also try to do activites with them together where they can both participate. This will help bring them together. I also do what someone else posted. When it gets bad I put her in a bedroom and she gets very upset by it. I dont leave her for more than a minute but she knows that she did something wrong.