2 Year Old Sleeping Problem

Hi J.,

My almost 2 1/2 year old used to go to bed without a fuss, but he now fights it like the dickens. He's only with me half the week (sob) because I am divorcing his father, so because I miss him so much I often climb into bed with him until he falls asleep. However, lately he doesn't know what he wants, me there or not, he just cries and cries, tells me to leave, tells me to stay... I was going to do the old "cry it out" trick (which breaks my heart), and I decided to try something the last time he did it, and it worked! I was so proud of myself. I went in and said, "Ryan, everyone has to go to sleep, otherwise we'd be too tired to play more tomorrow! I then proceeded to name everyone that he knows and loves, and said that each one "goes sleepies", in a sing-song voice; Mommy goes sleepies, Daddy goes sleepies, Aunt Michele goes sleepies, etc. Well, after a couple more minutes of crying, he stopped, snuggled up to me, and started saying them all back to me, until he fell asleep. I don't know, I just thought I'd share, maybe it's worth a try!

Good luck!

D.

My opinion is that "monkey see, monkey do.' he does not realize his sister is crying in pain. He sees her getting extra attention and he wants extra attention. If they sleep in the same room and this is no problem at their ages, maybe you can separate them until she is past toothing. I had the same problem and had to take my son into our bedroom for awhile as he was entertaining his sisters and no one was getting any sleep.

As callous as this sounds, you're never going to get him to stay in bed quietly, as long as you keep putting in an appearance every 15 minutes to calm him down. Every time you do that, you're teaching him that screaming brings Mommy back, which is just reinforcing his behavior.

I'm sure you've heard of the "terrible twos"? Well, this sort of behavior is sometimes part of it. Also, it's possible that he may be jealous of your daughter, if he knows that you're getting up with her.

I had this same problem with my son when he was around the same age....for some reason, he just didn't want to go to bed. I followed the advice of my pediatrician, and just let him cry himself to sleep. He was so stubborn, that the first night it took him an hour. It broke my heart, but I had to do it, since neither of us was getting any rest.. The behavior continued for a few more nights, but each night the time that he spent screaming got shorter, until finally he realized that screaming wasn't going to bring Mommy back, so he would just go to sleep.

I would try spending some time just with him, in his room, prior to bedtime. Maybe read him a story, or just talk to him for a few minutes. Then tell him that you love him, but explain that you're leaving the room because you're tired and want to go to bed too, and if he cries, you're not coming back in just because he's screaming. But also, reassure him that you will be there when he wakes up in the morning. You might also leave a night light on for him, or leave the hall light on, and his door open a bit. Then kiss him goodnight, leave the room, and stick to it.

I know this will probably be one of the hardest things that you ever have to do, but you have to let him work through this on his own, if you don't want this to continue to be a problem. Go outside and sit on the porch if you have to, but let him cry until he falls asleep. I guarantee that within a week, he'll be going to bed with no fussing, and then you can tell him what a big boy he is, and how proud you are of him.

My son is 2.5 and sometimes he is restless and throws things out of his crib to get attention and talkes to us to stay up later. After a few minutes I just start telling him it is time to sleep and not any other conversation. I do stay with him for a while but after a few minutes I read a book by booklight or pretend to sleep (sometimes really fall asleep). I expect to spend 15 to 30 minutes reading so it is not a big deal to me. But it would help to have a comfy place for you if you are in there a while. Also, when my son throws his toys or blankie out of the crib I tell him after 3 times mommy won't pick it up anymore (I warn him when he is on the last chance). I have followed through on this a few times so he is testing it less now than a few months ago.

Good luck finding the right solution for you. Can he talk enough to tell you why he is upset before he is tantruming? Maybe you can get it out of him when he is calm.

Someone is throwing a temper tantrum at night. He's not hysterical, hes mad. If he was hysterical he would sit and sob, he wouldnt be throwing his things out of the crib. He undestand everything you tell him, so tell him firmly that he has to stay in his crib. Tell him you dont care if he sleeps or not, but he has to stay in his crib. Tell him crying wont help, you are NOT staying in his room. Kiss him and tell him you love him and leave. Dont go back. Play loud music. Ignore him as hard as that might be. He will learn you mean business and stop eventually. If you dont ignore him it will only get worse and soon he will be in your bed all night.

Oh I feel your pain. Our son is 3 now, but when he was 2 1/2, he did the same thing. Just one night, he was hysterical before bed and wanted me right there in his room. It was terrible. He was getting up 6 times a night!! Crying, upset. After a couple of days, I bought No-Cry Sleep Solution (it did not help whatsoever). We already DID a bedtime routine. My husband and I decided that when Adam cried, we would go to his door, open it a few inches and say, "It's bedtime. Go to sleep." In the next month I must have whispered that phrase 1000 times. It took a little over a month to get him back to his normal self at bedtime AND at naps. He now goes to bed without a problem. I'm telling you if there is ONE fight that you HAVE to win, let it be this one. Fight hard for a month. Do not give in to letting him get up, putting him in your bed, turning on the tv...etc. It's heartbreaking to listen to, "Mommy? Can you come in here? Please? Mommy?" I hope it works for you. It is SOOOOO frustrating, but hold your ground and it will be over with in September.

My 2 year old went through the same thing. I know it can be very frustrating. The biggest thing is consistency. Keep your routine as strict as possible. Bathtime, story time, snack, kisses, bed. It even got to the point the words that I used for my daughter had to be teh same EVERY NIGHT.
I also found, as silly as it sounds, the advice and techniques taught on the show Super Nanny worked really well. Do your normal bedtime routine, put him down. If he starts to scream waite 5 minutes, then go in, tell him sternly it's time for sleep, give him a kiss, tell him you love him and leave the room. If he starts to scream again, wait 10 minutes, so in his room, lie him down, give him a kiss, but this time don't say anything, and leave the room.
If he screams again wait 15 minutes, go in lay him back down, this time no kiss and no talking and leave the room. Continue this increasing the interval by 5 minutes each time. It may take some time, but eventually he will get the hint that you aren't goign to give in. This way my daughters way of testing her bedtime boundaries so the biggest thing is BE CONSISTENT.
good luck.

He obviously is seeking your attention. Has there been any major changes in the household? Maybe he's feeling insecure or following what other siblings are doing? Is the one-year old doing the same?

Is he scared of the dark? Nightlight might help. I also read somewhere that people have used spray bottles of water to squirt the "monsters" away.

Do you follow a bedtime routine? Maybe leave some books/toys in bed with him to play with until he falls asleep on his own.

What about moving him up to a toddler bed? Make his room seem more appealing by changing it up and making it even more special. 2 mos ago we moved our then 22 mos old daughter to a toddler bed and had gotten her Dora Explorer sheets/blankets. We made a big deal about having a "big girl bed" and now she is really excited to sleep in her bed. Since she can get in and out on her own, she's happier.

I hope this helps!

Hi J., Your children are close as my first 2 were. I have raised 5. They will grow up together and this difficult time will pass. Your baby is teething but the older one may be getting molars. Also the 2 year old may be having bad dreams or just may need attention. Do what you need to do to comfort your child. Yes you are tired, all moms are and we do survive. I did it all, lie down with them, sing to them, rock them. They all grew up fine and know how much I love them, much more than I care about sleep. Your son is going through a rough time himself. That is why they call it terrible two. This too shall pass. Hang in there!! Grandma Mary

Wow you have your hands full:)
Both of our boys did it around that age(one is doing it now) Our first we moved into he toddler bed and had to lay down with him to go to bed every night.Our second,I am trying to keep in the crib as long as I can so when he has those screaming fits (not every night)I just lay next to the crib till he falls asleep.Also, since kid's sleeping habits change as they grow ,maybe he is ready for a later bed time.