My 10.5 month old daughter is sleeping next to me in bed as I type this. I started her out in bed, as I did my son (who is now 2.5 yrs and went to the crib at 6 months, no problem). At 6 months I put her in her crib and did exactly what i did w/ son: played soft music or white noise, put clothes away, essentially hung out until he would fall asleep. Sometimes he would cry but in about 2 weeks he was falling asleep on his own, sleeping through the night. My daughter, however, did not take to that method. When I would put her in her crib she would literally scream like she was being murdered. Because she was able to sit up, she would do so and scream. I tried sitting in room w/ her to comfort her to no avail. When we took her for her 6mo dr. appt, she had not gained any weight, dr. thought because she's using so many calories crying at night, so we took her back to bed. She sleeps fine in bed w/ me, most nights i have no problem w/ her, she wake once to nurse at 430 am, then sleeps till 630. Sometimes i will put her in her crib during the day to test her out in there, and she immediately seizes up, screams, grabs the bars of the crib. She clearly remembers the crib and views it as some sort of punishment (?), and very clearly does not like the crib. Has anyone had this problem w/ their baby? I rearranged her room thinking that might change things up a bit. Her crib is decked out w/ fun stuff, i've got a white noise machine in there, a recliner that i have slept in on many occasions trying to get her to fall asleep by herself. She has no idea how to comfort herself at 10.5 months, has not adopted a "lovee" to comfort herself with. The last time we left herin her crib we both we up at least 10 times to comfort her, with both of us finally falling to sleep with exhaustion at 2 am. When i woke up at 4 am, she was still sitting up in her crib crying!!! I started crying then, too, and ran to get her. She has been in our bed since. I am hoping someone out there can help with this. We want our bed back, but I also want a happy daughter. Help!
Thanks to you all for your good advice. I think we are going to go w/ keeping her in bed for a while and when she's a year or maybe more, we're going to try a small mattress on the floor in our room. She has been sleeping great w/ us, the only real complaint I have is my husband's snoring waking her and/or me up! :) Any advice on that? Anyway, thanks again, you are all very sweet to share your stories and advice. N
You said her crib is full of fun stuff, maybe remove it all. It could be too overwhelming for her. Maybe change things up a little. Make her room decor 1 soft color. I never co-slept, so I don't have experience on the transition. However, I do know that too much "stuff" can work against you.
Good Luck.
Nancy:
I am going to weigh in on the other side and suggest that for whatever reason she is not ready for this next transition... there is nothing "wrong" with her being in your bed where obviously she feels safe.
Responding to her tells her that you are there for her and that she is powerful in that she can eleict a response. Children who are not responded to stop crying... they know there is not point in calling out.. no one is going to listen.
P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc
www.lactationsupportgroup.com
You described my daughter to a tee a few months back. I know it is a horrible thing to do, but I did the cry out method. She used to scream so much when I placed her in the crib at night, that she would make herself poop or gag. One weekend, I kissed her good night, told her it was night night time, and placed her in the crib. She screamed 45 mins the first night, 10 mins the second, and by the third night she went right down to bed, and still does with no screaming and will sleep until the morning. It is a very draining thing to do... having to listen to your daughter scream, but it is also very draining for you to constantly go into her room. I dreaded night time because I knew the things I would have to do to get her to sleep. Now it is easy. If you try this, let me know how it goes. I feel for you, but know it will get better.
Hi Nancy, My 11 month old selpt with us till she was 6 months old. She just starting waking up at 4am screaming and goes right back to sleep once she is in bed with us. I'm not a beliver in letting her "cry it out." It was also a long process to get her to sleep alone. I had a t-shirt I wore alot that I put in her crib with her. That way she had something that had my scent. She also has a blankie. I started putting her in her crib for naps. I would wait till she was asleep (that was when she was breast feeding). Now for naps and bedtime I lay down with her till she falls asleep, then put her in her crib. I know a lot say to put them down when they are half asleep, but that does not work for her she would just start screaming once I put her down and then she was awake again. Maybe your daughter is going through a time and feels safe with you. There are nites (weeks) that my daughter will only sleep with us. Try the t-shirt or a blankie (you sleep with a couple nites first). Hope it all works out.
I know every situation is different but a child that is able to comfort themselves will be more selfsufficient and ulimately feel more autonomy. I've seen this technique on "The Nanny" on TV and read about it. First, you put the child in their crib and sit in the room, not acknowledging the crying. You stay until the child falls asleep. Slowly, you move closer to the door and out of the room eventually. Optimally, you and your husband take turns. That way, no one is the "bad guy". If your child cries durring the night, don't immediately go to her, that is how she will learn to comfort herself. Or, brace yourself and do what some others have and do the cry it out methhod. Neither of these are easy so best of luck!
I had a similar problem with my son. I don't think she hates the crib or thinks it's punishment. She just really like to be around you...that same thing with my son.
Babies are extremely smart...we don't give them enough credit. They know if mommy or daddy are going to give in to them. That's why she's crying for sooo long, because she probably remembers.....hey last time my mommy came and rescued me. :)
My suggestion is that you should wait until your daughter is extremely tired. Then put her in the crib because even if she starts crying, she can't last that long being that she's so tired. I've done that with my son a couple of times when he wouldn't give in. He only cried for ten minutes. Then little by little they start getting use to it.
Hope that helps. Good luck.
If worse comes to worse, let her sleep with you if your husband is not complaining about it. They grow so fast we should enjoy every minute of their lives.
My daughter is nine months now and started out sleeping with us - and we just recently tried the same thing you did - with the same results. We decided to move her crib into our room and she sleeps like a champ. We decided that she was not ready for the full transition - but she sleeps wonderfully with her crib in our room and I get a lot more rest! There is no rush to have her sleep in her room in her crib if she is not ready. I used to think that the only option was moving her to her own room and crib but now I realize that the transition can take many forms. Do what is right for your baby and you and think of ways to make that transition work. Just FYI that my routine is feeding the baby, then a bath and then her crib in our room. We sing to her lightly for about five minutes - and she sometimes wants to hold our finger while she falls asleep. The singing usually takes about five minutes and then she is asleep for the night. Whewwwwww!!!! I am sharing so that you remember all of your options.
Good luck!!!
Hi Nancy.
I am totally against cry it out. I know a lot of parents swear by it. If you are uncomfortable with it, then don't do it or feel pressured by other people's "success" stories. My son co-slept with us for the first 6 months. After that, I started trying to put him down in his crib at his bedtime then would bring him to our bed when he woke up to nurse (usually around midnight). He never liked the crib so I would have to wait until he was completely asleep to put him there. He always tried to climb out of it and at 9 months was getting really close to successful, so I bought him a bed. It's a low platform bed -- regular twin sized mattress, not a toddler bed. He used a 2 step stool to climb in and could climb out by hanging his feet off the edge and dropping. It's low to the ground -- the bed itself is 6 inches high then just the added height of the mattress. I would lay with him until he was very sleepy then leave him to sleep by himself. He was sleeping by himself until 4am or so up until a couple months ago. Now usually he sleeps all night by himself. When he does wake up, rather than cry he gets out of bed and walks over to our room and wakes me by tugging at my arm or whatever he can reach. Then either I let him sleep with us or I take him back to his bed and lay with him -- depending on how asleep I am. He's 17 mos. He's a very happy kid and bedtimes are not a struggle. Hope that helps.
I am currently reading the book entitled "The no cry sleep solution". It seems to have many good ideas to try, perhaps one of them will work for you and your baby.
My husband and I still sleep with our 11 month old. We continue to do so because we all enjoy it, and we get a whole lot more sleep if he's with us. We haven't tried the crib except for a few times. Although, in the coming month we are going to replace his crib with a regular bed and try that out too. I hope the book might help. Good luck and good sleep.
I'm not sure about the bed vs. crib part, but you mentioned that you & your hubby got up 10 times in a night to comfort her. If she knows that you will be coming to her calls, she will only continue to cry for you. This might be the age when she needs to learn to comfort herself.
My son is the same age (born at Halloween). I usually rock him to sleep and put him in his crib. Sometimes he would wake & I'd run back to comfort him by rocking him back to sleep again. This became a problem with multiple trips back to his room (and sometimes in the middle of the night). A month ago we decided that he needed to learn to comform himself. This involves putting him down to sleep, leaving the room and not coming back. He would cry & scream, and it was difficult as a mother to listen. I noticed that he would pause to listen to see if I was coming back. I told myself that 35-40 minutes would be my threshhold (yours might be different), and then I would go in to rock him. The first night he cried for 30 minutes. The second night for 10. The third night for 3-4 minutes. Once he knew that I wasn't coming back he learned that he needed to sooth himself. This also helped for when he would wake up in the night. I wouldn't have to get up and rock him, he would just cry for a couple minutes and fall back asleep.
I got this idea from a co-worker. He had four children and the youngest was a baby that needed rocking to sleep. He told me that the first night she cried for 30 min, the next night 10, and the next night 5. I couldn't beleive that my son was almost exactly the same. Maybe this will help with you. Good luck.
Dr. Spock's book on baby care covers this topic. I don't have it in front of me, so I won't try to tell you what he says. It's a war of wills at this point, but she does need to learn the art of self soothing....I feel for you. That was always the reason I never took them into my bed because I was afraid of that. Good luck.
I had trouble getting my second daughter to sleep through the night too. First I suggest you let her just play in the crib during the day with a few favorite toys, maybe just a few minutes to start with and work your way up to twenty minutes. you didn't mention where she naps. Get her to start napping in the crib everyday. I find I'm much better dealing with sleep problems during the day than in the middle of the night. Once my daughter slept well during her naps the night just fell into place and she started sleeping 12 to 13 hours at night. You'll get there, just stay consistant. By bringing her into your bed, you're telling her the crib is scary. Once you get her in at nap and night and she still crys, try the pick-up / put doown method. Just keep putting her down every time she gets up. it takes a while but it works. Good luck!
One tried and true methods: CRY IT OUT - leave in increasingly long intervals of 10 min, 15 min, 20 min. etc. It works; it's just hard on mom.
I like you did the co-sleeping with my breastfeeding daughter. It was so much easier at night. She could nurse when she wanted to and I could get some real sleep. When I descided that it was time for her to sleep in her crib she protested the same as your daughter. She Hates the thought of sleeping in a crib. What I did was take her pack and play and put it next to my bed. At bed time I would lay down and nurse her to sleep in my bed and then gently move her to the pack and play. this worked really well. I was still there for her. She was not instantly seperated from me. Over time I moved the pack and play further from me to the end of my bed, the hallway, and eventually to her room. I started this process when she was 11 months old and at 14 months it seems to still be working. She still hates the crib, but will sleep all night in her pack and play. I asked her doctor why she thinks she does not like her crib. What I was to was that since she slept with my hubbie and I she was used to tight places to sleep. A crib is too spacious for her to feel safe. Her Pack and Play however with it's dark mesh sides and much smaller space feels safe.
I wish you luck and I do understand exactly what you are going through, I was there not too long age.
I do not believe in the cry it out method. My youngest, I have four, is 14 months and I could not imagine letting her cry for 30 minutes straight. Our children need to be taught that we will always be there for them not left alone to sob and wonder why no one is coming to help. Have you tried moving her once she is asleep? If it really bothers you to have her in your bed maybe you can let her fall asleep with you then one of you move her. If you have let her sleep with you for her whole and that is all she knows you can't expect her to change overnight. Since she already has a fear of the crib, I would give it up for the next week or so, maybe she will forget the trauma she has had in it. Try again with putting her in there for naps after she is asleep and being there right when she wakes up, maybe play peek a boo or some game with her still in it so she starts to associate happiness with her crib. Not all kids are the same, my oldest fell asleep anywhere, my 4 yro still needs is to be there as she falls out. Yes it is trying at times but I look at my oldest and know soon she will be shutting the door to us at night and try to enjoy the few short years I have left of her wanting me there.
