1Yr Old Crying and Screaming

I agree with the previous post regarding pushing back the earlier nap to get one longer nap in the day. We went from two to one at 13 mo. In the beginning, one nap days started at 10:45, and we slowly moved them back. So, awake 6/6:30 (early waker regardless of bedtime), nap usually starts about 11:20 (lasts 2.5 hrs, sometimes 3), and bedtime about 7:30.

Good luck! :-)

I have a one year old who acts like this as well, between afternoon nap and dinner. Sometimes a snack helps but mostly he wants my attention, wants to be held and see what I am doing. I try to give him kitchen utensils, pots and pan or other things that are not normally toys and this distracts him while I am cooking. He usually plays at my feet and sometimes I still give in and hold him for a few minutes to see what I am doing. You could also try a stool next to you so he can see. I hope this helps. Good luck.

have you tried putting him in the high chair when you are in the kitchen? I would give my son some platic cups and spoons to play with while I would make supper.

Maybe he's ready to go down to one nap a day? Each child is different and we all need to treat each child individually. I have two kids....8 year old and 3 year old....and at about 10 months we were down to one nap a day....one longggggg nap. Try keeping him up until 12:00 and he may sleep until 2 or 3. My little one goes to daycare 2 days a week....and the daycare gal has it down to a science.....all the kids nap from 1:00 - 3:00....

One other thing to try is getting him a good 1 hour of fresh air a day.....if he's not ready for his second nap then he's not tired enough yet....my mom always said that outside air makes them tired. You may need to take him for an afternoon walk.....even if it's cold out....works for me like a charm if we do it before bedtime. B.

Have him help with everything you do. Give him a job...when your washing dishes give him a wet washcloth and plastic dish and have him help. Same with supper. Give him a dish and spoon and maybe some uncooked pasta to stir. He is probably tired and has a hard time coping without your attention, so try to be patience and include him.

Hi S. - I am not an expert, but my thought is to pick him up - I don't think he is old enough to be spoiled yet...and usually when my daughter (13 months) is clingy, she wants some mom time. When he is older and can be talked to like a rational person, then I would work on weaning him from your attention. But for now, enjoy how much he wants and needs you! It may be that once he gets his fix...he will be fine? Good luck!

I really think your son is telling you it's time for his afternoon nap. You've got to get him sleeping again - this really isn't a decision he is old enough to make. Just start a routine to lay down some time in the afternoon. We eat lunch, read books, and go to sleep. Something like that so he knows it's coming. Then get him sleeping again. I really think you'll find yourself in a whole new world once he gets these 2 naps a day. You're going to have to be firm and consistent on this in order for it to work. He's going to cry for the first 3 days to 1 week, but then he'll get used to it. Be prepared. Play soft music, cuddle, then put him down. You can do it if you really stick with it!

S.,
It sounds like you one year old has a bit of seperation anxiety. I think your husband may be right, but is there any reason that he can't entertain your son while you are busy doing chores? Putting him in a high chair where he can be near you might help. A good game to play with your
son is peek a boo, it teaches baby that you can be out of sight but you will be back... try a few games of peek a boo around a corner in the room when you are leaving, and make the interval a little longer each time, eventually use the break to pee or run to the kitchen and holler peek a boo when you reenter the room, you may have him giggling in no time. Hope this has been helpful
C. S

S.--Been there with this one. Do you have a carrier or backpack of some kind? Put your baby on your back and then you can go around and do what you need to and he is close to you. At this age, it worked well for us, and I still do it sometimes even though my children are a little older now. Good luck--this phase is a hard one when you are in it!

I feel deeply for you! I have been there so many times! I have a daycare and at some point, they grow out of their morning naps which I think is part of the problem. Have lunch ready at 11. Don't let him take that morning nap. Then, after lunch do your naptime routine. He may fall asleep while eating. If he does, shoot for 10:45 lunch the next day. He will take a nice nap for you. My house is arranged so that the living room and kitchen are connected so it is difficult for me to put up a gate. So, I have a living room rule. I just keep putting them back into the living room, or I will put them into their high chairs near me. That way, they are still close to me without being in danger of me spilling or dropping something on them. You are paying too much attention to the kitchen and not them, that's why they get in between you and the stove/cabinet/sink. It happens to me all the time. I would also suggest maybe cooking lunch while he is eating breakfast. That way it just needs to be warmed up and cuts down on his frustration when you leave him to cook lunch.
I have had to put a real big screamer in a pack and play out of my sight while I cook a meal. Once she went a few minutes without seeing me, she settled down and started playing with some toys. He keeps screaming because at some point he knows that you will cave because he sees you getting frustrated. They are incredibly perceptive at a very young age. I bet if you hold out and let him scream for a few days and keep putting him in the living room, he will know what you mean when you tell him living room. Good luck and stay strong.

I am typing with one hand so forgive my possible typos! Use these` words: "oh-oh. How sad. Little boys who scream (or insert bad behavior) get some bedroom time." Then CALMLY walk him into his room and put him in his crib. Then you can say something like "you may come out when you are pleasant to be around." Then leave and don't let him out until he is done. And if he comes out and does it again, he gets the exact same response. Check out Love and Logic parenting!

One other thing. We spent a lot of time teaching my daughter to calm down and to get control of herself. We taught her to take a deep breath(or breaths) to stop crying. Now, as a 3 year old she can generally go from melt down to calm in 20 seconds tops if she has a reason to. We spent a lot of time asking her "what do you need to do to calm down?" or "are you in control?" when she was 1-2 yrs old. She would say "take a breath" or "I'm in control" and then take a breath or two, wipe away her tears, etc. It has paid off since she has a dramatic personality. I typically like to ask her now if she needs a hug too. A lot of times a deep breath and a hug is all she needs.

So sometimes I would mix these two techniques if I put my daugther in her crib and 30 minutes later she was still hysterical. At 1-2 when they get angry or feel any intense emotion it can actually be scary because they don't understand the feelings. That doesn't make it OK and they will still quickly learn how to manipulate us, but I always tried to be tuned into when I could tell she wasn't dealing with it as well as she could and maybe go back in and offer her a reminder or suggestion on why to calm down or how. Usually that got her to figure it out. But there were days I had to turn off the monitor and turn on the TV and let her cry for a long while. On those times, she typically fell asleep and really needed the sleep, and that was the problem.

I would also suggest he needs a nap, even if he doesn't believe it. So put him down for one and let him just be alone, cry, whatever. If he can get some more rest some of this may die down on its own.

Good luck! This too shall pass!

I agree, I would say he is probably ready for 1 nap. I know at my daycare when my son (12 months) moves up (around 16 months), they go to one nap around noon. I almost think mine is ready for that now but he still does OK with 2. He also fusses sometimes when I leave the room but that is usually if I have been giving him my undivided attention. If he is playing on his own, he doesn't seem to notice too much. It almost sounds like he is getting too much of your time and needs to be a little more independent. He also likes to get in between me an the counter to be held. I have read that you shouldn't ignore their needs at this age, as they are still looking for reassurance from us. Mine usually does it when I come home from work, so I know he is looking for some mommy time since he wasn't with me during the day. I think he is also curious as to what I am doing and wants to be a part of it. My mom said we did it a lot when we were little too so I think it is just normal. I usually just pick him up, show him what I am doing and some stuff on the counter, then take him and give him a toy or to my husband so I can finish. Hope this helps!

It is typical at this age for many kids to transition to 1 nap. Most kids drop the morning nap but for him it seems to be the afternoon nap. Try moving the morning nap back 10-15 minutes per day until it falls early afternoon.

Some kids transition to one nap easily but most kids go through a stage where they won't take the second nap but are crabby and whiny for a month or 2 until they adjust to the new sleep schedule.

Your husband's advice in this situation will backfire. He needs you to help calm/soothe him when he feels crabby and tired. Your DS doesn't understand yet why he feels and reacts the way he does.

From what you've said, you have a very structured morning. After naptime, do you have the same kind of structure, or is it kind of a "play it by ear" type of deal? He may just need a schedule, so to speak.

Does he ever play by himself in the morning? You commented that you have a lot that you do together in the morning; maybe integrate a ten minute time for him to play before morning nap where you go to the bathroom, make the beds, wash the dishes, check your email, etc out of his sight. That way he'll know that the daily routine is still in play, you're just not there for a moment. That might make the afternoon transition a bit easier.

I personally think it's just a transition phase; new things can be scary at first. If he keeps whining, take a few minutes off to play and say that you need to get some housework done, and as soon as it's finished, you can play again. He may not be able to understand the words, but he can understand the tone.

I know how tough it is when you're frustrated, but it's just the age, and with diligence, it will work out. He may just be missing his "Mommy Time". :) Help him start a new routine for the afternoons, maybe even give him something special like a favorite song to listen to, a video to watch, or a special toy that only comes out in the afternoon. And if he needs to sit and scream for a while, let him. And if you need to give yourself a "time-out" somewhere, go ahead. Call a friend, take a long potty break, read your book, whatever. No one said mom's weren't allowed to vent once in a while. :)

Hi S.,

It would be very unusual if your 12 month old baby is only ready for one nap a day. I would say try to lay him down a little earlier in the morning, and then again between 1 and 2. Sleeping is a habit, so the more they sleep, the more they want to sleep. Sounds like you and your baby might need some time for yourselves. You didn't say what your routine is for laying him down for naps....do you put him in his crib, and he goes to sleep on his own???? Rested babies, make happy babies...and don't you believe he is too young to be spoiled. Babies don't know what is best for them, that is why they have parents to make their decisions for them.

Good luck!

C.

I think you're at a stage of separation anxiety for the most part. Do you have a sling or carrier you could use in the afternoon, so your hands are free but you can keep doing what you need to but giving him that closeness too? I remember my guy getting crankier for a time at that age. It is a phase, albeit a frustrating one.

I'm not convinced on the 1 nap change over. We did that at about 14-15 months and what I read suggested 18 months. However, you know your kiddo best. My daycare had all the kids starting naps around 12:30-1 (if they were at one or 2 naps a day - the 2 times nappers also had one around 9:30).

It all comes down to what you are comfortable with. His age suggests seperation anxiety. My 21 month old still wants to be held all the time. I just hold her until I absolutely can't and set her down to get done what I need to and then pick her up again. You may want to try to put him in his high chair so he can still see what you're doing when you need to put him down and maybe eventually he will be ok with that. I go with the theory of the more secure I can make my daughter feel now, the more secure she will be with herself later in life...then there is the other side, will she be too spoiled and babied and can't do a thing for herself. I'm with you though, it is very frustrating!! Try to keep your head and whatever you do remain calm and collected, or appear to be anyway. Hopefully it will pass with age.

He might need only an afternoon nap... I know with my daughter she started having only one nap shortly after turning one. For us the slowly making morning nap shorter did not work, but you could try that. We just plowed through the morning and within a week she easily took only one long afternoon nap (I put her down shortly after lunch around 1pm and she would nap till 5pm). Now my daughter is 2 1/2 years old and her afternoon is about an hour long, so expect that a year or so from now that your little one will take a shorter nap. You can try to start teaching them to play on their own so you can get supper started, or clean.

Best Wishes I hope you find a schedule that suits both you and your little one!

Both suggestions were ones I was also going to suggest. At age 1, my little one only needed one nap. The morning nap was pushed back until after lunch. It became a longer nap and I had about 2-3 hours to relax, catch up, prepare before he got up. He's 2.5 and still takes those after noon naps, just not as long sometimes.

And getting them to play a while by themselves helps out greatly. I have sometime daily that he plays with me alone, his dad alone (usually when I make dinner), plays with his brother, and by himself. The one on one time is great with each person, and playing alone teaches them independance.

Good luck! :)

IS he sick. Usually when my kids to this (don't sleep and get whiny) they usually are experiencing some sort of sickness (achiness, ear infections, etc.). Just pick him up and cuddle with him. Keep on eye on him to make sure he isn't sick (pulling on ears. etc.)

Chances are he is not feeling well. So if you have him "cry it out" he will just get so upset that it will take forever to settle him back down. Your husband means well but remember he is just a baby. He can't communicate with you yet without screaming.

If he continues to do this, I'd take him in to the pediatrician to see if something is wrong.

Your husband is wrong; if you just let him scream and carry on, he won't get over it. Get yourself a baby backpack and wear him all over the house. He just wants to be closer to you and it sounds like he is growing out of his afternoon nap. I suggest keeping t.v. watching down to 30 minutes a day total, and start skipping his morning nap. This way you will train him to take a lovely afternoon nap following lunch. Indulge your son with the closeness he is demanding--he seems possessive right now and will grow out of it quickly if you give in to what he is asking now. He just needs more closeness from the most important person in the world to him (you, of course!) before he moves into the world of the 'kid' and more out of the world of the 'baby'. Good luck! I remember those days. They are maddening but this phase is a very necessary developmental phase and a good chance for you to help your little one gain extra security.

Sounds like he's ready for one nap a day. Push back that morning nap until after lunch, and he will easily go down then and take a nice long afternoon nap, and you will then have a happy baby until bedtime. :)

maybe hes ready for only one nap in the middle of the day? maybe hes just not tired? teething?
its good that you know trying to let him cry isnt going to work. its really not ever going to work. he has a need, he cant express it, so he cries...
the best you can do is just be patient, its going to go away, he wont be like that forever, and remember, when you feel overwhelmed from all the needs your child has, think about the time somewhere not too far in the future where he wont need you so much anymore.
you will NEVER regret fulfilling his needs even if it makes you exhausted. you will regret not doing more though, however, i think all of us regret not doing more, no matter how much we do.
so just have patience, if you are a prayerful person, you can always say a little prayer and ask for strength and guidance to parent peacefully and to suit your son's needs! :D
the best thing you will ever do for your son is fulfill his needs. the rest is a piece of cake :D

My son is 13 months old, and he only naps once a day as well. I don't think this has anything to do with naps.

Once my son became mobile and wasn't napping as much, I realized *I* was the one with the problem--I needed to reassess my expectations as to how much I could get done around the house. I get LESS done now than when he was a newborn. Go figure.

Of course, you do still need to go to the bathroom and cook dinner! Whenever I am cooking, my son is either in the highchair having a snack, or his playpen. It's not safe to have him running around when the stove or oven are on. And to my horror, I realized that my son is tall enough to reach the handles of pots on the stovetop! I move the playpen to the door of the kitchen so he can see me, and I talk to him. I sing the ABCs, I talk to him about what we did that day, I give him play-by-play lowdown on what I am doing: "Mommy is boiling water to make noodles. Now Mommy is cooking the sauce. Yum. Now Mommy is taking a sip of vodka out her flask." You get the picture. I've found that even just talking to him is enough attention.

As far as needing to leave the room for a brief period of time (like the bathroom) tell him where you are going, and that'll you be right back. He may still fuss, but there's not much you can do in that scenario.

When my son is acting very clingy, unless there is something that absolutely *must* be attended to right that minute, I do stop and give him 5 minutes of attention or get on the floor and play with him. A little attention can go a long way, and just remember that your son will not always desire your attention this way. Enjoy it while he is small and you are still "cool". ;-)

I have a 4 year old who did the same thing...the good news is they grow out of it!!! In the meantime, it helped me to have a cupboard of toys for him in the kitchen or to give him bowls, pans, spatulas, and wooden spoons to play drums or 'cook'. It took up space in a kitchen that couldn't afford it, but it helped a little.

The other think I would recommend is the book Parenting with Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood (not 1,2,3 Magic!). The library has this book, and its around $20 on amazon. The first important skill I learned in this book, which helped with my little screamer, was to give him choices whenever possible. "Mommy's going to cook right now, do you want to play with this car or stir soup in this bowl?" is one example.

The next skill I learned was, "I'll pick you up when you are quiet." Calmly repeat that, wait for a break in the crying and then pick him up for a little while. Then try more toy distractions. He's a little young, but will learn to ask nicely to be held. Consistency is the key.

Also you could try holding off the morning nap until 11 or 11:30, to help him make the long stretch from lunch to bedtime. The farther into his second year you get, the easier it will be for him to cope with one nap. Good luck and God Bless you! Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your son!

It sounds like your little guy is going through the oh so normal phase of separation anxiety. It is completely normal, and he will grow out of it. He is just going through a phase of insecurity and he needs to know that you are always going to be there for him. So when you need to go to the bathroom, take hime with you. Grab a book and he can sit on the floor while you do your business. Same thing with cooking, set him up on the floor with some toys and let him watch you cook. Take him with you until he realizes that you are not going anywhere and he can trust that even though he can't see you, that you are there. At his age, object permanence isn't there yet. If he can't see you, you aren't there. It will come, don't worry. I know it is frustrating having him freak out just because you went into the other room, but put yourself in his shoes. You walk into the other room, his little brain tells him that you are gone, and that is scary. By understanding what he is going through will help you cope with the tears and screaming. Good luck to you and your dear boy!

My 17-mo old acts like that when she is tired. Even though, he doesn't want to take a nap, he might need one. My daughter doesn't always want to lay down in the afternoon, but she always needs one or she gets crabby & acts the way you describe. Another suggestion might be to give him something to play with in the kitchen while you get things done. I have a couple of cupboards with plastic containers and lids that I let her play with. She stays occupied & she is right by me, so I can keep a close eye on her. I undertstand the frustration, so good luck.

I haven't read through your other posts, so hope this isn't a repeat. I would try pushing his morning nap back...later in the morning. It sounds like he's just over tired in the afternoon because he's not napping. Many one-year-olds transition to one nap a day, but the later you can hold them off, the better. Try keeping him up, giving him a morning snack, etc. to make it until 11:00 and gradually push it back until after lunch. You may find this helps.
Good luck!

Stay strong! You are the mom here, what you say goes. Now, on the other side I totally understand about not wanting it to be worse than necessary and feeling mean and unloving. So, here are a few ideas. I know he is 1, but talk to him. Give him warning as to what is going to happen and when. Does he like stickers? Make a chart that says took nap without crying, and other positive actions. And last, have you tried putting him in his high chair and letting him play with play dough or crayons or some other activity that would be a treat. I had not thought of this and a friend of mine suggested it for when I was trying to cook dinner. It worked, often. Good luck and remember that you are not alone and there are many of us moms out here that have been where you are and lived thru it. I will pray for you and your family. Oh yea, my husband also says to just let them cry and they will get over it. Sometimes yes, sometimes no.