14 Month Old Tantrums

OMG, my son is 14 months and started doing the same thing a few weeks ago.....thanks for posting the question. He has his 15 month well visit tomorrow and this was one of my questions to ask the Dr.

Sounds like my son. I know how frustrating it can be. I started just putting my son in his crib until he calmed down. Other than that all I can is to just keep doing what you are doing. I know it's hard, but eventually he will get it. Just think though, if he's doing this now... maybe you won't have the terrible 2's!

I completely agree with the other posters. And I would add two things - 1. You may have a very bright kid on your hands who needs more mental stimulation. If you are constantly having to redirect him, maybe he doesn't have enough challenges before him. Make sure you are not making too many things no nos around the house. Allow him to get into some things around your house, like a kitchen cabinet with pots and pans. Let him empty a cabinet, bang on the pans, explore them, then make a game of putting them back. Let him help with household chores - my kids used to love to throw clothes in the washer or pull them out of the dryer. From a toddler's point of view, all these things are facinating. The more you can all his "help" the more involved and satisfyed his active little mind will be!

The other thing is - to really control the tantrums all of his caregivers need to be on the same page. Whatever method you use to handle the tantrums, you should all follow them exactly the same way. That will send a very strong message that this ain't working with anybody!

A., I totally agree with you on the positive discipline! That makes a HUGE difference with my son! (He's 2 1/2.) One other tactic that I used was, if he wanted to throw a fit that was fine with me, but he had to do it in his room or bed. That was I knew he was safe (nothing to get hurt on) and once he figured out that his screaming/throwing/etc wasn't getting him what he wanted, the fits stopped pretty quickly. There's nothing wrong with putting him in his crib or pack'n'play and letting him cry for a little bit. I would check in on my son every couple of minutes and ask him if he was done yet - a couple of times he even told me know. I said okay - let me know when you want to come out! It worked wonders with my little boy - hope it helps you!

I know how hard it can be to have this little person that you love so much scream at you, but hang in there. It really does get better!

i think you're doing fine! just stick it out, sister. this, too shall pas... quick story, my son was a bit older probably getting on 4 maybe even 5, he was throwing fit after fit. i waited until he was throwing a fit at home and i threw a fit with him! i lay down on the floor next to him, screamed with him and had a full on tantrum! it was sooo funny to watch his little face. i think he thought i had gone coo-coo. then, after that if he acted like he was going to act out i would start whimpering and stick my lip out. you've never seen a boy whip himself into shape so quickly.

A., i completely agree with the other poster. sometimes all you can do is allow them to throw their fit. ours are usually because mom is making dinner, cleaning, or whatever, and the attention isn't there...so since i'm usually in the middle of something, i don't stop what i'm doing to take him to his room, i just tell him, ok, sorry you're mad, but i'm not talking to you if you're screaming. and completely ignore the tantrum. usually he fits it out for awhile then comes to me for some lovin, which is fine with me. if the situation is different (being told "NO" about something, god forbid) i will sometimes put him in his room, but if he's all wound up he's not really hearing me so i don't feel like he understands "hang out in here till you're done", i feel like he thinks it's more of a punishment. but those are just our methods. what i wanted to say was, please for your son's sake get a hold on his, because at 14 months, i guarantee you it'll get worse before it gets better. if you give him the message now that tantrums won't get him what he wants, when he's 2 and 2 1/2 he won't expect them to work, so there won't be as many of them. just like anything else, tantrums start as a last resort because he has no clue how to express his emotions. they'll keep going if you don't teach him better ways to get his point across. then it becomes a training/discipline issue. good luck!

I thought I was reading a post from myself! Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Our pediatrician told us at our 15 mo old daughter's checkup Monday that it's perfectly normal at this age and to make sure she's safe and then ignore her so she learns that's not how to get what she wants. Even negative attention is attention at this age. Hang in there!

I'll be reading your responses myself! I have a 17 month old daugher who has just started the same antics! You're not alone!

I simply did not tolerate temper tantrums. What they do is reinforce to the child that if he/she can not have their way, then in order to get their way, they can exhibit this kind of behavior.

I carried around a wooden spoon called the "Rod of Correction". Sometimes you have to tap the hand or the bottom, along with "that's a no-no", while bending and looking the child intently in the eye.

I do not believe in letting your child lay on the ground acting out like that. I'm sure it makes you feel powerless. You have to be the one in control.

I believe in positive reinforcement also. But the reinforcement comes after good behavior, not to gain good behavior.

I hope you feel me because I feel you. You are the parent, the child does not run it.

My children (who are now 13 and 16) were "very curious, active and precocious children. They loved to explore and I gave them exploration toys. I allowed them to look and touch. I did not remove "pretty things" from my living room and dinning room. I took the advice of my mother and gave them a tour of the space for a "one-time" touch, feel, and "this is mommy's pretty thing"..."do not touch"...."that's a no-no" (wooden spoon in hand). This will also teach them not to bother other peoples things when out visiting.

Trust me, it works. Acting out and touching things that do not belong to them is not acceptable behavior, and they need to learn this basic thing right away.

I know it is difficult because you want to be a sweet, loving mommy with sweet, loving, disciplined children. Stay calm, be correct the negative behaviors and reward the positive behaviors.

PRAY WITHOUT CEASING!

That sounds exactly what happened to me. I used to joke that a monster had taken over my sweety pie. When we had to switch daycares, she really went nuts. The gal introduced me to Dr. Thomas Phelan's method "123 Magic" and saved our lives. He has a website full of information to choose from. Within a week, we had our funny, sweet little girl back and I hardly count past 2. (counting 1, 2, 3-Time out) We use it with the older boys too! Dr Phelan is a renowned ADD expert as well so he's been in the field for a long time not just a new author.

give it a look and see what you think!

A one-minute time out usually works even if he doesn't completely understand it. Walking away, if he is in your home usually works. I would put him in a play pen if he has one.

Kids want you to see their tantrums, so you must leave his sight. Try saying I am going to go in another room so that you can finish this.

Also, make a log of when he has tantrums.

Where is he?
Who is around to watch? Is there someone that he wants attention from?
Is he sleepy?
Is he hungry?
Is he over-stimulated?
Are you or someone else about to leave?
What was he doing just before the tantrum?
Did it end spontaneously?

Hopefully, you can find a pattern or trigger for your baby's behavior.
Most tantrums are the result of something that the child finds overwhelming or upsetting.

Best of Luck!

PS I like Meg's tantrum (a couple of posts below) also. That does work with some kiddos. ;)

I can't speak with a lot of experience. My son only had one and my 3 girls never had a tantrum. But when my son had one, I ignored it. Ignored it as in... I told him to go ahead and have his fit. I was going on about my business. I told him that when he finished and was ready to be nice to find me. I went up (he was on the landing on our split foyer house) and fixed myself a sandwich (it was lunchtime). I sat where he could see me from where he was. I talked to myself the whole time about how good that sandwich was (I was about to throw up because I was so concerned about my son) and how nice it was outside. He eventually climbed up the stairs and buried his face in my lap and cried. We had a talk then (he was 2) about how it wasn't nice to act ugly like that... that mommy loved him and wanted him to be a nice boy. He climbed into my lap and hugged me. I fixed him a sandwich and he never had another tantrum. He saw that it didn't get him anywhere, and that I was having fun without him. (so he thought.. my stomach was in knots!) He probably screamed and threw himself around, kicking about 5-8 minutes! It takes stamina to just let them go on, but.. in my case, it sure paid off! Good Luck. And as the other poster said, "Pray".

I agree with most of the other posters; it's entirely normal, and you're doing fine by ignoring the tantrums and redirecting his attention. It may just take some time for him to realize that: 1. there might be a better way to communicate his needs, and 2. the tantrums are not getting him what he wants.

Right now, he's likely just frustrated that he can't explore the things that he sees the grown-ups "playing" with (the DVD player, the little glass knick-knacks, etc). ;-) Tantrums at this age aren't usually about attention as much as about venting those angry, frustrated feelings (but of course, they can quickly *become* about getting attention, if we parents aren't careful how we handle it).

If you can allow him to explore some things that aren't childproof, but are reasonably safe under close supervision, this might help alleviate some of his curiosity, as well. I wouldn't do this with anything he can reach on his own, though... only things that can be put out of reach (and preferably out of sight) when he can't be as closely supervised, so he doesn't get confused and think it's an "anytime" toy. For instance, we used to let my toddler play with my cell phone (with the keys "locked") under close supervision.

You might try "rotating" his toys if you haven't done so already. If he has things to play with that seem new (even if you had them out 4 weeks ago), it may help hold his attention a bit longer and give you one more way to redirect him.

To the poster who said, "I don't think his tantrums should be ignored. He needs to understand that it is not right to behave that way." At 14 months old, he doesn't KNOW any other way to behave when he's upset. How do you explain to him the "right" way to behave at this age? Punishment like a spanking only works if the child knows what they did wrong in the first place. Even our court system allows for exceptions for those who are *incapable* of understanding how to behave--we try to keep them from harming themselves or others, and/or teach them a better way.

At 14 months, most toddlers don't have the words or the actions to communicate well at this age; they do not yet know how to express anger or frustration correctly. They should not be punished for that!

That is why I feel that the OP (A.) is handling it just fine with her son. With consistency and patience, he will outgrow it and find other ways to communicate.

I agree with the idea of calmly putting him in a safe place...and just let him enjoy his tantrum all by himself. Check on him every couple of minutes...ask if he is "done"...dont try to talk to him..he cant hear you when he is in the middle of a tantrum. But dont reward his tantrum by giving him what he wanted....that just reinforces the behavior. And get a handle on it NOW...or it will just get worse.
Good luck!!
R. Ann

Sounds perfectly normal, A. :). I have an 18 month old son and he sounds the same way. They happen pretty often but are short-lived (thank God). What I do is just ignore them. It's simply (like you said) he's not getting his way. They don't know how to communicate their anger and frustration yet so that's what they do (arch their back, hitting, etc). Luckily it is just a temporary thing. Good luck and God bless

continuity is the key....at home & with all caregivers. Everybody has to be on the same page, & with grandparents...good luck!

I agree with the other posters, this is normal & age appropriate. & it can be miserable! One of my methods is to hold gently onto the child's hands, kneel down for eye contact, & quietly say, "we need to be nice & use our nice voice. I know you are upset, but throwing a fit hurts my ears. I'm going to put you in this chair & you can get up when you feel better." We either walk to the chair or I carry the child. If the child is resistant, then I move away & allow the tantrum to end. If it's not over in a timely fashion, then I use the bed for time-out...usually with a fav blanket which helps soothe.

Self-soothing is the key to ending the tantrums quickly. Once children learn to calm themselves, then the fits ease off. Unfortunately, at 14 months, using the bed is more effective than a time-out chair...few children this age stay in the chair. I'm very fortunate that my daycare kids love their beds & feel secure in them.