13 Months Old Tantrums

This is such a tough age! There's so much out there about "terrible twos", but so little about what to do when they hit a year early! From your daughter's point of view, she knows exactly what she wants and she expects you (or her other caregivers) to know it. But she doesn't have much verbal skill at this age, so when her intentions are misread, or when she wants something she can't have, she throws a tantrum. Every time. Loudly. Endlessly...

What can you do? First, help her out with language skills! Sign language can work wonders, but also spend some time just repeating her sounds back to her. The repetition will help - really. Try to anticipate her desires - does she always want to touch a certain lampshade, is she fascinated by the cat's tail, is she constantly trying to get over a certain gate? Some things can be rearranged to be less frustrating for her, and some can't. That's life. Try to remove some of the frustrations, but also accept that tantrums are going to be part of life for the next few years.

Sometimes, your daughter will need to know you're there for her, even if you don't know how to help, or can't for whatever reason. She's still a baby - it's okay to "baby" her when she needs it. But it sounds like she's also going to be a bit stubborn. So when she's just frustrated because she can't have something, you'll need to ignore her. It's a fine line, and you won't always handle it right.

I always tried to imagine each situation from my daughter's perspective - was she tired/hungry/overstimulated to begin with? Is her frustration justified (did another kid take the toy she was playing with)? Or is she just expressing her dissatisfaction with life in the loudest manner possible? For the first two, I would comfort, for the last, I would ignore until she calmed down a bit.

As for violent behavior, you definitely did the right thing! Throwing things at any age is not okay. Put her in a safe place, and leave - that is, stop interacting with her.

As she gets more verbal, the tantrums will change (and hopefully lessen!), but you'll actually be much better at coping than a lot of the other moms of 2yo's you know - you'll have had practice, and you'll have already established the words you use and the consequences for certain behaviors. I know, it doesn't make it easier now, but it will get better.

Around 18 months, she will be mature enough to start using time-outs - one minute for each year of age is the standard I have used. Used consistently, time-outs are great discipline.

I feel your frustration! Remember, it won't last forever! You're doing a great job.
-K.

Ahhhh welcome to toddlerhood. My daughter is the same way. She throws herself on the floor and pitches a fit. If you try to hug her or calm her it just reinforces the behavior. And if you give in to what she asked for your going to see them a whole lot more. Your best bet is to just ignore her. Make sure she is in a safe place where she can't hurt herself and just let her have at it. My daughter threw one yesterday, because I asked her to move because she was in my way. She threw herself down right in my way, so I picked her up and moved her to another place where she continued to have her fit. I just ignore her and they end pretty quickly. The reason they do this, they are angry and they don't have the words or coping mechanisms to hand their feelings. If you ignore them, she learns to self soothe and she learns how to handle her emotions. So just ignore her, eventually she'll outgrow it. But until that time good luck.

I hear you I.. My younger daughter is nothing like the older one either. It is neither a good thing or bad thing. It must make you feel so frustrated to come home and have her act that way when all you want to do is love her because you haven't seen her all day.
I agree with Kristen except that she is never too young to learn how not to behave and to get a time-out and you did just that when you put her in her crib and gave her a time-out for throwing things and being out-of-control. My daughter was 10mths.(I couldn't believe how young either) when she had her first and last tantrum, also her first time-out. It was quick, must have been for a minute or so, but she got the point that there was no way I was going to tolerate her acting that way. I think the younger they are taught, even if they don't fully understand the concept, the easier it is in the long run, especially when it comes to discipline. They understand more than what we give them credit for. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, now it just takes time. Also it doesn't help if she is tired and cranky. Alot of my daughter's "terrible two" antics were a result of her being tired. Make sure they are giving her adequate rest periods at your child's daycare. That way she isn't cranky when you get her. I know that it sounds far-fetched, but it is worth suggesting. Can you take five min. to sit down and cuddle with her when you get home? Sometimes just a little will go a long way.
Hope this helps.
R.

could it be daycare? how are the other children she is with? Is the person in charge.. a yeller? or soft spoken.. does other children take her toys away from her. What do they do when she yells??? do they give in.. and give her what she wants. You have to talk to them.. and make them on the same page as you... if you ignore her.. then they should too. don't hug her and give her what she wants.. find out what they are doing when she has a tantrum. Sometimes just turning your back and walking away helps.. they dont' get what they want.. and they learn from it. Check out who is watching her during the day.. and how they are... sometimes it's good to take a day off and just show up... in the middle of the day unannounced so you can see what they are like when you are gone?? hope this helps.

My daughter does the same thing. People have told me that she is curious about things and wants to touch them. She will cry and carry on if I tell her no or take it away. I usually try to occupy her with something else. She is 17 months old and is starting to really like dogs. Since we cannot have them in our apartment we bought books with dogs. We can have cats and we have 2 and I tell her to go find the kitties. She forgets about what she was crying for and goes to look for the kitties. Try to play with a favorite toy or book and that will keep her occupied and she will forget all about it. I know that you said that she throws what you give her, but keep at it and try to be patient. It is just a phase and it will pass. My daughter is getting better at it and with time it will pass. Good luck!