Is this even possible? She is my 2nd baby, so I still think of her as a baby. she has always had a bad temper, but I actually think she throws tantrums. She screams, yes screams and wails, when she doesn't get something she wants. It could be as simple as if I don't pay attention to her or pick her up when she wants me to. She freaks out! What do I do? How do I handle this behavior. I know with 2 and 3 year olds, you don't reward tantrums, but is it the same with a little one like this??
In addition to the other two moms comments, I just wanted to chime in that my son was throwing "tantrums" around that age and I discovered his molars were coming in and making him very uncomfortable. And then he also started doing it when he had an ear infection, so you might want to check to see if there's something physical going on.
It's developmental... they don't do it to irk us... but they are just as frustrated about it too... and they can't communicate the way that we want.. .thus they get frustrated and "tantrum."
Teach her some sign language.. it really helps. I did that with both my kids.
Also bear in mind, that a child does not come equipped with a full range of emotions yet, nor that ability to "understand" abstract feelings... thus, they tantrum. They are only learning... it takes a whole childhood to learn about feelings and what "appropriate" ways of handling it is. Heck, even adults aren't always good at managing their emotions! LOL.
At this age, use redirection, and distraction....
No, you do NOT use the same approach as with a much older 2 or 3 year old child. Keep in mind, it has to be age appropriate. Many times, adults expect a child to act much older than they are... so this will frustrate both child and Parent.
It's all normal. All kids do this. It is developmental based. Not being "naughty" kind of thing. They are learning about their world... and we need to manage them.... "discipline" is about "teaching"...
remember, a child WILL do things over and over... they don't even have "impulse control" at this age... FULL impulse control is not developed until about 3 years old. At best. So, a 13 month old is only doing what they understand at this time. Even if you tell them "no" they will do it again.
So patience.
All the best, sorry I have to run,
Susan
I agree with Ginette-in just walking away. I have a son who is 20 months, but has been doing this well before 1 yrs old and our ped told me the same thing-JUST IGNORE! I do that, but keep an eye on him and I can actually see him pick his head up and see if I am still looking and when he realizes I am not he stops,gets up like nothing just happened.GOOD LUCK! L.
Ugh, I am in the same boat with girls the same age. I double checked to make sure I didn't write this!
I am going to keep reading everyone's advice because all the below info hasn't helped my daughter "behave". I am going to just hope it gets better. It's so hard because my first daughter was NOT like this... she is very even tempered and was easily distracted. I am CERTAIN I will see you, S., across the aisle at Macy's while our children are throwing themselves on the floor in a tantrum and just roll our eyes at each other ;). Go Mommy Power!
S. this is such a difficult time for all of us. It is no fun dealing with tantrums. I've heard of a lot of options. You could try to redirect, ignore, time out. I've even heard of demonstrating how to really throw a tantrum. I think that method is supposed to take away the desired attention and show them how silly they look. For my kids who started throwing tantrums early I did a combination of these. Redirect is the first step for us. If that doesn't work I decide if the situation best fits ignore or time out. Either way I say, "Let me know when you are ready to talk to me." My kids now 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 are able to now get calm/quiet on command if the conditions are right.
I don't know how I would manage life as a stay at home military wife and mother if I didn't have kids that can communicate. We are able to side step a lot of tantrums because of good communication. My kids know some sign and have picked up language fairly young. I also ask them to "show me" or " use "different words" to tell me what they want when I can't understand. It helps to ask yes/no questions.
I hope you have patience to find the method of teaching your child appropriate ways of expressing frustration/anger as well as ways to calm down. Good luck!!
I am in your exact spot right now. My kids are 3.5 (DS) and 17 months (DD). But from 12 months until now my DD has thrown tantrums. I usually just ignore her. But when she gets really bad with them, I put her in timeout in her crib for a couple minutes or until she calms down.
At this age they don't understand punishment. But they understand your tone of voice and facial expressions and physical expressions. So my DD definitely understands that if she acts a certain way, she will be taken to her room and left by herself.
S. I am so glad you wrote this becuase I also have a 13 month old daughter who has DEFINITELY been throwing tantrums for about a month. Throws herself on the ground, rolls around, everything.
I have two friends who are developmental therapists (for kids) and they both suggested to just ignore the behavior. Walk away, but don't leave the room (you don't want your child to feel abandoned). This has acutally worked really well for me.
Good luck!
My youngest one is a spirited child as well.
And even though I did not start time outs with my older children until they were almost 2 with this one I started at about 11 months. She just needed to have the extra guidance.
I started with just taking her out of the situation and setting her into the time out spot. For half a minute only. She would keep screaming but eventually she stayed sitting.
She realized I would just walk her back until the timer dinged.
Afterwards I would show her how to ask nicely or be gentle - or whatever behavior she needed help with.
She is 15 months now and still has outbursts but calms quickly once she is realizes I will put her in time out - there are times when she walks herself into time out herself (too funny!!!) so I am not sure she quite gets it or understands that it is a "punishment". Right now it is more a interrupt the downward spiral to tantrum.
It helps me not to get mad and act unapropriatly with her. I know how frustrating it is to try to reason with a baby!!!
:)
Good luck!
-caudia
Hi S.,
I think this is pretty normal. I think you can start doing very, very short timeouts at 15 months--that's when my pediatrician mentioned them--and I remember her telling me to be patient because so much of the world is off-limits to toddlers. You have to tell them stuff over and over again since they don't have the long-term memory.
She is probably just trying to get your attention--especially since she has a big sister. I wouldn't worry about it. You might just have to let her cry sometimes if all of her needs have been met. I'm sure this too will pass.
:-) D.
