I really appreciate all your advice, thanks!
I wouldn't try to market this story in this form. Most publishers expect more. For people to be drawn in it must be believable, they need to put themselves in the character's positions, ya know, understanding.
This reads like the Harlequin novel that was never published for a reason.
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I think you missed my point, you are living in a fantasy world.
Okay. You say you have never met him, have seen a facebook "page" and email him.
You have NEVER met him????
Have you not seen the show "Catfish" or heard of being catfished?
I highly recommend watching a show (or 5) and seeing that these "men" that are online (women do it too!!) friending people, conveniently out of the country, or on business trips, or can't meet, are often not who they say they are.
You could be "falling" for someone that is NOT who they say they are.
L.
Closure? Lets see. How about your husband and child. Or your "friend's" wife and child?
I think you are being extremely selfish, and instead of playing with fire with your marriage and mind effing this married man, get yourself some help and figure out what's making you so unhappy.
How would you feel if some internet buddy was urning for your husband?
Stop thinking about yourself and get over it. Closure- its too late.
Please don't take Momof2boys advice! Clearly she is a hot mess as well. Get some therapy!
Did I misunderstand something? If I read your post right, YOU HAVE NEVER MET THIS GUY.
Relationships with people we have never met are NOT REAL, no matter how many wonderful words they use and how many cute pictures they post.
You miss him right now because you are trying artificially to fill a void in your REAL LIFE.
And I'm not being facetious when I say that you should considering volunteering somewhere. Volunteering in some capacity that makes us feel worthwhile is the #1 thing that brings people happiness, and that is a proven fact.
Let him go. Your relationship with him is NOT REAL.
First and foremost, you tell your husband that a chat buddy that you were close to 10 years ago emailled you. And then you talk out what will work best in your marriage, being completely honest about your feelings. Anything less....IS cheating.
In my marriage, I'd tell my husband and then email this man letting him know that I'm married and, though I enjoyed the friendship 10 years ago, do not feel it appropriate to communicate anymore. I'd ask that he not email me again and wish him all the best.
Then I'd put his email on my blocked/spam list and send anything from him straight to my trash folder. And be done with it.
My marriage is FAR more important than some very far removed feeling for someone I've never met 10 years ago. My marriage is now, that was then. I'm not even the same person I was 10 years ago. Neither are you.
i'm not sure what's going on with you, but you absolutely should not dump all this on him. he's got his own life and it would be rude and awkward for you to bury him in this sudden fantasy thing you've got going on. how do you think his wife would like it? how would you in her shoes? how about your husband?
if you need help dealing with it, it's counseling time.
please do not burden the people in your life or his with this.
khairete
S.
Oh sweetie - please stop thinking that this guy was a close friend. He wasn't. He was some dude who would talk to you on-line and on the phone while living his real life that you knew nothing about. What you miss is the story that he spun for you. He's like a character in a story and you got to play a character too. My God you never even met him in person - he's not a real friend, really he isn't. Mourn the loss of your storybook character and move on. Your real life and your real marriage to a real guy are worth much more than living in the past in this made-up pseudo-reality. You have no idea who he really is and he has no idea who you really are. Cut off contact with this guy and move on.
Rewrite this question, but make it your H's question. Then you will have your answer and your closure.
Too long
but sounds like an outline for a novella.
basically your main character is having a "grass is greener on the other side" moment. she has seen how life could have been with this mysterious man she bared her soul to, but never met, all those years ago. now she wants to meet this mystery man and she wants her husband's blessing to mourn the loss of that historic non-relationship...putting her present into jeopardy - but, maybe, propelling her into the arms of her almost, lover.
ahem - your main character is a twit to potentially destroy two families because of the "what ifs". she needs a good counselor and a heavy dose of reality. she also needs to pull her head out of the clouds and grow up - after all - she is in her 30s.
good luck with the novella. it will make a great "bodice buster"
First off - welcome to mamapedia!! (even though you have told us this is a made up account).
Second off - I'm sorry - I gave up reading your book half-way through. This is a long-winded way to say - as your screen name states - you are IN A RUT.
What do I think is going on with you? You have regrets because you lived your life to please others instead of yourself. Okay. We've all had the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" moments. You are in a rut in your marriage. You STATE you are happily married - however - you are pining for a man you can't have. Face it.
This "man" (I'll use it loosely) is supposedly happily married and is, in essence, hitting on you. You, stating you are happily married, but if you face the fact - you aren't - are letting this guy play on your heart strings.
Wake up, Chicka!!! You willing to lose it ALL over some words and things you didn't do in the past?! If you were MEANT to be together - then by all means - go meet this "man"....get him out of your system....
Would I tell my husband I miss a friend? yes. In your situation - this guy isn't a friend. He was a romantic interest - even if you never met in person - and he's playing you. You don't have the "spark" you want and desire in your marriage - so this guy - who made your heart thump back in the day - is making it thump again...
Instead of wasting time on the "one that got away"? Invest all this energy into your marriage! Revive your marriage. Cut this cancer out of your life....if you don't cut him out - he will bring you and your family down with him. Do you really want that?
Ok--waaaay too long to get through.
But you miss a man you've known only online and have never met on person?
It's always easier to love the "idea" of a "petfect" man than an actual living breathing, burping, farting man, warts and all.
I'd bet if the tables were turned and this was a woman your husband knew online, you'd be totally freaking out. So STOP talking about it to him.
You sound very, very young. And (not meant to be harsh) immature.
Time to grow up and be a wife and mother.
There's NOTHING boring about that.
I think it is time to close that book and open a new one that deals with only your life. Things happened for a reason and you and this person are not together for a reason. Don't upset your husband by revisiting your past, there is nothing you can do to change it, it is done. Over. All you will do is create heartache, drama and stir the pot. If you are happy with your life now and happy with your marriage why go and revisit a guy you say it your friend in one sentence and then then next you say he might have asked you to marry him? That is confusing!
It's 'Good Old Day's' syndrome.
You're not missing what you think you are missing.
You are 30, waxing nostalgic and missing your relatively carefree younger days.
You and this old friend are not together for a reason.
You went your separate ways and didn't regret it for a moment - there was no mutual need to stay in touch.
You both went on to other relationships and have families of your own.
That ship sailed long ago and it is gone, done, over.
You don't need closure so much as you need to realize that it is so closed there are cob webs and dust bunnies hanging all over it and it's going to be a dusty mess if you try opening it up again.
Neither one of you are who you use to be anymore - you've grown to be other people.
I don't care how understanding your husband is, talking to him about this is going to make him feel like chopped liver on some level.
How would you react to his suddenly missing some old girl friend from way back when?
What you need now is something to keep you moving forward and not looking back.
What ever is missing in your life right now, you're not going to find it by poking around in your past.
Do something new and fun with your Hubby - a cooking class together, take up bowling, visit bed and breakfasts, take a cruise, etc.
People ;you've never met in real life are the easiest ones to get along with. They have zero expectations of you and tell you everything you needs to hear. Stop living in the make believe world. Your husband deserves a committed partner and your child needs a mother who will sent the correct example of a health relationship.
You are 30 and that age might make you reflect on your life up to now. The would have, could have, should have thing kicks in. You picture a life different if you had made different choices. Well sorry but you didn't make different choices. Unless you want to ruin things right now you'll leave the past in the past and focus on what you have right now.
You are treading in dangerous waters. This has all the signs of an emotional affair. My .02 - leave things where they are. You can see how his life is going (if you want...if not, just hide his comments) and leave it at that - saying hello here and there. If you feel that is not enough, I think you are getting in over your head and are jepoardizing your relationship with your husband. Maybe he's not overly attached to you or emailing you because it was the past. Maybe his wife knows he had feelings for you and out of respect for her, he's keeping things platonic between you two. Either way - let sleeping dogs lie.
I agree with the PPer. A lack of something in the present could make you long for something in the past. I would not send him a message telling him all of this. Why mess with his head?
Hi I.,
Interesting choice for your profile name. It matches your question! Clearly, you feel like your life is in a rut (as do I, by the way), and you want something more. As mothers, we do the same damn thing day in and day out. My entire life is about food and feeding my kids!!! With 3 meals a day and snacks, I am CONSTANTLY in the kitchen being their "food slave." My point - you (and me, and this probably applies to a ton of moms) are restless. We want something else, something more. From time to time, I ask myself, "Okay, what's next? What will the next chapter in my life be?" When we get married (and especially have kids), life becomes rather boring and mundane. Even though my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, being a parent (and wife) is extremely limiting. We can't go out partying and staying out as late as we want anymore b/c we have kids/responsibilities. I think this is your issue. You want your life to be more interesting. You just want something else - more excitement, and emailing your thoughts and feelings to this chat guy with whom you never met is the perfect way for your life to get more interesting. I get it (more than you realize - I was going thru something similar). You can't shake your thoughts about this guy b/c you never met him. After all of these years, an in-person meeting is still a mystery. So here's my advice - do not tell your husband about this. As understanding as you say he is, he won't understand! Send this guy an email or FB message explaining that while you respect both of your marriages, you want to tell him how you feel in order to get closure. Explain you wish you would have met him in person and that you have been missing him or thinking about him llately. (however, I think you are missing the mystery of never meeting him, as opposed to actually missing him). Maybe you can say that if he will ever be in your area, you would love to meet for coffee for the sole purpose of finally getting to meet him in person for the very first time. Once you finally meet him in person, I feel pretty confident that all of your unresolved feelings for him will go away. You want to see if there is any in-person chemestry between you two. I get it. It's kind of late since you're both married, but better late than never, I guess. It's not like you would jump into his arms, straddle him and start making out, lol! You just want to meet him for the very first time so your curiosity can finally be put to rest, and so you can move on w/ your current life and focus on your family and no one else. However, if meeting him in person is not an option b/c you two live too far away and he will never be in your area, then you will be limited to more online chatting or the phone. The phone is better than online chatting, so if meeting him in person is not an option, then send him a very brief FB message asking if you could call him. Best of luck!!
oh my word you are confusing yourself!! Stop it!! First off, get this guy out of your mind. He's gone. AND HE IS MARRIED!!. The past is the past. What you need to do, is compile a list of all the reasons you love your husband. Why you appreciate him. And then keep it close to you. Tell these things to your husband, the list things. If you so much as to cross the line, by contacting this man and revealing your feelings, you will be compromising your marriage. And your feelings are probably just old memories and shoulda woulda coulda. We all probably have an old boyfriend that we have thought of and wondered about. That's normal. But don't contact him, he will either ruin his marriage too, or think you are a nut. I'd pass on that.
Is something going on in your marriage or with other friends that is making you long for the attention that man use to give you? I'd have a think about that. Sometimes we look backwards when something isn't right in the present.
I've gone through this. In fact, I'm just coming out on the other side of it, settling back into family life. My husband calls this my "renaissance".
It's the urge to revisit the life you used to have/never had. Something different.
My best advice to you...is DO IT. Go be selfish. Meet with this guy. Meet with old friends. Go have late nights in bars and wakeup with hangovers.
Have fun. Enjoy yourself. My god, you're 30. You're a baby. DO IT.
Be smart about it. You know your moral boundaries. But enjoy yourself.
You want to know that another man/men still find you attractive. You want to experience something other than wife and mother.
DO IT.
It's the best thing I've done for myself.
And it's also something that I know a LOT of women go through, but never talk about. Because *gasp*...it's not supposed to be about you anymore! Right? WRONG.
Go have fun. Wake up your life again.
It's not wrong. And it's not cheating to enjoy the company of another man, if you clearly establish the boundaries you want.
