Advice on Contacting My Father

My husband was one of the fathers you speak of to a degree. he was young and care free.He lived life until one day after meeting me he woke up and smelled the coffee. He told me of his children, two girls he was married and then he cheated and she booked to another state with another man. She then illegaly had their last name changed. It took years to find them but the damage was done the mother had told them things that were untrue. They wanted nothing to do with him since. He loved them and always wanted to be a part of their lives. Then he had a boy and this mother told him marry me or never see your son. Well he never seen his son untl his son called when he was in his late 20's married and children and wanted to ask dad things.Then he first wrote my husband and asked him to call him if he was interested that he had a lot of questions. He did and they went through a rocky inquest and now they are getting closer. Again the mom told him something different also.
So my advice is to try. keep a realistic view of what may come about but do try. This life is to short and once he is dead you cant say coulda woulda shoulda. If he opts to not be a part of your life then your better off for knowing to move on and no more mystery. God bless and peace be with you.

I know the others so far have chalked it up to a negative experience, but you never know. I would send the letter, and send it so he has to sign for it so at least you know he got it. Some dads want to get in contact but a lot of the time don't know how to get a hold of you. I truly hope you have a great experience. Please let me know how it goes! Good luck to you and you don't know unless you try!!!

B.,
I would like to respond to your request from a very different perspective, from that of a parent. Some times we just do not share everything with our children, sharing hurtful things is just not something we want to do. I am wondering if you know so little about your father, based on some of the reasons my son knows so little about his father.

I was young when I got pregnant and I had no idea what being a parent was all about, but I knew one thing, I wanted my baby!! There was no second thoughts about it, my baby was number one in my life from the minute I knew he was inside of me. I remember going to my boy friend at the time and telling him I was pregnant. I remember so clear what he said to me. He told me not to worry about it, he would pay for everything. I aksed him what he meant and he said he would pay for the abortion. He just assumed that my child meant so little to me. We fought and he said he was not ready to be a father, so we broke up.

He never called to see how I was doing, and he never offered to help. when my son was 2 weeks I called him in hopes that if he saw him he would want to be a part of his life. He saw him and then he made it perfectly clear that being a mother was the choice I had made, but being a father was not his choice, he told he was too young...

My son is now 27 and his biological ... has never once checked to see if he needs anything. He has no idea if I fed him, or let him go hungry. He does no know if my son grew up in the streets or if he died a young death. He knows nothing about him because he washed his hands of him, before he was every born.

As a mother it is hard to tell a child the truth. It is so hard to tell the person you love so much that someone else never cared enough to see that you had enough to eat, or that you were doing well in school. They never sent a bday card or even called. They went on about their lives, having children when they thought they were ready. It is as if my son does not exist in his eyes, and the other children he now has, have not only his love but his care.

I find it difficult as a mother, as I am sure your mother did as well, to speak of it. This man that you do not know, had a choice every day of your life. He made his choice. You sound like a wonderful person, too wonderful for people like that. I believe that abandoning a child is one of the worst things a human being can do.

If you choose to meet with him, or to know your half siblings, you should understand what you are up against. You will see with your own eyes all of the things he denied you. There is no going back, he can not make up for that.

I see that right now you are in a vulnerable time of your life. Find a way to fill the void with people who deserve you and your company. Share yourself and your love with peopel who will value it and value you as a human being.

I hope you find happier days. Good luck to you and you little ones.

I know the feeling. I have a father I never met and I would like to meet him, but I was told the same thing, he didnt want me, so I chalked it up to HE DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS MISSING. Sure it gets me wondering what he looks like and what I have of my dad. I have another brother somewhere and will probably never meet him either. I always feel like a part of me is missing, but he denied me.

Sorry I wasnt much help.