1 Year Old Just Started Throwing Temper Tantrums

The same thing happened when my daughter turned 1. I talked to our pediatrician and he gave me lots of great advice. We did sign language with our daughter as well, and it helps a lot. The one things that helped the most though, was tons of positive reinforcement throughout the day. Tantrums are a way of getting attention and if they have lots of positive attention then they don't need the negative attention. I thought I was already doing this, but I just stepped it up a notch. So all day long we would say things like," What a good girl you are, you are playing all by yourself!, " "Look how well you use a fork!" " Look at how you can turn the pages all by yourself!" "What a good girl, you ate all your food. " "Thank you for laying so still while I change your diaper." etc. etc. etc. It seemed overboard, but when I started doing this, the tantrums stopped. Another bit of advice from our pediatrician was to have a special box, with special toys that only comes out when you need them to stay occupied, like cooking dinner. Then they are excited about the toys, won't need your attention and you can avoid the tantrums all together. For us, ignoring the tantrums when they do happen works the best. Good luck!

I totally agree with Kris S. He's just trying to find a way to express how he feels. Kids get so frustrated cause we don't understand them. Try signing, pick him up and hold him till he's done and then try finding out what he wants... he may just want you.

Have you ever noticed that the parents who walk away are the ones whos children still throw fits??? Thats one thing I learned in child psychology that I will never forget. Kind of shocked me when I looked back and realized how true that was. I have a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy and to this day I can count on one hand the only times they ever threw a fit. My daughter I think threw 2 fits back when she was about 1 but thankfully from what I have learned from going to college to be a child psychologist I have been able to avoid tantrums all together. My son had 1 and that was it. Kids will give you signs before they even reach the "tantrum" watch those signs of frustration and figure out what it is that they are frustrated with and you can avoid them all together. There are so many signs and if you just learn them you'll figure out what it is they want before they can even get upset.

Don't just walk away, how is that showing your child that you are there for them and that you understand they are upset and that you are there for them. I am very proud of how well my kids turned out from learning the things I have. I have never had any incidences in public or any other place. By learning their body language, tone of voice, facial expressions and behavior we have been able to communicate with eachother and I know what they want before they even have to get upset. Now of course both my kids talk quite well, but it got us through those rough years and saved me a lot of frustration and sometimes embarassment in public. Listen with your heart and trust your instincts. Be supportive, patient and understanding. I am sure there are times when you are trying to make a point to someone or tell them something and you get frustrated when you feel you just can't get through to them... what would you want to have happen??? I don't think you would want the person to just turn and walk away from you.

Good luck.

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE donot soothe him......

Try signlanguage, he is frustrated he cannot communicate so he using his body to show you he's upset or mad. If you give in to his needs and demands he will only get worse.

My daughter was a perfect happy baby she turned one and the tantrums started.

If he's on the ground with his legs flarring and wiggling around walk right over him and out of sight. He will realize it doesn't work.

As some of the other moms pointed out, your son may be expressing his desire to participate in the process and have some control. Our son will be one year old next week and he has expressed his desire for table food for several months now. Before I make dinner and expose him to Mom's & Dad's food, we try to feed him a little something. Otherwise, if I try to feed him baby food while we're eating something else, he'll wave his arms around to block the spoon. He knows what he wants!
Our son will also have a fit occassionally while we're changing his diaper. He really just wants to be occupied. I'll set out ointment tubes, little toys, etc. within a safe reach that he can grab and manipulate. If he starts to fuss a little, I'll offer him something else and talk or sing to him to redirect his attention.
I'm not sure I like the idea of ignoring him as it can escallate a fit. It seems to suggest a lack of interest where communication is concerned.
We're also watching Signing Time with Alex and Leah. We've only been doing it for a few days...it will take many repeat performances...but I think the sign language will be a huge help in the long run.
Best wishes

K.,
I feel your pain. My daughter is a pistol. (My mom recently pulled me aside and apologized for wishing that my daughter would be a 'tough cookie' because Ava's out-naughtied all my mom's expectations.) :) But? She's adorable.

Sometimes when she's very bad, or starts throwing a tantrum on the floor, (as long as she's in a safe place,) I put her down, (if I'm holding her at the time,) and walk away. I walk out of the room, gather my thoughts, then walk back to where she's currently screaming at the top of her lungs and look at right in the eye. I tell her calmly, but with gentle force, "That is NOT ok." She usually gets a shocked look on her face, (why is my mommy even trying to disipline me?) :) and she calms down. It took a couple weeks before we even got to that point. She would throw - literally throw - her little body out of my arms if she didn't get her way. It took time, and patience. (I felt like pulling my hair out.) Sometimes I worry I sound like the mean mom because I'm very serious with my 16 month old. (But she's one heck-of-a-kid, I know she's got the wheels turning.)

I think you can discipline correctly at 12 months, with a stern voice and lots of positive support. Your little one might not understand 'no' yet, but he'll understand the tone of your voice.

-Good luck!!

Sorry to say but I was relieved to see your posting because my 10 month old started doing the same things in the last few weeks. We have been trying to ignore him to a point, but redirecting is better. Of course we thought it was kind of cute at first because he was expressing himself. It wears off fast. I think we'll also try some signing as other mothers have suggested.

Hi K.!! My daughter started throwing tantrums at 15 months. I used to ignore her until she was done. I was grocery shopping one time and she screamed the whole time - 30 minutes or so. I agree with your husband. Just to warn you, he will start grabbing your leg and holding on. Just gently disengage him and keep going about your business.

Good luck!

Hey there, K....

I feel your pain. We're first time parents to a "normally" wonderful little boy also. My little guy did the same thing and we didn't know what to do either. Regarding feeding... if he didn't want to eat, I said "fine... you will when you are hungry"... and he did, but at his own pace, etc. I just tried to have plenty of healthy foods available (fruits and veggies, especially... and his milk). I don't know that we were really successful with regard to the other problem areas... he still kicks us sometimes when he is being changed... but it did seem to help us to firmly tell him to stop, hold him in submission if he started getting too squirmy and explain that we would stop, etc. when he settled down (firmly telling him "no kicking... that hurts mommy or daddy"), and finally (if those things didn't work) a time out was in order. We set up a chair in the corner, facing the wall and put him on it and told him that he had to sit there for one minute (his age) or until he understood what he did wrong and was sorry. I did have to hold him there the first time to get him to stay on the chair while he cried (and it just about killed me to do that), but I talked to him the entire time telling him that I did not want to have to do that, but he made the choice to be naughty and explained that hitting/kicking/biting/etc. was not nice. I realize that this may seem extreme for a one year old, but we didn't have to do it more than once or twice for him to know that he didn't want time out and that hitting/kicking is not acceptable when being changed, etc. Telling him that he has a choice to be a good boy or get time out gives him the ownership of his actions, too. We still have challenges (he'll be three next week), but he understands that I follow through with my threats about time out when he pushes too hard (I count to three... slowly...to give him time to decide whether he wants time out and he responds at about 2 1/2). Good luck and stay firm, whatever you decide to do... breaking down once you've chosen your path may make the situation worse.

I also agree with the ladies before me that recommended signing... it was something that I forgot that we did with Alex and it did help tremendously. It doesn't take a lot of learning to get a few words in... we used about a half dozen or so (milk, more, and all done were his favorites)but they did work wonders for communication. The book Signing with your Baby is the one we used, but any signing book will help. ;o)

I swear my son turned 1 and then the next day the tantrums started. It was SO weird. I think you're going to have to try a few ideas from other people until you find what works with the personality of your own child. And then consistency is key...from both parents. For us, soothing him just gave him the attention he wanted, and caused an increase in tantrums. But ignoring him did not work well either. Avoiding the cause of some tantrums has worked well (toy aisle, etc.) For the stuff like food and diapers it can sometimes help to talk to him about it before hand. Something like "first we have to change your diaper, and then we can go play with..." I've also recently been given the idea to give them some control over the process. Have them hold the diaper, ask them to lift up their bottem, etc. With repetition I think they'll eventually understand and be able to help. Also, give him as many choices as possible. Food wise you could give him the choice of a banana or blue berries. Something like that. They are frustrated with what little control they have over things, and also frustrated that they can not communicate well. Signing has not worked real well with my little guy, but I gave it a good try anyway. The couple signs he did/does use made him very happy, so it was well worth it.

Good luck!

Stop and think for a moment how you would feel if you had all these thoughts and ideas but no way to communicate them with words. Then add in an immature nervous system with a whole bunch of "uncoated wires" (unmylenated nerves) and of course you would have tantrums. Please try to get your husband to understand that at 1 year old your child is not trying to manipulate you or get his way in order to be selfish. A 1 year old doesn't operate like that and ignoring what he is trying to tell you will only make matters worse.

I absolutely recommend sign language. Start with the signs for hungry, water, more, all done, and milk. My son started using these by about 10 months old. Then you can add more as you want. Second, at 1 year old he should be taking responsibility for feeding himself. Focus on providing him with finger foods and a few easy things to practice with a spoon. Let him make a mess, it is how he will learn. The diaper changing was a challenge with my son too and is a challenge with a lot of kids at this age. Distraction is key at this early age: games, songs, pictures on the wall, a special toy only for diaper changes are all some ideas.

As for just ignoring his tantrums at this age, I personally find ridiculous. If he's having them at 6 then fine, but at this age he is not in control of his emotions and reactions. He needs your love and support. Help him figure out ways he can communicate, let him know when you understand, and talk to him as much as possible. It doesn't mean you need to "give in" everytime but think about giving him more control when it doesn't matter. Some kids need you to keep a little distance when they tantrum but other kids really need to be hugged tightly because a tantrum is very scary for them. You will need to figure out what your child needs. Hang in there.

Hi have you looked into signing with your son? Signing helps so much. A lot less temper tantrums. If you need more info on signing let me know. There is loads of info on signing with hearing children. One place my fav is signing time.
Good luck.

M.
mom to 3 signing children.

by picking him up and soothing him you are telling him it is ok to be notty. dont give him the negative attention. he sounds like he want control. if you can redirect him it would be better. do you think he might be saying (play with me and do something with me)? are you one on oneing with him?
all i had to do is stop what i was doing and give him attention. kids dont always know how to communicate. sorry this is a hard one to answer.

My son turns one at the end of the month. There are times when he does not want to eat (pushes the spoon or food away), does not want to get dressed (continuously moving), and does not want to get his diaper changed (kicks and tries to get up). In my opinion, it is because they are learning so much and are so curious they 'don't have time' for all that stuff. Sometimes we get frustrated that the communication is fuzzy. Our kids feel the same way, I'm sure. My son understands what no means, among other things...which never seems to help when he's throwing a fit. I can't ignore him, as I think it makes things worse. I have to 'take his mind off' whatever it is. This may not be right or wrong...as every kid and family deals with it differently.

Good luck!

I think he is trying to communicate with you but getting fustrated. I would try diffrent things to find out what he wants. I would be fustrated also if the impotant people in my life didn't understand me....
But at the same time you can't give into the tempers, so I suggest trying a few diffrent things and if you can't figure it out them let him have his temper tantrum. My daughter used to bang her head on things. So scary!
It's a phase, I love the sign language idea as well. Just teaching him simple words like Cup, Milk, More, ect can help him to communicate.

Our pedi told us at our daughter's one year appt that the terrible twos and tantrums start in the 2nd year of life (ie - the day after their first birthday! LOL). That is soooo true.

I do a lot of "show momma what you want" and I totally play the guessing game. "Do you want this? Do you want that?" I'm also a huge fan of redirection. When we have a tantrum, we move on to something new. That was on the advice of our pedi.

Signing is also a good idea - although we only use a few signs (more, please and thank you specifically).

Hugs - the tantrums are yucky!

that's funny b/c i have been going through the exact same thing lately. my son is 11 months. he is very very energetic and active. he is a very happy charming baby. but all the sudden in the last couple of weeks he has been doing a lot of those things you have been mentioning. he has especially been resisting getting dressed. sometimes actually throwing a fit and trying to twist away and roll away. the feeding thing has been a pain too lately. he was a very eager flexible eater until lately. he will shove the spoon away and slam it down and then he will take a bite. and then he will feed himself. suddenly then he will refuse to feed himself finger foods and then seem like he wants to be fed with a spoon. my mom says its probably just a phase but it is just frustrating. let me know if you get any good advice.