One Year Old with Temper Tantrums

Hi~

My daughter who is going to be two on June 15th has been very strong willed since birth. She is very strong minded and also has had temper tantrums since about 16 to 18 months old. She is a bit better now that she can communicate a little better with us. Although she still has her moments with real little things or even the bigger objectives. I use 2 minute time outs every time this happens. Her time out is typcially up stairs in her room. She knows that when she starts up that we don't tolerate that downstairs so therfore if she wants to keep it up then she will have to go for a time out. She does scream riddicullously but she also doesn't want to sit up in her room by herself so she stops pretty quickly. I know it is awful but I believe she should act respectful in the home and outside. My daughter is also a very good, sweet child most of the time but she has her stubborn moments. I wish you luck, and hang in there.

My daughter was a angel til she had her first birthday. Then the tantrums started, it's all a test. They test and test to see what they can control, manipulate, and get away with.

Just be firm, strict, and consistant and things should get better. I had alot of luck with ignoring the flopping kid on the floor act. I would just walk right over them out of the room and it worked like a charm. You can start having consequences for actions at this age. If they throw their bottle out of their stroller don't repeatedly give it back, it turns into a game. If they throw food at dinner time, dinner's over don't give in and feel bad that they're going to go hungry because missing a meal isn't going to starve them to death. Just do stuff like that and try not to "give in" that's what really makes matters worse in the long run.

My daughter is 5 and I'm still going through all of this, although it's easier to deal with these days.

Tantrums are a normal part of development(even in some 1 year olds) but that isn't to say that your dc might not be more spirited than average. My son is very strong-willed. Even at daycare they noticed that he was like other toddlers, just more so! The worst thing you can do with an extremely strong-willed kid is get into power struggles so you have to be a lot more creative. First of all, if you haven't taught her sign language, start immediately. Can you imagine how frustrating it must be to be strong-willed and opinionated but not be able to speak?! Then start learning about ways to give her choices on things that don't matter, while at the same you set solid rules for safety and health. A book that might help is "Raising the Spirited Child". http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Percept...

I struggle with this everyday...I confess, somedays I wish I had a kid that would just be obedient...but then I stop and appreciate that he is not a kid who will ever get pushed around by anybody.

Its completely normal, my daughter did the same thing from 10-13 months, now she is 15 months and its been getting better. She is learning more signs and words and how to react in certain situations. My advice would be not to ignore her tantrums, at this age it isn't about getting her way. She gets upset because she is mad and frustrated and she needs her caregivers to help her to feel secure not punished when she is having these feelings. We do a lot of re directing her attention when she is really upset and then once she has calmed down, we go back to the activity and try it again. It seems to be working great for our daughter, hope this helps you too.

I try to give my daughter options. Cutting up an item for eating really isn't an option at 1 yr old due to the choking hazzard, but perhaps you could offer her more control in other areas surrounding her meals, and other things. I ask my daughter for her choice for alot of things. Fork or Spoon, Water or milk, Bowl or Plate or even clothes or toys to play with. Giving her a choice I've noticed has REALLY cut down on her tantrums, however, there is a downfall because sometimes I believe it's hard for her to understand why some things aren't her choice, and so we still get tantrums. We try to ignore the tantrums if we can. (As long as she's not throwing things, or hurting herself or anyone else, I ignore it.) When she breaks things or hurts someone or herself, she has to sit on the naughty step for her poor choice of behavior. She has the choice and I make her aware of her actions after she behaves poorly, and we try to offer other options for her to vent her steam, like walking away and watching a show on TV, or playing with a different toy, or even drinking a glass of water or going to the bathroom. Anything to get her attention off of what made her mad to begin with so she doesn't dwell on it.

If she has tantrums at the table, she is NOT allowed at the table. We say, "Ok, you're done at the table if you're going to choose to behave that way. Just remember that the only way to get a bedtime snack is to eat a good supper. No supper, no night time snack." And we pick her up and remove her from her chair. She always wants to come back and eat.

I don't think that tantrums are ever going to be gone completely...heck, even us parents have them once in a while, they just take on a different form, so don't give them too much worry, it's a natural process for them to control their tempers.

Sounds like my 18 mos old to a "T". When My son (now 3 1/2)was 18mos old, I called a friend crying "I didn't think this would happen until the "terrible 2's" :) She reassured me that 12-18mos is almost worse (I thought it was) than 2! Wish I would've known!
Anyway, things we do...1 min time outs for naughty behavior- usually sitting on a step with us standing by, ignoring, and LOTS of redirecting. From what I've heard...ignoring is usually the best-keep them safe from hurting themselves.

it will pass soon when they are able to communicate better with you. good luck. D.

The "terrible twos" don't start at 2, they start at just before 1!!! My daughter was the same way. (she's 9 and still has her moments) When she would act out I would tell her that wasn't acceptable behavior for a big girl and make her have her tantrum in her room. If she won't go on her own, by all means bring her there. There is no reason for you to suffer because of her temper tantrums. If she threw one in public we simply left, no matter where we were...restaurant, grocery store, movies...she learned fast that wasn't acceptable behavior without me raising my voice or physically disciplining her. I would also ask her to try to communicate what's wrong using words not tears, and in the future ask her if she wants help making the food smaller, or just do it before you give it to her to alleviate that tantrum.

My daughter just turned one, and she is going through the same thing with tantrums. I've heard that the terrible two's start with their second year of life (which is now) not when they are actually 2. So that would explain it. What usually works for me is the distraction technique. That being said I am still having to deal with it at times, so you are not alone on this one. Hope everything goes well for you.

From what I've read children that young like to feel like they are independent and in control. I can't advicate the power of distraction enough! If you want to take some food to cut up more. Give her her juice or something else to hold. My daughter is only 10 months, and that seems to work for me.. Other than that, I'ce read that reverse psychology often works on toddlers, and limited choices. They say that children around 2 would rather hear "let's color on the paper" then "don't color on the walls" (of course in an emergency situation NO! is what's called for) Again, my daughter is only 10 months old, so I don't have a lot of experience with this yet. This is just what I've seen from friends and family of toddlers.. I hope this helps...

I agree with Patty. It seemed the more choices I could give my daughter about other things involved in the meal the less she had tantrums about the things I did have to help with. The tantrums seemed to lessen and now she is almost 4 and nearly tantrum free.

I do daycare and think all children start temper tantrums around 1 yr old. Take care of it now and you won't have to deal with the terrible twos. My suggestion is to completely ignore the tantrum and don't ever give her what she wants if she tantrums. Children learn very early to not tantrum if they truly want something. The word please even if it is just the p sound is always one of the kid's first words-signing is also good to start around 9 months. I believe the key to my success has been being more stubborn than the children. They know they can't change my mind. Once your daughter starts talking then the whining will also start, so take care of the tantrums now or you'll have both problems to deal with at once.

Hello,

My 11 month old also has temper tantrums. For the most part he is pretty good. And he will have his good days when he listens to "no" and "don't touch that". But many of the times he will be touching something he is not supposed to like the blinds on the patio window and it is like he doesn't hear me when I am tell him no. So pick him up and move and say no, you can't play with that. And sometimes he will get so angry that he weill arch back really fast and I worry he will fall and smash his head. And we also have had issues eating, like with spitting. And we tell him no spitting and touch his lips. And sometimes he will just start crying from that. One thing that helped with that was teaching him how to say all done in sign language, but now he will do it all the time even before he started eating. But anyways, I think it is normal that they have some kind of temper. They are learning new things and don't want to be told no. But I think it is important not to give in. And I also have to remember to watch how I act because they learn from example. Good luck!!