Photo by: NPA

Flash Forward: My Daughters and Dating

Photo by: NPA

Before you cry, “I thought your girls were just babies!” let me explain. I have had a vision of the future. The future with two teenage girls who will be beautiful, awkward, and tentative in courting male attention. It warms me heart and it scares the heck out of me.

Sophia was a mere four months old when she became smitten with an older family friend who upon meeting her, took her chubby little hand and bestowed upon it chivalrous kiss. It probably didn’t hurt that he was darn good looking with a smile as wide as my hips. We got a good laugh out of that incident, but became uneasy when she started craning her neck around like an owl to watch waiters and busboys every time we went into a restaurant. Ha-ha she’s going to be so boy crazy we joked. But then her obsession with food service workers was eventually trumped by free crayons. Phew!

Fast forward to her turning two years old. I had my first parent-teacher conference with one of Sophia’s daycare teachers. I felt so grown up being “the parent” and listening to all the glowing things she had to say about how advanced my daughter is, how enthusiastic, and how social. How very social. She knows all the kids names, but most especially she knows Jacob. “He’s her favorite,” said the young teacher. One morning when I was dropping her off at daycare a little boy came up to her, handed her a ball and walked away. This was the said favorite, Jacob.

Evidently, Match.com has nothing on daycare. It’s the hot spot for meeting the ’fellas. Every time my baby Marissa and I go to pick up Sophia from daycare, guess who gets swarmed by a group of at least three curious little boys? Nope, not Sophia. It’s Marissa, the younger woman that captivates them. They just stand around and peer into her car seat carrier like men at a club watching women on the dance floor. Mesmerized. Did I mention that I’m scared?

Just this week, since spring weather has finally come, we were out at the park. Of course, here in the Midwest people flock to any open air they can once it hits 50 degrees. So, the park is a hotbed of toddler activity most any time of the day. I have captured in this second picture my little playground freshman Sophia being hit on by a playground “senior” – four-year-old Charlie – at the swing set. Notice her demure, but amused expression. I’m sighing inside just imagining that when she’s older this will be the same sweet expression on her face when the boy who makes her laugh in algebra class playfully teases her.

As moms we are always thinking of our kids’ futures. Whether it’s envisioning your child falling off the monkey bars two seconds from now or taking pictures as they leave for prom, we are always anxious to prevent disaster and steward happiness.

What is it that you are anxious or excited about in your child’s future?

Kristi is a crazed mom of two girls – a smarty pants toddler and a grinning baby – only 18 months apart. Crash-coursing it through motherhood, she shares her “cheat sheet” of helpful discoveries, and a few emotional exploits, with newbie moms on her blog Mommy Crib Notes.

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43 Comments

I am the mother of 2 daughters, now in their 20's. I agree with the commenter above who noted that we can't control our children's futures, nor should we try to other than to give them care, respect, nurturing, and acceptance..I love sexuality, romance, love, etc.I enjoy and respect the (sometimes, not always) private journey that the romantic and sexual parts of life has taken my girls on...

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At least you have girls. I have two boys and I can't wait until they are grown and gone.

Too funny!! My daughter, who is now 13, was like that, always had a few boys hanging around her. Oh, wait, it's still that way!! And now I have a 6 year old son. Blonde hair, hazel eyes, and girls have loved him from the first day of pre-school on. Of course elementary school added more girls to the line up. Add to this a 17 year old stepson that is smart, sweet, and extremely handsome and my house is constantly full of kids all year round!

While this attention paid to #2 may seem cute now, it can create real problems later. I have 4 kids, 2 boys & 2 girls. Daughter # 2 was always fawned over... and as she grew, most of the attention was directed her way. Probably because she was the "cute" baby of the family, but as the years passed I watched as the attention given to her was totally disproportionate to her older sister who was equally as charming but became (or just was ) my more introverted daughter...

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This blog is hilarious, but so true my little girl is now 13 and we are going through the phase you are imagining and you are dead on. Every male classmate with a cute smile that makes her laugh makes the wall of pictures in her room. My 8 year old calls it her flavor of the week wall (she older than her age apparently). It's taking everything he got for my husband not to explode.

As the mother of 5 I learned quickly the danger years were upon us when the front of our house looked like the walking path betwwen us ans Sees candy...

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Thanks for the story, love it!

Great blog! I worry about this too as my daughter is 2 1/2 and constantly talks about John Paul from her school. I was boy crazy and it's the last thing I want for my sweetie girl. I have to echo some of the comments by saying, if only I could shield her from some of the poor decisions I made. If only I could help her understand that only one boy (hopefully) will matter in the end. A little wisdom and a lot of grace, please.

My four year old already has a "boyfriend", or at least that's what she calls him. The funny thing is, he's the most handsome boy in her school, so at least she has good taste. On Valentine's day, the teachers asked us to buy a rose for our child so our child could give it to whomever they chose. She, of course, wanted to give it to the boy, Arturo...

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Word of caution: Be careful what you are reinforcing in your daughters, and what kind of stereotype you are expecting her to fulfill. You think your innocent baby is flirting with men? I'm alarmed by this article and what seems to be an ongoing reinforcement of sexualizing your girls...

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My worries are that they lower their standard just to have a guy.

My 6 year old daughter remarked about an 8 year old boy she met today: "Mom! His eyes are so beautiful I could cry!" Yikes!

Kristi, enjoy these precious years of little boys being smitten with your tiny girls. I remember when my daughter was a week old and our 4 year old neighbor asked my husband if he could marry her one day. She is now 15 and dating for real!

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