Would you force your child to go to a sleepaway camp?

Other Topics All Other Topics
1

I'm specifically talking about sleepaway / overnight camp.

On babycenter blog Laurie Gelman wrote a story how she forced her now 13 year old to go to camp a few years ago. Here is the article.

Camp was never an option for me when I was growing up in Canada. As early as I can remember I was shipped off to my grandparents' cottage from the last day of school until Labor Day. I spent the lazy days of summer with two old people, a row boat and a big river. And I felt lucky.

Since moving to the U.S and having kids, I have learned that summer camp is a BIG DEAL. Kids from all over the country converge on Maine or Oregon or wherever for eight weeks of organized fun in the sun. They forge friendships that last a lifetime and make memories they talk about for years. To me it sounds amazing. My God, who wouldn't want to go to camp?

Uh, the Gelman girls, that's who.

A few years ago we sent Jamie, now 13, to sleep away camp for three weeks against her will. We were certain once she got there she would love love love it and forget all about not wanting to go. This will go down as one of our epic fails in parenting. She hated camp, missed us terribly and to this day says it is the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her.

Nothing dangerous or untoward went on – she was just homesick. Since then she refuses to even go to day camp, doesn't do sleepovers and has told us she plans to go to online college so she can live at home with us. Needless to say, our second daughter took one look at all that fuss and unilaterally refuses to even try camp.

When I look back, I can see the mistakes we made. Although Jamie went to camp with three friends from school, and at one point had mentioned that she might want to go, we should have seen she wasn't ready. Pushing her out of the nest too soon resulted in her falling straight to the ground, and now she's afraid to fly.

So, for my girls, it's camp Gelman all summer long. Not quite as exciting, but they seem to like it.

Do you send your kids to camp?

2

I have been sending my kids to sleepaway camp for a week at a time since they were eight years old. Fortunately I have never had to “force” them to go. Camp is fun. Who wouldn’t want to go? My kids have also been going for sleepovers since they were five years old. I went to camp as a kid and loved it too.

3

Yes, I sent mine to overnight camp, but he wanted to go. He did not go with any friends, but it was a camp well known to our synagogue and supported/endorsed by the rabbis and the youth leaders. So there was a certain level of comfort. It was a fabulous experience and her went for 5 summers (half summers - 4 weeks because we also took a family vacation and he hung out with kids around here too).

No, I would never force him against his will.

I think there are many, many ways to expand a child’s world and awareness. I think there is great benefit to having them “stretch” beyond what’s comfortable and meet new kids. I think some kids can go away alone, some can go away with current friends (although this has pitfalls), and some can’t go at all.

Camp has tons of benefits - independence, self-sufficiency, eating the food that’s put out vs. kvetching about it all the time, cooperative efforts in cleaning/organizing the bunk, trying new sports and activities without having to sign up for an 8 week session like at home, and meeting kids from other parts of the country or world. But there are ways to give kids at home a lot of those experiences.

Encouraging a kid who is a little nervous is one thing - and a good open house and orientation program is really important. But pushing a kid who is just not ready developmentally or just not suited in personality to 4 or 8 weeks away, no way.

4

Mom mistook what sounded terrific to HER with what would be terrific for her child. Makes one wonder how well she really knew her own kid if she couldn’t read the cues that the girl’s resistance was real, and not just a little self-doubt, or a normal concern about a new situation, or a desire to stay home and hang out. Turns out they weren’t so “certain” after all about what would work for Jamie.

I would never send my kid to a sleep-away camp against her will. What would be the point? To force her to work through her fear and somehow be stronger at the end? Sounds great to say like that but as Gelman found out, it can also backfire badly.

Sleep-away camp is fine if kids like it but adults shouldn’t assume that because they had a great experience at camp when they were kids, their own kids should love it too. I know kids who love it and others who don’t (and I"m a Girl Scout leader and GS camp staffer, but at a day camp.)

5

No, I don’t. However, have seen some interesting overnight camps that she might enjoy, but keep it quiet because I am not ready.

Maybe I can entertain the idea, now that I read this post.

I am a little on the cautious side. I was learning to let go a bit, until an unfortunate comment was made to me about watching her play her sport. Now, I am stuck telling her to pretend I am not there, but I will be right by your side.

Maybe I can let go a bit again and perhaps consider a girls overnight hockey camp. Maybe.

6

My kids have gone to sleepaway camp, when it was their desire to go. It was only for a week though, not all summer.

I would never force a kid to go, nor would I refuse to let them based on my own fears.

I don’t actually know anyone who has ever gone to an 8 week summer camp as a child. To me, that seems like something uninvolved and disinterested parent would do to get a kid out from underfoot.

7

I would never force them to go to overnight camp if they did not want to go. In the been there, done that, I was forced a couple of times and I resented my parents for forcing me and I hated every moment of being there. It truly is not the type of thing I enjoy doing. I never really cared for the family camping trips even. I am not a camping type, even in a cabin unless it’s a full amenities type deal. I like to go for a few hours to some nice park or something to sight see, hike etc. Enjoy a lunch and fun. But put me back in a bed at home or a private hotel with a daily shower when the day is over thank you very much.
My kids have not expressed any interest in camping and I do not push it. We have a couple activities we do where they could potentially spend the night but they prefer to come home each night and go back in the morning.

8

One of my friends had a daughter they were afraid she’d never make the break.

She was in young women’s and they have overnight camp, the younger girls go for a couple of days then as they get older (Seniors) they stay up to 5 days. It’s usually not too far from home and it’s with girls and leaders they’ve known all their lives.

She routinely sent her daughter off to camp and she’d have to go in the middle of the night and get her daughter over and over due to extreme crying and hysteria.

She tried really hard to do it but wasn’t able to ever do it. When her mom got cancer she was nearly an adult and mom had to go away for treatment and it was out of state. She didn’t do well then either, truly who would though…right?

Anyway. She had to do local Jr. College and live at home and still had issues going away from home until she married.

I think trying to do the overnights is a good thing. If mom had just not answered the phone during those nights and left her there I think she might have gotten over this sooner but she did eventually even without it.

9

While I wasn’t forced I certainly wasn’t given a choice about going to sleep away camp. I went for a week in the summer from age 7-15 and worked there from age 16-18. I liked it for the most part but I would have preferred to stay home with my friends.

My girls are much to young for a sleep away camp right now but in a few years I think they will go. We will try and find one that fits their interests so it can be their idea to go.

However if my 13 year old wasn’t showing signs of independence we would likely be taking her to a therapist and forcing her to have some independence. At 13 I came home from school and was often alone for a few hours and on some saturdays I wouldn’t see my parents from sun up to sun down.

10

I would never force my son to go to sleep away camp. My son had a great time at camp. He was 9 the first time but it was only for a portion of a week. Then he went for a full week when he was 12 and 14. All three times, he had a least one friend on the same week. One summer, I was a camp counselor, during college. It makes me sad that this blogger’s daughter didn’t have the option to go home. During the summer, I had one girl that I sent home. I think she was 9 maybe 10 and she was so homesick. The first night, she was miserable, so homesick. The whole next day and into the night, she wouldn’t participate even with friends. I called her parents said to come get her. I did not want her to be scarred for life. It makes me feel better today sending her home after stories like this:)

11

My kids went to camp in bath Ohio. Camp Christopher. They loved it. They went for 2 weeks at a time as it was to far too drive 2weekends in a row. My youngest went for 2weeks each summer from age 10 to age 16. And was sad he couldn’t go again. He’s 19 now. In college and working. He misses the lazy summer fun.

12

Yes, mine go to camp. BUT, they have the option to do most any summer program they’d like and they pick the overnight ones.

13

No. Of all of the parents & kids I know–I don’t know anyone that goes to sleep away camp or any weekly/summer camp. Day vamps during the summer-yes.
So not an issue here.

14

Well, let me start by saying that the author’s misconception that summer camp is something that all American kids do as a rite of passage (and for the WHOLE SUMMER!!!) is just that… a misconception.

No, I wouldn’t force my child to go to an overnight camp. Nor would I force them to do a lot of things they aren’t ready for that are fun choices. I never would force a child to ride a roller coaster, either, geez.

Have my kids been to an overnight camp? Yes. Was it for 8 weeks? NO! I would never give up that much time with my children during their formative years like that, I don’t think.

They do go for one week every summer to a camp 7 hours from home. And they do love it, and they do talk about it every year until it is time to go again. And they do have amazing memories and have forged friendships there.

There is a certain amount of growth that can happen (and is healthy) when kids do things like this. They gain a certain bit of maturity being away from mom and dad and having expectations they must live up to. And they surprise themselves sometimes, too.

But force them to go? Nope.

15

Our son went to day camp and he was fine with it.
The opportunity to do away camp just never came up.
When I was growing up my sister and I did 1 week of away camp for 3 years in a row - the summers after grades 4, 5 and 6.
The camp was not far from home (just one town over) - we had a blast.
We made friends each time and didn’t know anybody before going.
My sister and I were in different cabins/tents (different age groups).
I even broke my arm one time and still didn’t want to leave - they (the camp and my Mom) let me continue with a cast on my arm as long as I took it easy.
No one had to force us - it was a grand adventure.

To reboot her sense of adventure - why not plan a family camping trip?

16

I suffered from terrible home sickness. In high school, I spent a lot of nights at a friends house. She would have to talk me to sleep. I just couldn’t settle, I just hated not being home.

I must have been in 4 or 5 grade when they had a sleep over at a local forest preserve. I hated it. I dreaded it, I made myself sick. I did the same during girls scout camp in the summer, and we only had to sleep over 1 night.

I have no clue if my kids will go away to camp. If they want to, sure, If they don’t, fine. But my brother and I didn’t go away to camp. summer was about being lazy at the public pool.

17

I did not get through the entirety of the post .

Bottom line… No I would not force my child to go to a sleep away camp.

Now my soon to be 20yr old did go on week long camps of her choice but if she ever asked to not go or not inquire about a camp I would end it there.

We always left that decision up to her and we supported her either way.

18

Clearly, this lady realized that forcing her daughter to go was not a good idea. It does sounds like her daughter, being 13 is a little dramatic and I feel like there are other components to her behavior. Overall though, I would not force this on my daughter and would hopefully have a better understanding of my childs personality and work our way to a camp, i.e. daycamp first, then a short overnight camp, ecetera. I find this blog to have a few holes though. Seems like they should be dealing with some serious separation anxiety with not even wanting day camp.

19

ADD: Per Dana’s added info - That parent sucks for forcing a child to go away to camp when her teen cousin DIED at camp. WTF? Some parents just have no common sense or empathy AT ALL… I’d be dramatic about it too, and I’m not a dramatic person.

ORIGINAL: Encourage, yes. Force? No way. I am not my child, and just because I think I would enjoy something in no way means my child would.

I do think the kid is being dramatic now, but considering how her parents ignored her, they dug their own whole. Kids shouldn’t control parents lives, but parents need to respect their kids too.

20

No, I would not force my child to go to anything like this. I would try to convince them if I thought it was good for them.