My brother did the exact same thing....but he's not highly educated, although I am. He took a few classes at a junior college...she took a few. Both of them can barely spell. My brother however is an entrepeneur and started his first business at 12, which he sold to a company at 18. Then he started another business and sold that a few years later. She has had mediocre jobs, that is, until she got pregnant and started using the kids at pawns. She shops and spends money like he earns that much. She bad mouths everyone. She even talks about her own grandmother and then sees her grandmother and acts all sweet and kind to her....so you KNOW she's doing that to you.
When my brother started sating her at 18 years old, she told him to lie to my mom - and my mom heard it. My brother told her no. I told her that she was a parasite trying to live off my brother and get lost - it only drove them closer together. He finally proposed to her after 6 years and when he told my mom and dad that he had propsed, my parents said, "Oh, ok. Congratulations." He asked them, "Why don't you sound happy for me?" My mom replied, "Should we be?" She gave him one last warning, "Chris, she will use you until you won't allow it anymore. She will have 2 kids, use them as pawns and pull you away from your friends. You'll end up looking back on your life and see how miserable it was. I won't say another word, but I can't be quiet, for you are my son and I love you. If this is truly what you want to do, then I have to support you, but I don't have to like it." My brother simply reposnded with, "Mom, you don't understand." My dad responded with, "We really hope we don't."
Here we are 14 years later....2 kids, she doesn't work, doesn't clean, feeds the kids sugar all of the time, so they are constantly sick and my brother is up all night with them. She went 2.5 years calling her sister a bitch and didn't talk to her....now they are best friends. Called her dad a sperm donor for almost 2 years, but now lives down the street from him. Hated the neighbors, whom her sister married their son. And now they haven't talked to me in over a year...and the last time I was on the phone with my brother, she was screaming "F---ing bitch" into the phone. My husband just says it's our turn for them to hate us. My brother's friends see me more than him, because Psycho Sarah hates all of his friend's wives and even bad-mouthed one of the wives while attending their wedding.
One time, my mom was talking and Sarah took something she said wrong, so instead of talking to my mom (and my parents treat her SUPER nice, so do I....so that she dosen't WIN and if my brother ever wants out, he knows we are there for him and he has a safe place to fall) and told my brother to tell my mom (so junior high-ish) that if she ver wants to see her grandkids again, then she needs to write an apology letter and sign it. My mom did. She's has had to swallow her pride to keep her son. It's very sad.
So, he has no friends, works so hard that he's home for maybe 2 hours....to sleep. He cleans the house, does the yard, and is losing his house that he bought at 23 years old on his own. He knows if he leaves her, he will never see this kids again...and he will lose what very little he has. He's 32 and is almost bald from the stress in his life. She won't work. I can't even joke with him anymore, since he takes everything seriously and personally.
He called my mom a few days before Thanksgiving and said, "Hey, what are you doning for Thanksgiving?" My mom replied, "I'm having dinner at 4pm. Are you coming?" He repsonded with, "You didn't invite me." My mom said, "Yes, I most certainly did. I called you and you said you would call me back. You never did. Are you coming?" He didn't come, but spent the day on the beach with his mother in law and wife and kids....get this...below my parent's home (they live on the bluff overlooking the beach) and we could see him. He called back and told her that he will be coming for Christmas for an hour with his sons, but Sarah will be at her dad's house. My mom doesn't react anymore....but just says, "Ok." Then he called back and starting saying that this family is falling apart, but I quickly realized that it's his life and her manipulative plans that are falling apart, since no one is reacting anymore.
It's sad. He was a really fun and likable guy. Very successful in his businesses and his life has gone to crap. He's not happy and if you ask him in a gentle way if he's ok, his eyes well up with tears....but replies that he's fine.
He has stopped inviting us to his home for birthday parties, etc...but I haven't. I still send a mailed invitation for every event at our home, but he never RSVPs. He will send a card....and send $10 to my son with a note that said, "We miss you!!!!" I was like, what???? For years before this, I would ask weekly, when can we get the kids together at the park? His reponse was always, "I need to talk to Sarah about it," and then I never got a call.
The last time we got together, she sat there the ENTIRE time at the breakfast table at a place they picked for breakfast and texted. She never said hi to anyone. When my mom when over to their sons to say hi and give him a hug, she told them not to get off their bikes.
All you can do is warn your son in a loving way. This woman has ruined his life and he's allowed it. I hope it doesn't take 20 years before he figures it out. I have a feeling, once the boys are grown and out of the house, they are going to look at each other and realize they have nothing in common....and he might have some sort of a life after her. His sons are 4 and almost 3.
Don't allow her to talk to you in that manner, If she calls you names, clearly say something IN A NICE MANNER like, "Wow. That was a bit rude." And about your cooking, in a nice tone, "You know, you are right. It's not my favorite dish to make. I would really love it, if you would like to bring it next time. Would you mind bringing it next time?" What is she going to say? No?
PS I take pictures of my SIL doing these things and then I keep a log on my computer of incidents, because when my brother screams at me that I have never been nice to her, etc. I tell him I have and he ALWAYS responds with, "When?" I can't remember, since I try not to hang on to this stuff and allow them to ruin another life....so I keep it on the computer....and in the event that he wants details (like usual) or she wants a divorce and takes the kids, I have info.
I just shake my head and hope his life gets better.
Sending you lots of love and strength. I have 2 boys and I dread the day they start dating....I know how some girls are. Hang in there momma.
PS Feel free to share this with your son.