My husband and I are very close to my cousin and her husband. They have a daughter who is 4 months younger than my son. We got together over the holiday and I realized that my son doesn't have a "name" for my cousin.
In my husband's family (middle eastern) they call all elders (except parents) "Aunt" or "Uncle". Ironically in my cousin's husband's family (hispanic) it is the same. In my family, though, there is a huge emphasis on proper labeling. An aunt is an aunt, a great aunt is a great aunt and my mother even did copious amounts of research into great vs. grand. (No difference, by the way, in case you were wondering.)
I suppose that my son could call my cousin and her husband aunt and uncle, but I'm wondering how you all have dealt with this? I'm not so much worried about my family being upset or offended because they are always upset and offended by something (lol) and I really have very little to do with them anyways. The thing is that my cousin has sisters with whom she is very close and I have brothers and I don't want to diminish the importance of my brothers title or her sisters title by calling everyone by that.
I really dislike the notion of my son calling them "cousin" because there's no deference to the fact that my cousin is my son's elder. My mother would call her cousins "Cousin John", but I never called them anything because I hardly knew them at all and they never had children. Plus, I never called my cousin "cousin so and so", it was always first name.
So i am wondering how you all have solved these complicated issues? :-)
What is his given name, go with that! :p Seriously I have second cousins who are my age, third cousins that are older than my kids. They are all cousins so you call them by their given name.
Is your cousin someone you want to be "aunt"-like to your child? If this is someone you want to be like an aunt/uncle to your kiddo then they are aunts if not then Mrs/Mr first or last name or you can just go first name ... btw what do their kids call you?
Wow- you are putting way way too much thought into this one! Copious research into great vs. grand?
Truthfully, I would ask your cousin what he would like to be called and go with that. In my family, we call my parents' cousins by their first names b/c we are very close. Having said that, my mother's male cousin is more like a brother to her and we call them "Aunt and Uncle" to reflect that relationship.
My daughter is 13 and my sister is 15, they call each other by name, some times if they are felling funny, they will say aunt or niece, and get looks.
Ohh how many times I was questioned if my sister was my abandoned daughter, and my mom would get so mad, specially because she got a HUGE belly with my sister, lol.
In our family it depends on the relationship with the cousins. I have cousins for which I am extremely close almost more like siblings. They are called aunt or uncle...other simply by their first name. However I have an aunt and uncle who are only five years older than I...it feels weird calling them Aunt and Uncle...but my kids call them aunt and uncle. And their kids are younger than mine and they just call me Mel, as I am their cousin but 30 years older.
Someone below suggested ask your cousin...I agree...have them give some insight and when the family gets offended say "hey we discussed this and determined that this is appropriate"...and leave at that.
We all use first names in our family, but I have a cousin who just calls everyone "Cousin John" and "Cousin Sue" because it helps him keep them straight. For those who like accurate labels, it works. For those who want a "title" before someone's name if it's for a child addressing an adult, it works.
we're Italian and we call cousins by their first name.. (although the cousins are older) However, when it comes to aunts/unlces we use Zia and Zio... and for his grandma.. she is ALWAYS Nonna.. and granpa, is ALWAYS Nonno..
Now I will say, my FIL did refer to his cousin as cousin... or cugino.. and meant it in a VERY sincere and sweet way.. I think it might also depend on the generation.. I think it's rather cute when people use the word cousin. To me, it shows family unity ( I say that with no judgement on families) it's just that since my own biological is so messed up, whenever I hear another family say endearing things like cousin or nonna.. I think it's great..
I have my DD call my cousins "Cousin First Name" and her direct cousins/kids her age just first name. It helps her with her venn diagram of a family. With our friends, they call them Mr. and Ms. (or Miss) First Name unless the preference is for Last Name (by the person).
I just have my daughter call my cousins Aunt and Uncle - she's only 3 and when she is older I figure I'll be able to explain the difference but for right now I want adults to be either Aunt and Uncle, or Mr. and Mrs., and not just first names only. We have some really good friends that have Aunt and Uncle status too. Think of it as a sign of respect to give them a title like that.
Because my cousin is so much older than my kids they call her auntie. They also call my best friend auntie because she and I ARE like sisters. Do what feels right :)
My Aunt Linda is also my godmother, and is "technically" my cousin. She's in the same age range as my father and his sister (my "technical" aunt"), (she's actually their first cousin) and because of the respect aspects, I would NEVER call her by her first name. That's just how we do it in our family. I think it's totally appropriate for children who have adult cousins to call them "aunt" and "uncle". For those of you who mentioned having aunts and uncles only a couple years older than you, that's entirely different. Of course it would feel weird calling them "aunt" and "uncle". And really, I guess it depends on what everyone is comfortable with in their own families. On my mother's side of the family, I have aunts and uncles that are about 8 years older than I am, and while I did call them "aunt" and "uncle" when I was a little girl (and they were like teenagers, close to 20), these days I call them by their first name or their pet names. We all relate more as adults now, so it feels weird to call them "aunt" or "uncle"- especially since my BF and my uncle are the same age! Lol
My children have many adult cousins (2 are grandmas!) and I have taught them to call them Aunt and Uncle. It's just the respectful thing to do.
I am not ok w/ my small children addressing their 50 yo. cousin as Jane.
I would be ok w/ them saying Cousin Jane, but it seems a little silly for our family...like I said there are MANY cousins.
Whatever you choose you just need to establish that child/adult respect thing. :)
We had an older cousin we called Uncle Mike. It meant the world to him! It never offended any of my other aunts and uncles. My daughter calls my best friend Aunt and my sister isn't offended. Just how it is. :)
I call my mother's best friend "Aunt Martha". I have been calling her that for 47 years. She told me a couple of years ago I could call her Martha and I said "nope I don't think so"! Same with my moms cousins. They were Aunt Joy, Uncle Kermit ... you get the idea. Aunt and Uncle are fine.
my kids call my cousins by their first names. I think that is fine with everyone because we are all cousins. I also hate when a friend of mine has her kids call me Miss Mel... I don't make my kids call my friends Mr. or Miss so and so. I find it crazy. I realize it is about respect and all but as long as a kid is not treating me badly they can just call me Melanie. Although my husband has 2 bff's and my boys call them Uncle Sean and Uncle Jimmy. Not sure why the boys kinda started it and it has stuck. The "uncles" love it though. You do what you want..see what your cousin prefers.