My daughter has been invited to a birthday party for a boy in her preschool class. She is in preschool 3 days a week. We don't know this little boy, nor his parents, but the invitation says we can "drop off" the kids for the party. She is only 4 and we have no intention of leaving her there by herself, especially since there are activities she may need our help with (there is a petting zoo and pony) and I don't know the parents.
So my question is, at what age did you start leaving your child for a birthday party instead of staying there with them?
I waited until my boys were 7+ and when one girl was having her 10th birthday party as a boy-girl party, we stayed then ;) I don't think it's appropriate before they're in kindergarten and anytime the kids way outnumber the parents. Also, when parties have been far from home and at public locations (e.g., bowling alleys, skating rinks, etc.) I always stayed around. IMHO, it's too much to except that these parents can keep an eye on all the kids in a public place and unfortunately, these are where the weirdos like to hang out. Also, unless you know the parents well, I would never leave them. This remained my rule into my boys were 13 - even then I make sure to know what adults will be there. And, at this point, they only go to school sponsored events.
Cindy,
I have no idea, I think it's really up to you as a parent. When you don't know the other parent then of course you wouldn't just leave your child. It doesn't matter what the invitation says. Since you don't know this child's parent, if you do stay, which I am assuming you will, you can get to know them and then later if something like this happens you'll know if you feel comfortable enough to leave your child there.
The only party I let my daughter attend w/out us was for a girl in her class and we "did" know the parents and the party was at her house where they were only playing some games and opening presents. The mother had her mom helping so 3 parents all together and my neice went to the party as well with my daughter. They were both 6 at the time.
BESIDES that party, I would never leave her at a party now if I did not know the parents or if she was going to need my help with anything. IMO, your daughter is to young to be left along. I think 7 or 8+ is a good age IF you know and fully trust the parents with your child. If it's at a big place with lots of kids and people (chuck e cheese, zoo, bounce houses, parks, etc.), she would never be left alone.
Even though the invite says you can "drop off" does not mean thats what they want you to do if you don't feel safe with it. They probably are only saying that for the parents who don't want to feel obligated to stay if they don't have to.
Take care!
MY oldest is 9 yrs old and I would not drop her off anywhere as long as I am not around you just cant trust anyone now days but go with your gut feeling .
I had a tea party for my daughters 6th birthday last year and invited her girl classmates. I told all the parents they were welcome to stay but only two stayed, the rest dropped off the girls, I dont know if its because they were girls only? I guess the moms felt safe leaving them after they came in the house. I think I probably would not leave my daughger now at 7 years old if I didnt know the parents. I think maybe 10 is a good age for that and still I would keep one eye open if you know what I mean.
I still don't leave my 8y.o DD at parties unless I KNOW the parents and it's an all girls party. If they are boy/girl we def. stay. Now for my pre-schoolers, I ALWAYS stay-no exceptions. Another thing we do, I have 3 kids(2girls & 1boy), so before they are 5 girls only go to girl parties, boy to boys unless its a close family friend...if we didn't do this we are going to partie(s) every weekend. It's crazy. HTH
If I don't know the parents, it wouldn't be age 3 that I let my child be a "drop off" at a party. I'm thinking grade school...closer to 6, 7 or 8. And then, I'd like to at least meet the parents. (Then again, my kids are only 4 and 1 so far.)
For the most part, I stayed during pre-school years, but would sometimes drop off once they started school. It would depend on the party and how I felt about the environment. I would think that the child's personality would have something to do with it, too. When kids are a little more high-maintance, it's so much easier for the host if you stay with them. I have two children and I have always prepared for parents to drop-off for our birthday parties once Kindergarten started. 8 out of 10 would do so. I would always prepare by having extra adults there when needed.
The first time I left my son at a party he was eleven. I should not have done it. The parents were not on top of things, the kids were left unsupervised upstairs and got into activities that were not appropriate, bullying ensued and it was a horrible experience. I don't think age has anything to do with it. Little kids need to be watched by many adults for safety reasons, bigger kids get mean and hurt each others feelings or worse and THEY need to be watched. I opt for being the parent who brings a bottle of wine and stays to "visit" or "help". I'm actually rather stunned at how quickly many parents flee the scene, be it a birthday party or an athletic practice, it seems they just cannot wait to do something "more important" than watch their kid.
Go with your gut instinct.
I didn't leave my daughter at a party until she was in school and comfortable with it. That was either Kindergarten or first grade. When she was younger I stayed and helped with the party, which was always appreciated!
I am always amazed when parents just drop thier kids off...I remember once for a b'day sleepover that I was in the house hanging out after going over some things with the mom about my daughter with type 1 diabetes (I had called her after we received the invitation to see if that was going to work) and a girl with severe asthma was dropped off with her nebulizer and no instructions.....sigh.......my kids are now 15 and 16 and they still do not go to a home where I do not at least have a passing aquaintance with the parents....so, no, I would not leave my 4 year old.........good luck!
I think if your child is old enough to stay home by herself or drop her off at the mall, then she can be trusted to be at a party alone (age 12 or 13?). I know that sounds old but you never know how appropriate the supervision will be (unless you know the parents well) and you need to trust your child to be able to take care of herself.
I have 3 kids, the youngest is 5 and as learned rule you don't leave your kiddos at a birthday party until they are at least 7 or 8 depending on their independence level. Anything can happen a fall or a fight over a toy or a spill etc. You need to be there for many reasons until your sure they can behave or handle their own situations if you know what I mean and I'm sure you do! And remember it goes by fast! My oldest now 12 does not want me to be seen with him at his social events!
My daughter was 7, and one party was at a home where I knew the mom, and the other was at a mall mini golf & I was just across the hall shopping. Always make sure you give your cell number to the mom in charge, and make sure your child knows it by heart.
I wouldn't leave a child under 10 at any birthday party unless I knew the parents VERY WELL. We still don't leave our 9 year old at parties but our 13 year old we do. We left him for the first time at 12.
My decision would not be totally based on age and I guess I was fortunate in that when my children were younger, if I did not personally know the parent very well, there was a good chance that I knew other parents that were staying that would specifically look out for my child because I would ask them to before I left.
I would base my decision about the composition of the party, i.e. is it the preschool kids that are with each other every day or are their neighborhood kids and relatives thrown into the mix? I would base it on that specific child's age, his/her maturity level and their comfort in unfamiliar situations. I would plan on attending and see what happens when I get there. If my stomach tells me not to leave, I don't.
There was one party that I know I planned to attend with the child, don't remember which of the three or how old but nearly every parent was there and you know, that was back in the day when I rarely ever got time to myself. So I altered the plan. I had a couple of blissful kid free hours and the kid had a great time.
Basing it solely on age does a disservice to your child and may be ineffective in protecting him/her. A child at 4 may be more mature than another child that is 6 or 7. Assertive, independent, aware children ordinarily do not become vitims. If you do not allow your child to be other than by your side until they are close to or at middle school age, they may never be comfortable trying to do things that make them nervous. They will miss out on many things. In most cases, a child's bithday party is a relatively safe place so make sure there are enough parents there and factor that into your decision.
My daughter is 8 and the general rule is I dont leave her unless I know the parents really, really well. If I dont know them, then I stay. Parents have enough going on with a party to make sure everyone is always okay on top of it.
I just had my daughters 8 year birthday party at a rollerskating rink two weeks ago...Most of our close friends stayed but just about all the moms I didnt know, left. One girls mom just dropped her off and didnt even give me a phone number. She ended up 'forgetting' and I had to get the phone number from the little girl to call to find out where she was. She was almost an hour late...I had to sit out side after the party and wait for this woman to pick up her daughter!
I like Kathy F.'s response below. Waiting until your kids is a preteen to leave them at a birthday party seems a little extreme - children do need to learn how to be independent. That said, my daughter was dropped off for the first time last year in kindergarten (she was 5 1/2), though I went in for a while to make sure she was settled, and saw that there were many other parents staying. My 4-year old right now is so clingy that there is NO way I could drop him off - I couldn't do that to the poor parents hosting the party because he would start crying.
I always have beer and sodas on hand at our parties for any parents who want to stay, and then many do because it becomes a nice chance for them to socialize while the kids are occupied. All stayed at the younger one's 4th party, but about 1/3 just dropped off at the older one's 6th party. I don't judge anyone that drops off for their decision at all - if everyone wanted to drop off it would be fine with me. I always have extra adults (grandparents, etc) there that I know will help, and I'm happy to give a fellow parent a couple hours of kid-free time if possible.