I have been struggling with this issue for awhile now and thought I'd put the question out there. My daughter just turned 7 and she has a ton of toys that she no longer plays with, like dolls, Barbies, My Little Pony, that type of thing. I suggested we get rid of them in a garage sale to make more space for the things she likes to do. Well, she freaked! But the problem is, she NEVER plays with this stuff, it just sits in her room! It's like she is hoarding everything she can. Is this normal and am I a bad mom if I do an executive decision and clean out some of this clutter? I would feel so bad if I traumatized her by getting rid of her toys.
First off don't get rid of the Barbies they are collectables. You ever day toys like something else you can put up. Girls have a lot of things that they like to keep so you should ask her what is the most important things for her to keep and the one she would like to get rid of. This helps her to make the pross. You are not traumatizing any child by getting rid of her things. Just let her tell you what she would like to keep and then the other things can go. Say your helping other children who don't have a lot of things. Barbara.
How about not passing it down, but passing it on to her 3 year old sister. I have a soon to be 9 year old daughter who had groovy girls, ponies, doll house, etc... and last year we redid her room and all of the "baby" toys moved to her 3 year old sisters room. I went to Target and bought one of their wall organizers with the tubs and everything fits so nicely. My 8 year old still goes in there when she has the urge to play with something, but she knows it has been passes down. Maybe that will help instead of just getting rid of it. She only had 8 ponies, about 20 groovy girls a kitchen set with pretend food pots/pans, a my family doll house and a iron board. It has been great because I have not had to buy anything for the baby. She loves all of her big sisters stuff. I hope this helps.
Brandi, SAHM of 3
almost 9 yr old daughter and 3 yr old daughter and a 7 yr old son LOVE THEM!!!
developmentally, 7 year olds need to "collect and hoard", among other things. They are like toddlers in this phase a little bit in the hoarding, collecting and also in the level of self-centeredness....it's all good and normal. She'll give up the stuff when she's a bit older without the drama.
Lori
With the upcoming holiday season you could suggest that she give it to someone in need. Encourage her to get rid of 2 old things to make room for some new things at Christmas.
You might try the talk about the children who have few toys.
We used to clean out my son's room every fall. I'd tell him that as long as had a room full of toys, Santa wouldn't leave him very many new toys. He'd take those to the children who didn't have very many toys. He readily donated old toys to the shelter.
After the Santa days it got even better because then it was ME who wouldn't buy much new if he didn't clear out the old.
Just a thought....
I have a friend with a daughter who is an only child (so she's spoiled and has tons of toys), and she goes through this same issue frequently. What she does is starts a garbage size bag in the hall closet, periodically when her daughter is not home, she takes the toys she wants to get rid of, a few at a time and puts them in the bag. When the bag(s) are full she takes them to Goodwill. With only a couple gone at a time, her daughter rarely notices.
What I did with my son although he was a bit older, was I explained about all the children who had so much less than he did and I asked him if it would be okay if WE, he and I together picked out some toys he didn't want anymore and take them to a charity so that he could share his things with children who didn't have any nice toys like he did. He thought this was a great idea, and still every year close to Christmas time, we do this.
If you are just looking to add things to a garage sale, I would try that approach with her. Tell her that the parents of children who can not afford all the wonderful toys like the ones she has and you two together could pick out some really good ones for her to sell so that those kids could be able to afford to have some nice toys like she does. Maybe that will work.
Good luck.
Give her a box and ask her to put things in it that she no longer plays with, to put it up NOT GET RID OF IT. Tell her it's so she can have more room to play, and more room for her Christmas gifts. Do this every few days until you feel that a lot of the toys she is ignoring have been picked up. If after a month she hasn't asked for anything out of the box, without showing her the toys you can remind her of all the toys she put away and ask her if she would be interested in helping some needy families for Christmas. Go to a local shelter website, like Star of Hope, and talk to her about all the children there who have no home for Christmas and ask her if she'd like to give some of her 'old toys' to them.
For some children, the idea of selling toys and them going to strangers is unthinkable, but are happy to give or trade toys with someone else, especially if they know a need is present.
My oldest is 5 and she'd give everything away if I'd let her (because she doesn't want to put things away. heh)
As for if this is NORMAL, there ARE some children who have an abnormal hording nature. I was like this and still struggle to some extent. Some co-morbid syndromes (that means they can coexsist in one child) that show such issues: OCD, autism/Asperger Syndrome, Sensory Integration Dysfunction (problems regulating the sensory system leads to a need to control the environment) I'm sure I'm forgetting something here.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it unless she's having problems with other issues (behavior for instance.) If you notice her collecting other things also (bottle caps, string, sticks, wrappers, soda can tabs, ect) and gets upset if you try to get her to leave the stuff on the ground or take her box of treasures away, then you might want to seek help from a professional as it could indicate that she DOES have a problem.
sarah, mom to 5
well, when i was about 7 years old, my dad took me and my
sister out for ice cream. when we returned home, my mom
had gotten rid of all my barbies. i had a ton of them, i
had furniture i had made for them, clothes, etc etc. i was
traumatized for years. i cried so hard. it felt
like i'd been violated. at 7, all i had were these toys
and they meant so much to me. i didn't play with them
much anymore, but i had them all displayed and neat on
top of my dresser. i LOVED them. so, like some of the
others moms said, keep the barbies if that's her
favorite. let her know that she has some say over what
happens to the things that belong to her. when we're so
young, there are so few things that we have control over.
give her that respect. and at 7, she is far from
having outgrown dolls. :)
i hope this helps!
You could try telling her that she can use the money made on selling the toys to buy her new toys.
That's what I do with my children and they get rid of tons.
After, we take them shopping and they end up bringing home less than they got rid of.
Your post reminds me of me as a kid. I loved Cabbage Patch Kids when I was growing up, and I got one every year for Christmas starting when I was 5 (the year they came out). My mom still laughs when she tells the story about me asking "I am still going to get a Cabbage Patch Kid this year, right?" I was 15!! She did get me the 10-year anniversary doll that year, but it is still in the box (she persuaded me to keep it that way).
I do have that problem a little with my 6yo son, though. Anytime I try to get rid of something he says, "But that was my favorite toy when I was a kid!" (That cracks me up a bit!) I do go through my kids' toy boxes and throw away the cheap stuff (like McDonald's toys) pretty regularly. But at this time of year, I also go through stuff and take out things they don't play with and won't notice and give it to toy drives (if it's in pretty good condition) or Good Will (if it's not quite as good). That's pretty much the extent of the battle I'm willing to wage at this time....But maybe that's because I can relate a little (or a lot) to not wanting to get rid of my stuff. :)
I still have all of the dolls that I had when I was a little girl. I feel comfort in having them. She may feel comfort in having them looking at her. My mom built a shelf that went all the way around my room about a foot from the ceiling. I put the dolls that I wasn't really playing with anymore up there. That way they were out of the way, but I still got the joy from looking at them and thinking of the good times that I had playing with them.
Well, you can go one of two ways...
With my kids I will not allow them to play with any new toys from Birthday or Christmas or any other time until two things happen...they have to make the giver a thank you card and they have to clean out as many toys as they received...before they can open them or play with them.
the other thing you can do is compromise with her and box them up, and put them in her closet, that way she has them in her possession but they are out of the way.
Good Luck with what ever you choose.
I think I was about 9 when I stopped playing with baby dolls, about 10 or 11 when I stopped playing with Barbie dolls and ponies. But I didn't admit to everyone that I still played with them =)
I think if she has too much clutter, just tell her that her room is too cluttered and tell her she needs to decide what are her most favorite toys, toys she might still want to play with, and then toys she can't remember the last time she played with. Make it an incentive like "dad and I want to buy you Christmas presents, but we're not sure where you would put anything new..." She will probably be eager to make room for new things!
If there are things you know for a fact she hasn't played with in forever (not even without you seeing her) then I say just get rid of it! Take it to goodwill or post it on freecycle or craigslist.
Before my daughters birthday or Christmas we go through all the toys and she gets to decide on which ones she doesn't play with any more. Then we decide why (doesn't enjoy, pieces missing, something broke, just tired of it, or saving it for later) if it is missing pieces or broke it gets tossed, if it is something she just doesn't enjoy we carefully box it up and take it to Goodwill or Medina Children's home so they can use it for children who don't have as much as we do. Sometimes we even put things in the attic, if it is something we can use later (like for the new little brother).
This gives her control over her things (even though technically they are all yours!) and fosters a giving heart. My daughter now knows of friends we can pass things on to so it is really fun to see who she thinks could use the things she wants to give a way.
The other thing that occassionally happens is that mommy gets tired of stepping on things because she hasn't cleaned them up (i.e. barbie 'stuff' or games with lots of pieces). So she gets the warning - "Put the stuff away, because if mommy steps on them, she could get hurt and so could baby brother, if mommy is holding him. If you don't, then mommy will give it away." That has worked wonderfully. Even if it clearly is a toy she plays with, if it can stay picked up then it needs to go away. We often have tears, but a consequence sometimes has to hurt.
Good luck!
I would not get rid of those things. Instead put them in a bin and store in the attic. That way if she does freak you can show them to her. Also,she will be greatfull if you keep them later on in life. Good Luck
I like Connie's and Lavon's suggestion about donating unused toys to other children. My children are too young yet for this process, but I also intend to follow that approach. My own parents used it with me. I was allowed to keep a toy that had special meaning to me, then we put together a "group photo" of the toys I was going to give away to other kids. That way I could still see my toys but also have the good feeling that comes from giving to those who had less.
I STILL have some of my stuffed animals (I was never really into dolls) and I'm 37! Since it's almost Christmas maybe you could have her choose dolls that she would like to give to some other little girl for Christmas who may have lost everything in Ike. You could call a church and ask them for the name of a family. Take her with you to give it to them and it would be a great experience for her.
Or, get 2 bins and have her separate them into her favorites and non-favorites. Maybe 1 doll to favorites and 1 to the other bin and tell her you're going to get rid of the ones that aren't her favorites (after you're through sorting them) or if that could be a problem, you'll at least know which ones mean the most to her and which you can get rid of (even if one at a time). Good luck!
This is a good age to start teaching your child the joy of sharing with those less fortunate. We started a tradition when my daughter was about 5, where she went through all the toys she had, those she thought she had outgrown and wanted to give away. Her reward was taking them to a shelter where she could personally give them away, or to the fire department where she knew they would pass them out to kids that needed them. She was also aware that she was making room for new toys she got at her birthday and Christmas. To this day (she's 27 now) she still goes through her stuff when it's near the end of the year and purges stuff she doesnt use. Good luck as your peruse all your responses!!
I agree with the mom's who suggested donating. Explain to her that there are many children out there who aren't as fortunate as she is & pack it up & donate it. My aunt does this with her son every year before Christmas. It's not only teaching him to be someone who gives to others who are in need, but it's helping him not to become a clutter bug. My son is 15 months & right after his 1st birthday, I packed up a bunch of his toys that he had outgrown & gave them away. Let her keep a couple of items that are special or sentimental. I still have my 1st teddy bear that my aunt got me when I was born. :) That kind of thing I wouldn't get rid of. I think once she realizes how happy she'll be making other kids who are less fortunate, she will come around to the idea. Especially if you make her apart of the process & make it an annual event (especially before Christmas). If she still believes in Santa, have him write her a note for her to read on Christmas Day about how proud he is of her for doing it!