Hi Sindy,
WOW, your family is really handling a tremendous amount of challenge right now. While your medical needs are very important, your husband might just be too overwhelmed with all that is going on in your lives to be more helpful.
As a mom/grandma/teacher I have seen (and even participated in some when my son was about your step-son's age) power struggles and it seems like your physical problem is being compounded by a power struggle. The good news is that people who find themselves in power struggles often turn that energy into strong dedication and/or endurance. The same son that seemed to cause the most challenges for me has grown up to be a fine man.
It might be hard to imagine your step son growing up to be a fine man, because he is not showing his best side at home these days. But, most of us have been quite selfish on a subconscious level at his age. You might find some good parenting reference books at the library with chapters on power struggles.
Also, My mother gained a great deal of help from a few sessions with a pain management professional when her arthritis became hard to bear. She learned strategies that helped with so much more than the arthritis. (She beat Cancer twice!)
Good luck, Sindy!
If you only have your step kids part time, and they are causing the issue... Maybe try telling him you have to stay somewherelse while they are there and he'll have to stay with them if he's not going to take your medical problems seriously. Just an idea? Take your kids, stay with a friend or get a hotel until they realize how serious it is. If not, then you may need to re-evaluate the situation. Sometimes actually walking out the door may make people take the situation seriously that they may not otherwise. If you mean anything to your husband he will not let this tear his family apart over cologne. It's just cologne to them, but it's your entire well being. It's the same as having an allergy to food and he slips it in your food. Same thing. That's malicious intent and just dispicable. He wouldn't feed his kids a food they are allergic to on purpose would he? YOU ARE basically ALLERGIC to scents and causes severe medical issues for you. That's the bottom line. And if they can't see that then how good a relationship do you actually have anyway? Just a thought.
I know I'm a little late responding, but wanted to let you know I feel for you. Why did he fight for custody if he's going to work every waking hour and can't see them? Just to leave you to take care of them- then undermine your authority. That's definitely not teaching the kids to respect you. How does he expect you to care for the kids properly when you can't function due to their malicious intentions. I'm sure they're good kids and probably don't understand the severity of your condition and the results of their actions to the full extent, but it's your house and you make the rules. He's in 6th or 7th grade... he's starting to notice the girls and wants to smell good for them. That's understandable, but respect the rules of the house.
If you were allergic to it and broke out in hives would your husband support you? What I mean is, if it was a VISIBLE problem would he support you?
If so then you need to have the doctor write you out a note that you can not be around scented products including cologne, etc.
If not then you have a serious issue with his (the hubby) lack of respect for you.
I'm hopeing that he would support you on this if he understood it more. You need to get some tangable evidence (ie doctor note, web articles, etc) to support what you are saying and explain to him on a Sunday (sounds like the only time he is home) in a calm voice that the cologne (not to place blame on the son or ex) is causing you serious health problems and for the sake of your health and the sake of your marriage that you need his support on this. He should be the one to talk to the son, not you. It's his son and his ex and if they see he is on your side they are more likely to back down. If you are the one to bring it up they will likely keep bringing products into the home that are unhealthy for you. Speaking of this when he returns home from his mothers you husband (in my opinion) should go through his bag to ensure no NEW problem products are brought in to the home. If you do it then it is invasion but if his dad does it then it's united with you.
Can you get a letter from your doctor stating what triggers these? IF SO..get him to draw one up and send it to the mom. Sometimes, people just need "proof". If your husband AND this woman STILL insist it's okay.......I'm in agreement with you. THIS IS NOT QUALITY OF LIFE. I would HOPE they would respect this....and the kids, too! They need to put themselves in YOUR place.
You ALSO may want to check into EGOSCUE (google it) and pull off a couple of e-cises that help head & neck pain & headaches. THIS STUFF WORKS! I'm a certified posture alignement & pain management specialist and SWEAR by it. I've helped more people with NON MEDICAL pain relief than I can begin to tell you!
I started on COPD Herbal treatment from Ultimate Life Clinic, the treatment worked incredibly for my lungs condition. I used the herbal treatment for almost 4 months, it reversed my COPD. My severe shortness of breath, dry cough, chest tightness gradually disappeared. Reach Ultimate Life Clinic via their website at www.ultimatelifeclinic.com . I can breath much better and It feels comfortable!
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I started on COPD Herbal treatment from Ultimate Life Clinic, the treatment worked incredibly for my lungs condition. I used the herbal treatment for almost 4 months, it reversed my COPD. My severe shortness of breath, dry cough, chest tightness gradually disappeared. Reach Ultimate Life Clinic via their website at www.ultimatelifeclinic.com . I can breath much better and It feels comfortable!