My 13 year old 7th grader cant stop texting! He would text 24/7 if he could stay up that long. I dont think it is healthy to be in constant contact with anyone as much as he does. Am I overreacting or should I just put limits on when he can use his phone?
Agh! Teenagers! I don't have a teen myself however, my husband teaches middle school and my boss has a 16 year old daughter. I think it is developmentally appropriate for them to socially float away from the family and dive headlong in to the friend pool.. When we were kids we talked on the phone nonstip and I can remember my mom being upset. I don't think you have anything to worry about him texting unless, it is causing problems with school work, sleep, and any household reponsiabilities he may have. Theses kids just have so many more ways to communicate than we did.
I think that our children are in a different generation which is "wired." A large part of their sociability is texting. I do not think there is any harm in it. It is like anything else there is a time and a place. Turn off phone in church, in school, at mealtimes, etc. Just remember to pick your battles.
I have embraced texting and find that I can communicate all the time with my children even when they are gone to college. I can let them know I am thinking of them anytime of day. Have fun with it.
Hi Christen,
we have a 15 yr. old. We got him his cell phone about 2 yrs. ago - simplicity on all of our lives to be able to reach him! However, our one criteria was that we would not be providing the texting for him. He simply does not have it on his phone...every text that comes thru is $.20 though - which stinks b/c his friends will still text him every once in awhile. However, we have told him it is his responsibility to pay for any texts that we get charged for that are not from us - as he should have told him friends he doesn't have it. We simply felt that texting is not the reason we got the phone for him - somehow he understands that...and we do hear about much it sucks sometimes. But overall he has learned that texting is just not part of his life. Our main reason for not providing the texting for him is b/c we have no idea what goes on in those texts. We can check his email, his facebook, etc., but not the texts as easily. But we also don't do it b/c we've seen what it has done with some kids on it 24/7. The generation is on the computer so much and not verbally talking anymore, that we don't want our son to grow up and not feel comfortable talking on the phone. I think each parent has to make the call on what is right for them and their children - but I certainly don't feel you are being too harsh to put limits on him. Every kid at some point needs limits on certain things - you just have to chose which ones are your battles! good luck!
hi
I too am a mother of a 14 year old son...kids need boundries..they may not ask you for them but desperatly need them..texting should be limited to after school and ?? some time in the evening...you are correct that too much time focused on one individual is not good. think about what fits best for you,,,sit down with him go over the rules then make consquesnces for breaking the rules..(loosing phone privelages alltogether) or ?? but FOLLOW THRU...this will make his life difficult at first but in the end it will make him a better MAN. thanks
I agree with you, this text messageing has went overboard. My favorite is kids who sit in class texting, that drives me crazy. Does he pay for it himself? Make him pay for it himself with a job such as walking dogs or such and then he won't have as much time to text.
Just a suggestion,
Dena
Personally, i don't think a teen should have a cell phone until they are at least 16 and able to pay for it themselves. It would show them more responsiblity. I have a SIL who is 16 now, and when she was 13 all we ever saw was either texting someone or talking all the time. She always had the phone in her hand. My kids are all under the age of 5 and they won't be allowed to have a cell until they are old enough to get a job and pay for it all their own just like i had to do growing up. I'm 25 now. Also, What's the point of texting anyway? You call the person up if you want to talk. It's a waste of time and money to be spending on texting.
Just take the phone. Our 16 yr. old was doing the same thing. We just took the phone. After about a week she ws fine , her grades went up and she was back in our lives. Take control of it now and don't feel bad if you are not the cool Mom.
I'd take the phone away from him. He doesn't need it at school. They should be taking it away from him if they catch him with it anyway. He only has it for when he's away from you for extra activities. He has to earn the priviledge of so-many minutes of texting per day. Also, can you get from you company a record of how many and what time the texting is occurring? That way you can check up on him...if he's honoring your rules?
Phones are just like computer, tv, etc. When it's lights out for the night, have him leave the phone with you, leave it in the kitchen, etc. I am a teacher and have taught both middle school and high school. Texting is top priority to these kids right now, and the sooner you can put limits on it, the better! Another option is to limit the amount of texts that he can send through your phone's plan, and then let him know that he is financially responsible for any over and above the limit. Good luck!
I'm not sure who your carrier is, but Verizon Wireless sells phones that have parental control on them. I would definitely limit his usage of the phone including texting. I think kids should have a phone in the event of an emergency and for use to contact you the parent. But other than that, it is a distraction. Just my own personal opinion. Try and look for a phone for him that allows only 911 calls and calls to pre-programmed numbers such as your home and mom and dad's work and cell. I believe you can install a password on it to prevent any other calls. Good luck in whatever you decide.
definitely put limits on everything that is or could be getting out of control. in order to be a really good fair mom, your kids need boundaries. and limiting phones, computers, pagers, video games, tv, etc is needed. i suggest putting controls on the phone itself (whether for calls or texts) by stating he can only use it when he's leaving you/home for an event (not for school days!!). calls at home (& texts) stop at his 9pm bedtime. between school & bedtime are (in this order): homework, chores, family interaction, friends. if his calls & texts are a concern in the evenings, tell him he gets 5 min per hour to use the phone....all 5 min together, or 5 (1)minute calls. that includes incoming AND outgoing calls/texts. make these house rules that are non-negotiable. i did this with both of my daughters. they are now 38 & 29yrs old & wonderful balanced young women, who are using these same boundaries with their kids. he will thank you over time, even if he resents it now. & he WILL resent it now, cuz you've allowed it to get outta hand. but it's not too late to regain control as the parent & adult of the home.
Obviously, he is addicted. What would you do if he were addicted to drugs. You would get him help and remove the stimulus.....the phone.
I have to agree with Ashley that limits are the best tool a parent has!!!! My kids do NOT have cell phones, except my 16 year old, and she has a job and pays her own bill (although it is on my plan) and she has learned the consequesnces already of texting too much (has had to pay $30 from going over). I only have texting to contact her and hubby when they can't take a call. I think that parents today are too lenient and are afraid of not "being cool". Kids, especially teens, need and want bounderies even if they don't say it. My daughter has friends whose parents let them do whatever they want whenever they want, buy them cars, give them everything and Rebeka comments on how all those kids are MISERABLE and unhappy....My hubby and I are prety strict and I actually get Thank-yous from my girl for it!! Sorry for the rambling....Good luck!!!!!
~Angel~
I am looking for that answer also. I have a 15 year old girl and everytime I turn on her cell phone she is in constant contact with friends and there is way to much drama. My advice is to somhow limit or never give them a phone. It's hard to take something away once it has been given. I have limits on the phone, as far as time. No phone from time I am home in evening till 8- bedtime is around 9. Any advise anyone has for me will help also
Christen:
There is nothing fair about parenting. You do what is best for them and they will always tell you IT'S NOT FAIR!. Kevin Leman wrote a book that I would recommend -- "Making Children Mind Without Loosing Yours".
I personally would put strict limits on the texting and phone usage and if it is not followed, he loses the phone.
If you are not currently part of a church, I would encourage you to find one; it can be a great support to you as a single mother. Parenting is a tough job and doing it alone is even tougher.
Hang tough, you won't regret it!
Oh, my gosh, I can't imagine your phone bill.
Limit, limit, limit, as a mom you have the right to have rules and expect him to follow them. My in-laws were selfish, lazy teens when I met them and they are now both in their mid to late 20s. Their mother never gave them limits on anything and they are still acting as they did when they were teens, selfish & lazy and living at home with her doing everything for them.
I think limits are good, expecially when you are paying the bills. If you talk to him about the limits and he doesn't follow, itemize the bill and let him know how much $$$ he owes you at the end of the month, make a list of things for him to do around the house that will make up for the $$$ he owes you, that will make him a little more respectful of your rules.
Hi Christen,
I have to agree: Limits and Boundaries is what helps teens become responsible adults. Parenting is not Fair, you are to be a friend, but not their "best-friend". You are the adult.
If it was my child, he would not even have a phone at age 13, but I understand, some circumstances need them. By best-friend is single and has a 13 year son, but he has very strict limits on the phone, very strict days and times when he can use the phone. She also tells him that the text messages better be things that she can read or he better not be texting at all. Even then, teens can be sly, he just ran up the phone bill over 100.00's and he is the "respectible, responsible, straight A, two instrument playing child". You have to be in control of his phone, You have to take it away from him and hide it during hours of non-usage. Life for teens might seem un-fair and/or tough, but they will learn in the long run, that it is for their best interest. Good Luck---Oh and the mom that made the statement about addiction, said it best, if it was drugs, you would intervene in a heart beat. Be glad at this moment that it is just a phone. Best wishes, Mary N.
I'd hate to be the one paying for that phone bill,I know wilth some cell phone companies you can put a block on the text messaging,and you can't receive or text.At this age to me they are still to young to keep in contact with friends all the time it seem's like all kids' do these day's is cell phone computer video games,put a limit on this or if it's not out of control now it will be soon.
Absolutely you must put limits on the time available to him. This is a common problem for non-driving teens. However, it can be a habbit that is extremely hard to break. Teenagers have actually had car wrecks that have killed others because of texting while driving.
It's all part of a disciplined life. Do you set limits for anything else in his life? Would you let him eat cake for every meal and damage his health? Of course not. I have two daughters in their 20's and the teen years are a great challenge. They often told us that we were the biggest control freaks and that none of the other kid's parents did what we did. Don't believe a word. All the other good parents are doing the same and looking for soladerity with others. It's the indulgent parents who don't offer controls for their children that make our jobs harder. You will probably get that as well if you set reasonable bounderies for your kids. Stick to your guns. Only let him text when his homework and chores are done. Never let him bring his phone to the table or any other family time, like going to the movies, etc. I don't know what his school's policy is, but many students text during tests to get answers from others. This has become a big problem and many schools don't allow students to have their phones in the classroom.
Our children now tell us that we were right to be so strict because of what was going on out there. They now see the results of their friends lives. (and we weren't that strict, just different than regular society seems to be) Anyway, it may take a while, but the rewards are great later on!
God Bless you in this and all other parenting endeavors!