I have many issues with banking with my husband. When we first married we opened joint accounts. We have had many issues with banking together and many women tell me they have their own bank accounts and their husbands are ok with that. They usually pay for half as well. We have never had it good when it comes to finances. Last year my husband went out on using bing. He took about $7800 out of our joint account and put it into an account of his own. He claimed he didnt want to do business with the bank we were at. Well I set up my own and had my payroll deposited direct to my own bank account since. We almost split up. We had a really bad summber last year. courts, dyfs etc Well he got in program and we decised to work things out. Since then he has asked to do our banking together again but I was fearful that he would do the samething again. I took on paying for our daughters school tuition $5000 +, Dance school $1500+ and all of her expeses. shoes, clothes, school supplies, even most of the christmas gift. I paid for everything for her communion except the party which was as much as the party. And now my husband think that I should pay for summer camp on my own $2000.due (06/01 in two wks) I dont have it and if summer camp doesnt get paid I cant work. He could care less. I really would like to withdraw the tax return money from our joint saving without telling him but he would kill me. What should I do?
well i have a joint checking account with my BF and its okay iguess....but as for the camp goes (or your lil one)why should you be paying for everything?its both of your daughter right?well if it is then why should he not be paying for half???if you go to court to get child support they would go on your income and who ever makes more pays more but thats besides the point i pay for half of whatever my son needs and i tell my BF what it was and how much and he gives me that money back...or you guysa could have a joint checking account for your daughter...whatever she needs have it be shoes or camp it comes out of that checking account......good luck
You could have 3 accounts: one joint, his separate, your separate. Decide on how you will split up your pay into those accounts and use the joint one for household stuff and kid stuff, but still have your own accounts to handle however you want.
In most cases I would recommend banking together. When you have a solid marraige, I could never understand his and her money/accounts. However, this is not your case.
I would be very concerned that if you put your money into a joint account, he would take the money and spend. However, if your serious about making your marriage work this is a good step. Agree to put a small amount ($25 a week) into the joint account, and agree on what the money in that account will be used for. After a month or two, if it's working, increase the amount you deposit each week. Your employer should allow you to direct deposit a set amount into the joint account, with the balance going into your account.
As far as summer camp goes, this is an expense that both of you should pay for. The money should come from a joint account. Take the money out of the joint savings account, pay for the camp, and then tell him.
Please remember to protect yourself. Always keep an account in just your name. Also, have at least one credit card in just your name. I'd also keep a rainy day fund, just in case.
Good luck.
Kelly K has the best advice. Unless you have a marriage where he gives you the paycheck and you handle expenses, I think this would work best for you. Good luck.
honey im sorry to say but it sounds like you need much more help with your marriage than just the financial part of it. It sounds like there are some major trust issues on both of your parts, i would definitely keep a joint account which you both contribute to to pay for your daughters and household expenses, those should be split 50/50 - if he cant understand that then maybe you need some counseling, marriage is a joint partnership, everything 50/50 and if you cant withdraw tax refund money to pay for something for your daughter without your hubby throwing a fit, then maybe you need to step back and evaluate your marriage and decide whether its a good match for you both or not. good luck..
you said you pay for all your daughter's expenses, so what does he pay for? does he pay all the bills then? does it come out about even? if you decide to keep separate accounts its important to spell out who's paying for what so you each know what to expect and try to make it fair to you both. I actually have 2 sets of friends who do this, neither have any children, but they both do things the same way - each have their set of household bills that they pay and they've tried to make it as even as possible. it works really well for both couples! and they both have great marriages, they just decided to do it that way.
I find it much easier to have joint accounts because i do all the bill paying... i'm semi-nuts about it (i keep track of every penny, and save a lot, but it's gotten us out of a tons of debt because of it, but sorry thats a tangent.)
i think if you're at all nervous about it, a joint account and 2 separate accounts sounds like a really good idea! at least for starters... and then if its working you can consolidate more. Just make sure your husband knows you won't put up with him changing banks without you agreeing and that he can't take any large amounts out without talking to you first (and visa versa)! And make sure if you keep separate ones you each know what you have to expect to pay for!
hope it all works out for you!
sounds like you have a lot going on there. if your child belongs to both of you, then her expenses should definitely come out of joint expenses. when my hubby and I first got married, we set up a joint account and then a personal account each, but these had minimal amounts in them, maybe a couple of hundred dollars. all bills etc came out of the joint account. we now only have one account because after kids it got too much to keep track of. i would maybe try to get some marriage counseling. it sounds like there are still many issues that need to be resolved.
I truly believe that your marriage has alot more problems than finances. I have been married with two very young children and have one joint account.Having seperate accounts is a wonderful idea because you both can have alittle seperate spending money. I mean that doesn't work for me because I don't have enough income to seperate but if it works for you then do it. For your children that should NEVER be on you alone. You both are still married that should be 50/50. I would have him pay for half or take it out the joint account. See I do the finances in my marriage. I control the spending money and bills. I mean thats just me I am very controlled like that. Good Luck!!
Dear,
If finances are your biggest problems you should be happy. Honestly though, it would work out better if you had 3 accounts, a joint account, your account, and his account. You and he need to sit down one night, and figure out ALL OF THE BILLS, how they are due, etc. It is going to take a while for most families to do this, so maybe schedule it for two nights, either way it has to be done.
After you have all the totals, then figure out which bills are his, which are yours, and which ones are joint (such as bills associated with children, house hold expenses, car repairs, etc.) Determine how much weekly you both need to contribute to the 'joint' account in order to maintain the household. Then, maybe throw in an extra $25 from each of you each week. Then, starting on a predetermined date, each of you need to have your check direct deposited in the pre determined amount into the joint account, and the rest of each of your checks in your personal accounts. This way the household stays 'together' and yet neither one of you have a say over how the others personal money is spent. This is common practice for many families and is by far the easiest way to keep a family together without sacrificeing the individuals. When it comes to the children though, both of you need to split the bill. The child is as much his as it is yours. If he is not deciding to take rsponsibility, then you have more issues than just finances and maybe you should reconsider the 'staying together' thing.
Couples should never fight about money, it's just stupid.
Keep your own account. You should always have "walking money", no matter what situation you are in (even if it's a great one). Joint accounts are not an automatic thing with marriage. We don't have them and this works very well for us. BTW, I work in finance/technology, so I speak from much experience. There is no reason to have joint accounts unless you really want them.
Make a budget and allocate who will pay for what based on your percentage of income earned to the whole (e.g., if you make 25% of household income, you pay for 25% of everything). And really spell out EVERYTHING in the budget - right down to extra spending money, gas, small trips to the grocery store, etc. You may have to record every little expense you have for a month or so to get a good idea of what you are spending. Handle the finances out of your account. Have your husband write you a check equal to the amount each month (or pay period) of the bills that he is responsible for.
One time up front make clear how much money you both have/make, and then make the budget based on that. Don't revisit it until your situation changes (one of you makes more or less money, etc). Any time you get a raise or extra money, put it away in a rainy -day account for emergencies. Visit a financial advisor - some are free b/c they want you to buy products so they'll do a whole portfolio for you - and figure out where to put extra money. Make sure you are always putting some away - even if it's only a very small amount (but try to keep it semi-liquid in case you have an emergency). Know where every cent of your money is going and make sure he gives you the right amoutn each month for bills.
If money is an issue now it probably always will be, so the "one check a month" approach I am talking about reduces it to simple math - it's hard to argue with that. I wish you the best, and I repeat - always have your own money! (And pull your kids into the act - it's never too early to learn to manage finances and it will make them very independent and self-reliant).
How about opening a joint account but DON'T direct deposit your check into it. Just put a small amount into the joint account. That has worked for us.
Also I highly recommend you two seek a counselor or priest or someone HE respects so that you two can talk this problem out.
I wish you luck.
Lee
This runs way deeper then being just a financial issue. If you want your marriage to work I would suggest counselling. Good luck!
What is your husband doing with his money while you are paying for everything??? He should be taking pride in supporting his family and household with your help even if seperate accounts were decided on in the first place which wasn't the case...
I can understand him not wanting to do business with a certain bank...but he not only should have told you about it before taking action.....the decission on another bank should have been made together, he should have also made sure your name was on the new account when he moved the money.
It sounds like he had stopped trusting you for whatever reason and if that is so he should have sat you down to talk to you about the lack of trust before taking action. In anycase, it isn't a healthly relationship you have with him.
I can understand why you don't trust him. Can you barrow the money from a friend, a family member, or a bank to pay for summer camp or make other affordable arrangments for your children (((maybe a day care center, community center, a family member, hiring a sitter, check with the church etc.)))so you can continue on with working? I have a strong feeling you should not give up this job.
Anyway, you have some serious thinking to do...Either go to a good therapist with your husband to work out these unfinished issues and if not, decide weither or not you really want to stay married to a man you can't trust and clearly doesn't trust you. It's not healthy for either of you or the children.
I believe half of the tax return money belongs to you along with the rest of what is in that savings account.. But I think if you touch it at this point with out talking to him about it first will cause a lot more problems between you. Perhaps he'll agree to use it for summer camp if you agree to replace the amount when you can. But believe me even if he does agree, it wont cure what is wrong with this relationship.
It sound like your family is using money to cover up some trust issue. I would have been very wary when he pulled out money and got a seperate account, especially if he does not share his statements with you. It is almost like he wants to back off into a "roomate" relationship with privileges of course, and is treating his paychecks as his money, and wants to have total control on what is spent and is using that leverage to make you feel less important. I would seek counceling on that first.
I see that there is a Mamasource counselor offering one free hour to mamasource members. I have copied her info below. Perhaps she can help you find some free resources near your home. It sounds like you really should get counselling - especially if you fear for your safety or well being around finances and the tax return money or other issues. If you are dealing with an addict, all the rules that normally apply to couplehood are off. He can't see past his addiction or addictive personality. Please, take care of yourself and get some help to deal with these big and scary issues as soon as possible. You deserve it!!!! Good luck -- my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Liz
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If you can not work then you will have no power and nothing to fall back on if he relapses again so pay for the summer camp! You will have to tell him that you are taking the tax return money at some point, but you have to protect yourself and your daughter first. It sounds like the two of you would benefit from a meeting with a financial planner who can assist you to develop a budget. A counselor for you may not be a bad idea. Many jobs provide free access to EAP counselors for a limited number of visits and if you need more than a few visits they can link you to a licensed therapist in your area. Good luck.
It seems maybe some marriage counseling is in order. I'm not sure what to tell you about the money, but I think that is only a symptom of the actual problem within your marriage.
I hope that doesn't sound rude at all...it's not supposed to.
I personally wouldn't be deceitful and take the $ without his knowledge.
I wish you the best of luck.
Jillian
Oh boy, this is a tough situation and I feel for you. It sounds as though you are the responsible one of the two of you. Maybe you both should see a mediator. Sometimes they are helpful in sorting out financial issues. My friend and her husband went to one and it seemed to help. Sounds to me that your husband is very immature and needs help. I wish you luck with this.
I haven't read the other responses. I'm hoping that this is what everyone else has said: you guys need some serious counseling. Hurry, before it's too late! Your daughter deserves better than this.
Every major financial decision should be made together. It's acceptable to have separate accounts for saving (for your family's future - not just yours) and even spending (he doesn't have to know every time you buy a latte (unless, of course, you're buying 3 $4 lattes a day, then he should know!) But decisions like this need to be made together and paid together. By denying you the money he's disrespecting you, your work, and your daughter. By secretly using joint money you're disrespecting him and the agreement you've made. You do this and all bets are off again. You guys need to get back on track. Either do it or don't do it. This game your playing is not fair to your daughter and is only going to lead to a very scary place.
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