We have a darling yet precocious 16 month old son, Evan. He's has taken to throwing his plate when he's done (sometimes there's food, sometimes not). He ONLY does it at home, not when we're out, at his uncles' house, or nana's.
We've tried talking with him about this - showing him what's done, the mess that he made. We've left him in the high-chair so that he can watch us eat and know that he did something wrong. We've not feed him after he's thrown his food. We've even smacked his little hand, but he's CONTINUALLY does it.
You're not alone :) I've never met a little one who didn't go through this phase! I have a 2.5 yr old and a 5 yr old and both of them went through it. Don't worry, they outgrow it. I would just try to watch for it and take the plate away as soon as he seems like he's getting ready to throw. He's still really little, and consequences are still to hard for him to understand- at that phase prevention is the best (I know it isn't always possible). A couple more months and he'll start to understand a little better. Don't get too frustrated, but be prepared cause those little battles will probably get a lot worse before they get better (he's reaching that age!).
Hi Erica,
We went thru something similar with my daughter when she was close to 2 (currently 5)and more recently with my son, 2-1/2. They both would push their plates (with a bit of force) into the middle of the table, often flingy food in the process. My son will also pick food off his plate and drop on the floor. We tried everything, telling them no, taking it away, eliminating the "good manner treat" at the end of the meal, and yes we also tried smacking the hand. I don't know if any of it worked or it was just something that they had to grow out off, but our daughter did get stop after about 6 months and our son is finally doing it less often. I'm guessing he will most likely grow out of this as long as you don't encourage the behavior - and remember negative reaction is a reaction. I've found with my son the best course of action is to take away the food, clean him up and remove him from the table. The more I fight it, the worse he seems to get. We will also allow the rest of the family to get their "treat" after dinner while he misses out. Our rule on after dinner treat is they have to eat enough off their plates and use good manners while they are at it. I think now that our son is over 2 he is realizing the "reward" part of good behavior and that may be a part of why his behavior is improving. You probably have a few more months before your son can get that concept of consequences. Give it time and keep up what you are doing, just try and not give too much attention to it - he's old enough to do things just for that reason now.
My DD did this too, still does occasionally. We worked on it a lot, especially with her cup. We showed her the right thing to do, and then it became obvious to us that she knew what she was doing (she'd look at us, let the cup dangle slowly until it dropped and then say "uh oh"!). At that point, we swatted her hand for it. When she does it wrong, I swat her hand, and then we say "let's try again!", give her the cup and help her give it to us. Then, we try again and have her hand it. I usually try to have her "practice" the obedient behavior 3 times. Now, it has become more fun for her...we try to catch her before she does it, saying, "what do you do with your cup? Give it to Mama/Dada or put it on the table." And it's gotten a lot better - a babysitter even commented on how much less she threw it. I figure, in life we practice everything else we do, why not start practicing the right thing to do!
wow, okay, I am going to try my best to give you info that will hopefully help you....and try my best not to be rude or judge!
I think the solution is very simple. You said that he does it when he is DONE. Well, there ya go, he is done eating and he is over it! My 18 month old does the exact same thing. So, I take her tray away, and let her get down. I also tell her that we don't throw food, but at this age, I think it is their way of communicating. Unless you have taught him how to sign "all done" or he can say "all done mommy" it is VERY normal for kids to do this. You also said that he has a plate. I just put my daughter in her high chair, and then when she throws 1 piece of food I can get her down. If she had a whole plate of food to throw then we would have a huge mess! I would skip the plate until he is sitting at a chair at the table...around 2 or 3 years old.
Okay, so this is a stage that most kids go through. I have never seen a 4 year old throwing his plate when he is done eating. lol. He will outgrow it and move on to MANY more annoying and messy stages in the next year.
I am guessing that you are going to get a lot of responses to this post, especially with the comment on smacking his hand. I am almost at a loss for words with that, but like I said I am going to try not to judge. I do not think that smacking a 16 months old hand is going to teach him anything. I don't think that smacking any childs hand will teach them anything other than, if you are angry or frusterated or don't like something, then you can smack someone.
Plus, there are going to be sooooo many way more annoying things that your child/preschooler will do and I am sure you don't plan to smack your child for each one of these.
There are so many other more positive ways that you can get your message across so he can connect the crime with the punishment....like if he throws the food you can tell him that "when we throw food we are done eating" and put him down. That would make more sense to a toddler.
I have have a great book called "what to expect, the toddler years" it is by the same author as "what to expect when you are expecting."
This book has solutions to everything that toddlers do. There was a page on food throwing that I just looked back on.
here is what it suggests....
1. Rationing
give them less food at a time, if they have too much at once they might throw it
2. Fastening
use a bowl that can be attached to the table or high chair with suction cups.
Then it basically said to turn the other way when the big mess is made. You can use bibs, plastic on the floor, etc.
But, basically kids will do it and it is not fun to clean up, but oh well:)
I am not sure if this is your first child, but the next year will be filled with annoying messes that your child will make while learning and growing and discovering. Unless your child is putting himself in danger, these messes are normal and important to their learning...especially watching your reaction to them.
My daughter loves to sneak into the bathroom and pull toilet paper off the roll. She gets a hold of my sons toothpaste which she can open and runs with it and squits it on stuff! messy!!!
she empties drawers, toy baskets, throws food....the list goes on. I could "baby proof" more, but I would rather gently guide her and teach her and let her also have some fun and explore! She is in no danger and I think it is good for her to learn her limits.
Good luck to you and good for you for reaching out for help! I would also try googling "toddlers and food throwing" you may get some other good advice.
Good morning Erica, it sounds to me like you are doing all the right things, just make sure when you smack is little hand that he feels it,(not overly hard) but if he doesn't feel it, then it's pointless, also give him a firm verbal no when you smack his hand. Just be consistent, he'll get it and be thankful it is only at home. Praise him when he does good. Have a nice day. Julie
At 16 months, he is a little young to be reasoned with. It's good that you don't give him any more food after he has thrown something. The next step is to take him out of the chair when he is done. That will make more of an impact than him sitting there watching you eat. We also taught my daughter the sign for "all done" so that she could indicate she was done. As he gets older, he will be able to sit for longer with you at dinner.
It is really quite simple, don't give him a plate. Put his food right on his highchair.
It is kind of like this, if your child wrote on the wall with a marker, would you continue to give him the marker and "try to teach" him not to do it? No you would take away the marker. So take away the plate until he understands that he what he is doing is inapporpriate.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T "swat" his hand. You will only teach him to hit.
We must model the behaviour we want from our kids.
My youngest went through this, too! It was so frustrating, mainly because there was no build up that we could read. She would eat, eat, eat, then throw! Spaghetti all over the walls, eggs on the floor, food everywhere. First, we stopped giving her a plate and just put her food on the highchair tray. That helped (no more plate throwing), but she still threw her food, and squished it through her fingers to find out what it feels like. She eventually outgrew the throwing phase, and at nearly 5 is almost done squishing food through her fingers. She's very tactile, and talking to her about it all started helping around 3, but not before. It's a stage. He'll outgrow it. It's a frustrating stage. You might want to try giving him one bite of food at a time on his tray. That helped us....a bit. Good luck!
I say just don't give him a plate, and give him small portions of food so that he doesn't have a lot left over to do anything with.
It might also help to teach him some signs for words like more and all done.
Instead of engaging in a battle over it, just take away the item and make it a non issue.
I personally believe that we need to pick our battles, and I can't see continuing on with this one until he gets it. Don't torture yourself with it.
I'd highly recommend not doing the hand smacking as well, as that teaches that hitting is okay. I know, it's what our parents did, but there are other ways to teach kids.
And when you do reintroduce the plate, you can use a favorite one, like with his favorite character on it, that he really wants, and if he throws it, you can tell him that the plate goes away if he uses it improperly.
Honestly, I think that if you just stop giving a plate for a little while, it will break the cycle, and then you can try it again later.
Take care.
My daughter went through this phase - we put a drop cloth under her high chair, didn't make a huge deal about it, and she stopped soon enough. It's just a phase, and pretty common.
Our son did this too (and still does sometimes when he's frustrated or wants to get our attention)...it's a phase. They're learning and exploring. We use the thumbs up "good" signal and the thumbs down "bad" signal to help him decipher favorable/unfavorable behavior. A few important things to remember...choose a way to demonstrate/reinforce behavior and use it consistently (repetition helps kids learn) and use excessive praise to reinforce good/desired behavior (much more powerful than the negative). My son is now 20 months old and will come to me and show me something and use a thumbs up/down signal with good/bad words to show me that he understands what he's supposed to do...it's pretty cute and it's gratifying to know that eventually the things you are teaching take hold. Hang in there!
Hi Erica,
This is normal toddler behavior. It is part of their development - they are learning 'cause and effect". It will pass but you'll have a little mess in the meantime. We put a plastic cloth under the high chair. Just keep telling your son that it's wrong and he'll eventually stop. If he only does it when he's done eating try to grab the plate from him before he throws it.
Hope this helps! He'll be over this soon and on to something else that drives you crazy! Good luck!
You have lots of great advice. i like the idea of sign language i hadn't thought of that. I have 3 children i didn't even give them plates until they were 24 months old. i think they like to watch their food fall enough i wasn't going to trust them with the whole plate...yikes.
Anyway my two cents about the swating idea. like i said i have 3 children- boys 6yrs and 3yrs (very active) and a baby girl 13months. I have tried swatting in my trial and err style parenting. my result has been they have learned how to spank each other. not good. for some reason kids think they can discipline each other while sometimes it can be a down right crack up others it can just be a problem. i still do use spanking however only in cases of DANGER. running in the street-spank. we talk about it of course but i need them to know instantly -this can hurt you.
I have found if you start the swating and spanking with little things like throwing a plate it becomes not as effective. i also realized as my son got older he would do things that were naughty just as much but then he would flinch when i got near him because he knew the consequence was a spanking. this broke my heart. not that he was scared of me because clearly he wasn't but because he was bracing himself for the punishment instead of understanding why he shouldn't do it in the first place. Like i said i still do use spanking sometimes, my parents used it with me and on back so there is some effectiveness but i don't always know if it sends the message we intend.
just something to think about i wish someone had told me a few years ago.
best of luck with your darling family!
Teach him how to tell you that he's done without throwing food. This was one of the first signs that I taught my daughters. I used the sign of picking up both hands and saying "all done!" at the same time. Then when he does this, GIVE HIM IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK!!! Take away his plate and let him down out of his chair.
The way to teach him is to pre-empt him throwing food (you will really really need to pay attention to his every move until he learns this) and when you think he's done, lift up both his arms and say "all done!" and remove his plate and remove him from his chair very quickly. He will probably learn to do this independently after a week or so. If he throws his plate before you do it, just do it anyway, say "are you ALL DONE?" while lifting up his arms.
Signing is a great way to communicate with your kids, they learn it really quickly if they are interested in the sign that you are teaching and pretty soon they will be asking you to teach them new signs and making them up themselves! Get a book on signing, and try it out, just a few signs at a time.
This is a total control issue and he will grow out of it. It's so frustrating for parents especially when you make a nice dinner and he's throwing his food. I would try offering his food and if he throws it, gently take it away. I wouldn't smack his hand because it will only make him more incensed. Just be patient, it will pass.-www.weelicious.com
Oh Erica... this sounds all too familiar. I went and got the bowls that suction to the table/high chair - that fixed it for a while til he figured out how to get them off (ARGH!!). It IS a phase and I pray for your sanity that it passes quickly. With my son (who is VERY head strong and sassy) I would tell him what he had done was not ok, in a very calm tone, and leave the food there until I was done eating. He is doing it to get a raction out of you so show him that there is no reaction to throwing his plate. Once I took to this method, my son stopped throwing food about a week later. It did however take a week of keeping my cool, not reacting and not offering him any food after he tossed his plate.
Normal!!! My boys went thru this. When they did this, I would take away their food, say "we do not throw food, that is very naughty" in a stern voice, and put them in time out.
After a few times....they learn. And...if they continue (cuz they think it is funny), jsut continue with the time out thing. He will catch on. Also.....saying "i knnow you understand me....you are a good boy...and good boys don't throw food" that kinda stuff worked SO WELL with my boys!!!
A good way to do time out for a 16mo old is to put them in a playpen in a separate area (where they can't see TV) without toys.....only leave him in there for 5 minutes or so.
Get a book on developmentally appropriate behaviors and responses. It breaks my heart that you are reacting so harshly to something that is so normal for a child of this age. By all means I understand wanting to teach your child how to behave appropriately, but it seems as though your reaction to this minor and normal childhood behavior could be causing it to continue. Maybe get some books or take some classes on child development and parenting. Good luck.