Hi everybody!
We are having a pretty big argument in my house, and I would love your input.
When my daughter got her drivers license she drove my car some, and then my nephew sold me his car for $200 because he was getting a new one. The car was old and nothing fancy, but I figured since it was her first car and I was paying for it, it should be good enough to get her to and from school and she should appreciate having it. She didn't have a job at the time, but she had a pretty heavy class load at school so we agreed that if she kept her grades up that would be her "job" for the time being. I told her she could drive the car to and from school and sports, but it was not intended to go long distances or drive around a bunch of other kids. She has driven the car for the past two years and not put any money into it, not even gas or insurance. She has still driven my car often and even wrecked it once (which is why I wanted her first car to be a cheap one! She thought I was horrible for not getting her something better.
She got a job a few months ago, part time after school and I told her that if she wanted a better car she needed to start saving up some money for it. I told her I would help her look for one, but I wouldn't be paying for it. My dad is awesome at finding good cars at reasonable prices, but she didn't want anything to do with a used car. With college tuition and everything else I am trying to pay I can't buy myself a new car. let alone her. So my dad called me the other night and a good friend of his had purchased a new car and wanted to sell her old one. It runs great, looks good, and is better than the car I have now. I could afford to pay cash for it and I bought it. I said that both it, and my current vehicle could be considered family cars and either one of us could drvie them, but she is having a huge fit because she thinks I should give her the car. I offered to let her drive the car I have now, and she didn't think it was good enough.
So my question is this,...am I wrong in expecting her to get her own car? She is 18. I had a full time job and a checking account when I was 14. I offered to let her drive either car when she needs to until she gets her own, but I refuse to call the cars I have, "Her car." Did you have to buy your own car? She acts like I am the only mean mom in the world who would expect a kid to work for something they want and need.
my parents bought my first car, i got the second one handed down to me after my mom bought a new one (it was seriously on its last leg), and then i bought the third car i owned. which is a good thing because i totaled it. i haven't driven since then about 7 years ago.
i didn't put much money into my cars. i was working so i put gas in them myself, though my parents would occasionally give me money for gas. they also carried insurance, until after i totaled my car (which was my third wreck in a year).
i don't think its a bad thing to make her buy her own car. i respected my car a lot more since i had paid for it myself.
Ha! I cannot believe she is even upset with you over the family car issue! From the time I could drive (even with a permit) I was expected to pay at least half of my insurance (around $900 a year) and any/all gas I used came out of my wallet. When my parents finally bought "me" a car (it really was just another family car that only I drove), all of the gas in that thing came from me. Your daughter is lucky that she isn't my daughter (such a mom thing to say) because I'd be telling her that until she started to appreciate what I allow her to use and chip in on the car stuff (insurance, gas, etc.) that she isn't allowed to drive either vehicle! But that's just me... :)
P.S. In high school I danced 6 plus hours a week, taught dance 2 hours a week, worked 10 hours a week, took all honors classes and had a 3.85 GPA...there really is no reason she can't contribute some!
Wow, I didn't get a car until graduate school. And then it was a hand me down - I didn't pay for the car (pretty much no trade in value there) but I paid for the title transfer, insurance and of course gas (and a lot of repairs). You in no way 'owe' her a car.
I think you are absolutely right! Stick to your guns. She should work and save up for her own car. Why is she entitled to a nice car just because she was born? What would she learn by being handed such a thing?
I'm with you on this Momma, I think you're doing the right thing!
Well, I'm not a mom to a teen yet, but I am already very concerned about teens and cars. In our area and around the US, I hear about teens getting into accidents due to the combination of them still being young with not the best judgement and not being an experienced driver. My husband and I have an ongoing "joke" about "UH-OH, the high-schoolers are getting out of school now, lets stay off the road!" That "joke" is justified because they REALLY drive very badly and dangerously!
With the fear of them driving when they aren't ready and the pure fact that I will have FOUR (girl) teenagers living in my house at the same time, I have made the decision to NOT have them drive! I'm a stay at home mom, and plan on subbing when my youngest goes to elementary- I plan on them walking or taking a bus or me driving them to school, and I'm more than happy to drive them where they want to go because I know that on the roads they will be safe.
When they turn 18 (hopefully before this, however), it is up to them. I will expect them to work, and pay for and BUY their own cars-among other things. I could help with the insurance and put them in our policy. But, I would take it as the first lesson in becoming an adult is learning how to pay for yourself. It is only a good lesson, and a VERY "fair" one because you are teaching them to hold their own. They NEED to do this, and will be grateful for it. It can only do good to have them earn it themselves!
So have you stopped laughing yet?? If I behaved this way I wouldn't get to drive ANY car and my parents probably would've taken away my DL. I'm sorry, but she is acting like a spoiled brat! She's 18 and should be acting like an adult not a 6 yo. I am not against a parent buying their kid a car, but when they behave this way, no way should they get a car.
If you want to really open her eyes and teach her a lesson, then sell the other two cars and keep the best one for you and you only! She's 18 and if she wants a NEW car, then she can go get herself financed. I am still baffled by her comment of wanting a new one and a used car isn't good enough for her. A new car...seriously???? How about a new bike, LOL!!!
You did just the right thing. If she wants it to be her car, it can. She just needs to earn it. Pay for it. At 18 you are legally an adult. Totally reasonable to expect her to pay for her car if she wants to own it. New! Get a job and pay for it. I;ve only had one new car..... once I could ... pay for it...
When I started driving, I drove an old 73 grand torino. I called it the "boat" as it was so long. Ugly car and embarrassing but I was happy to have a car.. It was mine to use as if it were mine.. but it wasnt mine, it was still my parents. They paid insurance becasue I couldnt.
When I was ready to think about buying my first car, my dad generously offered to match whatever I saved. I pulled weeds got a job and eventually saved 1500. My dad matched it and we got a 1983 toyota truck. And that was in about 1994 (11 years old) It was Red and a stick shift. My dad drove it home because I didn't know how to drive a stick. IF YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT, YOU WILL CARE FOR IT.
She can have "your" car when she buys it from you! Really. Mom is driving a used a car and she expects a new one. Welcome to the real world. Now go make some money. Ha! Thats life though. Real life.
You did good mom. Stick to your guns. GOod lesson for her.......LMFAO... just read other posts that had been posted while I was posting and someone else used the same "stick to your guns" term.. LOL... guess there's something to that statement!
At 18 my Dad cosigned on a used car loan. While going to college fulltime, I worked and paid my own car payment ($151.33, I still remember). I also paid for gas and regular maintenance, like oil changes and tire rotation. My Dad paid for my insurance and major repairs like the timing belt.
I would tell her that unless she wants to buy her own car, she can "borrow" one of yours. It sounds like she may be a little spoiled if she thinks you're just going to give her one!
After you stop laughing at her, let her know that you heard of someone who never got their own car until their senior year of college yet somehow managed to survive!
She has a few choices:
-Finance a car on her own and pay for it
-Borrow one of mom's cars when mom gives permission
-Sit at home and sulk
No you are not wrong at all...you are so right on the money with your thinking!
Since she is 18 and you are footing all the bills, including tuition, she needs to kick in somewhere to help.
I have a 16 yr old and she got my car which was in perfect condition, 07 model with very low miles and it's a Mercedes. Extravagant... hmm.. some may say so but we could not go out and purchase a brand new car for what this car is worth and it is in excellent shape, no issues whatsoever, plus it is a very safe car. That said.... it became "her car". We do foot all the bills EXCEPT if she has ANY infraction of the law and if that happens, i will resort to being mom taxi again.
There are rules that come along with it and thanks to the TX rules, per law she cannot have more than 1 person in the car with her under 21. Of course, I see a lot of kids breaking that rule.
She is responsible with good grades (honors) and she is in cheer where she is held to a higher standard and she makes sure she would never, ever let her coach down. That also helps us!
She got my car shortly after she got her DL and I got my new car... my dream sports car. Everything has worked out well so far. Everyone in our family of 3 has their own car.
As for me, I worked 3 jobs and paid for my first car along with all related expenses.
I would use the newer car for myself and tell her to either take the older car or do without. Don't go back on what you said. Having your dad buy her a newer car isn't what you wanted. He should have offered it to you for you. Then maybe she wouldn't have gotten the idea it was her car and you were keeping it from her for yourself.
At 18 (not even at 16) my parents were not buying me any kind of car. I had to get a job and buy my own car.. my dad helped me look and inspected it (he's a mechanic) and he sure as heck didn't pay gas. They did pay the insurance, but that's it. You need to start putting your foot down in that she needs to get her own car. She is an adult at 18 and needs to start getting on her own feet. I hated when my parents did that to me, but I grew up and was on my own at 18. I would've jumped thru hoops happy if my parents let me drive their nice cars. I know it doesn't always end up that way... but at 18 she needs to be responsible for her own stuff, not mom and dad. Both cars are yours.. end of discussion (to me). Does she still drive that old car? That's hers. If she wants something nice then get a loan or save up. It's time for her to act like an adult, your last sentence should be you expect a new adult to work for something they want and need :) Good luck babe.
My first car that was purchased expressly for my use was from my parents, it was a 1991 Ford Tempo, the year was 1995, I was 23 years old, I was in my second year of vet school, and I was happy to have it.
The first new car I bought on my own, financed with my own money, was when I was 28 and had been working as a veterinarian for 3 years. It was a 2001 Ford Focus.
I don't know what your daughter expects - that you are going to just get her a brand new car but not have one for yourself? She needs a serious reality check. Tell her she can save up her money for the down payment for a new car and see if she can finance the rest - then let her walk into any car dealership and see what they can do for her, depending on what her credit is like. My husband was a car salesman for years and used to get kids like her all the time. They wanted a brand new Mustang, or SUV, or whatever, but with practically no money up front, and crappy credit - oh wait, the monthly payments are how much? And then insurance is that much more?
I would just stand firm and tell her that unless she can somehow save 100% of the money she needs to buy a car outright, or get the financing she needs, she will be borrowing a car from you, and it will be whatever you feel is best - if she's not happy about, too bad. She doesn't like it - she can move out. And then be responsible for all of her own bills and expenses. So what if she thinks you are the worst mom ever - I say you are a far better mom to teach your daughter a valuable life lesson than to just hand over something to her that she has not earned.
So you now have two cars and the one you just bought is the nicest?!?!? Me personally, I would make that my car and tell her she can drive my old car, but she pays gas and insurance. Although our plan is to match 1/2 of what our kids save and they also pay gas and insurance. If she doesn't like it, sell the your old one and say alrighty then, you are on your own now! I am fully prepared to be the mean mom, I like to joke that my favorite word is "NO"!
I had to buy my own first car, and my children will do the same. I am hoping to be able to afford a "family car" as you have done, but I agree with you. You should not give it to her. As parents we have to teach and guide our kids. This includes teaching them to save for a car if they want one of their own.
good for you! Teach her to be responsible now b/c it sounds like she feels entitled. I worked at age 7 raking leaves, etc then at age 13 I cleaned neighbors houses and babysat. by 16 I had a real job working 3 days a week while in school full time and playing sports full time. I had to pay for my own first car and my dad paid for insurance. I had to pay for gas. I was not given an option and surely was not able to drive my parent's car. They said either I buy a car or I take a bus to school and my paren't drive me to work and I pay them gas! Sit her down and give her YOUR RULES and that is it. Set her straight now, stay strong, you are doing great.
ALL of us (my sibs, cousins, and myself) bought our own cars. And most of my family -not my particular unit- is quite wealthy. Same token, we all pay for college ourselves (although k12 is paid for by parents IF they go to private school). Education is very important in my family, but so is self sufficiency. We have a very tight knit extended family, but we also have a lot of pride of accomplishment. Not to say newbies (freshmen in college, just signed military, new families, etc.) don't get a lot of help... but it's in the form of time/ care baskets/ kitchen utensils/ phone cards/ etc.). Big ticket items one works for. Family "loans" are common, but they're paid back, with interest.
She needs to realize she is not a little girl anymore. I bought my own car when I was 18, and I was playing two college sports, had two part time jobs, paid for tuition myself, paid for my car payments, rent...
She needs to get over it. She is an adult and if she wants something, tell her to get it.
You are definately NOT wrong in expecting her to get her own car. It really concerns me that she thinks she should have a new car too- if her attitude about money doesn't change, I see loads of DEBT in her future. I wonder if she'd be open to this Graduate's Survival Guide from Dave Ramsey's website:
http://www.daveramsey.com/store/kids-teens/the-graduates-survival-guide/prodgsg.html
Maybe if she sees the payoff in making smart choices with her $:
http://www.daveramsey.com/article/how-teens-can-become-millionaires/lifeandmoney_kidsandmoney/
We wish we'd known about Dave Ramsey when we were just starting out- we'd be very comfortable right now if we weren't so busy paying off debt :( We're bound and determined for our kids to not repeat our mistakes, though.
Very best wishes!!!! :)